When it seems that it's too dark already 

Hi guys, this is Thain. This day was actually a mix of something bitter and sweet. like the taste of citrus, or lime. 

It didn't go well with me in the initial hours because, first off, I had a fever last night since I was caught by the rain yesterday. These days, rain pours so hard. I'm afraid it will pour at the same hour as the high tide occurs since the water level is increasing by 2 meters or more. 

We live in an area where the geography is surrounded by bodies of water. Rivers, lakes, and seas; although there are a lot of mangroves to protect us, sometimes it is not enough to contain the surge of water. 

Anyway, I am very irritable during the morning, and my mood is spoiled more when I learn that some of my father's family are technically destroying him in the eyes of his only family, his sister, with the intent of getting some money from our aunt. And it felt frustrating as they're supposed to be the ones who should support him, but instead they're the very first person to put him in a not-so-good situation. I recall them spreading lies about my father, who was technically their go-to person whenever they were in trouble. Toxicity at its finest.

It is so easy to get back at them and insult them with the words and actions they used to belittle us, as if we're begging them for food. We don't. In fact, those families even insult us to the very least by giving us money and showing the community how poorly we have become. This is not to deny that we really are poor, but we have our integrity and dignity in tact. I can tell when someone is worried or making fun of someone.

I did not accept the money, but my Mom did, also to avoid getting into fights with the in-laws. That is not the case for me. I'm enjoying company with small circles of genuine friends. This is also the standard for the clan I desired.

I hate chaos. Chaos that affects peace and security on the inside of our homes. I'd rather live alone than be with the family that vomits on us. The problem is, it has been a norm in the Filipino culture to let things stay the way they are, like "hayaan mo na yan" without realizing that the longer they face the actual problem, the worse it gets and uncontainable.

For now, I cannot still say something as I'm still living under my parents' roof, but the day will come when only us 7 or 8 of the clan will live together. I do not have a space in my home for those who turn their back on my father.

I am rational and cold, but he is still my father, and we are the only members of his family who have witnessed him struggle and fight. They don't have the right to destroy someone's reputation. The freedom of expression cannot hold a bearing when it is not to express but to commit slander.

On the other hand, I am quite thankful. At least I know who's to cut in my future journey... truly fake people leave when you've got no money to spend on them, and I'm thankful for those who stay during the bad times. You guys are the best! I know some people could relate to this. I, after all, wasn't the first person to be treated as garbage by her own family.  

PS: Should've published this last night, but I've fell asleep.