Spirit daughters
My sister and best friend Nnenna was smiling at me from the edge of the world, with the beautiful serpent around her neck. I was so happy to see her again after a long time. She said she would have loved to embrace me but she couldn't. Suddenly , the happy faces of women and men adorned in white robes appeared behind her, their hands stretched out towards me . They were all smiling at me and calling my name.
**Image source** https://9jainformed.com/2020/09/10/does-ogbanje-abiku-exist-in-african-tradition-ogbanje-never-existed/
Nnenna turned to look at the people at her back and her smile Suddenly vanished. I saw the terrible fear in her eyes and she barked at me to go back home.
" Go back to mother, the time have not yet come for us to be together", Nnenna said.
" But sister I want to be with you, our people are calling me already. I haven't seen such kind faces before".
"Don't listen to them! Don't even look at them again!, Nnenna screamed in a shaky voice. I asked her why, but she told me that I wouldn't understand.
She pleaded with me to remember how her own death had caused so much sorrow to the family. " If you come with me, our family would never remain the same again, pls go back to Mom, she's waiting for you".
But i wasn't listening, I have missed my sister for a very long time and I can't afford not to see her again. But Nnenna continued to beg me to go back home. She mentioned that she took a great risk coming out to speak with someone from the land of the living and she will definitely be punished soon. She told me that she was desperately trying her best to buy me more time just because of Mom.
Before she could finish what she was saying, her immaculate gown turned red as her body became covered in blood. Her cries of agony pulled at my heart strings and I reached forward to help her .
A dark rift suddenly appear on the ground below and continued to widen the gap between me and my sister. Nnenna screamed at me to remain where I was standing.
" There's absolutely nothing you can do to help me, chioma , go back home before it's too late". Nnenna cried and blood poured out of her eyes. I became alarmed with panic seeing my beloved sister in such excruciating pain.
Nnenna repeated that she had started paying the price of disobedience for coming out to talk to me. She warned me that things could get worse for the both of us if i don't leave now. Her words stopped me in my tracks, and I took two steps backwards.
" Go back to mother, she is waiting for you. Run, go back now! " With blood in her mouth, each word she uttered shot a fresh wave of raw pain through her soul. Watching her suffer like this broke my heart into a thousand pieces.
With a heavy heart, I turned around and began to run away, screaming band crying.
I opened my eyes and saw that my room was filled with alot of people. Mum held me immediately and began to cry. I was surprised when I saw my science teacher in my bedroom. I asked what was happening and i was told that I had fainted in the school's laboratory. He explained to me that they had been trying to resuscitate me for a long time but I remained unconscious. Now, Every one was happy and praising the almighty for bringing back to life.
Mom was still holding me and I felt sorry for her. She had already buried three children . I wondered wether her life will ever remain thesame again when I finally go to join my elder sister. For indeed, I must return. I and my sister were not normal girls. We were the spirit children of the river goddess ( ***ogbanje) . We would finally leave the world few days before or after our 15th birthday to the spirit world were we truly belong.***
**Image source** https://guardian.ng/life/abiku-ogbanje-a-regenerative-spirit-or-traditional-brouhaha/amp
Nnenna had mentioned that she was trying to buy more time for me in the mortal world, but i wasn't happy about this. Ofcourse I don't belong here and the sooner I leave this inferior world, the happier I shall be.
I looked up and I met my father's eyes. I noticed he had also been crying and I felt sorry for him too. Suddenly his eyes flickered and a look of anger and aggressive determination appeared. He left the room without saying a word to me.
As a spirit child, I have been blessed with clairvoyance. The moment dad left the room, my instinct told me that he already knew who I was and that he was prepared to do anything just to make such I don't return to my sister in the spirit world. Cold fear gripped my heart and I began to panic.
Had Nnenna revealed herself to dad too? Had she told him how to break the curse?
Oh , how could she betray me like this..... With a sick feeling of defeat in my stomach, I held the woman who brought me to this world in a tight embrace and began to sob wildly as if my whole world had suddenly come to an end.
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Very sorry I couldn't visit your artcles yesterday. I was very busy visiting with the Eid celebration. By the time I returned home, I was so tired.. I promise to go through as much articles as I can before the end of the day.
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Breaking promises.
**Image source** https://www.nairaland.com/5945629/mum-one-commits-suicide-after#90983647
These were the last words of a young single mother shortly after before she took her own life in june 2021. It leaves one to imagine the kind of heartbreak and pains she had been through as regards to an important promise that was broken by someone she holds dear.
Going through with suicide despite being a mother to a young child that is expected to give her hope and courage to survive simply shows the extent of her misery.
Making false promises to someone just to keep them or having your fun with them especially when you know you don't have feelings for them is absolutely wrong and inhumane. I only wondered how many betrayals she had been through in the past, before deciding to end it all.
Hurting others by breaking the big promises you made to them is indeed a great sin just like any other terrible sin. Especially when the person had good intentions towards you and never did anything bad to warrant such a disgrace.
Such a betrayal would definitely meet his karma in the nearest future and also incur the wrath of God in the afterlife.
It's quite disappointing that alot of folks are fond of giving others false hope by making promises that they have no intention of fulfilling. What makes this more appalling is that you were never forced to promise anyone anything . As a matter of fact, I have observed that alot of people who go back on their words had made the promise on their own accord without being cajoled.
I understand that sometimes, we just have to promise something to an unhappy friend or loved one just to cheer them up and make them feel better. It might be that we might even forget about what was promised as soon as they are out of our sight. Not carrying out your words could even make them feel worse afterwards.
Even if you had been under pressure about making a promise that you think you wouldn't be able to keep, it is always more honorable to admit that the circumstances are beyond your control as soon as you find out that things might not go as planned. Even if the person becomes dissapointed at you, they'd definitely realize that you meant well when they later calm down. And ofcourse, they'd later come to respect you for not taking them for a ride. Your words would always be trusted afterwards since you have proved that you are an individual with integrity.
We all have had personal experiences of tonnes of unfulfilled promises made to us by a parent, sibling, friend, or colleague. I have come to observe that in most cases, we don't feel bad not because we couldn't get what was promised but because the person whom we had trusted so much had dissapointed us again.
Personally speaking, this is one of the reasons why I hardly promise, not even to a child, so that I wouldn't be portrayed in bad light if things don't work out. I simply tell the individual that "I will see what I can do to help"or "I will try to help you to the best of my abilities". No one really know what might happen the next minute and how favorable conditions might be. And if I couldn't deliver, I wouldn't be afraid to tell them about it and in most cases they come to understand.
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Revenge is best served cold.
Vera had just recieved a call from her younger brother that their mother had slumped again in the kitchen. This would be the second time in less than two months that their mom would collapse. Without waiting for the next lecture, she boarded a taxi and told the driver to take her to the hospital that the Mom had been admitted.
The doctor informed her that her mother was still not out of the woods. Her blood pressure was still on a high since the last time she fell and this had worsened her condition.
While waiting at the hospital lounge, praying nothing terrible happens to her mother, her younger brother femi came to sit beside her. He again told her all that had been happening at home while she had been away at the University for the past three months.
Her father's new wife have been given their mother alot of troubles and their gentle mother was just so meek to comfront her tormentor and she continued to bear the heartaches. Ofcourse their dad didn't care, he never cared....They were still talking when the doctor came out of the ward and announced that her mother didn't survive.
Vera was simply unconsolable and she continued to scream. She screamed so loud that her voice reverberated through the hospital. She just couldn't believe that mother was gone. She was angry at her mother the last time they spoke over the phone. She was dissapointed that her mother wouldn't defend herself any time her father and the other woman made a fool of her. She had angrily cut the call and even on the following morning when her mother called her again, she was still angry that and didn't respond. Ofcourse she Knew her mother would only try to pacify her and make her forgive her father.
She thought no woman on earth could ever tolerate the humiliation that her mother had been passing through for months now. Vera couldn't understand how her mother could continue to love and and cover for this terrible man despite all the physical and emotional abuses.
Her father lived a licentious life. This was not the first time he had brought a strange woman home when he couldn't even feed his family. No need to mention that he had a company of girlfriends outside, some of whom were of Vera's age.
Two days later, Vera summoned her father in the sitting room. From the look on his face, Vera didn't need anyone to tell her that her father couldn't care less about the death of his wife. This caused hot anger to flow from her heart down to her legs. Without thinking, she told him to his face that he had killed her mother. Her father merely laughed and called her crazy.
He replied that her Mom became tired of life and decided to go. Vera couldn't contain her rage anymore and she began to scream insults at him. She came very close and almost stab her forefinger into his eyes as she screamed. At that moment, her stepmom came into the room and threaten to beat her up. She called Vera an idiot child whose mother didn't raise properly before her death. And that was the last straw, Vera turned towards the little woman and violently hit her across her face.
This really came as a rude shock to both husband and wife and they continued to stare at the young lady with mouth agape for some seconds. Vera' felt a flicker of pleasure and satisfaction. She had been wanting to do this for a long time now and she was somewhat grateful that her mother was no longer around to stop her. Vera was about launching another attack when her younger brother ran into the room and pulled her away.
Her father was so shaken that he began to call her names. Really awful names that a father wouldn't call his own daughter. Vera on the other hand, didn't care about her father's words. He had always been a "useless" father and would remain so .
On her way back to the university, Vera promised that she would make her father and his wife pay dearly for her mother's death. She would make them suffer, she would show them hell.... In such a bitter rage, She kept thinking about all the awful things she would do to hurt them.
Her boyfriend really felt sorry for her as she continued to cry on his shoulders. He gave her some of the hard drugs that Vera had vehemently frowned at ever since they started dating. But since she was already emotionally broken, she believed him when he said that the substance would help her calm down.
Vera was pleasantly surprised when she realized that the substance help ease her pains and warmed her heart she continued to take more.
This would inspire us with the ruthless determination and confidence we would need to carry out our revenge on your father and his wife in the coming days. Her boyfriend said.
The end...
***The story above is merely a figment of the writer's imagination. Any inconvenience and incidence of name resembling that of the character are deeply regretted.***
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Maintaining a Positive energy
Pouring out your heart to good people can be a major way to fill your spirit with positivity and optimism. It's true that some people naturally radiates positive energy which provides a shade of calmness for all those troubled hearts that associate with them.
It's so obvious that people who feel good about themselves often inspire same energy and confidence to those around them and they do this effortlessly.
It doesn't mean that such people are entirely free from life's worries. But they have come to cultivate and nurture positive thoughts which nourishes their souls despite whatever challenges they may face.
Since we are humans with emotions,It's ok to give a bad reaction when things don't go the way we had planned or when something unfortunate happens. Sometimes, we may continue to react with negative emotions and energy even when we are fully aware that such mindset would only make things worse and make us feel more miserable. Dare to fight off negative energy no matter how overwhelming it might be. Dare to entertain positive thoughts and optimism and you would realize a big difference.
Rather than overthinking and bringing back sad memories that are better forgotten, think about how far you have come. Reminisce about all the your past victories no matter how small they might seem. Think about all the things you have been grateful for. Occupy your mind with beautiful and pleasant thoughts of your loved ones . The people who would forever have faith in you. Draw inspiration and courage from their loyalty. Then you'd begin to see the hurt, misfortune or loss as a learning process that you would come to pass, just like how you have successfully passed similar processes in the before.
Even when the whole world seems to be against you, the least you could do is to be kind to yourself. Just smile at everything and at everyone else even when the smile is pretentious. Smiling in the face of adversity is a proven coping mechanism that helps boost your confidence level. And soon enough, you would be smiling wholeheartedly again.
No matter the kind of emotional stress you are passing through, try to maintain or development compassion and kindness even when it seems you haven't had enough of it from others lately. Putting a smile on someone else's face no matter how small could go a long way in making you have a renewed hope and confidence in your abilities. It ignites the flame of self-worth and love that have been extinguished by negative energy. Don't forget that the love you give is equal to the love you take.
Lastly, think about your creator and his gift of life you still enjoy in the moment. Many had have their lives cut short at a time when everything was going well for them. The fact that you are still alive could only mean they your creator have great plans in store for you. If the almighty could still believe in you, why wouldn't you believe in yourself?
