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I've been absent from readcash lately.

It has been a while since I've posted anything here. I apologize for that. Even though my conscious mind knows I have no obligation to any of you to post or not my subconscious always manages to make me feel like i am letting you down. I am truly sorry for not posting here this long.

For those who are worried my absence has something to do with the site, the platform or the community i can assure you it has not. The reason i didn't write is because i didn't feel like writing most of the time and the few times i did i ran out of steam so t0 say before i had an article close enough to being finished to publish. I never pay attention to the state of the site or the community before writing an posting anything, and usually only read and stroll around the site after having posted my articles.

What took away you're drive for writing?

Like some of you maybe right now i wondered what was different, why i didn't feel like posting? A simple enough question you'd think right? Well turns out that when i went digging into that particular rabbit hole you might be surprised at what comes up out of the ground. I know i was.

First off I concluded that some of the downtime was due to the world-scene today. The war in Ukraine is still escalating, with both sides stepping up the intensity, quantity and damage of their remote strikes, by whatever means they can, be it by drone, disassembled 1980's nuclear ballistic missiles or by HIMARS. The tenacity with which Putin seems to have renewed his commitment to the fight is worrying on one side but also hopefully on another.

One of two things

Taking everything i know about the war, Putin's history and the state of the conflict or its participants there are only 2 possible or probable, outcomes for this conflict in the near future. One of them is rather optimistic but none the less the much more likely, and the other option is, i hope, a scenario that can only happen when we do nothing to present Putin with a way out of this mess while saving the man's face, job and future. I very much believe that Putin is moving events to that latter option. There have even been statements from Russian officials hinting that Putin would agree to something along the lines of a free independent Ukraine with guarantees concerning its security and independence in exchange for giving up the Krimea for good. The Russian intensified artillery bombardments seem to want to keep up the appearance of a strong Russian military until the negotiations take place near Christmas. On the flipside of this we've seen several locations that the Russians have chosen to defend being fortified and trenches being dug. Looks like preparing to strengthen the idea that the cost of re-conquering those parts cost more than it would benefit the Ukraine to sign a treaty seceding those parts to Russia.

Hope this is not going to be what happens.

In this theory, which i suspect most probable, Putin is moving to a treaty signed around Christmas, seceding Krimea to Russia as well as some not mentioned parts in which Russians have dug in.

Now with the successes of the Ukraine forces lately it is not unthinkable for the Ukrainians to refuse such a treaty and stick to their demand to have all Ukrainian territory to be returned to them, including the Krimea. They know that, for the foreseeable future, their supply of weapons and ammo coming from the European and American sides is pretty much guaranteed. They also know that the majority of the world's people are behind them in their struggle.

Much motivation to keep going

Zelynski would have to be stupid not to consider this when deciding to accept any treaty they're offered. Deciding to keep going until they're no longer gaining ground before returning to the negotiation tables must be tempting to them, even if that choice means the loss of life and goods will continue for a while longer.

Then there is the recent struggle I've had dealing with institutionalized assistance gone mad.

Cleaning aid

For a couple of years now I've had assistance in the household management. Due to my deteriorating back there's been a couple of things I'm unable to do myself like mopping floors, clean the toilet and keeping the cabinets clean or the spiderwebs off the web. I've been getting an aid for that, 2,5 hours a week, on and off for the past 2 years. Right near the end of the pandemic measures my aid got sick with non-covid something, then got Covid.

At one point you'd be able to see that things got messier than usual.

Next she had 3 weeks off for vacation and ultimately informed me she'd quit her job. As replacements were few and far between and i am uncomfortable having new strangers come into my home and having to regail them with my story the end result was that for over 2,5 months no cleaning aid had been around to help me.

Mouse invasion.

At the same time the corporation that owns the building had determined we had a mouse problem, and sent over rentokill to get rid of the mouse problem. My house being from 1928 there are a few nooks and crannies more than the average house has and ofcourse that exacerbated the mouse problem.

