It took me time to explain the feeling I'm experiencing currently. I'm just seated on my couch with different thoughts going through my head, everything happening around seems to be obscure to me, I'm lost yet present in time, what's wrong with me I quickly asked as the feeling left me for a moment, I felt like he just excused me to go to the rest room and that's why I regained consciousness, definitely something took over me, and it happened so much in my thoughts that my eyes were still shaking, my heart was still beating fast. What was I thinking about few moments ago before I regained consciousness, I slowly began to recollect, as I kept pondering I discovered, truly I was out yet inside my house, I was out on a date with fear.
Fear can feel so tangible in our moments of silence, when we are alone and there's no one to kick us out of reality with jokes or arguements or musics, fear hits backs as soon as we relax back into reality. Until now I see why they could say he was fine the last time we spoke, he was laughing and jovial but I didn't know he was going throug a lot. The battle against our deepest fears are one no body wishes to encounter, well until we do, but even while we are at it, we feel like running away. Growing up I've heard the phrase "face your fears" got me believing fear was a tender contender, one I could easily battle with, but now I see fear has been the champion of many battles, only few have won, in fact many don't fight till they are dead. Damn I too don't feel like fighting.
What could my fear be? Quite on the contrary, I don't think my fear is death, for some reason I don't place death on such high regards, maybe I've come to accept that God has the final say, so I'll just pray he keeps me going. My fear however is that time is going and I seem way behind, would I ever make it in time to see my parents smile, I mean really smile. I've never been one to find joy in everything, I rarely get excited at many things, yes I can be happy, but I already know the feeling is temporary, I got a new shoe, new car, I can be excited every morning because of that, yes I am happy and grateful but my true joy doesn't come from that, and it makes me more scared, would I make it just in time to get my true joy.
I want to do so much, I know how much I care with the little I have been given, and I know how much more I can care with the much that is yet to come, I feel it in my thoughts at least. Its what I truly want, to be in a position where I can help, like really help myself and my family, if that's not selfish of me, but I know I would help many others outside my house. Though mainly the true joy comes from seeing those who matters to me smile and have the best of things. I just don't know how soon I can make that possible. Would I ever make that possible? Who just whispered that, I guess fear is back to the date.
Would I ever get a job, well anyone can get any job, so I rephrase, can I ever get a good job, capable enough to make a family? Would I ever be respected among my friends, cause it already feels like they are doing so much better than I am? Would I ever drive my own car some day, maybe I don't get too excited about it, but such I like the feel. Would I ever do something so great, I'll be applauded and honoured. Would I ever find my path, something I truly love, and wouldn't mind doing as well as I'm happy with its return. Hmm would I ever find my soul partner, some one who truly cares deep for me as much as i do her, some one who is different from the many kind of love my past as shown me. Some one I can cry for and know for certainly yes I am in love. Would I, or doesn't my wishes matter to the heavens.
Who is in charge of helping us overcome my fears, surely some kind of angel should be attached to us, it's a major concern of mine, it's a major concern of humans in general, so we need some sort of help, some sort of assurance that our fears would be taken care of, if we could do this or that, all would be well, we need some one to tell us something, something tangible, like a manual, so we can all follow the process to overcoming our deepest fears. Does anyone have the guidelines, when we are deep in fear, so scared to try, what is the remedy, what do we do. How do we really conquer our fears, moreover its fear because it's great, nothing we can stand makes us scared, it has to be frightening, we know its not going to be easy already, so we need a way.
Maybe since I'm on a date with fear today, I'll ask him, how best he can be defeated. Would he be kind enough to let me know. Or should we all just live with him. So i sat there silent, my thoughts keeps searching through. Maybe there are no such thing as fear? Nah there is. Maybe we all can't overcome fear till we die, we just have to keep dealing with it. Just as they say humans wants are insatiable, many our fears never truly ends, as soon as we overcome one, there is another waiting for us, a bigger opponent than the previous I guess, just maybe, then what do we do. What can be the remedy, out of all of this? Here we go, here was my conclusion.
I choose to believe on what my creator says, fear is real and I'm not disputing the fact, but what's more real is the fact that God is in control, now adding hardwork and dedication to my day to day activities, i believe that victory would be mine. His word says he has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love and of sound mind, because if I keep dwelling in the spirit of fear, I would most likely engulf in the things I can't do and achieve, that is not my strong point, that would profit me nothing. I focus on the possibilities offered to me, in time and with God every thing I have ever hoped for would be actualized, I stay in God, for God is more real. I guess I'm done with this date with fear, I'm out.
Thanks everyone for Reading, I was just pouring out my thoughts into written, as it kept pumping, I kept written, maybe a little fiction, but it sure was how I felt at the moment. Thanks for the likes, comments and subscriptions, you guys are great support. One love everyone.