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A narcissistic personality
Anyway I believe most of us must have already know about this disorder but anyways..... NPD as it is commonly called is a behavioral specific where a person always want to be dominant, egocentric and selfish. With an absence of compassion and thoughtfulness, such an individual bears an exergerated feeling of self-worth and tends to behave lordly over others.
A narcissist could be anybody from a parent, sibling, friend, classmate or colleague. A narcissist would always like to associate with a person who have a lower self esteem. They wouldn't dare mess with you if you are the kind of person that have much confidence and positive image about yourself. I'm quite sure that we all have cut off such toxic people from our life at one point or the other . Such persons derives satisfaction when he/she finally finds someone who they could easily manipulate and kick around at will.
You could be able to see the early signs that your partner is a narcissist, but most times, they tend to hide their real character. Ofcourse a narcissist would know that you would avoid him the sooner you get to realize who they truly are. Just like the way others have been avoiding him. Hence, a narcissist could be deliberately very impressive at the beginning of a friendship and this might cause you to fall head over heels in love with the person. But when things begin to get serious between you both and probably lead to marriage......Viola! The mask falls off and they instantly change.
They begin to find it difficult not to get angry at the slightest mistake. Always wanting to maintain a commanding control and presence that could choke the living daylight out of you. They become more and more suspicious of the calls you make and every step you take. And when you begin to complain about such unnecessary complains and disgusting behaviors, things might get uglier, thus resulting to a verbal or physical abuse.
The disorder could suddenly be triggered by some unfortunate circumstances and stresses that overwhelms a sufferer. Such as a past betrayal, an embarrassing moment or mistake, a business deal gone bad. And ofcourse a narcissist would always find a scapegoat to take the fall.
What's worse is that a person who is in love with a narcissist always have this feeling of inferiority towards their partner. they'd always think they are inadequate, or not smart enough. But no matter how hard the scapegoat tries to make things work between them, the narcissist is never impressed. As a matter of fact, things could get worse.
Having a sibling or parent who is a narcissist is just as bad. A narcissist Mom or Dad never fails to criticize you at the slightest error. They would always magnify your mistakes even to outsiders but whisper your succeses, that's if they would ever mention it. A guy once told me about how he spent late nights and early mornings studying so that he could top his class and make his father proud and celebrate him atleast for once. But guess what, his father never said a word to him for months since there was nothing bad he could say against him again.
Infact, you could even help a narcissist friend or sibling fight off his perceived "enemies" and when there's no one else to fight, they wouldn't hesitate to bring the fight home to you.
Unfortunately, a narcissist might not be aware that he/she have such a disorder. Such a person always see his/her self as perfect. They always want to be heard even if they have absolutely nothing to say. They seem so convinced that every other person is saying nonsense. It's always their duty to disagree in a matter where the ninety nine percent have agreed. When you try to point out a error in their points or opinions, they'd rather put it on someone else or blame circumstances than admit. They always feel that their logic is flawlessly undeniable.
Sadly, a narcissist may never change and this disorder may get worse . This is because as an individual grows older, the ego also grows...
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Rigid fathers
I don't know about other climes but in my parts of the world, it's almost certain that in every household, the children fear their father more than their mother and that's if they were ever afraid of their mother.
A typical african child somewhat look up to his father as a second god. Even though a child might adores his father, there's this special reverence and awe he accords to him.
Sometimes it depends on the upbringing, Me and my dad could talk and laugh for hours as if we were agemates. There was a day a friend from school came over to our house and found me and dad in a hot debate. She was was so shocked that she kept looking on, with mouth agape as if she was staring at magic. When we were eventually left alone, she said that she was disappointed in me for behaving in such a disrespectful manner towards my father.
Well, I only smiled at her and replied that my dad never believed in inspiring fear into the hearts of his children. He saw us more like his friends and confidantes rather than his children. It was my turn to be shocked when she told me that she always addresses her father with "Sir", whenever she wants to speak to him. I saw this as more of a General/corporal association than a father/child relationship. .. I guess I was among the lucky few.
Maybe it's a cultural thing, most African dads do not publicly display affection towards their children, even if they love them to death. No doubt, a father would openly show his love for his five year old son and would site on him in public . But it always appear as if the older a child grows( especially a male ) , the more emotionally detached he would be from his father even when there's a mutual love and respect between the two.
As a matter of fact, apart from the movies, I have never seen where a father had embraced his grown up son, not even at an airport terminal. Its always the mother and the sisters doing all the hugging. An handshake is about closest thing a grown up son would get from his father while he bows down a little in an attempt of showing respect. Our mothers always have a thousand hugs to give since a mother's embrace always renews the exceeding love and devotion that both mother and child share.
And when the closeness between mother and son becomes too much, the father might start getting uncomfortable and would begin to blame the mother for the child's misbehavior in the future. So, it is always preferabletl that a father should always handle his children with strictness, discipline and sometimes, a heavy hand lest they become "spoilt" by the too much emotional attachment from the mom. If not, his son might grow up into a "weak man" in the future.
I believe this mentality is also common to some other cultures . I have read interviews about some world famous businessmen and celebrities who admitted that their fathers indirectly instilled in them the aggressive determination and discipline to chase their dreams even though they were not in the best relationship with their fathers.
A growing child can't afford portray disobedience in front of his dad. A responsible father rarely barks at his children, but when he does, you'd know that there's alot of serious trouble coming your way pretty soon. Infact when an African dad sneezes, the whole house trembles . But a mother could continue to scream at her kids all day and they would happily continue to fool around.
You could apologize to your mom after deliberately doing something silly and still be certain that Mom would forgive you immediately. She always does, so long as she's still alive to remember those days she have carried you inside her for nine months and breastfed you for two years.
And as life would have it, the sacrifices of a mother are much more appreciated even though pops sacrificed as much if not more. Maybe because a mother always bunch up with the children all day. Hence her love, care and labors are more manifest than that of the father who is not always seen at home. Hence in old age, mothers are more celebrated than fathers by to their children. This I have observed in my clime.
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Just mix it with water
Yesterday evening, I was listening to my favorite radio station when it was announced that the president of France Emmanuel macron had been reelected after a closely contested battle. It was indeed a remarkable victory for macron as he had made history as the first french president to win a second term in more than twenty years.
After the news, It was time to listen to an interesting Ramadan programme where audience get to win exciting gifts when they correctly answer questions regarding the faith. Suddenly the channel was disconnected, I probably thought it was a teachnical error and they would be back shortly. But I was surprised when the blackout lingered for the rest of the evening.
Listening to the radio this morning, the presenters apologized for the disappointment. According to explanation, a fuel pump had sold diesel which had been mixed with water to the company . This resulted to the breakdown of their diesel powered generator. And in the absence public electricity, all transmission operations came to an abrupt halt.
This would be the third time I have heard about a fuel station mixing petrol with water and selling it to unsuspecting buyers. You would agree with me that this is totally unfair as it could be injurious to the vehicles of the owners.
It's quite unfortunate that some dishonorable businessmen would take advantage of the prevailing fuel hike and scarcity in order to make sharp profits at the expense of loyal customers.
Although the management of the station tendered a public apology. According to the statement, there had been a heavy rain the previous night and water filled into the bottom tank and mixed with the fuel. Due to negligence, their staff forgot to monitor the fuel level in the morning which resulted in some customers getting their vehicle tank filled with water instead of petrol. Ofcourse the company took responsibility for her mistake and paid for damages.
I believe this explanation is reasonable enough. I don't think any company worth it's salt would deliberately sabotage itself but involving in malpractice in a bid to make fast bucks. Not when it's customers would sooner than later become aware of such a silly trick and sue them. They definitely would be out of business for good especially in a very competitive market as the energy sector, where there are literally scores of fuel station at almost every kilometer of the highway.
However, there have been reports about petrol drivers who shuttle between states for distribution. Before arriving at a Depot, they'd branch at a waterway where they drain some litres from the tank and top it up with water. The siphoned fuel would later be sold by the driver at another different location for extra profits.
Heck, we have heard stories of traders who adulterate common staple foods. Mixing cassava flakes ( ***garri***) with water and leaving under the sun to dry would falsely boost it's quantity. This results to the food losing it's flavor when bought and prepared by unsuspecting customer.
**Image source** https://www.premiumtimesng.com/regional/ssouth-east/132780-price-of-garri-soars-in-cross-river.html
There have also been worse cases where unscrupulous traders are caught dealing in fake drugs. Especially when it's a very potent drug whose demand is higher than supply. Such a situation happened in 2001 when i was much younger. A popular teething syrup was being formulated by a group of dirty businessmen by mixing powder with water. After which they are sold to drug stores throughout the state........
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Do you defend yourself or report to your teacher
That evening I was on my way to the market and Aisha's mother was not feeling too well so she asked me to drop 13 year old Aisha to school.
It was actually a boarding school and the students were expected to be brought back to school by their guardians on a sunday evening. Lessons would begin in full swing the next monday morning.
The village where the school was located was about thirty minutes from our town. I helped Aisha packed her bags,foods and other provisions to the bus stop where we chartterd a tricycle that took us directly to the school. I would branch off at the market on my way back.
Aisha seemed quite happy at the beginning of our journey as I told her stories about my days in secondary school. Five minutes before we would arrive at her school, her eyes turned Misty and she started to shed tears. I felt sorry for her. I thought she was just being emotional about missing her family for some months. I merely smiled at her and pat her on the shoulder.
I became confused when she started crying profusely and her whole body quaked in agony. Now this was not normal at all. This was definitely not how girls cry whenever they are leaving home, not even on their wedding day. I didn't need an angel to reveal to me that something was seriously wrong .
Before I could ask her what the problem was , she blurted out : " aunty, I don't want to go back to this school!" She kept repeating this statement in a panic stricken tone as she clap her hands repeatedly against her thighs. From this hysterical behavior, one might think there were zombies waiting to eat her up as soon as walk through the gates. It took me about a minute to settle her.
Aisha had been a victim of severe bullying in her class and in the dorm. I felt very bad as I listened to all what she had been passing through and i also found it difficult to control my emotions. I asked her wether she had informed her mother about this and she said No. Infact during the holidays, Aisha was always looking happy that you would never suspect that she goes through hell in the hands of other girls.
I followed her into the school and demanded to speak with the principal or vice, but I was told by a cleaner that such issues are to be reported to the house mistresses. On our way to see the house mistress , Aisha told me that she had on several occasions reported the bullies to her but she never did anything about it. Infact, she would sometimes bark at her and tell her not to come over to her office to disturb her again.
By the time we got to the office, I was already boiling with rage. As I was explaining the situation to the middle aged woman, there was an unmistakable expression of indifference and boredom written all over her face and I found this very disgusting. She looked like a long-serving government worker who hated her job and couldn't wait to retire very soon. After the meeting, she promised she would look into the issue but I instinctively knew that nothing would be don about it.
As I was about leaving the school, Aisha started to cry again, and this time it was more heartbreaking. If she had been my sister or cousin, I would have told her:
"***next time any one tries to bully you, bite deep and hard into one of her 👂 till her screams are heard outside the school and into the village. Let me and our mother handle the resulting backclash that follows. I promise you that the others will forever flee away from you afterwards"***
Yea that was how angry I was. But I couldn't give her such an advice that was radical and politically incorrect, especially when she's not my blood relative. It seemed too inappropriate and her family wouldn't like it.
Don't blame me for talking this way. I have also been a victim of bullying while in junior high and I know exactly how it feels. I never told Mom about it but when I finally reported at home. I was told to strike back. My mother told me frankly that she would never come to school to fight my battles for me, even if other mothers were doing it. The earlier you learn to look after yourselfself in this wicked world, the easier your adult life would be. My elder sister would say. Parents who enrol their kids in judo and taekwando classes even before they become teenagers would understand what am talking about.
From experience, I believe that most of these bullies are mostly soft-headed but loudmouthed kids who use fear as a tool in making other kids believe that they are weaker. But if you could for once brave up for a showdown with your tormentor, your courage might shock them beyond their imagination and that might just be the end of your troubles, or atleast reduce bullying to the barest minimum. Sometimes, silence or ignoring is not the best option as your tormentor might derive satisfaction in your silent pains. And that might just be what she needs to make your life more miserable.
The day I stood up against my oppressors at school was the day my mental health and academic performance start to improve drastically. I was no longer having sleepless nights, I stopped experiencing anxieties on my way to school and my confidence in class improved dramatically.
