First off, Let me remind those intently reading that this won't be an everyday thing. But simply a response to a question I felt the strong urge to answer because it's an important topic.
The question was:
"How do you deal with you depression and anxiety on a daily basis?"
Now to begin, let me address the fact that my depression is not necessarily still with me. And it hasn't been since the middle of last year. Now freshmen year And, as I said, part of last year I suffered from severe depression. And without going into the reasons why, I'll just focus on the questions intent, "which was how do I deal with this?"
Honestly? For the longest time I didn't. I would come home everyday after school and just lay in my bed. Thinking of what my life could be. (At the time) or could of been. I believe this was the start of my anxiety. And back then my anxiety wasn't as big of an issue as my depression, but over time now all I am left with is my atrocious anxiety. But I'll get to that later because it deals with the present and I'm still speaking of the pass at the moment. Anyways, like I said back then I didn't care to treat my anxiety. I wanted what I wanted and just really believed it would come back. 2 1/2 years I dealt with this. The fake smiles, hiding my feelings, and running away from anyone or anything that was good for me. It took me a while to actually wake up and realize, all of this is temporary. I had so much of my life ahead of me and didn't even think about that. I'm not saying I treated my depression in a day but I did realize one night. (As cheesy as it sounds) I went outside and looked up at all the stars in the sky and thought "there's no way an earth this beautiful doesn't have something more planned for me" and that was the start of my depression recovery. I realize some things will never be the same again and when you protect the past.. You forget the future. It's extremely hard, don't get me wrong. And somethings you do have to be medicated. And that's okay. Some of the strongest people I know are the ones who take a step back and say "I'm not okay... And that's okay." You have to pull yourself up and find your thing that reminds you your life isn't over, and its worth living. You'll just have to try and trust me on that part. And I know.. Its hard to trust people. But what I always say is "trust somethings until they give you a reason not to". If you ever need to talk more about your depression. Just remember that even though it feels like it, you're not alone.
Now, since this was a two part question, lets get to the second one.
My anxiety has grown. Deeply over the years. And its reached its peak. So much so to where I have developed a little nervous tick, that is not really detectable but its there. Every little things gives me anxiety when people look at me, or talk to me, having people I know in one room staring at me, walking across the classroom to get a textbook. Really anything you can think of. But if you were to actually watch me? You couldn't tell. Whenever I present or read to the class I pretend like I Don't care if I make mistakes. I pretend like I have an abundance of confidence. When really I am screaming inside or probably twitching my fingers are tapping my foot rapidly. I act like I don't get nervous at all when really, I'm constantly anxious. A big reason for this is because of my big move coming soon. As a lot of you may know, I'm moving to NEW YORK soon. All by myself. And Im going to play my music there and develop my career. It's reasonable its giving me this extreme anxious drive because its a major change. And you never know what could happen. But I know its where I meant to be. Its going to be hard to leave this life I have here. To wake up and not be in my bed, to not go to the same school with those familiar faces. To leave all. My family and friends.. Who I may never see again. I don't think they really get that part. I think the few people I've told think its a joke. And on the day I leave and never come back then maybe there is one person who I told. Im not going to call her out but I think she knows who she is. Besides a few other people, I know my final goodbye to her will be heartbreaking. She is a person, whom I've told who really understands what I mean when I say I'm leaving. And I will see my family again, and probably even my bestfriend one day. But this one girl knows that the minutes I step out of her sight. It might be the last. So there's someone who really understands I guess. I'm so excited to leave for my true home though, don't get me wrong. I have been planning this for years and I guess I am just extremely flawed with all this anxiousness because its finally happening. So I'm sorry I don't have a direct answer for the second part of this original question. How do I deal with my anxiety? By realizing in the end, its gonna be good.
Because no matter what anyone else says:
Your life is what you make of it. And you can make it anything. Never forget that.
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