Was It Love or Is it just Lust?

Before anything else;

            This story is the author’s own story thus maybe self-centered or bias base on its own version of the whole true story so feel free to comment, suggest or react in the comment section.

It started way back in May 2019. Our first meeting together, we met because of a common friend which was our classmate at the same time. We were both incoming first year college students. For the purpose of confidentiality, let’s just call her Ynah. Honestly, I didn’t find her beautiful at first, and trust me when I say she’s not that pretty then that’s the truth it’s just so happened that her smile was one of the prettiest smiles I ever witnessed.

In fact, I always find myself smiling after seeing her smiling at me, I don’t know why but I guess it was her natural appeal because I’m not the only one who’s responding like that on her, actually almost everybody is responding on that killer smile of her. They even claim that she had the prettiest smile in the campus.

In terms of her physical appearance, she’s slender with a normal height for a woman I guess, a very long straight black hair, with pouty pale lips and a tan colored skin. Oh, she’s sexy btw. Our friendship quickly began right from the start of our school year in college. I don’t really know how did we  became so close with each other because I am no particular guy who’s more likely to hang out with friends and make some fun specially with ladies, I’m a typical student, a weird one actually, my routine is very simple, I’ll go to school everyday and go home right after, no hang outs because I don’t really like it.

As far as I remember, we became very close because of one particular events in my life, where she found out that I cried because I hurt someone. She comforted me and that’s it where it all begins; we became best friends and almost everyday we were together. She was even angry to the girl who caused my tears to drop.

We almost shared every single details of our private lives and built our friendship even strongly until one time, when the whole class were rehearsing a dance performance in Physical education, Kent shared his appreciation of Ynah’s beauty, “Ganda ni Ynah oh!” he uttered with a smile then all the boys agreed except for me. But deep inside my mind, I’m already starting to realize her beauty so I started to nod my head unconsciously.

After that, I think of that feeling I felt that day, it took me 2 months before I realized it fully but still did not tell her about my true feelings because I don’t want to ruin our friendship and another is, she’s with someone else. So, I kept it within me but as what the other says, we can’t hide secrets forever. One day, marl, our common friend, and I are talking about what I feel with someone but I shared it to him in a metamorphic way so that he can never find out that I’m actually pertaining to my own feeling about our friend but to my surprise, she’s listening all the way from the start of our conversation and because we’re so close with each other, she knew if I’m lying or not. So, she kept on asking me who’s the girl I’m in love with and why I’m not telling her about it. She seems so upset because I didn’t tell her about that but this woman whom I’m in love with is so annoyingly persistent so she keeps on asking me up until 12 midnight and so I got pissed and accidentally told her the truth.

The following day, she’s surprisingly calm and silent then she approaches me and asked me again if what I said the last night was true, I smiled then nod my head. “How long have you been keeping that feeling?” she asked, then I answered “about 4 months ago, actually I tried to forget about my feelings but how can I do that if we almost spend our time together”. The following night she told me that she also has a feeling for me and it’s way more longer than mine, she was in love with me since senior high school but she knew that I can’t love her back then we decided to cut our communication stay away from each other because we can’t be together for so many reason.

I thought it was the right thing to do but after some time, I really missed her then I tried to contact her, that’s when she told me that she missed me a lot so we agreed to meet and tried to be friends again then we part our ways again and again and again. Until one time we decided to finish our exam together in my house, we studied together and we even sleep together in the same room and same bed, and that’s when something happened to us, yes, we had sex, we make love though I can’t really say if I can call  it that way. We agreed not to repeat that because she’s with someone else and we both hate stabbing someone from the back but it still happened, we did it repeatedly as if we were addicted to each other, she even manage to broke up with her boyfriend just because of me.

Then that’s when she realize that even if she loves me that much her love for her ex is far more superior than that of her feelings towards mine so to cut the long story short we ended being strangers and we haven’t talk after that, maybe that’s for the best for the two of us and maybe what we really felt that time was not really love but a call for lust and nothing more.

I hope that you’ve learn from my story and for those who experience the same thing as mine, love yourself first before loving someone else, if you love someone make it 60/40, 60% love for your special someone and 40% love for your own because nothing is permanent, everything has an end, even marriage will never be an assurance for a partner for a lifetime.