I felt so sorry for Aisha due to the fact that she was a boarding student who would constantly be subjugated everyday and night to her bullies. Unlike a day-to-day student who would be free again when she returns home at noon.
I only told Aisha to see her bullies as insecure girls from dysfunctional homes who seek to find a flicker of happiness by causing pain to others even though they are passing through a greater hurt. We later prayed together, and prayed for the girls too. I took the initiative by looking for two big girls who were in their final class and told them about Aisha's issue. After giving them some money, they promised to look after her.
I also promised Aisha that I would talk to her parents and tell them all about it so that they would change her school. .....
That' was the least I could do for her. I'm quite sure that she would learn the rest as she grows into a woman, either through wisdom or through the hard way.
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A destined helper.
Sorry that my article from today would be religiously inclined.
It's a general belief that God uses certain individuals to render great assistance to you. People that would literally turn your life around for good. One of our holy books have mentioned that "Manna doesn't fall from heaven". This means that God will not physically or spiritually throw down wealth or opportunities to his servants on earth.
In most cases, you have to work hard enough and with God in your side, you are bound to win sooner or later. Sometimes, God decides to grant your wishes not through your efforts or desperation but by using another person as a tool in blessing you.
It might also seem that things never turn out well no matter how focused you are. This might lead to frustration or even depression. And just when you are beginning to lose faith, God would suddenly manifest his power through some one that wouldn't hesitate to lend you a hand towards the achievement of your goals.
A "destiny helper" can be likened to one who holds a ladder firmly for you to climb towards the accomplishment of your dreams, one who provides a stepping stone towards your Success.
Your destined helper could be anybody. It could be the woman who gave you life. A mother's whose prayers, words of encouragement and valuable advices would always uplift your spirit and urges you to forge ahead despite all the odds. Not to mention all the financial, physical and emotional sacrifices she had made on your behalf since your day one. The first president of America, Abraham Lincoln said : "***All what I am or would ever be, I owe to my angel mother***".
Your destined helper could also be a partner ( husband/wife). A blessed partner could be instrumental to attaining a glorious destiny as their unwavering support and loyalty is nothing short of a blessing in your life. We are all familiar with the saying " behind every successful man, there's a woman".... A woman who is hundred percent committed to the growth of her husband.
A destiny helper could be an old friend or even some random person you met at anywhere and got familiar with. Some one who might know another person in the authority or organization where you wished to be employed. Just a five minutes phone call might land you that dream job when you are about to give up, thinking all hope is lost.
Funny enough, You might have only known that person for a few days or weeks but the assistance they'd render to you would make it seem as if they had known and trusted you for a long time. Especially when they have heard your story of how you have labored in vain for so long, it then makes that person the more eager to help you. In most cases, such individuals never ask for anything in return for their assistance as they see it as an obligation.
This is the more reason why we have to be free and friendly with everyone we cross paths with, because we never know who God would use in making us complete. Some one might not necessarily offer you a financial assistance or the dream job that you seek, but he or she might be in a position to act as a facilitator towards connecting you with destiny helpers . They could be anybody. It could be a former classmate, a neighbor or even a cleaner, nanny, driver or teacher who would inform you about a great opportunity. He or may she may also offer a brilliant idea on how to solve a difficult life puzzle wether in business or career and such a solution might just mark the end to all your problems.
" ***God will create a way when there seem to be no way. He works in a way we cannot see..***........."
******************************* Thank you for reading. Special thanks to all my sponsors especially to @Bloghound for the renewal. I really appreciate you all: my esteemed readers,commentators, upvoters and subscribers. 💖💖💖
Missing for eight hours
This article is about when I went missing during childhood
I think I was about eleven years old at the time. Satellite televisions that provided a variety of interesting channels were rare at the time. By the way, it's not all households that could afford it. Dad didn't want to buy one because he was afraid that his children would remained glued to the screen throughout which would definitely affect our academic performance. So, we were stuck with the local stations were not as interesting.
However, the next house had a TV satellite. The family also had a daughter who was two years older than I am. So, whenever I return from school,I would spend most parts of my evening with the girl at their house, watching fascinating cartoons and children movies . But I always made sure I come back home before 9pm which was about the time that my dad returns from the office. Sometimes, mom would come to fetch me before that time if she suspects that dad would return home earlier than usual.
Unfortunately, the family with the cable TV moved out of the neighborhood to another location inside the city. They only lived with us for five months. I was unhappy for days as I missed those carttoon network and movies too. I also missed my friend. Sometimes, during Friday prayers, I'd ask God to touch my father's heart so that he could get a television satellite too.
Two months later, Mom announced that we would be paying our former neighors a visit. Since it was on a weekend, we spent alot of time at their place and I got to catch up with all the exciting TV episodes. When it was time to go home, I felt depressed once again but I promised my friend that I would come visiting next Saturday.
The following Saturday, Mom announced that she would be attending a wedding ceremony and asked if I would come along with her. I immediately told her that I was not feeling well. Mom was quite surprised to hear this since I had never declined going to a wedding party.
As soon as Mom and elder sister were out of sight, I left the house too.......
I didn't have any money to board a taxi or a bike but I didn't bother about that. This was because the last time I and my Mom went visiting our former neighors, it took us less than fifteen minutes to arrive at the house. So I thought it wouldn't take much time too if I go on foot.
Before I realize what was happening, I was already walking for more than two hours under the hot sun. I became surprised at the sudden distance and I was also surprised at how far my legs had carried me. But I didn't worry about that anymore, I believed I would be back home before my mom and sister arrive. Mom usually spend long hours at ceremonies.
When I finally arrived at the house, I found out that the gate was locked. Somebody from the next house told me that the family had left for a wedding ceremony too. At that moment, I felt like crying and fainting at thesame time. I sat down on the exposed roots of a nearby tree and started thinking about my life.
Perhaps, the family might not returned home till late in the evening.Tired and hungry, I got up immediately and began my journey back home, if only I had met them at home, maybe the dad or Mom would offered me money just like the way adults give children money when they come to their house, I would have used the money to take a taxi back home. I thought bitterly.
An hour after a hard trekking, I found myself walking on train tracks. I began to panic immediately as I was sure that I didn't walk past any railway when I started the journey. I hurriedly jumped out of the the track as if I had stepped on a snake. After walking for another twenty minutes, I found myself inside a market that I have never seen in my life. By this time, my shoes and my feet were as dusty as that of a street child (almajiri) .
It was now certain that I had lost my way and I began to cry as I walk aimlessly through the thick crowd in the market. I was so exhausted and thirsty that I had to talk to someone. I scanned through the faces of the traders and picked out the most friendly faces. I approached a fat woman selling fruits and simply told her that I was looking for my mother ( I was too sad and tired for long stories) .
At first, She looked at me as if I were a beggar. Maybe she later noticed the kind of dress I was wearing and realized that I wasn't one. She then asked me wether I had lost my way and I said yes.
She spoke to the other women around her and soon a group of five women gathered around me. From their conversation, they prolly thought I came to the market with my mother and we lost each other. I deliberately kept my mouth shut. If I told them the true story , maybe I would have gotten my ears pulled or my cheeks smacked for being an idiot child. They asked me the name of my street and I told them. Luckily for me, one of the women was heading in thesame direction.
It was already past 5pm when I got home. I met my mum, elder sister and a group of neighbor waiting outside of our gate. They were all talking at thesame time but the distressed voice of my Mom stood out ......... Thank God daddy had not yet returned home at the time else the story would have been longer than this.
What about you, have you ever went missing as a kid or even as a grown up . Lol
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The crying Rose
Sometime in the year 2020.....
After about a 10 minutes wait that seemed like 3ominutes , I was able to secure an old tricycle that was going my way. There was already two passengers in it, a male and a female. The man had to briefly step down from the tricycle so that I could sit near to the woman at the other end, then he hopped in again. Due to religious inclinations in the northern part of the country, It was prohibited for a male to sit between two female passengers in a public transport, likewise a female. So I was at the middle of my two passengers.
A short while after the tricycle began to move, the man got to his destination and I was left with the other female passenger. I shifted to the farther end of the seat so that I could be comfortable, leaving a considerable space between us.
Few minutes later, I heard a sniffing sound from the other woman. Strangely enough, I hadn't looked at her since the beginning of the trip. Something on her face caught attention that I immediately turned to look at her again. That was when I saw the streams of tears .I observed her closely for a while and saw that she was a very beautiful woman . She was Light in complexion and about five years older than I am.
She was now aware that I was staring at her and in the resulting embarrassment, she brought out a handkerchief in a desperate effort to wipe her tears . But as soon as the hanky touched her face, she burst into an agonizing sob that caused her body to convulse painfully.
My throat immediately went dry and I turned to look at the other side of the road. Different thoughts kept racing through my mind and I felt a wetness on my forehead. " ... Perhaps it was a heartbreak.... Maybe she had just been told about the death of a friend or sibling...", I kept thinking about all the possible reasons for such sadness.
Moments later, I turned to look at her once more and saw that she had snapped out of it, but her eyes were still filled with alot of grief. Suddenly, I didn't care anymore about the kind of hole she had found herself ,I only wanted to hold her hands and tell her everything would be alright.
But words failed me. I continued to stare like a dummy , even though I was dying to say one or two soothing words to her. Each time I looked at her and tried to say something, it would seem as if my tongue was firmly tied to my lower lip anf my heart kept pounding against my ribs.
The harsh tone of the driver's voice abruptly brought me back to reality. He repeated once more that we have arrived at my destination. I muttered an apology and slowly got out of the tricycle. The driver took off immediately before I could have one last look at the crying lady. As I watched the tricycle disappear farther along the winding road, I instinctively knew that I would never set my eyes on the crying lady again.
After taking a shower, I settled down on my bed and began to review what has transpired earlier and I came to the inevitable conclusion that I had behaved stupidly. Reaching out and interacting with someone in such a depressive mood could be the kindest thing you could ever do. Words of encouragement and comfort could go a long way in improving the person's mood and lighten the burdened heart.
Countless times I have met alot of people in commercial transport and we had talked and laughed as if we had been friends for years. Sometimes I would even be the one to initiate a conversation. In some few cases, we might even get to talk or see each other again after exchanging numbers and that would be the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
Honestly I can't just understand what came over me on that day that I couldn't move closer, hold her and comfort her. It was totally unlike me. The face of the crying woman haunted me for days that Mom had to ask me wether everything was ok.
Since then, I made a promise to myself never to walk away or hesitate to talk whenever I see someone crying in public, wether on the roadside or in any other places. I wouldn't care about their gender niether would I care about the age. .
What about you, Have you ever seen some one crying in a public transport before?
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Making the first move towards reconciliation
Most times, it's quite an uphill task to move forward with reconciliation especially when you believe that it's the other person that's at fault. I find it rather burdensome to continue to bear grudges against someone else. If that person is someone that I meet or see on a regular basis such as a friend, colleague or neighbor, then i don't see how possible i is for me to continue to harbor malice against him or her. It absolutely doesn't make any sense. Thank God I'm far from being a narcissist.
Waiting for the other person to apologize to you is not always a good idea especially when such a person has an ego problem. So, the reconciliation might never happen.
No doubt, some people have a low tolerance level and this makes them to easily get overwhelmed after passing through an unusual difficult situation. This could come in the form of losing a pet, losing an appotunity or having to cope with a terrible divorce or a difficult exam. In such cases, a friend, colleague or partner who is under such emotional stress could unknowingly yell or snap at you at the flimsiest reason which could lead to a quarrel.
Even after coming to realize how badly they had behaved, they might not be humble enough or might be probably ashamed to apologise. In some cases, they could be blinded by pride. You wouldn't blame them though, humans could sometimes have such an inflatable ego especially when they feel bitter about a situation they considered unfair.
Taking the first step towards reconciliation even if you are not the one at fault does not mean throwing your dignity or self-worth away. It shows that you are more matured and reasonable since you have already understood that the other person isn't perfect and you are willing to forgive them even before they asked. This further proves that you have a stronger mind than the majority of the population.
It wouldn't also be a bad idea if you specifically apologize for any inappropriate words you had used during the argument and leave the rest for their conscience to reflect upon. Such apology would go a long way in teaching them humility and patience.
