Behind an Agonising Mind-mums; kids, depression.

There’s no morning, no afternoon, no evening. I’m just breathing, my head dug in the pillows every day.

Days joining, they’ll all the same, they have no names.

Dishes pile in the sink, on the bench. One day, two days, three days, still piling waiting for me, but I’m not living, I’m just breathing.

And every time I try to get up and out of the bed to clean the house, I fall back in the bed, I have no energy left. I’m running on empty.

Night fall today, tomorrow and so on, but I don’t see, and I don’t feel

Any changes with the days. I’m living under a dark cloud, I can’t see out, and I can’t see within.

Days become long, nights becomes endless and life becomes an ongoing battle, there’s no winner, there’s no loser, there’s no end.

Every day and every moment are the present, there’s no today, no yesterday, no tomorrow. A repeated pattern of emotional, mental and physical havoc makes up my world.

Children have needs, they need to eat, they need clean clothes, they need clean beds and clean

rooms. Interaction to be human like normal human do, a part of children growth, stolen from them.

But I’m crippled, with depression, I'm helpless and hopeless. I'm falling on me for help and I couldn’t catch myself.

I can’t help myself, I can’t help the situation.

Every day, I hope tomorrow will be better, and everyday it only gets worse. What is a mother to do?

I lost myself, lost my dignity, lost my pride, my home that was once the Center of our world, vanished in a blink of an eye.

All what is left now, is a woman lost within herself. A woman who doesn’t recognize herself in the mirror.

I became a hostage within my soul, I’m the enemy of myself.

No hand extended to pull me out of this misery. My life hanging from a thin thread of medications changing every time they give up on me.

While I’m still here waiting for mercy from heaven, I tell myself there will be better days ahead.

The journey maybe long and odorous, but a good captain never gives up.

I’m shattered in a million pieces, God help me to put myself back together. Children need a strong mother, to sail through the rough waves to see them to the shores safe.

Family times, a distant memory. Family dinners, getting less and less.

My world falls apart in-front of my eyes. All I could do, is to look on, watch myself unravel, my life crumble.

My heart bounding, for the imprisonment of my soul to come to an end. I’m desperate for a rescuer to cut me free of the chains locking my soul up to my head.

Sunlight blinding my eyes, and the darkness of hollowness squeeze me out of sanity.

P. S I’m going to end this here because it’s very long, 💕

copyright: @Bree - 2021