Sat, August 28, 2021
Disclaimer: This is not written to send and express hate amongst parents.
Supposedly, this article will be published on the last day of August. But there's a sudden change of plan.
One thing I've learned as I grow older is that, doesn't mean a person has an intact family, s/he is happy with it. It's not a fresh-breaking news, is it? For most do know this truth exist, and that no child can alter that but their parents, or none at all.
Having been in an environment where these tyrannical practices are a typical event, I've got to open my mouth to speak.
Comparison. Amongst all, this is a sad and yet became the norm in the family. A family is lacking if you haven't been compared to anyone.
To your neighbors' children
To your own siblings
To your peers
The reasons may be due to your failure and other's achievements. Your poor skills and other's exceptional ones. Your attitude and dependency and other's impressing independency. They see all the bad in you and yet they failed to appreciate the good ones. Does it hurt? When you did good in your exams and when they see it they will cast distaste that may inflict pain in your heart? Why you didn't ace it? If it's the other kid of this particular neighbor of yours, surely s/he will ace it. When you committed a minor mistake or your attitude drive beyond their liking, when you achieve a little, they will ask for more.
This tyranny expressed by your parents becomes the fuse of your uncertainty, self-doubt, low self esteem and even surrounds your heart with deep grudge and neglect. Who cares? Should I change myself? To be like that of their standards?
It is believed, and I do believe that insecurity is first develop in the household. For the worst part, it was due or initiated by your parents. Making you feel lacking or not good enough rather than letting and cheering you up with what you are able to do and achieve lets that lurking insecurities to envelope you. Unknowingly fostering a demon within you.
Favoritism. It may or may not be present in your household. But to some, it is. You will surely notice it. How you are badly or partially treated compared to your other siblings? You may ask questions why? what's wrong with me? There starts your doubt. Similar to being compared to someone, this favoritism build you a wall of doubt. There, starts the creeping journey of your insecurities.
Children should be given with fair love, attention and care. It is easily spotted by children if they are somehow disregarded or treated partially good while the other are given special treatment. (Children with disabilities, and special condition aren't included, this is a different story). When they see that their other siblings are given much attention, there comes the jealousy. And you know what it meant.
Over disciplining. Every parent has the right to discipline their child/ren. They hold the power to shape their children on how they want them to act e.g responsible, independent, resourceful, honest, and respectful. Of course, parents want their child to grow like that. And that aim go extreme that they raise physical violence towards their children.
I can always hear this story about elders having been disciplined by their parents thru that. My dad, my grandparents were raise in that kind of disciplining environment and my neighborhood as well. "Trauma" maybe a good word to cover up the entire concept of someone's behavioral patterns. Quite often, you can sense if someone is mentally stable or partially unstable. No, not in a way to madness but I just can't pin point the main word to describe it.
I've witnessed, as such young age how some of my peers and youngsters have undergone and experienced violence in the arms/hands of their parents.
Whipped using belts, or any hard stick
Hit and slap
That maybe the best examples. For most parents, it's fine to occasionally whip, hit and slap or even starve their children for them to learn their lesson. Even if the mistake is just minor, they will continue with such extreme punishments. Even at the youngest age, some children already experienced such extremities which then affected them, even when they grow older. The fault, maybe, or certainly to the parents. They were upbrought illy, so, their past and fate will be past on to their offsprings.
Children Terrorization. If over disciplining is about physical violence, this one is the extremist and cruelest of all. As it encompasses not just the physical being of a child, but also their mental, social and emotional health. Parents are superior, that's what we obviously believe in and it's ethically valid. But their superior power become so cruel. They are bias and conceited. They believe that everything they do is legally, and is acceptable to be right. Whatever they do to their children is just part of their disciplinary process.
But then, it's bound to break boundaries. They love power. And they perceive that children should be afraid of them, should follow all their orders and should never defy their will. They've turned deaf to unwanted words against their beliefs. The supposedly "respect" was replaced by "fear".
This castigates every child's young heart. When fear is all that surrounds them. What will happen next? Trauma, Low self confidence, and solitude. They live in the room of fear. It's only fear that matters. All their actions should be inline with what their parents want or else, all hell will break loose.
Ending = Unhidden Secrets
Some of you might turn indifferent about this matter. Or that you don't belive these really exist behind your back. I won't force you to believe anyways.
These practices are still living and will be pass on from generation to generation. It's inevitable, anyways. There are two sides of it: The mild and extreme. For some, they want to reduce its effect and that, is a challenge on how to do that.
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Lead image - atlantamagazine
Yung comparison talaga. Feeling ko hindi naman na bago yan sa atin eh. Kaso ang sakit2 parin pag kinukumpara.