The longer you hold on to anger towards a person, then the more you tend to remember some hidden but insignificant flaws in that person due to the resentment you have for them at that time. The past little mistakes or errors about that person that you considered too trivial to bother about would start to occupy your mind. You subconsciously allow these negative impressions about the other person to dominate your mind and the resentment grows. This is because you have stopped focusing on the beautiful things that made your friendship with them.
This negative energy messes up your psyche and drains valuable mental strength. Soon, you start to feel twinges of excitement whenever you hear some bad news about that individual. Later you subconsciously begin to wish for worse stuffs to happen to them. Things you would never thought or wish for them in the past. And that's what you get when you harbor malice against a friend. There would always be enough room in your heart for the devil to dance again .
In the absence of a crushing betrayal, I have observed that most friendship and relationships grow stronger after disagreement or conflicts involving mere words. This is because both parties would afterward assessed the situation properly and what triggered it. This would definitely help to know how to better handle such issues whenever they arise again in the future. Mutual respect is further developed between both individual as they grow fonder of each other. We should never give the devil the opportunity to destroy us or our friends.
By the way "life's too fickle to hold grudges". There's no better time for a reconciliation than now . We never know what would be the fate of the other person tomorrow.
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Being the first child
Just like the parents, the first child is nothing short of a vice-parent , if there's anything like. in the absence of the parents, you get to assume the role of the mom and dad and alot of sacrifices has to be made.
Contrary to what alot of people assume, i think there's nothing particularly powerful about being a first born. It's just the numerous responsibilities and expectations that makes it appears so. But no doubt it's a great previledge to be the first fruit of your parents.
Years ago when I was in elementary school, I got into a fight with a bigger girl who beat me silly. My elder sister did her best to console me on our way home, but I continued to cry. As soon as mum was told about what happened in school, mom was so furious that she started screaming at elder sister. " Why couldn't you fight for your younger sister?". As a matter of fact, I was the one that went looking for trouble 😆 but Mom didn't care, she was only angry that my elder sister couldn't protect me when I needed her the most especially when we were in thesame school. This made elder sister began to cry and I felt sorry for her.
Growing up, I had more clothes and shoes than my elder sister. This was because she always allowed me to have some of her clothes which were no longer her size. Sometimes I could decide to put on her new clothes but she wouldn't wear mine. What belongs to my elder sister belongs to me too and what belongs to me was mine alone 😁
I also observed that the elder sister is always given a more severe punishment whenever we arrive at school late , even when I was the cause of the late coming. Most times, I feel very lazy to get up from bed no matter how much my sister screamed. Unlike my sister, I don't rush my breakfast even when it's obvious that we are running late, and I also do not walk as fast. But I guess the the discipline master doesn't care. He or she would always hold the eldest sibling responsible.
In my country, all eyes are always on the first child of every family. Infact there's this myth by religious folks that says the first born children are always under some sort of "spiritual attack" due to the special previledge and blessings that the creator has bestowed on the first fruits of the family. So as a first child, you are always adviced by clerics and your parents to be prayerful and draw close to God always. You just can't afford to be foolish or make silly mistakes because as the first child, your parents invested alot of time and resources in your training, education and development.
Even if you end up making mistakes, you are expected to never fall again into the temptation as your siblings are expected to learn from such mistakes so that they would come easy of what you have suffered and labored for. This is a moral burden that most firstborns are aware of and they gladly carry it during the growing period of their lives.
The expectations are always doubled if the first born child is a male from a struggling family. Everyone starts looking forward to you as the future millionaire who will take the family out of it's misery. Sometimes you would feel as if it's only God that's on your side. This is because everyone is already of the opinion that you have got everything figured out, that's if you are the responsible type. You just have to continue to work hard and pray for the grace of God not to disappoint your loved ones. Life might appear very difficult when one or both parents are late and the responsibility on the first son becomes tripled. The society immediately expects you to be a "man". For a teenager or a young adult, this could be quite scary, especially when most of the people urging you on are not as eager to help.
Seen alot of first borns who had delayed their marriage and literally put their lives on hold so they could help their siblings achieve their ambitions just they the souls of the late parents be pleased with them.
But ofcourse there are also a lot of previledge advantages that a fist child gets to enjoy ahead of the other siblings. They are always the pride of their parents and a pillar of the family. There's this natural and automatic respect that my elder sister always commands from the family and even the extended family. You always get the lion share and your opinion have to considered first before a decision could be reached as regards to family matters. Infact in some cultures in my country. The first born will be the one to inherit all the properties of the late parents and then decide how he would share it to his younger siblings who have no choice than to respect his decision.
**DISCLAIMER**
Pls I am not saying that life is particularly unfair to the first born child. If you are a first child who's probably thinking in that range based in some unpleasant occurences in the past, you are advised to drop such a negative mentality. You all would agree with me that everyone encounters life's difficulties regardless of their ranking in the family. So long as you remained focused and believe in yourself, you would definitely achieve your goals and live the fulfilled life that you desire.
God bless all the firstborns and continue to elevate them . You shall forever be the head and not the fiddle wherever you find yourself.
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Extra tutorials for a five year old.
Just yesterday, I was having a hearty conversation with my neighbor who is a mother of three. I was amazed when she told me that she had already solicited the service of a private home tutor for her eldest daughter who was just five-year old.
According to the mother, her daughter's exams report have not been impressive ever since she started schooling some three years ago. She made mention of another little girl about the same age as her daughter who was doing so well and even brought prizes home after every exam.
Well, personally ,I find the idea of employing a home tutor for a five-year old quite uncalled for. I agree that it's the desire of every parent to want what's best for their children especially in today's world where the competition is very stiff to the extent that life is getting more like a "survival of the fittest contest" . So, there's absolutely nothing wrong in building an early but solid foundation for a child that would make him adapt to the ever evolving, but challenging world.
The five year old girl in question is as smart, bold and confident as any other kid would be. Apart from English, she can also communicate in her mother's tongue, Nigerian pidgin and another major language in the northern part of the country. Her mother's only dissatisfied about her academic performance when compared to that of her mates.
At this moment, alot of things were going through my mind and I tried to process these information carefully. For a brief moment, I thought about parents who use their children as minions in a game of public show off and personal gratification . Well, this has lead to alot of children growing up to hate their parents when they become forced into something they never wanted to do.... But I quickly dismissed this thought, it wasn't as bad as that, atleast not yet.
Honestly, I believe the mother is not being fair to her daughter, little kids have different patterns of learning and they learn at different rates. Not all children will come first in class and there's definitely more to discover in life than winning academic prizes. We have all heard about the stories of musical icons, captains of organizations, legendary sportsmen, world leaders who were never among the top ten in class, but achieved resounding succeses in their chosen industry later in life. Some of us have even read the book: " ***why A students work for C students".***
At the age of five, my mom was the one assisting me in my homeworks and any other parts of my academics that proved difficult. Infact I was even more comfortable learning with her than when in the classroom. I only got to have an home tutor in junior high school when I was old enough. This was because I was not very good at maths and my parents wanted me to be a science student when I eventually get to senior high school. I only needed special intervention in mathematics through the guidance of an home tutor.
Subjecting a five year old to another hour of learning ( class room style) after already spending over seven hours in school is simply overstraining and limiting a young mind. At that age, children learn more through playing and fooling around. Their cognitive functions and mental agility is improved the more they are allowed to play, associate, explore and experiment.
As a parent, after school hours, I rather allow my child to focus on nonscholarstic engagements like sports, computer games, music, sleeping, swimming, hiking and even martial arts . These activities/life skills further enhances a child's dexterity and help propel him further on the path of self-discovery and realization.
Frankly speaking, I prefer a child who is well rounded in the real world both in education and interests than a child who had been programmed to be only interested in the pen and book.
Pls do let me know your thoughts on this.
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Susceptible to anger.
Happy easter Monday to you all. Wishing you all the blessings the season brings. The government have already declared today as a public holiday and all workers are to remain at home. Except for the essential workers that provides essential services. I guess bloggers are essential workers too, that's why we still blog on a public holiday 🤗
So, laast night,we finally had the first rainfall which really helped in deflating the severe heatwave that had been ravaging the city for months now. Needless to say, I had a beautiful and cool sleep that made me woke up later than my usual time. The weather is still cloudy and friendly over here as the 🌞 seems to be awestruck by the sudden rain, even though it claims to be the fiercest object in the universe. Lol
Well, since anger is a natural emotion, we all have been made angry recently or at one time or the other . Although , the way it's been managed vary steadily across the population, depending on level of maturity, age, wisdom, discipline and so on. It's common knowledge that some individuals are more aggressive than others.
Sitting close to me right now is a cousin who is in an angry mode and I am quite certain she will definitely transfer her aggression to me in any moment from now. She's fond of doing this. Whenever she appears to be upset by something or someone, I do my best never to get on her already excited nerves else she would burst.
Most times, I don't mind volunteering to do her chores whenever she's in such a mood even though I'm older. In such a state of mind, it's better to let her be than to engage her. She would end up buying the wrong stuffs if sent on an errand to the market or might even lose the money. Recently, I asked her to go get water from a nearby tap, she forcefully slammed a bucket on the floor and it broke . So, it's better to leave her alone when she's seething with rage and do the chores yourself else you would just have to start all over again from square zero!
I have come to realize that people who get angry easily feel worse whenever they are ignored . Sometimes, this cousin of mine would reluctantly approach me and tell me the reason for her bother. Few minutes into our discussion, she might start to transfer her aggression on me, about a matter that I totally knew nothing about! Especially when I try point out her fault in the matter.
In order to avoid an awkward situation, I might just decide keep mute and allow her do the talking. But still, she becomes more furious when she realises that I am not saying anything. Especially when she thinks I'm not actually listening to her.
And when I decide to use filler words like " ok... Oh.... Is that so?... really?...wow", she would start to sound irritated again, thinking that I don't care. I don't even try shake my head sideways whenever she's talking, else she'd interprete it wrongly.
It's almost impossible to have a peaceful conversation with her whenever she's in such a mood, even when she's the one who starts talking to you first.
I find this rather strange. No matter how upset I might be, if I could get someone to listen to me for just five minutes, then all my anger evaporates and I become as good as new.
Sometimes she gets up from bed with anger but this is quite understandable. Been emotionally soft, a woman might get angry spontaneously just as how easily she could start crying at the drop of a hat. But passing through the whole day with such a mood ain't normal at all. Definitely there just have to be something that eventually or immediately brightens up your day. Things like music, movie, read.cash🤗, a call from a partner, social media......
Did I forget to mention that such a person can be very petty? Always going about insignificant matters for a length of time. More than a week ago, I missed her call three times and that was because I was taking a shower. Unfortunately I forgot to apologise when we saw each other in the evening. Two days ago, I was about to relay an important information (that concerned her), but her lines remained unanswered. By the time she finally responded, she claimed that she had been fast asleep, even when I could hear loud music playing in the background.
Whatever if it were a distress call? I wondered.
Sometimes, I can't help but wonder how her mom had possibly bear with her when she was younger. Because as children, our impatience were worse than now and we gave our mothers enough headaches. I could only admire the strength of her mother that sometimes, I feel like giving the old woman a 🏅.
whoever her boyfriend is, I also think he deserves a national award or two for being able to cope with such an individual for long. I only hope she will not beat him up one day.
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Fortune favours the brave.
The idea of this article was drawn from an article written by @Ellawrites about self esteem. You could check it out **here**.
We all must have known atleast one person who stutters or stammers. This is a speech impairment where a person have difficulties in voicing out words in a coherent form. It's very common among children, but as a person grows older, the condition improves. In some cases, it doesn't go away and stays with the individual for a long time.
When I was in high school, I was told the story of a former student who suffered from this condition. But victor never allowed his speech impediment affect his self-esteem. He would always stand up and ask the teacher a question whenever he doesn't understand a lesson even though other members of the class would chuckle as he struggles to speak. As a matter of fact, the more he's been laughed at,the more he asks more questions and this made his teachers proud of him. Soon, his classmates got tired of laughing at his questions since he refused to be made the object of mockery.
Unlike others, victor never walked away from a fight whenever he was bullied due to his condition. If anyone brings trouble to him, they would definitely find him ready. Once, a new student tried to mock his condition : "victor, if you allow me to give you two hot slaps on both sides of your cheeks, you would never stutter again". Victor replied him with a good punch that landed directly on his nose causing him to bleed all over his school shirt.
