I Have Been To Hell And Back

I have a high school friend who is now a public school teacher for more than a decade but we have not seen each other for the same period of time I mentioned.

We both graduated as educators and both held a PRC license. The only difference between the two of us is that he is able to make a living with his chosen career and I am not.  I have no more regrets anyway. We all have our own dreams.

Before I went to Manila to find a job, he was already teaching in a private school, a catholic school to be more specific. During weekends we hang out for some beer and then he would tell me stories about his experiences with students and co-teachers as well as the nuns in that school.

He once shared with me a joke about his response to a nun when she asked him where he had been.

Then my friend said to the sister asking, “I have been to hell.”

Funny how it seems but such a remark was surprising to hear by a religious person. Unless they are used to my friend’s great sense of humor then that would be fine I guess.

We are already living in hell

Speaking of hell, religions say that hell is a place of punishment, a place of eternal torment where the fire burns you in the lake of fire.

Liars go to hell so as they say and if we do bad or evil things we will go to hell.

Emotions like anger, jealousy or hate are feelings we experience and it burns like fire inside us. Thus we are already living in hell.

No one can say to anyone to go to hell because we are already there. Some people could put us into a deeper hell but only if we allow them to make it real.

There is no truth to find

People are always searching for the truth, seeking justice and would always want to look for beauty. We are forever searching for truth because we only believe in lies that are stored in our mind our parents told us to believe since we are kids. We keep searching for justice because the system that we are living with has no justice.  We are always searching for beauty no matter how beautiful the person is. We never stop searching even if what we are searching is already within us.

There is no ultimate truth therefore nothing to find about it. What we see around us is the truth. But with our own beliefs and that has been stored in our mind for a long time we have no eyes to see this truth. We don’t see this truth because we are blinded by the false beliefs we have in our mind. We trust what we believe and often these beliefs make us suffer.

Fear of being real

People are afraid to die. Death appears to be their greatest fear. But people never realize that our biggest fear is how to keep us alive and survive. Being yourself and expressing what we really are seem to be the greatest fear we are battling with. We live our lives trying to please people and satisfy their demands. We always want to please them for fear that they will reject us.

To be accepted by society, we have to create an image of what should be according to their demands. We always want to do well and make no mistake as if making it an image of perfection. We pretend to be something that we are not. However this image we are trying to show to them just to accept us is not really who we are.

Unconsciously, we are rejecting ourselves by hiding it with a mask. We are rejecting freedom. We are rejecting ourselves to be heard of who and what we are.

In order to be accepted by others we have to learn self acceptance first. If we want to be loved we should learn to love ourselves.

The reason why we don’t accept ourselves for who we are and to others as well is because of this image of perfection. We don’t have to be perfect or pretend to be something just to be perfect to the eyes of everyone else. The more we hide our true self the more we face fear.

Sometimes I feel like I always wanted to know the truth. I also experienced the feeling of fear of rejection and tried to hide myself from something I am not. Indeed I can say that my life was a living hell. Yes, I have been to hell. Why did I say so? Because I was experiencing pain, suffering, hatred and jealousy in the past.

On the contrary we can also live a life like heaven. We can only do this by avoiding negative emotions and accepting ourselves of who we are.

Thanks for reading. Ciao!

Lead image source credits to Daphne

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