In my entire life, I was depending on flow of life, no where the life brings me, I just accepting it with all my heart. I can't do nothing on my own actually, I just depending on people surrounds and they are superior to me. I'm a type of person that following orders who superior than me. Even though I have my own opinion still I want to explore the opinion of others. It is my attitude since high school, I don't want to boast myself that I knew something, I just want to hide what I knew and try the things recommended by others. I know its confusing but it's me. I became a person who had low self esteem and low self confidence. Maybe the world influence a lot to me, I witness how cruel the world is, I witness judgements from society and how two sided people are. I witness that people will became good to you if you are facing them but they will stab you once you look back. It is the reality, it actually exist on every life of humanity. Maybe the reason why I became a lonely person is due to my appearance, im not a good looking guy, all the bad features are on me and I'm so jealous to all those men who gifted with good appearance. I witness how society put barriers between rich and poor. I witness lots of things that made me numb. I will not talk about love, there's a reason why I don't want to tell you. There's a part of me that don't wanna tell you.
Years ago, I gain confidence to deal with things but everything change when my Ate Lorna died, she was my greatest supporter to all the things I do. She became my closest sibling among siblings because she's accompany me all the time when we are kids. We're just like kambal tuko, we fought sometimes but its because im so messy at home that made him angry always. She's neat everywhere in our house, she don't like things messy and she always fixing bed and cleaning our house. We also hold secrets that the two of us knew. We became the best buddy but I can't believe that she left me. She died due to brain tumor, I wish im the one died and not her heheh. She was a very talented girl and also a happy moments bringer. She's the one motivating me pursue my study and talent in singing. We understand each other when it comes to songs, she had good voice and even me hehe. When she died, I can't believe that it happened, until now I can still remember the moment that I saw her inside the coffin and the last moment I brought her to cemetery. It is very hard for me again to gain motivation. Especially, on this time that I had hardships on my course. It is also my mistake that I enrolled late in university that leads in loosing slots. I don't know actually what course I will pursue but the flow of life brought me in electrical technology. It was a difficult course for me because I have lack of knowledge when it comes to electrical matters. My brother is the one who good in electrical and I think I'm the one who good in operation matters. It is really hard for me to adapt in online class because my course is more on practical than lectures. I have doubts if I got job in future, that is why I'm trying my best earn money here so that in the future even though I have no job. I can still earn money.
Even though my life is full of negativities, im still motivated by different people, games, stories, videos and blogging in my life. First and foremost, I earn a little motivation because of my crushieeee, one of my crush is ate Vien Babina shes a famous tiktoker. I love her tiktok videos and everytime I feel sad, I watched her tiktok videos so that I can feel happy again. Next is playing mobile legends, it is the game that gives me happiness and frustration, happiness because my problems gone temporarily when I'm playing this game and frustration because of teammates who are so toxic in the game. I've also engage in reading wattpad stories, I was motivated by the story of I love you since 1892. It was such a good story that almost made me cry. I've also engage in watching inspiration or motivational videos about life. It helps me to gain confidence little by little. Maybe in the future I will gain my whole confidence again. Last but not the least, is blogging. Writing is one of my forte, I enjoyed writing on this platform and I earn money from rusty. I feel motivated everytime I earned money but sometimes I feel sad if I don't. You know what I have this attitude that I was too lazy to do things but when I start to engage into it. I can stop myself from enjoying, like writing on this platform.
Authors Message:
I was challenge to write about motivations and here it is, I can't tag the one who challenge me but I did it. I also want to express my thoughts here and share my pain. I'm a type of person that doesn't share my pain personally but I can express it through writing, sorry for kaartehan and thank you for reading. Oh BTW the one who challenge told me to tag this writer @JonicaBradley hello ma'am or sir, I think your the one po who made this challenge. Thank you for spreading this kind of challenge.🥰
I'm glad you were able to participate in the challenge. Writing is so good for mental health. For me, and I guess for you, too, writing about inner pain is much easier than talking about it. Sometimes I start to write one thing and end up writing something completely different.
There will be another challenge next week. I hope you can join in.