Victor even volunteered to participate in debates and presentations on the assembly ground. And after a charged but yet a brilliant speech, the whole school would burst into a a thunderous applause. In a short while, he earned the admiration of all his teachers and became a big source of inspiration to students who suffer from stage fright. If Victor who was a stutterer could conquer the fear of public speaking, then they could also do it.
Since victor was also a smart student, he became very popular in the school. And as luck would have it, the most popular girl in school became attracted to him. Due to his high confidence level, victor hardly stutters whenever he's talking to a girl. His speech impediment only becomes manifest when he's involved in a fast conversation or an argument with the other boys. How ironic it is that the boys who laughed at victor suddenly begin to stutter and develop cold feet as soon as they approach a girl for a conversation. Lol
The story of victor encourages us to be brave no matter the challenge life throws at us. Instead of wallowing in self pity that kills our self esteem , we should infact use the obstacle as a stepping stone and as an opportunity that would make others appreciate the light in us.
According to Robert Greene, " the world would always admire the brave, no one honours the timid". Those who are brave enough to go for what they want would definitely be rewarded.
Before I was admitted into the University, I had worked at a superstore for almost a year just so that I wouldn't remain idle at home. My salary was nothing to write about but I knew i deserved better. Still, I always feel nervous and scared whenever I think about discussing it with my employer. One day I summoned courage and asked her for a raise, my employer grumbled for some minutes, then started talking tough : " you should be happy you got this job, do you know how many girls that applied before before you were selected".
But at the end of the month, I was surprised that my salary had been increased by a decent percentage. It was later that a close friend of my employer revealed to me that I was the first and only girl who had never shortchanged my boss. Other girls that have previously worked at the store had been engaged in some sharp practices on several occasions. As a matter of fact, the shop needed two staffs since the workload was obviously quite much for just one girl. But I was told that my employer refused to employ another lady because she was scared that i would be corrupted by a new character.......Two months later , I voluntarily resigned from the outfit with a stronger determination and courage to find and do something better.
Most times, an opportunity comes but once and it's quite unfortunate that some people recognises opportunity but due to timidity and the fear of failure, they keep hesitating and procrastinating until it slips away. A brave person grabs an opportunity even before others could see it and turn it into something big and unique.
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To whom much is given, much shouldn't be expected
"To whom much is given, much is expected". This is among one of the most popular statements among the population that is often used to address a situation about give and take. Well, I'm going to address the above topic from a slit different angle.
Countless times, I have heard men and women alk about a friend/ relative who they had rendered a tremendous assistance in the past. They often become shock and bitter when such a friend fail to reciprocate their kindness if the tables were turned. This makes the individual to feel cheated and the unpleasant situation would linger far too long in their minds, making such a person bitter and resentful whenever they remember the person who had "betrayed" them.
This attitude of "rub my back and I rub yours when the need arises" often leads to animosity and hatred between two individuals and even between two families. I have seen alot of selfish folks render unsolicited help to others and would later use it as a weapon against the beneficiary in the future. As time goes on, they would want the other person to always agree with them on every issue irrespective even when they wrong . What's worse, they would want the other person to live their life according to their dictates .This could later become unbearable for the other person who would one day declare that they have had enough and walk away from such a malignant friendship or partnership.
Expecting too much from others because of whatever favor you have done for them in the past is simply unfair. Personally, I don't get to achieve or accomplish alot of the things I had expected from myself, so why would i expect so much from others irrespective of my closeness with them, especially when they have their own lives to sort out.
I believe that we all had assisted a pauper on the streets with food, money or clothing recently. Would you be looking forward to the person reciprocating the kindness if you eventually become in need of financial assistance tomorrow? Ofcourse not. Infact, the destitute would be the last person that would ever cross your mind if you decide to go seek help. This is because you have helped him with no strings attached. You did it out of the goodness of your heart . You did it because you felt like, not because you had to. This is the type of mindset we should cultivate when we are about to render a favor to anyone. Ofcourse, you could decide not to help or even look in that person's direction, and no one would hold you responsible. If you fail to help, some other passerby will.
If you are the kind of person that can't help being emotional or upset whenever people don't help you the way you have helped them in the past, then you shouldn't take special effort or cause inconveniences to yourself when helping others. Chances are that the other person wouldn't bend backwards for you when you step into similar shoes in the future. This might cause you alot pain because too much expectations on others often results in regrets.
I know of a man who put his life on hold when he decided to sponsor his younger brother through school. He was banking on the fact that when his brother had graduated and got a good job, he would help take care of his own children and their education. But guess what, as soon as the young man got a job, he started saving and planning towards his own wedding. This arrangement did not sit well with the older man. He knew that when his brother gets married, he would definitely care less about his nephews and nieces and focus on building his own family. He couldn't convince his younger brother to delay his marriage a little longer. In summary, the relationship between the two men deteriorated badly and the older man felt cheated. Once in a while, I hear him telling his neighbors how evil humans can be whenever he recounts what has happened between him and his brother to anyone who cared to listen. Lol
Ofcourse, it might seem quite difficult at first if you decide not to go out of your way to help, but believe me you are not as good as you think . No one is perfect.. Also, you are not as bad as others might make you think. They would definitely get over it and everyone would be just fine..
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My accident-induced analgesia
Analgesia simply is the inability to feel or sense pain which normally should be felt due to an injury or ailment.
An analgesic is a drug that helps in numbing pain or simply reduce the degree of pain. Examples of analgesics(painkillers) are ibrupofen, feldin, codeine, dichlofenac etc.
Medical and biomedical students in my school would always joke with the word "analgesics" whenever their Bank account is being credited by a parent, an NGO or the government. Getting to recieve such an analgesic into your bank account on a day when you are hungry or broke could be the best feeling ever. Ofcourse you all would agree with me that money is the best painkiller in the world. Much more better than ibrufen, Panadol or any other awful drug, Lol.
As a student, whenever i recieve a financial analgesic , I usually spend the better part of the evening at the school restaurant, treating my self to an awesome meal of fried rice and chicken. 😆
Now, a Stress-induced analgesia occurs when you are unable to feel pain from an injury since you are under stress or shock. This has happened to almost everyone. I had this experience in an accident that happened two years ago.
During my first year in the university, I had returned home from school so as to attend the wedding ceremony of a cousin who would be getting married in two days time. On the second day, I was very busy with the wedding preparations alongside family and friends when I recieved a call. Our class captain informed me that we would be having a test in the next two hours.
Hot sweat broke out from my forehead as I mechanically swallowed the piece of half eaten meat in my mouth. Needless to say, I found it hard to control micturition as the my legs continue to shake out of sheer reflex.
This was the last thing I was expecting to hear at this time and I kept asking my class rep wether he was sure of what he was saying. The lecturer who takes this course have only visited our class just once since the beginning of the semester due to his very busy schedule. It was during his first visit that he handed over a very bulky lecture material. We all thought we might not see him again till the end of the semester as he always call to give excuses and apologies each time he was expected to come deliver a lecture. Just like other coursemates, I didn't bother about the course anymore since I sure that he wouldn't come the following day. That was the reason why I returned home two days before cousin's wedding.
Thank God my house and the university were in thesame city. Few minutes after waiting at the junction, I was lucky to get a bus that was heading towards the university. I immediately hopped into the vehicle and sat on the front seat, next to the driver.
In my city, due to religious and cultural inclinations, women are not supposed to sit at the front of a commercial vehicle. But at that moment, I totally forgot about such an insignificant matter. The most important thing now is to arrive at the campus on time so that I don't miss the test. I almost shed tears when I thought about the terrible traffic that await me as some parts of the road were under construction. I pleaded with the driver to get going immediately. I promised to pay him double or triple the fare in order to make up for lost passengers.
On our way to school, my eyes were totally off the road as I did my best to memorize as much information that I could from the lecturer's note. Half way through the journey, we were involved in a minor accident. A construction vehicle had been parked quite close to the main road not too long ago and a metallic tool from the van protruded forward, thereby causing a slight obstruction to passing vehicles.
Maybe the driver had hitherto miscalculated the distance between the metal rod and his bus, or he was simply not focused on his driving. Before the driver could swerve, the metal rod struck the windshield of our vehicle which was approaching in full speed.
I felt pieces of glasses raining all over my head and shoulders as i shield my head and face with both hands. strangely enough I didn't let out a scream. As soon as the shower of glasses had ceased, I quickly jumped out of the bus and started running to the nearest bus station. I was still thinking about the test and couldn't wait to check wether I have been injured or not. I could already hear the driver screaming in anger. A fight would definitely break out in the next minute, that I was sure of, but I still did not care.
When I finally arrived at school, I couldn't understand why everyone was looking at me as if I were an 👽 from Mars. It was when i got to the venue of the test that my friends informed me that there was a cut on the side of my head and blood was already trickling down my face on same side. I confirmed this when I saw my reflection in the mirror of the classroom and I became alarmed. That was the time I began to feel the pain from the cut........
My brain as the central nervous system didn't pick up this information quickly since it was already too busy coping with the stress and panic of the dreaded test which it's owner was about to write so soon.
Also, the injury was not very severe. You know the brain has a very extensive blood supply, so a little cut or bruise could allow the release of quite a volume of blood. But as soon as my attention was drawn to the injury, the brain also becomes aware and gives out the necessary but important protective response which came to me as pain at the spot of the injury.
Just like what happens when you are escaping from kidnappers or running away from a snake. You wouldn't even be aware that you have bust you big toe against a stone until you have ran to safety.
This is also similar to when your partner have a secret lover but you keep believing that you are in a happy relationship. The day you catch them red-handed will be the beginning of an unbearable pain.
In summary, whay you don't know, or think about won't hurt you. People wouldn't be able to pull you down if you continue to ignore them, you only begin to feel bad the day you start giving them attention.
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Anhedonia!
Some couple of weeks ago, I came across a WhatsApp status posted by an old friend :
" For months now, I don't feel anything, I don't feel love or loved. I never get angry and hardly happy. Don't feel sympathy or guilt or remorse no matter the situation... Totally feel nothing, nothing at all"!
I thought she was just being flippant just like the youths in my parts of the world do on the internet, although she was not the kinda person that kids alot.
Maybe it's depression,I considered. But she insisted that she wasn't depressed. She claimed she was "fine but not OK". This was getting me more confused, but nonetheless I found it interesting since I was quite sure that she wasn't bluffing.
So, I asked her if anything terrible had happened to her in recent time that had led to the development of this odd frame of mind. Maybe an heartbreak, lose of a loved one or an addiction were responsible for this, I suspected.
But she again insisted they none of this had happened. She also mentioned that her financial conditions were favourable compared to what alot of Nigerians were passing through. So, I wondered what could be wrong...
This psychological revolution had really affected her relationship with her family and friends. Matters that she was expected to show serious concern are usually taken with indifference. She claimed they nothing surprises her anymore.
Of course there'd be a point in our lives when we don't get easily rattled or overwhelmed by others or external events. I think it's called "MATURITY".
But that's not exactly the case with this particular lady as her case was a little over the top. Her emotions were totally numb and she was insensitive to pleasure and grief, no matter how extreme these emotions might be.
I was now quite sure that the young lady had completely loss touch with reality and she needed a psychiatric evaluation. Out of curiosity, I asked a question on Google and the word "Anhedonia" appeared.
Now, anhedonia is a mental disorder where a sufferer don't feel pleasure at all. It could be lifelong or Suddenly developed at a particular time in life. Here, he or she completely loses interest in whatever things humans do in terms of passion, motivation, fun or happiness.
Think of the possibility of Cristiano Ronaldo suddenly losing the great passion for football, Think of Michael Jackson of blessed memory without that burning desire he had for music...... That's exactly what anhedonia looks like. In the absence of depression, you don't just care anymore!
One with this condition only engage in stuffs that others are doing just for doing sake without deriving any joy or satisfaction. Probably,the most remotest feeling one would have at the end of the day is that of restfulness after exhaustion.
Imagine someone starts finding a favorite pizza, burger or chicken as tasteless as paper as soon as it touches their tongue. You are no longer keen on seeing that blockbuster movie that majority of people are eagerly anticipating it's release. As a matter of fact, each time you see happy faces, you might be tempted to scream: "what the hell are they all happy about?!" You might still be able to appreciate lovely songs but they couldn't make the kind of glow they make in the soul of others, talk more of vibing or dancing to it.
