I'm pregnant

Published on: October 18, 2021

I knew it was so reckless of me. I never thought...we never thought this would ever happen. This early. I'm too young. I still have so many plans for my life, for my family and he does the same. But now, I don't know what to do, honestly. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost two years now. We're legal from both parents and mom and dad trust me, that I won't act without thinking but look... I'm pregnant. What should I do now?

Three months without having my monthly period. That was my first sign. I was so scared that mom would ask me, for she knew when I would be visited and for sure she has noticed the absence of my monthly visitor. I had to lie. I fabricated a lie. And I was and am so guilty up until today. No, she would surely hate me for lying. What about dad? He would be so disappointed of me. How about my siblings and relatives? Everyone would be disappointed and I can't bear that. Not now.

I told this predicament to him. He became agitated as well upon hearing the possibility. But I was still thankful for he never did left me. Instead, he bought a PT to know whether I was really pregnant and my heart jumped off the highest building when I saw two red lines.

No. Why?...Would it be a sin that I was torn between sadness, horror, happiness and great worry? Doomed. That moment, I know. We know, that I am just kidding. Yes of course I am just kidding. First and foremost, I don't have a boyfriend and never had one before my life began and lastly, I am not planning to drag an innocent people to this kind of life. Nope. #NotNow.

Anyone can relate especially those teens or youngsters with or without lovelife about this "being pregnant" thing and the "pressure" of proving that you won't be like those young girl in your area, your neighbor's daughter or your classmates who got pregnant during this pandemic. Here in my place, there have been more surprise pregnancy of someone I know close to my age. That, further ignites the worry and pressure in me, of my parents sending me constant warning about those things like what the eff? I'm not into it. I don't even have a boyfriend, and I am not planning about that sooner. Either getting a boyfriend or bearing a child. That's really a life changing event. Something not included on my current list, of course.

If you're the same age as me or younger/older, you'll feel the pressure of such thought. And how your parents react, and other people make judgement of you, concluding that you will be eventually get pregnant just like them. That really irritates me. As much as how surprising it is to discover someone's pregnancy, whom I never thought would ever be at such young age, I became more prone to warnings. I became endanger. And here I am, never leaving the house for my safety hahaha. Kidding. But you know? It's annoying on my part. My parents for sure became worried as well, what if? That's their thought. And I can imagine how they will react if I will ever be pregnant so early, proving my hated relative's judgement about me getting pregnant, and absolutely disappointing them.

Dad, would surely hit me. Maybe he would disown me. I know he won't be able to bear that thought let alone a humiliation caused by me. Mom on the other hand, I can't clearly picture what will be her reaction. But I know, both of them will hate me. So, hindi talaga. Hindi ngayon. Maybe when I am financially stable and responsible enough. That's a matter of when. Uhuh.

Lead image from unsplash.com

Thanks for reading!