The guy from rentokill had expressed concerns about the cleanliness of my house to the corpo dude in a mail, who then communicated that with the folks in the municipality that were responsible for the WMO under which the household aid was funded.

Excalated quickly!

Within a week things had escalated into a self sustaining entity that rolled over me before i knew what was happening, let alone think about stopping it. All i was told was that on Wednesday my house would be cleaned thoroughly by a team of professionals after which the mouse problem would be swiftly dealt with and the regular aid would be restarted so we'd all have a fresh start going into the new year.

Well it turns out that somewhere in the interdisciplinary communications the word 'neglect' had snuck in which triggered others into focusing on that word excluding all else, the cleaning became clearing and by the end of that Wednesday my house was almost empty and i experienced despair for the first time in my life. When i realized what had happened my knees buckled and i crumpled to the floor, crying, and didn't move for over two hours.

The had put a container Infront of my house and proceeded to throw away almost everything in it. Bald furniture, empty cabinets and closets and not even a stove to bake an egg on or a pan to do it in.

• My one month old microwave combi, gone.

• My three month old refrigurator, gone.

• My one month old 2 way coffee machine, gone.

• My 4 pit gass stove, 6 months old but almost unused, gone.

• Most of my clothes, gone.

• Most of my bedwear and bathroom stuff, gone.

• My airfryer, one month old, gone.

• So many other things from the cabinets and tables, airlooms (worthless baubles, but from my dead mother and grandfolks), speakers and contents of drawers....

It was all gone. taken in one container straight to the garbage plant where it'll be recycled or burnt.

It was one of the lowest points in my life, and i've had some really low lowpoints you know...

That was more than a month ago and i am still trembling with anger when i think about it, and months and months off from getting anything, if at all, back. I had to spend all the money i could gather, including the BCH i got from read.cash and some of what i was saving up for my son to replace the stuff i can't do without.

The refrigerator, the microwave/combi, the airfryer and coffeemaker were my priority either by choice or by budget, and I've been finally able to get those things now. But as for clothes and the other things they threw away, it will take a while before i can replace them. I have 2 sweaters, one shirt, three jogging pants and 2 towels. That's it, my complete wardrobe.

I have one pair of shoes that fit, and they're way beyond their expected lifetime, way past the time to replace them. But then i order a pair of shoes from Otto, and then nothing. I have paid, ordered and according to the delivery company received my shoes, except i never did receive any shoes. #fuckmylife right?

My health is beginning to... something.

Last but not least I've been feeling like my body is deteriorating at a greater pace lately. I've got wounds on my legs that wont heal, i have had attacks of shortness of breath, and my stamina has evaporated to non-existence. Though going and making an appointment with my doctor is almost impossible. There is always something coming in the way that takes precedent at that moment.

The hardest thing about that is not thinking about my father who'd had the same thing for a couple months and then when he did get to the doctor got told he was too late and would die before the end of the year. (he made it to January 6th, with a middle finger at the universe)

Still making steps forward... right?

Tonight, in about an hour, the mechanic is coming to my house to fix my scooter. Shouldn't cost me more than 50 he said, so i agreed. If that is done i can go to the glasses shop, pearle, to confirm the order for my new glasses, and hopefully won't have to wear sunglasses during the day anymore (my spare glasses are sunglasses... i know, I'm a numbnuts...)

But the way things are going, I'll prolly get a call saying the mechanic is busy or whatever.

So about that writing and posting here.

Sooo, with the above happening the past few weeks the motivation and energy to write just weren't there. And unlike most here i am the kind that writes, edits and approves first, because i want to. Only then i consider posting anything. I'm not one to impose deadlines and quotas on myself to maintain the self delusion of being a pays author. When i want to write i will, If not... well... guess what... i won't.

Hope

Hopefully my muze will comeback to me soon and you'll be annoyed by how much of me you see on the site again.

Thanks for reading this.

Stay safe and stay happy!

@AnonSunamun