Ignore
It had been almost a year since I hadn't open my account here yet, as I browse my google history, this popped up, so I decided to open it, knowing it had some changes and improvements. I rarely write something ever since I stopped thinking and ignoring everything about the world, my environment and everything. Why "ignore"?, well, its hard, having anxiety, depression and stress, makes it so traumatic, so my response was to be like a numb, ignoring everything that triggers my emotional and mental health. As I go through hard times and now healing, I learned a lot. A lot that makes me more of enjoying the essence of "SILENCE".
It did helped me a lot, and stopped overthinking. Most of the time, I spent my days being quiet, just completely silent, specially if I encounter such things that triggers my emotional and mental. How did it helped? I am not that born as an introvert and now I realized how beautiful it is being like them, I mean I don't imitate them, I just learned the way how they regain strength, power of silence, and how they give time to save their energy towards anything that drains them. And as I try to compose my self in my innermost regaining strength, I don't want anybody around, I enjoy being alone, I enjoy thinking blank, ignoring everything, no phone calls, no social media for an hour, then back to reality at times after regaining back energy. This had helped me, a little bit of a pause from the very busy, toxic sometimes and hectic schedules.
However, ignoring things don't make me useless, it just gives me more energy to move again. Having a pause, and resting my mind, making my self quite and enjoying that silence that shuts down for a while. Silence and ignoring how the world rotates and leaving it the way it is will make a step towards a bit of peace, why? For me, it gives me a bit of "no response to arguments, just totally quiet and act like numb, though the person who wants to finish the argument would be speaking so much things that anger can't hinder them from talking without thinking, my only response was a silent, pause, ignoring everything and just smile. Thought facemask can't expose that smile on my lips but my eyes does reveals it, leaving the person whose talking to me guilty, and I would just laugh inside my mind, making me as the winner in my mind. We'll it had been a blow, some people would expose who they are when they respond rudely to some situations, and now I know how powerful the introverts win in many ways. My psychiatrist says that let it out, talk, say something because if you will not vent it out, it will explode, but I guess I learned a different way around how to control, making it my way of anger management that no one had understood before. Now it gives me peace of mind that blows like the wind, not exploding like how others think it is as harder as it is.
Honestly, before, in my anxiousness, in my depression, I make mistakes that worsen my situation causing some people to tell me I am such a negative person, but as time passes, learning that mistakes make it worse, I dropped a glass of water, with my hands trembling, my body shaking, and looking at the one whom I had destroyed infront of the mirror, it was me, I cried it out until I realized that not all needs response. Not all needs to be argued, not all need attention, not all needs effort, not everything can be manipulated and fixed, some may just be as it is. Ignoring them and removing that time, space, effort not valued, this also makes me learn of how to value myself worth.
