7:55 pm. I looked outside the window, gazing my eyeballs from left to right, down and up, as the steetlights were reflecting on the newly polished, dust-free glass. The moon was smiling at me and the star-laid sky was perfect. The night was quiet, calm and peaceful. Then my mind started to dive in on the memories as I came to reminisce from years back.
It's been a year. We've been dealing with these for more than a year. The world has change. A lot. People have changed. Way of living have changed. Economy has change. Everything. We didn't expect this to happen, we were not ready for this. And yet it happened.
The word "pandemic" have always been a subject for discussion in our major class. A favorite pick of my instructors for a question on quizzes and periodic exams. Together with its siblings; endemic, epidemic, sporadic. We've always discussed how endemic and epidemic were naturally occuring in every situation. I knew pandemic is rare, but it never occured to me that it will really happen to this day. And here I am, and all of you, witnessing a historical, global phenomena. If we get out here alive, if we survive, we are all part of a history. A horrible history we never want to be repeated in the future, for our children and granchildren's sake.
I have children. Two boys. And I need to be super duper extra cautious when going outside for groceries and other errands. I really don't like wearing disposable mask, even from before I was on hospital duty. You sweat a lot underneath and gives you bad breath, and you can smell it! Unfortunately, this time, it's different. Because you cannot just directly touch any part of your face, pull down your mask, and wipe off the sweat. You need to wash your hands first or at least sanitize, and distance yourself from other people, and do it secretly where no authorities can see you. If they do see you with your mask pulled down, you will be fined for breaking a health protocol. Having an asthma is diificult too while wearing a mask, so I just try to walk slowly so I may not ran out of breath.
Children were not allowed to go out of the house. And my boys have been on home quarantine since lockdown have started March 2020. Well, I took the older one once outside for a pediatric consultation, and both of them to spend Christmas with their grandmother for a day. They're not allowed inside malls, but even if they were, I won't risk their health for a little mall stroll, and they're not even allowed to go in every department, to which I think is not enjoyable though. These kids, like any other kids have always been a frequent mall visitor. Explaining to them why they are not able to go out, and always just stay at home where it's safest is a must. But psychologically speaking, it's affecting them in any way. No social interaction with people or other kids, seeing the same surrounding again and again. We don't own a private car so these kids have nowhere else to go but just around the house. Compensating this situation, we parents should play with and interact with them. Video calls are really life saver. They can talk to their grandma (my mom), cousins who we haven't seen for more than a year now. I buy toys when I go outside. It makes me somehow relieved seeing their smiling, happy faces when they open the toys. The older one is about to go to school this year, so I bought him school stuff he can use for home schooling. So is the younger one. You can't just buy the other and not the other, or else they will fight over it.
I remember how on a lovely night like this, there were times I go out for a walk at the night market. Eating street food, buying some stuff I like and for my husband and kids. A starry night sky is my thing. Though I am not a night person, obviously night markets are only open at night. I am more of a day person who likes to walk under the heat of the sun.
I miss my friends back at home. I miss my garden. I miss planting trees and ornamental plants back at home. I miss cutting down banana plant. I miss my dad. I miss my family. I miss everything back at home. And it's just so hard because I am so much afraid to commute on a bus then go back home to the kids. Maybe one day, soon.
This whole pandemic thing may drive us crazy if we cannot handle the situation well. People died, murdered, fell in love, succeed, lost, depressed. Even my husband suffered depression and have to go through that pricey psychological check ups every month. But we can't surrender now. No. We have to fight. To live. To survive.
Looking away from the living room window, I stepped now into our brightly lit bedroom, with letters and numbers mounted on the wall, a kid's bedroom. The boys were dancing to a monster stomp song, giggling and singing. I smiled and joined them. We need to survive.