eybyoung, you did nothing to deserve it, nor should you be there to deserve anything.
The universe allows events to happen for no purpose or due to no cause.
A response to @Eybyoung 's article: God, what did i do to deserve all these things in Life that was short but got too big for the reply section, and turned into an article.
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NOTE: This article is basically an answer to @Eybyoung's questions in her article. Think of it as me answering her directly in her presence.
Note to @Eybyoung:
Let me start by saying I'm so sorry for you that your parents were so evil and mean to you. I really feel for you. I hope you resolve this and past this soon.
I'm going, to be Frank, and direct in this reply. Please remember that in no way, shape or form am I trying to hurt, insult, offend, or otherwise cause negative feelings. First, I am simply giving you my mind on this, hoping to have a positive influence, even if it is only a little.
Let's begin this on a positive note.... ah darn it, too late.
Anywho.... who? Ani!
The simple answers are:
But life has never been fair, and it has been/is/will be tougher on you than average.
What happened to you has nothing to do with anything you did.
That's a terrible way to learn it, but you learned the best and most important lesson possible. Having learned it though saves you so much trouble, problems, and worries, but most of all from disappointment.
Your Father was an asshole. Certified and guaranteed by the official @ssh0l3 Judgement and Management Committee of Alderaan.
I do, as should everyone, despise your father's actions and consider it a grave offense, or even a crime. But cheating and knocking up a woman other than your wife, while bad and making you an asshole, is not a mortal sin.
The Universe (or God in your case) agrees it isn't, as evidenced by his continued existence.
There is also no such thing as Karma. If Karma was real, I would have had to be Mao, Stalin, and Hitler in my previous life. That is not possible as those three most evil men in history lived at the same time. Nowhere is living three different lives at the same time discussed in any sensible fashion regarding accumulating bad karma.
You shouldn't have to bear the punishment for things you didn't do. That's not what you're doing. You're not being punished for anything.
I have also grown up in a less than welcoming and appreciative environment. My mother wanted to give me up for adoption but was persuaded somehow by grandpa to keep me.
After I was born it was quickly very clear, that they had to get me out of her "care" and into that of my grandparents, even though my grandparents lived in mortal fear for my father whom they considered (fill in favored prejudiced view of the wrong man for one's daughter) and they had already raised three daughters they did everything they could to get me away from the care of my mother.
She resented that but also resented that when I was asked where I wanted to live, I didn't choose for her but chose my grandparents. As my father died 4 months before I was born, so I can also relate somewhat to growing up without a father. Your suffering was horrible, cruel, unjust, and inexcusable. To deal with such grief and suffering without help seems impossible.
Someone having grown up like that can get love from somewhere else. There, in fact, are more sensitive to and able to find sources of love, which they value and appreciate more than others.
Not all things start from home.
In fact, home is a relative concept that is different for each individual. Even though what you went through is horrible, unfair, and hurt unimaginably, you got through it, you overcame the trauma and nightmares. Just imagine how strong you must have been to do that!
Your mother's actions are inexcusable and wrong, now and in the past. What she said proves she has improved little and has no grasp of morality (maybe not even on reality).
If you think about it, though
This is not completely bad, though. It tells you she is unlikely to change soon and that she'll never be able to be a Mom for you. Add that to the damage of pain she brought you in the past and you find the only decisive, justified, and course of action is to cut contact completely, removing a source of pain, sadness, and suffering from your life.
WHat to do?
It would also enable you to consider that there are two things you can do. Keep letting what was done to you make you angry, sad, and depressed every day for the rest of your life, allowing the future to be as bad or worse than the past and eventually die miserably, depressed.
Or you can accept that what happened was horrible, but there's nothing you can do. No amount of crying or anger will ever make what happened any less than what it was. It does not, however, mean you cannot change what it does to you now and in the future.
There is only one thing that can do that, and that is you.
You can realize that no matter how horrible the past might have been, the future can be the most fantastically happy, beautiful, and rewarding time of your life, if you allow it to, and let your sunny side take control of your future.
But the most important takeaway from all of it is the fact that the hurt and misery in your life were inflicted upon you by your mother, your father, your family, and the surrounding people. There was only one victim, you. The best solutions are all dependent upon one thing, and that is you. There is only one who will prosper or suffer from any action or inaction related to this, and it is also you.
Even if he existed, why would you ask god anything?
What? He's suddenly going to realize the errors of his way and care enough to want to help you?
He did nothing, and he will do less in the future, literally anything, to help you, shape, or form so far.
What makes you think he'd start now?
Again, you did nothing to deserve this, which makes what you experienced something unjust.
If God allowed it, then I'd judge God to be an unjust, uncaring, and bad (maybe even evil) individual.
If however you come to accept that God does not exist and everything that happens does so because one or more people made or make it so you might have less difficulty accepting that you cannot change the past, or undo the pain and grief and that you decide if the future is more of the same or the best part of your life.
And that is precisely what you're doing.
You're fighting and you're determined to win.
The fact you are fighting is 90% of what you need to win.
The other 10%?
That's up to the universe.
You made me laugh, although most of your thoughts are opposite as you don't believe Karma or God.. we have different beliefs but somehow I got your point. You've been telling me way back that only me can fix and find solutions to my problem, I know what's the solution that is to free myself from our bonds but what's holding me to do that? Still it bounced back on my beliefs, I still believe people can change, I gave her many chances..so she can cope up on being a mother to me, ending I'm still hurting because my beliefs didn't bring good to me.
Asian are sentimental, that is why it's hard for me to untangle especially it's my mother.. but I have come to realize this time, the way she sees me will never be changed. So I guess, I have to slowly walk forward focus on myself and my own family..it pains me visualizing it but this is the only way not to lose myself for real.
Thank you for your time making a long response. I always appreciate you even if we have different beliefs.