Guilty or not guilty (2)

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How to Deal With Unhealthy Guilt?

Unhealthy guilt has none of the benefits that healthy guilt can bring, and it can be hard to overcome. With the right strategies, however, it is  possible to manage your feelings and to achieve a more balanced perspectively.

1. Be Realistic About What You Can Control

Start by listing what you can honestly control about a situation. Then list the things that you can't. Keep in mind that you are only responsible for your actions, not for what others think or do. If your second list is longer, your guilt is likely unfounded and unproductive.

Disregard the things that you can't control. Focus on the elements of the situation that you  can  do something about. And, where appropriate, create a plan to address these. We touched on survivor guilt earlier in this article – and it's likely many people will be familiar with it, with millions globally losing their jobs due to COVID-19.

It's fine to recognize your luck at "surviving" and to feel empathy for others. But you should also acknowledge that feeling guilty about it can be a burden. However, simply trying to snap out of it and move on is being dishonest about your own feelings.

Instead, harness the power of the emotions behind the guilt to do something positive in response. This will bring a sense of control at a time of otherwise feeling powerless. Our article on the Control Influence Accept Model can be useful here.

For example, you could help someone by not avoiding them out of embarrassment, or by spending time listening, and acknowledging their situation. You can make a difference just by asking someone what they want or need.

Whether or not you help anyone else, you can also choose to "seize the day" and make the best of your "luck" – by doing the best job that you can. Finding purpose in the wake of a bad situation turns survivor guilt into gratitude and action.

2. Use Affirmations

You can combat constant or repetitive unjustified feelings of guilt by quieting negative self-talk , and seeking other people's opinions for an objective viewpoint. Follow this up by using affirmations to drive home the point that the situation really isn't your fault.

Having established the parts of the situation that you can and can't control, address them with a simple affirmative statement. For example, "I got the promotion ahead of Kyle because I had a better mix of skills and experience," instead of, "I got the promotion ahead of Kyle even though he's been here longer, so I must have been pushy and over-ambitious."

Tip:

A useful affirmation for a broad range of situations could be, "I did the best I could, with the knowledge I had."

3. Challenge Perfectionism

You might feel guilty because you hold yourself to unrealistically high standards. This can result in guilty thoughts about what you haven't done, or haven't done well enough, even if they're not your responsibility. At the same time, you completely overlook what you have done well.

Take time out to reflect and challenge your perfectionist behaviors to refocus your standards more realistically. And remember – nobody is perfect!

4. Be Assertive

It's possible that you feel guilty about a situation because someone else is unaware of the unrealistic pressures that they are putting on you.

Or a person may be purposely manipulating you to make you feel guilty in order to control your behavior. Some people are particularly good at spotting when their co-workers are feeling guilty about something and leveraging this.

Consider the manager who continually asks team members to work long hours "for the good of the team" – and subtly suggests that anyone seeking a good work-life balance is "not a team player." This may trigger guilt, with no good reason behind it.

Stand up for yourself in these situations and, if you're certain that you're not in the wrong, get your message across confidently and assertively .

Warning:

The negative thinking associated with unhealthy guilt can stem from conditions such as depression, burnout or OCD, and cause severe health problems.

The techniques in this article can have a positive effect on reducing unhealthy guilt, but they are for guidance only. Always take the advice of qualified health professionals if you have concerns over related illnesses, or if constant feelings of guilt are causing significant or persistent unhappiness.

Key Points

Guilt causes stress and reduces workplace effectiveness. If not addressed, it can seriously hinder relationships and contribute to psychological problems.

There are two main types of guilt.

• Healthy guilt involves accepting that you've done wrong, and using it as a prompt to improve your relationships and behaviors by:

1. Apologizing

2. Making amends

3. Changing your behavior

4. Accepting your faults and moving on

• Unhealthy guilt is when you feel guilty for things that are imaginary or beyond your control. It can be hard to shift, but you can manage your feelings by:

1. Understanding what you can and can't control

2. Challenging your own standards.

3. Affirming the positive aspects of the situation

4. Being assertive with those who seek to make you feel guilty

All appreciation to all my read.cash lovers , higher we go in Jesus name