The way we feel about each other is completely backwards. All these years, the wrong sort of love has been passing between us.
A few of weeks ago, we all met up for dinner. She constantly had her head down, either staring at her phone or ignoring the people around her. That situation made me a little bit cranky. It baffles me that she can't see how much I value our time together as a couple on Friday and Saturday nights. "How could she have been so blind as to not notice that I sometimes crave alone time with her?"
It really bothered me, and she couldn't figure out why. Despite my best attempts, she still didn't understand what I was saying. For this reason, I've resolved to drop the issue and move on with my life.
A few days later, on a day of extreme laziness, I recalled that moment. Unfortunately, the sink was starting to overflow as a direct result of my incompetence in the dishwashing department.
I didn't think it would be a huge deal. I'll handle it tomorrow.
When my wife came home, she found the sink full with dirty dishes, which irritated her.
It's not a huge issue, I told her, and I'm sorry. "When I get back to my house tomorrow, I'll get right on it."
She tried to explain to me how the dishes reminded her of how much I felt unwanted and undervalued last week when I was unhappy about supper.
If you have dirty dishes, why should you feel unloved? She was the one I questioned.
"So how can me, looking down at my phone for a small second during dinner, make you feel unloved?" she questioned.
In the midst of my thoughts, I glanced across at her and nodded.
At the time, we didn't realize how mistaken we were about how we loved each other. The methods in which we believe we are clearly displaying our love for one another but aren't.
Sometimes, loving someone the way you want to be loved isn't an option. Since each person views love differently.
Ten years had passed since we had last spoken, but now we were finally able to sit down and catch up. How desperately we want to be loved.
The actual results that can be expected.
That doesn't seem necessary.
Feelings at being in this predicament.
Surprisingly, I've found that the best way to make my wife happy is to assist her.
Simple things like being there for her in her time of need and helping her put away the dishes will go a long way.
Consequently, she realized that for me, love is exemplified by the quality of time we share.
I feel most loved and cared for by you when we are together.
We went out to supper, and she paid close, undivided attention to me the entire time.
Have we, all this time, been misloving one another? I looked at her and asked.
After ten years of marriage, my wife and I have finally figured out how to truly love one another.
As soon as I woke up, I made my way to the kitchen to put away the dishes. My wife remarked, "Let's wash them together," and then she grabbed the stereo.
A chance to get to know one another while also lending a hand.
As a group, we're growing better at showing our affection for one another in different ways.
We've been together for ten years, and throughout that time we've figured out how to love each other well.
Simply said, you can't always love someone the way you'd like to be loved.
Despite our vastly divergent definitions of love, we both agree on one thing: We'll make it through this, I'm sure.
Since I know how to love her well, I'm confident that we'll be okay. In a way that she can actually experience it.
For the sake of argument, let's pretend that tonight I'm taking my wife out on a romantic, phone-free date.