Life is nothing but a desolate wilderness without a compassionate partner of sorrow and joy. The philosopher Emerson says that a friend is the greatest masterpiece in nature. There is no need to be a poet or a philosopher to realize the importance of friendship. When there is no one beside you in your joy and sorrow, just as joy is largely reduced to dust, so sorrow is not easily lightened. When a person is overwhelmed with pain, he gets the first consolation from his friend, and when he is overwhelmed with joy, he tells the news of this joy to his first friend. Since friendship involves emotions, friendship can cause problems as well as joy. So the amount of misunderstandings or problems can be greatly reduced if there is a clear idea about the definition of friendship, how much can be sought and received from a friend. There are many common ideas about how friendship should be. If we discuss these ideas a little, we will see that the reality is actually different. When this difference between ideas and reality becomes clear, friendship will become more natural and lively. The matter will become clearer to us if we judge some of the conventional ideas about friendship in the light of reality. The ideas are:
1. Close friends will share everything in each other's lives.
Although this idea is common in general, it is not practical in modern urban life. Most career friends and family friends are different. Again, the friendship with the neighbors is also different. Friendships that develop on the basis of hobbies or interests are also different. Again, during the practice of religion, it is seen that friendship has been formed with someone completely different. Friendships with different people in different areas of life are a completely normal occurrence. Because psychologists say that it is very rare for two people to have similar interests in all aspects of life. Even your very close friends may have some interests and hobbies with which you have no interest at all. Moreover, the desire for everlasting friendship, the expression of child-like insecurity. Total reliance on a friend can often lead to unhappiness. If the other party tries to increase its social scope, the first party may get sad. So multiple friendships are always emotionally better than single friendships.
2. True friendship means lifelong friendship.
This idea is not always correct. Much of the friendship that was formed in childhood, the intimacy that was formed in education, is lost after entering the career. Again, the change of residence also creates new friendships in place of the old ones. This is even more evident in the case of working women. If you become friends with many people in your career or education, if you leave work and education and become a housewife, then the scope of friendship can change completely. However, there is no need to consider such part-time friendship less important. There can be necessary and enjoyable friendships with different people at different times in life.
3. Selfless friendship with someone of the opposite sex is not possible.
This idea is not always true. Psychologists say that cases of unrequited friendship with the opposite sex are also more common now. A beautiful friendly relationship may be possible between a man and a woman based on some interest or purpose. Psychologists, however, warn that it is sometimes difficult to keep such friendships afloat. When you start liking someone and are attracted to them as a person, sexual feelings towards them can also arise. But there is no such thing as having to work according to this feeling. Even if you accept this feeling in your mind and keep it within the limits, the problem may not come.
4. Blood is darker than water. Relatives are closer than friends.
This idea is not always correct. It has also been seen that there is no similarity between brother and brother, sister and sister. Their parents are one. Besides, no similarity is found between them. It is also seen that in one's danger, friends come forward instead of brothers and sisters. Because friendship is formed on the basis of choice. And relatives are bound by blood to each other. Blood may be thicker than water, but when blood clots, it becomes sticky and useless. So most of the time it is seen that the relatives do not understand or feel the way friends understand and feel about friends.
5. Good friends have to be contemporary.
This idea is not always correct. A 26-year-old man can be friends with a 50-year-old man. And this friendship can be very complementary. Friendships between two generations can bring some additional opportunities for both. Older friends can be a source of knowledge, wisdom, and advice for young people. And from the young to the old can get the stimulus of youth.
6 . The identity of a friend in danger. Most of the time this can be right.
However, exceptions are sometimes seen. Like a friend who comes forward in times of danger or adversity, many times when the danger is over, the friendship does not have that intensity. Some psychologists say that friendships in bad times are broken in good times. Because healthy friendships depend on giving and taking. Friends in turn give and take encouragement, stimulation, empathy. But some people want to give sympathy, do not want to take. Some people subconsciously wish that the emotional problems or adversity that befell a friend continue so that he can continue to lose sympathy. So in some cases it is seen that when the friend starts moving from bad mental state to good state then that 'savior' friend unknowingly tries to sabotage the change. The goal is the same - so that the flow of friendship remains unchanged.
7 . If you want to maintain a close friendship, you need to keep in touch.
This idea is also not correct. In many cases, friends are far away. There is no chance of frequent visits, perhaps after a long time. But seeing the intimacy that manifests as soon as they meet, one may think that they are always close together. The friendship continues despite the long separation when both of them feel unique.
New friends are not found with age. This idea is not right. New friendships can be formed with age. Again nice new friendships can be formed even after the end of an active career.
Putting these ideas and realities about friendship in front of you will reduce the possibility of misunderstanding.
Good friends adds real meaning to life