Being not only a good but also a happy mom
Between housework, childcare, meal preparation, birthday parties, weekend courses, night feedings, changing diapers, we can say that a mother's work is 'never' done. No offense to dear fathers, but motherhood undoubtedly brings with it many challenges of its own. And no matter how good a job moms do, they can often feel unhappy because they never feel enough.
You may have heard the saying that half of motherhood is a guilty conscience, or you may feel it as a mother. If you are haunted by questions such as whether you have spent enough time with your children, whether you should have stayed at home with your child instead of meeting with your friends, whether you neglect your home while taking care of your work, you may be losing your happiness while questioning whether you are a good mother or you may be affected by social media posts and think that you are not as successful as others as a mother.
But don't feel depressed because you are a good mother. You do a great job of caring for your children's health, spending quality time with them, trying to meet their needs, maintaining order in your home and trying to keep up with everything. What is probably missing is your own happiness.
When you don't feel well, when you are not happy, your children can sense this, and no matter how dedicated you think you are to your motherhood, you can often experience stress, anxiety, burnout because you are not dedicated to your own needs at the same time. So, while trying to be a good mother, you may turn into an unhappy mother even if you are a good one. If all this sounds all too familiar to you, you may need to discover the tricks to happy motherhood.
No one else is better than you. Every household dynamic, every child's character and every mom's style is different. So don't get pessimistic by comparing yourself to others. Keep in mind that the mothers in the videos you come across on social media who seem to be able to overcome everything with the snap of a finger are often in an illusion. Everyone has different means; maybe that other mom you see as 'perfect' has facilitating tools or relatives who help her that you don't have; you never know. So focus only on yourself, don't pay attention to what other mothers do and how they do it, how they look from the outside. Your child will not look at what kind of a mother someone else is, they will not compare with you. Children just want to be with their parents and feel their love. If you are 'there', believe me, it doesn't matter what someone else is doing.
You are not alone! Remind yourself of this phrase often. Asking for support does not mean that you are powerless. Get help from your spouse, your mother, your friend or a professional; whatever you think you are struggling with, consult someone who can make things easier for you, relieve the pressure on you and reduce your stress. You do not have to do everything on your own. Don't be too hard on yourself; save your energy for time with your children, loved ones or alone with yourself.
You don't have to spend quality time with your children, keep your home tidy, cook healthy meals at every meal, take care of yourself, make time for your friends and, if you work, be good at your job at the same time. Take it easy; lighten your to-do list a bit. You don't have to do everything on your own, and you don't have to do it all at once. Let the house be messy for a few days, the ironing not done, dinner not ready in time. If you don't feel good, if you're not happy, if you're running around with your children, what difference does it make if the house is a honey pot?
Time is undoubtedly very important for everyone, but it is especially critical for mothers. We can imagine that you have dozens of things to do. But at the same time, you say yes to a lot of things you don't really want to do in order not to offend anyone or be misunderstood. So, give yourself permission to say no and let people understand you the way they understand you.
You can turn down a friend's offer of coffee if you want to spend time with your children, or you don't have to say yes if you have made plans but your partner wants you to take care of the children instead. You need to learn to say no to make space for yourself or what you want to do and not feel guilty about it.
But believe me, you are not responsible for every single one of these things. So accept that growing up is a process and focus only on spending quality time with your children in a loving environment. Don't prevent your happiness by blaming yourself for nothing.