How Lack of emotional support from childhood can affect your relationship with people

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2 years ago

There's a lot of things going on around me today that I don't understand but I'm still hoping that things will get better and I don't want to dismiss today as being a bad day yet. We still have many hours to go. Even if today doesn't get better than this, at least I'm happy that is being nice enough to me and after reading some posts from nice Authors here, I've got the energy to put another article together. I hope you enjoy reading it and learn from it as well.


Do you think you suffered from emotional abandonment and lack of emotional attention as a child or teenager? Did this abandonment affect how you react to things and people now as an adult? Have you become too clingy and maybe afraid of losing anyone who shows you the slightest amount of emotional attention?

My Experience

The few times my mother flogged me as a child, I had a habit of using this very line on her. After trashing me in the kids’ room, I will cry and slowly crawl up to the door of her room and then sit on the floor within her hearing distance. Then I’d say;

“Mummy, you have flogged me now and you don’t want to tell me sorry. When I grow up, I won’t take care of you.”

While you may think the above was just the words of a six or seven year old boy, I need to put it in context for you in my own situation. I am the last born and my immediate elder is years ahead of me. In fact I came as an afterthought because no one expected me to be birthed. So somehow, I knew the power of the emotional connection I shared with my mother.

Once I said those words, within a few minutes, she would come out of her room, carry me and cuddle me to sleep with a bottle of Goldspot or Fanta. Sometimes, she may want to form a hard woman and ignore me. From crying, I will sleep off on the floor there and by the time I wake up, I’m lying on her bed; showing she might’ve wanted to leave and saw me there and had a change of heart.

The lesson I learnt from that experience

In the above scenario and some others, she paid attention to my emotional needs, but that didn't stop me from learning the valuable lesson from what happened. Even when I refused to eat with the rest of the family (which I did all the time), she always found a way to address my needs without verbally abusing me. Her actions helped me in building my self esteem.

Effect of emotional abandonment on the society

For some of us, the story is not the same. Some had their parents verbally abuse them, beat them up with pestle and treat them like criminals simply because of a juvenile mistake that could’ve easily been corrected with some spanks and words. Hence society is filled with a lot of emotionally broken men and women in positions of authority who know how to process work related matters but know nothing about their emotions.

What you Should Know

If you suffered from any form of emotional abuse or abandonment, it is not your fault. Your parents and people in your life could’ve done better but they didn’t. Now that you’re an adult, I invite you to take up this herculean task of learning how to manage your emotions and be in charge. Learn to communicate your feelings without using words that could jeopardize your chances of making up with the person if you’re hurt.

If someone is being nice to you, it does not always translate to a desire for a romantic relationship. For someone like me, I like to treat my female friends specially. So whenever I’m to see any of them, I get them gifts either in cash or items. I do this because I believe I should get a gift for someone who is my friend, not because I have any special interest. But someone who suffered from a great deal of emotional abandonment may begin to read meaning into those actions, even without the giver saying anything. Then hopes begin to rise for no reason and by the time you realize this person was just being friendly, you feel hurt and believe they ignored your "green light".

Always keep in mind that when it comes to emotions, expression in actions and words trump feelings. There is no room for assumptions when it comes to emotions so if one is not expressly saying something, don’t assume it. At best, use one of the tools of emotional connection; ask questions.

Learn to appreciate, understand and help the kids in your life to grow emotionally. Also learn on your own to forgive yourself when you make emotional mistakes. Always remember when it comes to emotions, one is never really sure of everything. We learn as we grow.

I'm not an expert in any field yet but due to the fact that I'm human, I'm able to write something like this. Maybe in the nearest future I might write about Dentistry (when I've known much about dentistry or probably become a certified dentist) and other health related issues. I also have skills I would love to write about like computer repair which I learnt during the lock down.

Let's say that; the journey ahead Will be fun!

Thanks for reading this one and hope to see you soon with another one.

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Avatar for Agada
Written by
2 years ago