Body Language

Although the ability to communicate well is the secret to success in both personal and professional relationships, it is not the words you use but the nonverbal signals or "body language" that talk the loudest. The use of physical behavior, phrases, and mannerisms to communicate nonverbally is body language, often performed unconsciously instead of consciously.

If you are conscious of it or not, you are constantly giving and receiving wordless messages as you communicate with others. The gestures you make, your stance, your tone of voice, how much eye contact you make, all of your nonverbal actions send clear signals. They can put people at ease, create trust and attract others to you, or they can annoy, confuse, and weaken what you are trying to express. When you stop speaking, these messages do not stop either. And when you're quiet, you still have nonverbal contact.

In certain cases, two completely different things might be what comes out of your mouth and what you express with your body language. If you say one thing, then something else is said in your body language, your listener will possibly believe that you are being dishonest. No, for instance, if you say "yes" while shaking your head. The listener has to choose whether to believe your verbal or nonverbal message when faced with such mixed signals. Since body language is a normal, unconscious language that transmits your true feelings and intentions, the nonverbal message will probably be chosen.

However, you can communicate what you really think, interact more with others, and develop deeper, more fulfilling relationships by enhancing how you interpret and use nonverbal communication.

Body language’s importance

The way you listen, look, move, and respond, your nonverbal communication signals tell the person you communicate with whether you care or not, if you are truthful, and how well you listen. They improve confidence, clarity, and partnership when the nonverbal signals match up with the words you're saying. They can create stress, distrust, and uncertainty when they don't.

It's necessary not only to become more receptive to the body language and nonverbal signs of others, but also to your own, if you want to become a better communicator.

Types of body language

Facial expressions. The human face is incredibly expressive, willing, without saying a sound, to communicate countless emotions. And facial expressions are universal, unlike some types of nonverbal communication. Across cultures, the facial expressions of happiness, sorrow, rage, surprise, fear, and disgust are the same.

Movement and posture of the body. Consider how the way you sit, walk, stand, or keep your head affects the views of individuals. A wealth of knowledge is transmitted to the world by the way you walk and handle yourself. Your posture, bearing, stance, and the subtle gestures you make comprise this form of nonverbal communication.

Gestures. Gestures are woven into the texture of our everyday lives. When arguing or speaking animatedly, you can wave, point, beckon, or use your hands, sometimes expressing yourself with gestures without thinking. The sense of certain gestures may, however, be very distinct across cultures. Although, for example, the "OK" sign made by hand typically conveys a positive message in English-speaking countries, in countries such as Germany, Russia, and Brazil, it is considered offensive. So, to prevent misinterpretation, it's important to be cautious about how you use gestures.

Eye contact. Since for most people the visual sense is dominant, eye contact is a particularly important form of nonverbal communication. Many things, like interest, love, animosity, or attraction, can be conveyed by the way you look at others. Eye contact is also important in maintaining the conversation flow and in assessing the engagement and reaction of the other person.

Touch. Via touch, we communicate a lot. For example, think about the very distinct signals provided by a weak handshake, a warm bear hug, a patronizing pat on the head, or a controlling grip on the arm.

Space. During a conversation, did you ever feel awkward because the other person was standing too close and invading your space? We all need physical space, but, depending on the community, the situation, and the closeness of the relationship, the need varies. To transmit several distinct nonverbal messages, including signs of intimacy and affection, hostility or domination, you may use physical space.

Speech. It's not only what you're doing, but how you're doing it. When you talk, in addition to listening to your words, other people "read" your voice. Things they pay attention to include your pacing and rhythm, how loud you speak, your tone and inflection, and sounds that express comprehension, such as "ahh" and "uh-huh." Think about how sarcasm, indignation, love, or trust can be indicated by your tone of voice.

How people see you, how much they like and value you, and whether or not they trust you, is influenced by what you convey by your body language and nonverbal signals. Unfortunately, without even understanding it, many individuals send ambiguous or negative nonverbal messages. Both communication and trust in relationships are weakened when this occurs.

It's important to learn how to use and interpret body language and develop your nonverbal communication skills if you want to communicate effectively, avoid misunderstandings, and enjoy strong, trusting relationships both socially and professionally.

Improving body language

Nonverbal communication is a back-and-forth mechanism that is rapidly flowing and requires the full attention on the experience from moment to moment. If you plan what you're going to say next, check your phone, or think of anything else, you're almost assured that you're going to skip nonverbal signs and not completely grasp the subtleties of what's being conveyed. As well as being completely present, by learning to handle stress and improving your emotional sensitivity, you can strengthen how you interact nonverbally.

Manage stress

Your ability to connect is impaired by stress. You're more likely to misread other individuals when you're stressed out, give confounding or off-putting nonverbal messages, and slip into inappropriate behavioral knee-jerk patterns. And remember: it's infectious with feelings. It is also likely to make others unhappy if you are upset, thereby making a bad situation worse.

Take a time out if you're feeling stressed by stress. Before you jump back into the debate, take a moment to calm down. You'll feel better able to cope with the situation in a constructive way once you have regained your mental equilibrium.

Whatever you see, hear, smell, taste, and touch, or by a calming movement, the quickest and easiest way to relax yourself and control stress at the moment is to use your senses. You can easily relax and refocus by seeing a picture of your child or pet, enjoying a favorite perfume, listening to a certain piece of music, or squeezing a stress ball, for example. Because everyone reacts differently, to find the sensory experience that works best for you, you may need to experiment.

Develop self-awareness

You need to be conscious of your feelings and how they affect you in order to submit correct nonverbal cues. You will need to be able to understand others' emotions and the true feelings behind the signals they send. This is where knowledge of feelings comes in.

Many of us, especially strong emotions such as rage, sadness, fear, are disconnected from our emotions because we have been conditioned to try to shut our feelings off. But while you can deny your emotions or numb them, you can not remove them. They're still there and your behavior is still influenced by them. However, by cultivating your emotional sensitivity and communicating with even negative feelings, you can gain greater control over how you think and behave.