For the past several days, I admit I'm not feeling well. I thought July will be a prosperous month on my end but then the opposite happened. There are many events happened that brought too much tears rather than happiness. Overthinking worsen, and definitely, anxiety doesn't leave.
On the first part of this month, everything's going smoothly though there are some glimpse of negativities which I ignored at first. I thought, it's just some sort of simple challenges which I can easily surpass, and I can still be able to make this month better than the previous ones.
But then sad news came...
The puppy whom I took care of and had been adopted by my aunt later on didn't survive and bid her goodbye. As a fur parent, I am torn to think that a healthy puppy before suffered from sickness later on. I don't know exactly what happened why my puppy died when she's in the arms of other people. I admit, I blamed myself at first because I let her to be adopted by my aunt because I didn't want to be perceived as disrespectful if I didn't fulfill their favor.
I overthinked about many what ifs.
What if that puppy stayed here? Will she still be healthy?
What if she survive here at home if she was not adopted in the first place?
But what if it was her fate?
I don't know, but I'm crying in pain because of what happened to her.
Another sad news that made me and my family cried in sadness is when my uncle (whom I mentioned in my previous article and had been struggling since my grandma died) was now in the arms of God as well.
Even if it wasn't unexpected at all since he's already weak because of some complications in his body and because of depression as well, it still hurts knowing that he went through so much agony rather than living his life to the fullest.
That uncle of mine suffered from series of seizures since he was young because he was diagnosed with Epilepsy.
Epilepsy doesn't have cure yet so unfortunately, all throughout his life, he had that disorder. Aside from Epilepsy, he also suffered from hypertension which made him suffered from fainting/collapsing sometimes. He had complete medications before and was taken care of everyday but still he didn't survive. Depression devoured him fully since Grandma died last year. He longed for a mother's love and we all know that he wants to be with her again, even in the afterlife.
Now, both of them are in heaven.
It hurts us knowing that we will never see and hear them laugh again. Painful to think that there will never be a glimpse of them whenever we go to their house. No greetings, no warm hugs. I miss them both so much. They're always here in our hearts.
I thought, that's the end of tragic events. But then one of my remaining puppies died as well. She suffered from organ enlargement which made her suffer and died eventually. Even if she has complete medications and I always include her in my prayers, still she didn't survive.
She died exactly when the earthquake happened few days ago. The day when even me is still so weak because of fever and stomachache. Definitely a worst feeling. I just cried again.
Maybe, what happened this month is just a storm that will subside later on. Even if the pain seems impossible to heal, still hoping for better days that will make things positively again.
For this month, I thought I'll be more active in writing/blogging but I was wrong and I'm sorry for that. Tomorrow will be another month, and I can't even mention an achievement of me this July.
I admit, I failed. I failed to fulfill my goals and be happy. But, this is not the end. There are still many days, weeks, months, and years ahead.
On that note, I'm manifesting about better days ahead. I hope, everything will never be melancholic again but rather a prosperous months for everyone of us here.
First of all, I want to say thank you for leaning your time to read this article. I hope, you gained valuable knowledge from it that may help you in whatever aspect you have there.
Second, thank you for those who are supporting me in my journey here. From my readers, sponsors, and friends, thank you for always being there.
Lastly, I hope we will all have a prosperous day everyday, and a life full of blessings from above. Godbless us all. ❤️
DATE PUBLISHED: July 31, 2022
LEAD IMAGE: Unsplash
OUTRO BANNER: Edited in Canva