The way to your family's happiness

   Happiness: The desired goal:

Happiness is the beautiful dreams that all people ‎long for, but the question that has perplexed humanity since ancient times is, “Where is happiness?” Many people have searched for it in the wrong place and returned with broken hearts, like the one who went to search for pearls in the desert. Yes, people of all times experienced material pleasures and sensual desires, but they discovered that they could not find happiness through these things. Some people tried to find happiness in wealth and affluence, but they did not find it. Other people searched for happiness in positions of honor and fame but they also did not find it.

Why?

Happiness is an emotion, a feeling that cannot be measured which springs from within. Happiness can never be bought simply because it comprises purity of the soul, peace of the heart, rest of the conscience and delight.
Once a husband said angrily to his wife, “I will make you miserable!”
The wife responded confidently, “You can make me neither miserable nor happy.”

The husband furiously inquired, 'How can you say that?'
The wife answered, “If my happiness had been in money or jewelry, you could have been able to deprive me of it; but my happiness is in something that no one can control.”
The husband asked in surprise, “What is that thing?”
The wife responded assuredly, “My happiness is in my heart.”

Dear spouses, we are focusing on family happiness because the family is the nucleus of society; hence, righteousness and corruption of the society are contingent upon righteousness and corruption of the family‎.

   Approving forbidden acts in the house:

This factor is closely related to the first key cause of family break. Undoubtedly, both parents have the authority to change evil with their hands inside their house, and it is impermissible for them to keep silent. “Our children are the fruit of our hearts, a support for our backs; we are like the sky providing a protective shade for them; we are like a soft and harmless ground on which they recline. It is they who give us the incentive to perform great deeds. Hence, if they demand anything from you, fulfill their demand with a generous heart. If they are stricken with sorrow, alleviate their grief. Consequently, they will love you and appreciate your paternal concern. Do not be an intolerable burden on them to the extent that they should in annoyance wish that you were better dead than alive and hate to come near you.” On the other hand, excessive pampering and leniency spoil children and make them impudent enough to make unreasonable demands from their parents. Parents who pamper their child excessively consider that whatever he says is true and whatever he does is correct. Such parents respond to the demands of their pampered child, who will ultimately live only to be served and give orders.

   Do not build the marital relationship on doubts and suspicions:

If doubts infiltrate into marital life, they would destroy it and demolish its foundations of love and compassion. This also applies to children; they should not feel that their parents suspect them, because this will make them escape from their bitter reality, as they would regard it. The two parents should give their children the impression that they trust them. However, this is not an easy job, because it requires doing one’s best to provide his children with a righteous upbringing first.

   Key causes of family break-up:

The break-up of a family means unraveling of family ties and love among members of the same family. As a result, the home loses its key role in guiding children and regulating their behavior, and is almost relegated to the status of a 'hotel' that provides nothing but food and a place to sleep. Undoubtedly, this is very dangerous and there should be proper solutions to restore our homes back to their natural positions as the centers of a sound upbringing. Failing to provide children with a righteous upbringing‎: Some people believe that providing one's children with a righteous upbringing is merely 'recommended', not obligatory. This is a wrong idea, because bringing up one’s children is a responsibility.

Dear spouses, every married couple wishes to have a happy family, but achieving happiness requires avoiding all the aforementioned causes of family break-up in addition to observing the following things: ‎

• Keenness on bringing up children through good ‎example and ‎good instruction: Good example is one of the most effective methods ‎in bringing up righteous children. If the educator is honest, truthful, generous and chaste, the child will acquire these attributes and vice versa.

A father came to me complaining that his sons did not respond to him when he forbade them from smoking. I asked him, “Do you smoke?” He answered in the affirmative. Then I said, “How do you expect them to stop smoking in response to your verbal forbiddance while you practically encourage them to continue?”

However, if the educator did his best to be a role model for his children and then observed any improper behavior, he should try to guide them leniently and through good advice by reminding them about the catastrophic consequences of evil acts.

• Providing lawful alternatives to prohibited things: This means that when one forbids his children from doing what is prohibited, he should provide them with lawful alternatives, which help them do away with what is unlawful.

This applies to family affairs. The father may find that the friends of his son or daughter are bad, so, he should instruct the child to choose good and righteous friends who help him do what is good.

Cheap magazines that arouse evil desires should be replaced with beneficial magazines. This applies to all things that may be beneficial and harmful such as the computer and the Internet, which could be very beneficial, but they need control to protect the children against their evil.

• Creating an atmosphere full of love, compassion, and occasional fun within the family.

Let us ask a question: Why do children feel depressed and bored when they enter their houses and start shouting at their brothers and sisters roughly? Why do they become very cheerful once they leave the house as if they were in prison?

There is no doubt that such children have lost the warm and fun-filled atmosphere inside the house that should be full of love and sometimes fun.