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@Alifa

Thoughts..

Life is a mess, my friend. It always is. Sometimes, we hide enough tears to smile brightly. And sometimes, the tears overpower and rain down that smile. But both reside within us all the time, the tears and the smile. When someone asks me am I good, am I happy, I always say "Yes, I am good. I am happy." But even then, there is this raging storm within me, sleepy, but there. I am always just a moment away from going back to that darkness, even if I have been just smiling for the last week. You know, it hits you like a storm, this darkness, this sadness, this overpowering memory of something that was dear to you then, and now it's just dead. But even these dead memories breathe somewhere in the scarred corners of your heart. And they come back, they always come back. Maybe, a song will take you back, maybe a picture, maybe a book, maybe a name, or sometimes, maybe even a smell. What I wanna tell you is that you are healing all the time. Even when you are crying, you are healing. Look, healing doesn't come with a progress bar of 73% healed. You will hit zero and a hundred within a minute. It resides within you, all the time. So please don't go all helpless that I can never move on. You can, my friend. And you are moving on. This is all part of the process. This feeling totally lost, giving up on hope, and crying in despair, this all must happen for you to find that smile again. You must accept it that you will cry more. But it doesn't mean that you can't smile and be happy. It's like having a day and night together in one day. You can't choose just light and refuse to believe the darkness. Please don't compare your journey with someone else. If it's taking you longer than others to move on in life, then it's fine because the scars we receive are very personal and intimate. You can't compare your scars with theirs. You can't compare your healing with theirs. And yes, all these people who laugh at you for being a sentimental fool, a depressed soul, a negative person, all these people who share meme all day and laugh at you for sharing a deep post, these people are dying inside too. They cry too. They are broken too. They just hide. They just run away from this acceptance. They think closing their eyes will make it disappear. So please don't think that you are the only one going through hell. We all are going through our own hell, our own prison, our own mess. But we smile, we smile because we want to live. We smile, because we believe that one-day things will get better. No one is lucky here, my friend. And, you are not cursed. Your time will come. Your sun will shine. Your lips will smile. It's just about having a little hope in these hopeless times. Just smile, and let that smile find its reason.

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