Dealing With Losses - Grief

What is grief?

I will simply term grief as extreme sadness that is caused by the loss of someone - or something valuable, special or loved.

Grief, like other strong emotions like anger and sadness must be handled with care so it doesn't get out of hand or transcend into something worse than that.

Grief occurs mostly with irreparable damage or irreplaceable losses; take for instance the death of a loved one.

We all have at one point or the other in our lives had irreplaceable losses, be it the death of a loved one,or the death of a favorite pet, and so on.

When we lose anything that has to do with us, we must grieve it and because as human beings, we are different from one another. So therefore people have different ways which they grieve their losses.

There are five stages of grief. There are:

• Denial stage

• Anger stage

• Bargaining stage

• Depression stage and;

• Acceptance stage

DENIAL STAGE:

The denial stage is the first stage.

This is the stage where people like to remain in when hit by a loss.

In this stage, someone who is grieving a loss has not come to the realization, willingly or unwillingly, that such a thing has occurred.

I like to call it a mental cocoon - a safe haven because in our heads, we think that such thing didn't occur and so we tend to seek solace in that thought.

That's where you hear someone grieving from a loss (most often when it has just freshly occurred) say things like:

"I can't believe he/she's gone".

"No that's not possible, Alice (Disclaimer: I am using this name as an example

If you or anybody you know is bearing this name,it is purely coincidental and I do not wish anybody death) can't die!" and so on.

In this stage people have not accepted the reality of things.

ANGER STAGE:

In this stage, the reality of the matter is beginning to dawn on the person, but such person is still not fully ready to accept the harsh reality just yet.

Such person begins to get mad at people, at themselves, at things etc.

Such a person might even become "chaotic" as the grieving process progresses.

BARGAINING STAGE:

In this stage, the person begins to ask questions like "why did this happen?".

The person begins to blame themselves or other people. The person begins to blame things for not going right, or for going the way it went.

The person might even question God.

Perhaps you have seen movies where someone was grieving a loss and the person is asking questions like;

"God why did you let this happen?? You knew how much I loved her and you still took her away from me ! "

Or you might have heard "if only I was there for her. if only- - -" blah blah blah.

DEPRESSION STAGE:

At this stage, such person is hit by the full force of the harsh reality of things.

But the person might be having problems dealing with it and this could lead to such person being extremely sad.

Such person might slip into depression or get suicidal if care is not taken or if help is not rendered.

ACCEPTANCE STAGE:

This is the final stage of grief.

At this stage, the person has come to terms with the situation.

The person has accepted the reality of things and is now ready to move on with life.

The loss is not entirely forgotten, but they have accepted to move on with it and life in general.

HOW DO WE HELP PEOPLE WHO ARE GRIEVING?

I would like to begin this with a short story. A fiction.

There was an old woman named Mrs Humphrey.

She had been married to the absolute love of her life,and her and her husband loved each other deeply and truly.

They had been married for years and shortly after they had celebrated 27 years of marriage,her husband came down with cancer and he had to be hospitalized.

Mrs Humphrey had such an agonizing and traumatizing time helplessly watching her husband fade away before her very eyes.

After battling the ailment to no avail,her husband died.

Sad,right?

But Mrs Humphrey didn't cry.

She never shed a tear when she learned about the death of her husband.

Other people thought it was strange and they even went as far as labelling her an evil witch who had killed her husband.

Months later, Mrs Humphrey suddenly dropped dead.

Little did they know that she was deeply grieving and mourning her loss, and she needed all the love & care she could get at that time.

But did they try to help her? No.

Did they add to her pain? Oh yes, they did.

One thing I would like for us to know is that not everyone gets theatrical (permit me to use that word) when grieving.

Like I must have mentioned before, we as humans differ from one another and so therefore our response to situations would obviously be different.

While some people let it all out while grieving, other people grieve on the inside.

Emotions that we internalize are the things that breed complications with our mental health.

It begins to eat you up inside, it messes with your sanity.

If you or anyone around you are showing signs of Psychosis, aggressive anger, Schizophrenia or excess anxiety, please see a therapist as a case of urgency before it worsens and becomes a psychiatrist case and then it gets only more complicated.

Additionally, Here's how Therapy works

It helps because we all have life situations weighing us down one way or the other and that is the reason you should talk to a therapist, because they'll help you.

Whatever you tell a therapist is safe and confidential because they are sworn to confidentiality.

It is important to speak with a therapist because they'll help you retrace your steps and set you back on the right track.

Therapy sessions would help you to be reflective and introspective, and best of all you'd come back to your true self.

Thanks for reading the article.😊❤️