You don't feel excited anymore when it's your birthday, even though you haven't been under stress or depression . When a loved one reveals a surprise gift to you, you'd look look at them as if they had gone nuts. Ofcourse you wouldn't want to make them feel bad, so you just can't help but force a smile when you are told about a great news. But sometimes, the smile wouldn't reach your eyes and people might see that you are not genuinely happy for them.
What's worse is when one is inflicted with such a condition from an early age. People around you might tag you envious, cold hearted, insensitive, enemy of progress..... even when it's quite obvious that you are harmless. Things could become quite ugly when you decide to come out of the closet and tell people about your condition.
***" How can a normal human not have feelings at all... keep away from him.... he's probably a maniac...a sadist.... could be very dangerous, keep the women and kids away from him!!!"***
Treatment for anhedonia are not very common and the cure is very rare. Processes involved in it's management includes stimulation of the brain by some feel-good chemicals or drugs like dopamine. Thus might not be a hundred percent safe as it could lead to drug dependency or even worsen the situation.
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Siblings and their positive personalities in order of birth
The curiosity of man in wanting to know why people behave the way they do has led him to quite a number of theories regarding why we do the things we do: popular beliefs like the zodiac signs, to more science-based ones like genetics, to psychology. However today I am going tp discuss how people behave in relation to the order in which they are born. So here we go!
**FIRST** **BORNS**
**Smartness:**
First borns are a unique set of individuals so if you're the first child of your parent reading this, just know that you're amazing.
Research has shown that first children are usually the smartest out of the later children, one of the reason being that first borns gets more mental stimulation from their parents at a very young age. First borns are the most showered with attention from their parents when they are kids because of the excitement that usually comes from having a baby for the first time. The parents would want to give it all they got. Even when other children are born on later dates, the effects still remains, not ignoring the fact that first children often attend the best schools in the neighbourhood.
**Successful:**
First borns grow up to be very successful people in their chosen career, especially when they have other siblings. This is because the expectations on first children is very high both from their parents and siblings and perhaps even society. Society shames first borns who grow up to achieve nothing and even see them as useless especially when their younger siblings are doing better than them in their career. Their siblings and parents may lose respect if this happens and the thought of the shame serves as a motivation for them to succeed, fuelling their passion to succeed, after all they are first borns with a lot of expectations on their heads.
**Responsible and caring:**
I don't know if it's me but most first borns I know are responsible and loving people. They are nice, warm and friendly people. I think their sense of responsibility comes from the fact that they are often expected to take up the roles of their parents at some point in time. They are expected to become second parents and help their parents out. They want to hear about your day or how you're doing. They have this selfless love in them. First borns can displease themselves just to please you, they're candles who burn themselves to give others light.
**Second borns:**
**Determination:**
These are the most determined of them all. They have a strong resolve when it comes to doing something that needs to be done probably because of the subtle or pronounced competition they have with first borns, they hate comparisons, they love being first in all they do, like some sort of shadowing or mirroring what they've missed. Anyway this characteristic help them later in life to achieve their goals.
**Friendly with good social skills:**
Second children have good social skills and are better at maintaining relationships. Some people say that this is because they are often deprived of attention by their parents who focuses more on the first and last child making them seek solace in the hands of friends, While this might be true one can't deny the fact that second children while growing up have a friend by birthright already which is the first child.
**Fast learners and good negotiators:**
Because of their easy-going nature and good social skills, they mingle more with outsiders, they learn things easily either streetwise or bookwise. They are smart and get the hang of things real quick. They are good at negotiation which starts with their parents. The second child eho knows that his parents listen to the first child than they do him will try his best tp convince them into agreeing with him.
**Third borns:**
**Adventurous :**
Now these guys can be really crazy (no offence to third borns. Fun fact: I am one!). Crazy in the sense that they are always in need for some adventure in their lives. This includes risk-taking whether reasonable or unreasonable ones. They have a free and high spirits making them real charmers. This is because by the time they're born, the parents are more relaxed and aren't all excited, the parents somehow don't put much restrictions on them as they do the first born.
**Creative:**
They are creative because of their everlasting willingness to explore. They like trying out new things and most times they're allowed to since they are mostly under the care of their older siblings than their parents.
**Last borns:**
And here we have the ones whom all eyes are on. The most hated yet the most loved of all the others, Last borns :).
**Confident :**
There's this confidence that oozes out of last borns. They are fearless because they were taught that as kids, "do whatever you want, mom's got your back!." They aren't afraid to go after what they want as long as they're sure that's truly what they want. This trait helps them alot in life including developing highly social skills. They are fun to be with.
**Creative:**
Last borns can also boast of creativity because of the unlimited freedom they have, they can try anything they like even if the parents wouldn't normally allow it (anything for my baby!). This boosts their creativity from a very young age.
**Simple:**
They have got themselves adapted to getting things they want when they ask for it so if a last born wants something from you, he straight up tells you without making the situation complicated. You either do it or you don't. They keep it simple. No if's no buts. They also have a forgiving spirit if you do them wrong and try to make amends when they do you wrong.
And ofcourse, we all know that some lastborns could be very cheeky. You just can't take that away from them. Lol
The article above is just but my personal observations, and in no way a general view.
So that's all for today, I hope you enjoyed reading my little piece.
Thanks for reading..💖💖💖
Special thanks to @Kushyzee for the sponsorship renewal. I'm indeed grateful
Grandma's old tricks
In Nigeria, it's customary for either of the couple's mothers to come live with them for atleast a month after a birth, especially for the first-time parents. No doubt, the presence of a child's grandmother in this period is very important.
She assists her daughter or daughter in-law to adapt easily to the noble roles of motherhood, providing the basic care and support needed by both mother and child. After a child has been born, it is always the duty of the Grandma to bath the child ( both morning and evening)
I was about completing elementary school the time my youngest brother was born. Every morning, I watch in admiration how grandma handles lil bro when giving him his bath. Using a soft cloth to massage his head and limbs repeatedly, she also never fails to apply a red oil over his body when she's done.
Perhaps the most fascinating moment during the bath is when Grandma tosses the newborn slightly above her head and catches him in mid air . She does this three to five times with a smile on her face while humming a native song.
I found this stunt very amusing and one day I asked grandma wether I could try it too but she screamed at me to go bring her a towel from the bedroom. I had also asked her if I could assist in the bathing of my baby brother, but she also disagreed. She said I might end up getting soap lather into his eyes or pouring water into his ears. So, my duty was only bringing towels, lotions and baby clothes after the baby's bath. I think I was about ten years old at the time. Grandma also brought some herbs. Mom would apply the herbs to her bathing water. I guess it helps to prevent postpartum belly fat and relieve body pains.
Two years ago, my neighbor had her first child and as our culture demands, her mother came to look after her and her baby. Since I sometimes spend the most parts of my day at their house,I became very friendly with the elderly woman. I had observed the way she baths the baby was exactly thesame way my grandmom does to my brother.
So, out of curiosity, i just had to ask her some questions which I never thought of asking my grandma since I was a kid at that time.
African grandmothers believed tossing a newborn to the sky would make him very brave in the future. Growing up, Such a child would never feel intimidated by bullies and would always get up each time he falls, rather than remaining on the floor and crying like other kids would do. I found this belief very fascinating to say the least.
If a child's head is not properly moulded after birth, he might come to have a large head in the future. The old woman revealed. Well, I only partially agreed to this one. Because, according to embryology, the skull and bones of a newborn are still soft due to the high level of cartilage. So, one could easily but gently alter it to a desired angle. But ofcourse there's surely a thin limit to which you could massage the head. You would definitely agree with me that the head can only be altered by just an inch or two, so applying too much force is simply sheer ignorance which would harm the child.
There was a kid in the neighborhood who had a abnormally large head which was due to a congenital malformation called megalocephaly. But the old woman maintained that the terrible condition could have been prevented if his head had been properly massaged in his early days .... How ridiculous!
She also revealed that her daughter ( my neighbor) had quite a plane nose at the time of her birth and this could have made her very ugly in adulthood. But she had constantly and gently molded the nose in the first few weeks and became quite pointed. This was what enhanced her beauty. The old woman said, with alot of pride. At this point, I and neighbor exchange glances and tried as much as we could to restrain the laughter that was already choking at our throats.
Not massaging the limbs of a newborn properly could make him develop bowlegs in childhood, old woman said with alot of confidence. At this momentt, she brought the two arms of the infants behind his back as she continued to massage. This posture made the child looked like a " baby in handcuffs" . Surprisingly the child still remained very calm. Infact, he seemed as if he was enjoying the massage.
Listening to such beliefs and tales told by the old could be amusing. You dare not laugh or try to argue against such achaic but revered beliefs. If you do, you'd be tagged disrespectful and ill-trained. Trust me, you don't want to an old African folk to get angry at you....
Just keep your education to yourself 😁😁😁
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Do it without complaining
Sometimes, I am tempted to believe that having to complain is probably the easiest thing that anyone could do, reason why most people engage in it always. Little wonder why people who complain too much hardly have anything remarkable about them as they always appear ordinary and predictable in the general view.
Psychologically speaking, people who complain too much are unaware that they do it excessively even though it's quite glaring to the people around them.
Be that as it may, having to" complain" is an inherent trait since we are humans with feelings and not robots. People do have the undeniable right to complain about decisions, actions and other things they consider unfair.
Nevertheless, it is easy to identify genuine complains when the intentions of the individual are pure and unselfish. Especially in situations where the individual is trying to point out a fault, neglect, or an hidden agenda that had been oblivious.
On the other hand,Chronic complainers would always want to criticize everything for the most inconsequential reasons especially when they feel victimized even though when that's not the case.
An habitual complainer after complaining about a person or thing, would definitely complain about another and yet another..... thus making almost everyone sick and tired of them. No doubt, things tend to get worse and irritable after each grumble.
This habit makes one appears mindless, as they always want to exonerate themselves from every fault while passing the guilt and responsibilities on others, even when they are expected to perform a role.
Rather than always complaining about your job, relationship, conditions, country or government, one should atleast channel the energy into a working solution or atleast come up with a plan. And if you don't believe things might change for the better, you could always walk away and try out something else with someone or somewhere else. Nobody would stop you !
Complaining often could makes one develop a great dislike for others and even hate himself too. To such a person, Easy task would always appear difficult as this kills the confidence and can-do spirit in an individual.
When we allow ourselves to become blinded by such a negative habit, we will fail to see the opportunity that could be salvage and utilised in every situation, no matter how hopeless or terrible it may seem. Somewhere in the rubble, there would always be a glow no matter how little, that we can always kindle to provide the warmth that we desire.
And even if we later realize that there is nothing that could be done about the situation, always bear in mind that life is not always a bed of roses. There would definitely be ups and downs as we journey through. But regardless, instead of complaining bitterly, we should always find solace in the fact that no what terrible condition we are facing, someone else somewhere had already passed through worse and came out triumphant. No matter how enormous the obstacle might look, there would always be a way around it. There would always be light at the end of the tunnel.
"***Smart people complain less and do more".***
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This sun is about to burn the solar panels here!
The electricity supply had been very pathetic for more than two weeks now. And without electricity, there woulb be no means of ventilation Our generator had always been made to work through out the night and now it is out of order. Before the breakdown, I initially thought it had been consuming more petrol than normal. Maybe this was because we have been spending more on fuel and there had been a sharp increment in the price. So psychologically speaking, it's quite normal for me to think that way.
I woke up around 2am yesterday night feeling very uncomfortably hot. My pillow had already been saturated with the sweat coming out from the pores of my head and face. The heat was just took much!
Due to frustration, I felt a trickle of sweat (tears) ran down my face. Before I lost my sanity, I had to come out of the room and sat down on a stool outside. From where I sat, I could hear the heavy snoring of my Brothers under a mosquito net. They had been sleeping outside since 10pm.
The irregular cries of a child in the next house penetrated the night. Just like the rest of us, the kid was also been punished by nature .
The following morning , on my way to buy a tin a milk, I saw the familiar face of the child. The four year old was jumping and smiling outside his parents house and I spotted the heat rash on his forehead. No doubt, he was just happy it's morning.
