It's been a week now, I guess, I'm not really counting the days but I have just listened to this only song – Sweet Child Of Mine. This is originally sung by Guns n Roses but I like this version of First To Eleven much better.
As I hear every phrase of its lyrics I became more and more addicted. I can't stop listening to this from the morning after breakfast, to the afternoon when I have some free time until the night before I go to bed. I can't help but wonder how my sweet child doing in our hometown.
I slowly immersed myself in those memories we spent together. I want to recall every piece of those memories from the day I knew that I was conceiving her, to the day she is born that I was able to hear her first cry. I indulge myself recalling her laugh that soothes my ears, that day when she was able to call me "Mama" and until the last day that I saw her smiles.
I have been here in Manila since 2019 and I have been caught up in quarantines caused by this Pandemic. I just wonder, does she still know me? Does she miss me, too? I know that is stupid of me to ask since she was just 8 months old when I left her at our hometown to work here in Manila. What else can I do? Her father and had already broken up when I left. I'm a single mother now.
Although, we can save more by living in the countryside, still, life is hard for all of us since it is hard to get a decent job. We are just small-time farmers; what we sow is what we eat. Now that the prizes of rice are lower than our capital, there's no other choice than to sell even if it just to take back the capital and consume the rest. Yes, all of this is thanks to Cynthia Villar that we are now suffering. I hate you so much! Please don't run for another government position next election. Have mercy on us!
Back to my current situation, I currently stuck here for 2 years now without having to avail myself any vacation leave. My situation isn't that bad if I could compare it to others. I'm rather blessed. Thank you, Lord!
Even though I have been away from my family, I think this opportunity is such a blessing in disguise. Well, at least I still do have work, and my work doesn't stop when quarantines are being strictly implemented. I can still earn and found a bonus part-time job –read. cash, my lifesaver.
It's just that homesickness sometimes strikes harder than I expected. I used to think before I left that I wouldn't be homesick because this is for my daughter's sake. But when some instances can remind you of family and home, I can't help but to felt jealous of them. I also wish I can but with my current situation now, it is still impossible. Plus, if I insist to go home now, I will just put their lives in danger. Who knows that I will catch Covid-19 on the way?
Aside from that huge health risk, transportation fares now are expensive, more like doubled when the last time that I checked. The best choice is to lay low for now until the situation calms down and slowly gets back to normal. It's just that no one knows when this Pandemic will end.
The only thing that I can, for now, is to make a video call whenever we have free time. Since our place is located in a rural area, network signals are poor. It is lucky of us to be able to contact each other without any network interruptions 2 to 3 times a week. This can't cure how I longed to hug her but it can still help me subside a little longingness that I'm currently enduring.
Sometimes, I purposely don't keep in touch with them because sometimes it just makes me miss them more. So I just try so hard to avert my mind in some other things like writing articles, watching YouTube videos, reading webcomics, study Japanese, and listening to music.
I hope this year will be the end of all of our suffering from this Covid-19. Then, our life can get back to normal and we can do what we usually do. Then, we travel freely anywhere we want to go. Then, we can have gatherings and parties with our family and friends. I hope our government will choose to make the solution first before engaging in politics so that our recovery will be much faster.
Though, we can only hope for now. Prayers will be our biggest contribution and following the safety protocols will be our biggest aid.
Keep safe and God bless everyone!
