You might hate me after reading this...
Hello, my ReadCash family. I've been extremely busy lately, and even weekends refuse to let me take a break. It's been quite exhausting, but that's just the reality of being a working adult. I feel like I have no choice in the matter.
Yesterday, as I was about to close my Facebook app, I stumbled upon a life update post from one of my closest friends from high school. It brought back a flood of nostalgic memories for no apparent reason. I recalled my past self, a timid, simple, and cheerful individual. I didn't care about judgment or pressure. If I failed at something, I would dust myself off, disregarding the consequences, and just smile as if nothing happened. I wasn't afraid of what the future held or worried about tomorrow. I simply lived life to the fullest.
Back then, I didn't concern myself with the flaws of others or my own. Who was I to judge? I genuinely liked the person I was. However, as I transitioned into adulthood, everything around me became clearer. A simple mistake turned into a big deal, and even the smallest mess became a major issue. I started belittling and judging myself and others, fully aware that it wasn't right. I despise this feeling because it doesn't align with who I truly am. What's worse is that I no longer find joy in others' successes or offer them support. Instead, I compare myself to them and try to outshine or surpass them. I'm done with this. I no longer want to feel this way. Why can't I be genuinely happy for others instead of being consumed by jealousy or envy when they succeed?
To improve my behavior, I've taken the initiative to watch videos that promote self-love, positivity, and provide guidance on dealing with negative emotions. However, I have discovered that implementing these teachings in real life is more challenging than I initially anticipated, and I sometimes feel that it is a waste of time.
In short, I was looking forward to the changes I might encounter in life, but I ended up changing more than I expected. I despise the person I've become.
Athaliah💚
Going through difficult moments is part of the life of any human being, it is necessary to know the best version of ourselves (if we decide to awaken it and not stagnate), I understand that you feel bad about yourself because although the world is cruel, we can always give it the return to the situation with the help of our personality, but if it is a negative personality then it will not change for the better... Seeing that kind of "self-help" is not bad, but it will not get you out of that emptiness that you feel, because it is more of the same, what has helped me is God, and only God can get you out of that pit that you never believe get out, but if you look for a way out of that problem in the same world that gave it to you, then you will achieve nothing. It is my humble advice, seek God, Christ in his one and true church, and if you have faith you will notice the great change in your life. Wish you all the best.