BEING THE RIGHT AUDIENCE FOR A DEPRESSED GUEST SPEAKER

In my previous post, I said I was going to talk about "How to be the right audience for a depressed guest speaker"

Yes, It can be very disarming knowing that someone you care about is depressed. Not only does it hurt knowing he/she is hurting it's also frustrating when you try to help and your efforts seem fruitless because you were expecting an immediate result.

Helping someone going through depression isn't an easy task. It requires a lot from you the caretaker and helper. Now I hope you aren't asking why we need to take care of them since it's a whole lot of work?

Because we've established in my previous post that just like malaria and cough, depression is a sickness. And you'll take care of a friend or loved one that's sick right?

Yes, you will.

We also established that one of the reasons people don't open up about depression is because the first time they did it, it was to the wrong audience and they were hurt instead of helped.

That's why we're going to have this walk and I'll show you how to become the right audience for a depressed speaker.

🔸1. Listen

So simple yet in practice, so hard.

Very few people know and practice the art of listening. Listening doesn't just entail sitting and hearing the words coming out of the person's mouth.

It's an exercise in patience. Even when the person isn't saying anything or is yet to say something, you wait-- without pushing and forcing-- for him/her to work the courage to speak out. All you have to do is listen. Giving advice isn't an obligation. Sharing your experience too isn't part of it. You just sit and listen because it's about them and not you.

🔸2. Don't colonize or compare feelings

The worst thing that you can do is compare how you feel/felt to how they do or colonize their problems.

You are not the exclusively single that obtains hopeless.

I deduce how you are discovering, it's an amenity factor.

Earlier days I felt like this, you didn't inevitably anticipate.

Making these statements belittles the condition they are in and you don't want to do that. Whether you understand or not, acknowledge the fact that they are going through a lot.

🔸3. Don't pressurize or force them:

At some point, you might be tempted to say, "Snap out of it." Because you're tired of the fog they seem to carry about.

Don't.

Understand that they aren't there because they want to. Depression comes with a whole lot of lethargy and apathy towards daily activities. You can encourage them, cajole them with love to do something but if they are non-responsive, ease up and try another time.

🔸4. Assert that you're always there for them.

"What do you need me to do?"✅

"I'm always here if you need me."✅

"Have you eaten?"✅

"You want me to stay with you?"✅

Depression makes people feel alone. You can eliminate that by always being around, ready to help with anything he/she wants.

Make certain they comprehend that you are there for them.

That is, your words and action have to agree and conform with each other-- even if that's the first time it's happening.

🔸5. Bring up topics of interest other than the person's mental health

Yes, he/she is depressed. But that's not a defining feature of that person.

There are things/activities that such a person is known for.

He likes to watch football games.💥

She loves Games of Thrones.💥

He loves playing chess.💥

She loves to play dress-up and read magazines. 💥

Find that thing or topic your friend likes. Then together, go through the activity with them. The best gift you can give him/her is to act like you would if they weren't depressed. What I'm saying is, making them feel normal and not less than who they are, goes a long way in combating their depression.

This is because, in the fog of depression, feelings of worthlessness, purposelessness, and inferiority are abundant. Get them to understand that they mean a lot to you as a person and you may just have saved a soul. Lastly, take care of yourself. You don't want to burn out while taking care of someone else. It wouldn't do the both of you good.

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