Unexpected comments suddenly pop-up on my wall when I changed my Facebook status from "Single" to "It's complicated". Reading those comments feels like I have won a beauty pageant where everyone hurried to congratulate me without knowing that I was just wearing crown of confusion above my head.
I can't help myself but to smile right in front of the monitor for several minutes. With my headset on, I began to read the messages sent by the man behind my status.
The song "Here without you" by 3 Doors down is playing right through my head. New songs might have grabbed its popularity but it's the song that I always love to sing everytime I dream of that person.
He was Alvin someone that I used to ignores at a choir practice. I was in fourth year of high school back then when he was a college freshman at a popular school in our city.
I used to hate him and his cousins because they won't stop calling me an ugly duckling 'til I cry. They had love to see me crying. And there come our choir practice. The first few days or practice had been struggle but I was able to deal with them so I can achieve my dream to perform with the choir.
Our final performance marked the last time I saw Alvin. We separated ways when I stepped to college.
However, it might have been a destiny when he sent me a friend request after three years of not seeing each other. This time, I never tried to ignore his request along while I began to find myself reading the first ever message he sent.
The guy who considered me a cry-baby brought me smile that day. It was then followed by long conversations as we tried to recall how the two of use known each other. It filled the years of absence. We just laughed as tried to remember our childhood memories.
Eventually, I get so excited to open my Facebook account. Or maybe, I should say that I need to go online to check my inbox. We constantly exchanged messages. Whenever I log in my account, the first time I'll expect would be a thoughtful message from my Alvin. Everything went to be so fast that we found ourselves nurturing this online relationship. Reading his messages, it was always nice to hear the song that I secretly dedicated yo him as it goes like this...
"But all the miles that separate,
Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face..."
Knowing that he is a seaman, I know how much he struggles to fight the emotions he felt while working away from his loved ones.
It's been three weeks that I noticed that I find it hard to look for a topic whenever we chat. Pop-out chats instantly come out when I feel like so stressed with my school workers. But as the days go by, it seems that I am the one who strives to reach out more than him. It leaves me just a short-rage of happiness everytime we communicate online.
I don't know how far this online lovd affair would last. Though I admit I was happy, confusion still dominates on my own realization. I guess I have to accept that it's rare to find an honest and loyal man online.
I'll still live the way "Single" people do by the time I wake up tomorrow. The song was right that he will just be on my lonely mind.
"Here Without You" has been my fave song since alternative songs became popular way back in high school. Still, it's my fave song to sing on videokes.