The Turning Point

I have always been alone, growing up alone, making decisions on my own. As the older sister in the family, I assumed the position of my mom in her absence. My mother is there, but there was never a complete and happy family for us. I have turned to my friends for comfort, because I felt hollow and empty at home.

When my father died, my mom changed for us. And we have forgiven each other. Though it was kind of awkward at first, we still managed to become a family.

I got myself in a relationship. There came a time when I gained some weight but it wasn't the first time I did, so my family thought it was normal. How busy must I be to not notice that I never had a menstruation for months. I started to suspect something. So I bought a pregnancy test kit and tested myself secretly. I got so nervous when I saw two red lines appearing.

HCG. Human Chorionic Gonadotropin. The kit has detected hcg in my urine, a hormone excreted during pregnancy, which indicates a growing embryo, and will eventually grow into a placenta. My heart was racing, and my breathing was rapid. I was so lost at the moment not knowing to be happy or sad. I don't know how to break out the news.

But, I thought, I am not a teenager anymore. I am 25. I have graduated college and is now a licensed professional. So why be so anxious at this situation? This is eventually where I'll end up in the future anyway, and isn't this what my mom have wanted?

Yes, I am 25. And for all those years, I have been a loyal member of the popular group called the - No Boyfriend Since Birth or NBSB. All of my friends were, well, there were 2 of us that had a boyfriend, but majority of us were what they called "virgins".

I grew up with my brother as my playmate. But he preferred playing with my cousins, the other two boys. They do not let me join play basketball, football or tennis just because I am a girl. I ended up to be the one picking up the balls when it went out of the zone. I never liked it, so I tried to fit in. I acted out and dressed like a boy. Well, they eventually let me join their games which made me more a tomboy.

When I was entering adolelescent stage, there was a boy, the son of my mom's friend who lived nearby.  My brother always teased me that the boy had a crush on me, but I'd puke at the idea of a boy take a liking at me. He even gave me a heart shaped stone to which I rejected with my whole heart of disgust. Because of that, I even acted more like a boy. I hated my budding breasts at that time. Why would they grow like that, when I wanted to be a male. But changes like this is inevitable. This is a part of growing up. I had to accept menarche too, which constantly reminded me that I am a female.

So now, I told my boyfriend about me being pregnant, and he was happy about it, but he became a bit financially stressed because we never were ready for it. I was closest to my younger sister than my mom, so I told her next. It was so hard telling her because she might feel that I maybe leaving her soon. We were so close. I was the one who took care of her as she was growing up, I was more like a mother to her than our mom was. But she was calm about the news. In fact she was excited about it. She even accompanied me to sell my laptop, and we went to the OB together for a pre-natal visit because my boyfriend lived two hours away. I counted the months and it was 5 months old, ideal month for an ultrasound and gender reveal. It was a boy.

It was a relief to know the baby is doing well and healthy. 5 months. 5 months I have never had a hint about the pregnancy. And what have I done with those period? I've cut a banana plant, chopped some firewood, went on biking, took out some weeds, carried and transferred my potted plants, sawed and hammered an old double decker bed. I never took caution until it was a confirmed pregnancy.

I told my sister that she tell our mom because to be honest, I am a bit of hesitant, but she didn't want to. After gaining all the courage, and the right words to say, I told mom. Well she was shocked. All her life she thought I'm never into boys because of the way I felt towards them. I dress like a normal girl, but she maybe thinking about my childhood being a tomboy and hating the boys. She never had a single hint of my boyfriend. So the questions came in fast one after another and another. I cried. I cried because I don't understand myself too. It was overwhelming that I just cried. I am just glad the situation went well and I finally had the courage to tell my family. The pregnancy went through all fine.

And they were all happy about a new addition to the family. And now our family is growing and new blessing keeps adding up. We all have changed for the better. My mom is now much happier, expressing her genuine love for her grandchildren, making up for our lost times in the past. And I have learned to speak out my mind, especially to my loved ones.