Towards midday, the kid's mother came to our house to ask for something. She was already nine months pregnant. The body metabolism of a pregnant woman is quite faster than normal and this generates a visceral heat, in addition to the external heat from the environment. The poor woman had already taken her bath twice already even before midday, but I could still see the smooth black skin on her neck glistening with sweat. The heat rashes were also visible too. She complained that she slept on bare floor each night because she feels it appears as if the surface temperature of her mattress had become unusually high. She also felt as if her microelectronic fan serves her hot breeze too.
We experienced a temperature range of about forty two degrees yesterday. By midday today, it's around forty degrees and it might get to around forty three, after noon.
For the past two week, i don't even bother to apply a lotion or moisturizer on my dark skin after taking my bath, do as to avoid getting drowned in my own sweat few minutes after going under the sun.
Infact, the energy in your body appears to burn out faster and you become easily fatigued when you are out in the sun for long. Thank God I work from home, I really feel sorry for office workers and labourers. Lol
I spoke to a cousin on phone who lives at a state further North that'is believed to be the hotest part of the country. He joked that the "***sun*** ***in their region is firece enough to burn the solar panels".***
Fasting under such an extreme climate could be very aduous, to the extent that people simply jubilate when it's time to end the fast later in the evening. Due to the extreme thirst that had been endured for a long time under the scorching sun, One might end up filling up with more water than food when is time to indulge again.
We all know that Africa is hot due to its brilliant Sunshine. Nigeria lies in the tropics, a little above the equator which is almost facing the middle of the sun. From what I have heard, Libya is the hottest country in the world. Sometimes, I can't help but wonder how the inhabitants of northern Africa live through such harsh weather conditions especially during Ramadan. Well, I guess it's all about adaptation.
I can't wait for the rains to start coming so that we could enjoy cool nights even though the days remains hot. Living through hot days and nights is really insufferable.
The menance of baby factories
Yesterday,I came across disturbing topic in the news, needless to say,this was not the first time I had heard or read of such an awful thing.
A Middle aged woman alongside eight preggy youngsters ranging from 17- 29 years of age were apprehended by the police in a home, popularly called the "baby factory".
The first time I heard about a baby factory was some Six years ago. In my little mind, I thought it was some company that specializes in the production and distribution of baby clothings and accessories. A non-nigerian reader would definitely think that a baby factory could be an online shop where one could get whatever they need for a newly born.
Well, I'm really sorry if what I am about to tell would sound disgusting:
A baby factory is a masked building which is run by a gang comprising of both gender, usually with an elderly woman as the proprietress. They specialize in getting young girls pregnant and making them camp at the "factory" through out the duration of the pregnancy. Then when a child is being delivered by any of the girls, they are now sold by the madam to prospective buyers or customers who patronise the baby factory. The mothers are often given an insignificant sum while the operators would gulp the larger portion of profits realised from the deal.
After a contract is over, the girl would return back to her family with the money realised from the sale of her child. No need to mention that most of these girls come from very poor families who find it difficult to feed. The teenager whose boyfriend or family never planned for a pregnancy might decide to give a child to a baby factory in return for payment if she's afraid that an abortion could be dangerous , especially in a third world country like ours.
A girl could be made to swear a blood oath never to reveal anything about the whole affair to the public or police, else she would die mysteriously.
Did you just think about surrogacy? No,This ain't and doesn't look like surrogacy . In surrogacy , (which is common in developed country ), a woman bears a child for a couple and gets paid. The whole process of surrogacy is within the law and it is being supervised by a medical team and the newborn is legally acquired. Documents are also signed .
Baby factories are completely illegal and ran by criminals just like any other crime syndicate like kidnapping, robbery and drug trafficking. Baby factories take advantage of the weak and vulnerable
In some cases, young ladies are hypnotized and held back against their will. They are been abused by strange men until they get pregnant ,then their babies are sold and the whole cycle is repeated over again when she's good enough to get pregnant. No need to mention that such an environment are mostly unhygienic, especially for a pregnant woman, and the girls poorly fed and sometimes starved.
The customers of a baby factory could be couples who are unable to concieve but decided to go through the backdoor rather than opting for surrogacy. A woman having difficulties in concieving due to multiple abortions in her younger and exurberance years might also think of visiting such a factory to buy a baby.
Sometimes , only God knows what happens to these babies. The blood of a newborn could be used for sacrifice in witchcraft and dark magic by men from the underworld.
From what I have heard of these criminals who were eventually caught by the police, a baby boy is sold for $1500-$2500 and a baby girl could be bought for around $800-$2000, depending on the negotiations made with the mother and the gang.
Once in a while, the trade of infant merchants are thwarted by the cops through information from locals who had suspected strange activities for a long time, that has been going on in a remote or isolated building...
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Flying away with the hawk
I had just returned home from school when I saw aunty Rita seated in in a sofa in the sitting room. I was already screaming with excitement as I ran towards her and held her in a tight and warm hug. What a pleasant surprise to see my favorite aunty once again!
Aunty Rita wasn't as old as an aunty is expected to be. She was only 24years, So I regarded her more like an elder sister and a friend . Due to this little age difference age difference between us, we bonded and understood each other very well more than how my mom would like. Lol.
For the most part of the night, we kept talking about alot of things since the last time she visited. I had really missed those sizzling gists she had always told me about campus life. To my greatest delight, aunty Rita announced that she would be living with us for the next three weeks before going back to the university. This meant she would be around for my 18th birthday.
The next day in class felt very boring and slow for me. I couldn't wait to spend the rest of the day with aunt Rita and listen to the intriguing stories she had earlier promised me.
As soon as I stepped into her room. I found aunty Rita sitting in front of the mirror, busy with her make-up. She turned around and smiled at me, revealing her lovely gapped tooth. she really looked very gorgeous when she smiled.
After I had greeted her, she informed me that she would be going out in the evening to mingle. I was about to ask her what she meant by "***mingle***", when Mom barged into our room and started screaming at her.
No doubt, aunty Rita was a rebel who always wanted her freedom. Even though, Mom had objected to her night movements each time she comes to the house, aunty Rita maintained that she was now an adult and mum had no right to dictate how she wished to live her life.
My admiration for aunty Rita always expands whenever I watched her argue with Mom. Atleast, this was someone that couldn't be intimidated or controlled by mom and I longed to possess such kind of boldness one day.
Frustrated with anger that Rita had left the house without even saying a word to her, mom turned towards me and began to scream advices at me: " Don't you even dream of becoming like Rita who is very stubborn and never listens. She would definitely get into serious trouble one day if she continues on this path". I laughed in my head as Mom continued to to rebuke aunty Rita.
" This your advice came too late ,Mom. As a matter of fact I admire Aunty's confidence and I wished to be just like her". I said within me.
Aunty Rita didn't return home until the following morning. Mom couldn't do anything but grumble irritably at such impudence. The look on mom's face was quite funny to me and I chuckled silently. I could wait for aunty Rita to finish her breakfast and tell me how and where she had spent the night.
I wasn't happy when Aunty Rita said that I should forget about it, that I was too young to know. I reminded her that I would be graduating from high school in less than month and it would be unfair if she would still regard me as a child, just as mom always did.
After much pressure, aunty Rita revealed to me that she was at a night club. I have heard about a pub before but I never knew what happens there, this made me more curious. "How is a club like, what do they do there, do you have friends there .....????
I was so fascinated by all what I have been told by my aunty that I began to create pleasant images in my mind about such a wonderful spot.
I appealed to aunty Rita to carry me along the next time she goes to the club again "Oh, I'm sorry but i can never take you with me to such a gathering. your Mom will raise hell on me . Didn't you see the way she was was barking just now? She would definitely tear me apart if I dare take you out at night". aunty Rita said in mocked fear.
" But I'm always alone in this house, mom doesn't allow me to hang out with friends or even attend a birthday party".
I became very depressed when aunty Rita responded with that crushing but familiar punchline , " your mom only wants what's best for you".
Maybe she saw the teary look of misery in my eyes and felt sorry for me. Immediately, she pulled me closer to her and held my face in her hands, something that Mom hardly do. She promised to take me out next time.
In the hour they followed, she said alot about clubbing, partying and how a young lady should live an adventurous and fun-filled life. She had began to tell me about her experiences with men when Mom angrily kicked the door of the room open and we both held our breath in an abrupt shock.
Mom immediately ordered me to go get her fruits. This really made me furious, why would mom interrupt when the discussion was begining to gather steam.
On my way to the market, blissful images of the the beautiful life aunty Rita hasy painted kept persisting in my mind. It was now obvious that Mom didn't approve of my friendship with her sister and that was why she always ceases every opportunity to pull us apart.
I laughed at my mother's naivety . I and aunty Rita shared the same room and slept on thesame bed. We would still continue our conversation later and I would definitely continue to learn alot from her. There's absolutely nothing my mom can do about it.
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**The above write up is merely a fiction tht briefly explain how some parents in an attempt to protect their daughters from the world, end up accomplishing the opposite. A Mother, instead of being strict, should engage her teenage daughter in decent discourse about the feminine vigor and interactions with the opposite gender. At this stage,a teenager would always crave for a confidante and a friend whom she could totally rely on. If a mother fails to fill this void in her daughter's life, soon enough, the daughter would eventually** ***start flying with the hawks.***
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Thank you 🙏
The Faith of our mothers
They are always the last to go to bed but the first to come around in the morning. A typical African mother is highly religious and always remembers her children about her God.
After church service, a Christian mother would stay behind just to have a conversation with the Reverend and seek his advise about each member of her family. They would pray together and ask for God's favor upon her family
A Muslim mother would remain seated on the floor with a chaplet in her hand from completing maghrib to ishai, seeking the mercy of Allah upon her household.
Its quite a common sight when an African child wakes up in the middle of the night and see his Mom standing at the foot of the bed, with beads of sweat all over her face, praying fervently against all evil machinations towards him . With a Bible or Qur'an on one hand, and a bottle of olive oil on the other , such a prayer session could last for about 30mins to one hour. For someone like me who loves sleep more than ice cream, such unsolicited prayers could really make me nervy!
I had this classmate in high school who was made the butt of every joke because he was fond of sleeping during lessons. He later revealed to us that his mother wakes him before 5am for a morning devotion that would end at about some few minutes towards 7am. To make things worse, he doesn't go to bed early since he always watch movies and wrestling till midnight.
Due to the zeal of an African mother in religious activities, she tends to exercise and develop "psychic" potentials on her children.
"Bilqees, you have to be more prayerful and be very close to God. Moments ago, I saw a dream and in that dream, you were... ( mention any dangerous situation here)." In one of two cases , such a revelation could be accurate, but in most cases , they are just utterly ridiculous.
"Bilqees, when I opened your door, I saw a black cat sitting on that fence and staring at you through the window while you were asleep. But as soon as I invoked and and rebuked this devil in the mighty name of the lord, it disappeared". Mom would say, almost breathlessly.
" But mom, some cats are nocturnal ( active during the night),it doesn't mean they are devils". I would protest.
"So you mean, I am talking nonsense right, you mean I don't know what I saying? I don't blame you, so you think you are now smarter than your own mother because you are now in high school?.... Anyway, make sure you always sip this holy water before going to bed. Infact open your mouth let me pour it inside.... Oya bring your face, let me wash it with the water, so that witches and wizards will not see you "
The words of a pastor or imam are law to a a typical African mother. They never joke with any prayer, fasting or sacrifice that a "man of God" had asked them to carry out in order to protect her household from evil spirits.
Little wonder why most of them are easily defrauded by false prophets ( who are very common in my country) masquerading as Godsent. Ofcourse they know that a woman would do anything just to secure the future and destiny of her children.
Once, I return home from school, and I saw my mother had already slaughtered two of our best roosters and was getting them ready to be shipped off to a "man of God" who had revealed something very "important" about my younger brother's destiny. I was Soo angry because these were the chickens that she had promised to prepare for me on my birthday that would fall on the next month.
Sometimes, I and my younger bro would fake illness so that we won't be asked to come along to a prayer meeting at some far places. Ofcourse, mom already know we were just pretending but would just play along.
" The both of you would definitely be healed of whatever sickness when you attend this meeting because God will readily answer our prayers there". Mom would say. But If we continue to prove stubborn, she would just go and hide the TV remote in her bedroom after she changes the interesting movie to a boring channel meant for old men. She would then proceed to go lock the kitchen, after locking her bedroom door. Nobody will taste food or drink water till she returns home.
So, In our best interest, we just have to follow her to that prayer gathering, else we die of hunger or boredom. Chances are that she would buy alot of groundnuts and corn for us on our way back. That's her own way of saying "thanks for coming". Lol.
Nevertheless, our mothers are prayer warriors and their prayers had always been what has kept us going, even in adulthood. May God bless all our mothers 😁
Thanks for reading ♥️♥️🙏
Stress addiction.
Some years ago, a business man I'm his sixties who lived in the neighborhood suddenly slumped while in the toilet. He was immediately rushed to a nearby clinic and fortunately he regained consciousness. The doctors told him that nothing was particularly wrong with his health. All he needed was just rest as he had been seriously overworking himself for sometime now and this made his body to react to the accumulated stress. He was advised by his doctors to take a month break from his vigorous work ethics just for relaxation and revitalization.
The man only laughed at the medics as if they were saying thrash. He told them that,with the exception of Sundays, there was no way he could afford to miss a day without going to work.
" As soon as I get to my office the following day and start working again, I will be alright. Staying idle at home without anything to do will definitely make me fall ill". He joked.
Needless to say, his two wives were very unhappy at his blatant refusal to the doctors advice, but there was nothing that could do but grumble. His eldest daughter who recently got married also expressed her disappointment towards her father. Probably she was afraid that her father may not live long enough to see his grandchildren if his stress level continue to take a toll on his health.
Well, we are talking about a man who had done so well for himself in business and could pass as one of the richest men in town. It beats my imagination why a man would still continue to yearn for more money when he should be preparing to retire and enjoy the rest of his days with his loved ones.
We all have heard stories of people who had suddenly slumped and even passed on. A person who is resilient would like to claim that that his body is already adapted to hard or continuous work. But the truth is that our body works in a definite pattern and rhythm. And if you fail to respect that, it would definitely breakdown in the future. Apart from the body becoming weaker due to stress addiction, the body's defence system could also be threatened and it easily becomes susceptible to illnesses.
Even if your health hasn't been compromised yet, higher stress levels could definitely affect your productivity. Because you are stressed out and still refused to take a break , you become prone to making unnecessary mistakes. You also begin to lose focus and motivation. The students among us would definitely agree with me. After reading for long hours at the night absent sleep, it's quite common for ideas to slip from your memory during the exam. This is due to the fact that the brain had been overstressed without taking a moment to recharge through rest and sleep. Some students might even brag that they are accustomed to such long hours of studies, but would still go blank as soon as they see the exams questions.
Surely, the importance of rest and sleep in our physical and mental health cannot be overemphasized.
As a student who wishes to sleep less and study more. Excersing before sleep could help you kill two birds with one stone. When you exercise before sleep, your heartrate increases. When this happens, your blood flow also gets higher, and this pressure would trigger the production of heat which would be evaporated as sweat. Evaporation causes a cooling effect on the body as your body temperature could be kinda low at that time. So,you could get quality sleep in few hours which warms your heart when you excersise before sleep. 😁
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Thanks for reading.. 🙏🙏
A brief driving lesson
Some years ago, when I was in my final class in high school, there was this girl who was my senior and had already graduated the previous year. I think we were about thesame age but she was slimmer and shorter .
Months after she had graduated, she was already driving her younger siblings to school in her daddy's car. I found this very fascinating since she wouldn't be more than nineteen years. Also because it was more common to see a boy driving his siblings to school than to see a girl.
Two years after I left secondary school, I met this same lady at a wedding event. She was actually the one who drove all her friends to the ceremony. Once again, I was impressed. I have seen hundreds of ladies driving in a car, but I never thought much about it since they were all older than I am. But this particular girl was just about my age or even younger. So, I felt challenged. If she could handle a car, I think I can too.
At that time, There was this commercial driver of about 25 years old that was very friendly with my family. At first, when I told him that I was interested in learning how to drive, he thought I was just fooling. But I kept bugging him for about a month till he finally obliged. Although he was always busy and only returns home at about nine or ten in the evening. But I forced him to make time for me during the weekend, at around four or five in the evening and he reluctantly agreed.
On the appointed day, he made sure he explained all the vehicle parts used in driving . I was told it was important to understand their functions before I could handle a car. Ofcourse the theoretical details were very easy to grasp and I quickly memorised everything.
" A car( manual) had three controls; the throttle and the brakes . Throttle was used for acceleration while the brakes are applied to gradually bring the car to a halt."
I was also told about the number gears and their applications,which I masterd very well too. And ofcourse, the steering wheel, that's quite easy,I thought. I already knew the function of that one before I was told.
When we were done with the theory classes and I assumed the driver seat. I felt my heart give a little flip as soon as my instructor started the car engine. I almost totally forgot all I had initially memorised. Even the steering that I thought was the easiest to maneuver felt quite heavy in my hands and I was so scared to turn it either sides. I imagined that it might fall out of its position if I held it very tight. But my instructor kept encouraging me to stay calm and keep my eyes on the road. We spent almost two hours plying a football field at a very steady pace before closing for the day.
We also had a practice the next day which was on a Sunday and my instructor continued to encourage me,he also mentioned that I was doing well. I was getting more familiar with the use of throttle and the brakes. Although, it took me longer time to stamp on the brakes after my instructor had shouted severally even when I had already been advised to always maintain my feet on the brakes while driving. Thank God I never stepped on the throttle instead of a brake. I was told stories of learners who made such mistakes and ended up colliding with a fence or a tree , thereby wrecking the vehicle. Maybe he shouldn't have told me, such stories really made me lost courage. It also seemed as if the more an instructor screams at one who's learning, the more nervous and scared one becomes.
We had four more lessons and I felt I had improved alot. On our fifth tour, while coming out from the field, my instructor mentioned that we would try out one of the less busy roads the next day, since I was already doing pretty well on the field
Fear and trepidation immediately seized me as I wasn't expecting to hear that any time soon. My instructor assured me I would be alright since he would be there to guide me. But all that didn't make me feel better. From the driver's seat, I kept staring at the other cars as if they were monsters. Watching them drive at a much higher speed made me lose my nerves and I thought I was hallucinating. For a moment, I couldn't remember my right side from my left anymore.
I was definitely not ready to toy with my life. Infact, the scenes of fast moving cars from the highway made me forget all I have been taught and I immediately became disinterested in learning how to drive. I told my instructor that I was still a teenager, I still have alot of time to learn how to drive. Lol
And that's how I quit driving 😁
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Thanks fir reading 🙏🙂🙂
Trouble makers per excellence
Sometimes last year, I bumped into an old friend on my way back from an event. Seeing her after a very long time was really a delight. We talked about this and that for sometime until she suggested that we proceed to her shop that was nearby. There, we could sit down comfortably and talk for as long as we wanted.
As soon as we had arrived, we met her apprentice in a serious argument with three young men and we immediately inquired what the fuss was about. One of them boys who looked very unkempt from head to toe, with a cigarette dangling from his battered lips introduced himself and his companions as messengers from the government. Lol
They were actually " revenue collectors" who threatened that to lock up her shop if she defaulted. I and my friend couldn't help but laughed at thier threat. My friend told them that would be impossible as she had already paid her business tax to some of their members who had visited her just a week ago. But they insisted that the previous payment was for state government. Now they are here to collect the local council's levy.
The young lady protested thst no notice of payment was issued to her . But the thugs maintained that it was an insignificant levy that doesnt require a notice. Other trader usually paid with little or no pressure, they said.
No doubt the money was a very paltry sum, but I insisted they give us a payment notice and a receipt too. From the look of their faces, they felt very uncomfortable with what I had just said, but they had no choice than to issue us the evidence of payment since we were ready to pay.
It's very possible that these thugs might squander all the revenue collected without remitting a single panny to the government. Another group of such youngmen might return the following week and start harrasing you again . So, it's very important for a business owner to demand for a proof of payment which shouldn't be just an ordinary paper with a random signature but an authentic document with the government logo and stamp. These people could be very smart you know.
Actually, they are not actually government officials per se, but thugs who had been recruited by the government from the streets so that they don't fall back to the criminal life due to idleness. Needless to say, these "revenue collectors" lack decorum and ethics as they go about harassing hardworking traders on the streets and drivers in a bus station. Their job is more of extortion than revenue generation. They are popularly called ***agbero*** in the local language.
In Lagos State, the government had delegated alot of powers to these nuisances and the citizens have come to see them as an arm of the government. An unemployed youth could even decide to take this up as a career. Lol
There's this story of a notorious thug who gained massive political fortune due to his loyalty to his political godfather in the state. Whenever an election is approaching, his exclusive responsibility was to mobilize the disciples who would go at different polling units bullying and alienating voters who are loyal to the opposition party. In some cases, lives are lost and properties are damaged.
Sometimes, a fierce and bigger competitor might decide to bribe their leader who would in turn send the boys to go intimidate a new or smaller business rival in the vicinity on a regular basis. This could be in the form of demanding a very high and outrageous tax which would definitely crumble an infant business even before getting started. In such a case, the victim would have no choice than to move to a less competitive and more friendly business environment since he lacked the financial muscle to hire a tax attorney neither does he know anyone in the government who could help him.
Even though I have limited knowledge on how tax system works, I think it should be determined according to the business size and gains and payments should be transparent according to acceptable international standards.
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Thanks for staying with me 💖💖💖
Blackmail or Not
It happened that her husband had died some two years ago and in the absence of a bread winner, life had been hell for her and her four children . Needless to say that she had been facing constant harassment from her landlord over her inability to offset the rent which was long overdue.
On that fateful day, Esther had returned home from the market only to meet a most disgusting sight. The landlord was almost in the process of molesting her 13 years old daughter who was still recovering from an illness. With an anger and revulsion that was closely knitted with previous cruelty she had been suffering in the hands of this man, Esther picked up a stool and smashed it on his baldness.
The landlord fell to the floor without a sound, and began to bleed like a pig from his cracked skull. No sooner had the deed been done that Esther realized the grave consequence of her thoughtless action, she began to scream for help and her daughter began to cry.
In less than a minute, all the neighbors rushed into Esther's room. The men bundled the bloodied body of the landlord and broke into a mad rush to the nearest clinic and the women were ordered to hold Esther to make sure she doesn't escape.
Obviously, the cops didn't believe Esther when she told them amidst hard tears that the landlord was about to rape her sick daughter, despite she regretted her reaction to the situation. The policemen never cared to get a statement from her little daughter, even though she was the bone of contention. She had been totally ignored. Their only focus was to lock up her Mom. Esther spent more than a week in police custody. Every day, her children would come to spend sometime with her. Amidst tears, she advice's her daughter on her to take care of her younger siblings incase she never returned home.
Fortunately for them, the landlord recovered from the accident. Esther was released on the day he was discharged from the hospital. One of the policeman told Esther that she should consider herself very lucky. Had it been her landlord had died from the terrible smash, she would definitely spend the rest of her life in jail. She was also advised to go thank the landlord for deciding not to press charges against her. Even the neighbors at home repeated the exact words of the policeman. But no one observed or remarked that Esther's young daughter was also lucky for escaping rape.
I came across this story in opera news some weeks ago and I discussed it with a a friend. In her opinion, She blamed Esther over overreacting by allowing her emotions to get the best part of her. She mentioned a better way that Esther could have handled such a situation and She would have her landlord wrapped round her fingers for as long as possible.
Threatening to expose the landlord to the public and police with pictures or video evidences would definitely make him be at her mercy. As a man who had a reputation to protect, he would be left with no choice than to allow her remain on the property for as long as she wanted and cancel her outstanding debt. Her financial burdens might be lessened if she still went ahead and demand for money for her silence. She would be the new sheriff in town. "No rest for the wicked" .... My friend had said
Well, maybe blackmail might not be as easy as it seems in the movies. Esther's life could be in danger if she continues to be a threat to her landlord in his own house. He could always disguise his involvement if something terrible ever happened to her.
By the way, how are we sure the public or police would believe her if she decided to shame the landlord since they never believed her the first time. And even though they did, nothing might be done about him. Things are quite different in my parts of the world.
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Thanks for reading.
Thank you 🙏💖
@Bilqees
