Twenties: The Adult life begins!
Before I start this one today, I would love to wish all my happy readers a very Happy Sunday! I was in church today and the service was awesome. The man of God talked about many things, he deliberated on many issues basically having to do with adults and the adult life. One of the things he talked about that really touched me was the topic of financial strategy and investment. After hearing all he had to say, I really do not know if I should be scared for my future or I should just take it off my mind and continue building on the little I'm already on. That's by the way and thanks to that, I have a topic to share with you today.
The Stage of my life
I'm at a stage of my life right now where even if no one is pressuring me, the pressure keeps mounting on it's own. I feel like I should have made a lot of money already and be able to take care of myself and few others; that is the case of finance. I also feel like I should have a lover already to share my frustrations and joy with; that is the case of relationship. I also feel like I should have an office already where people come to me and their problems get solved (Dental and other health related problems); and that is the case of career. You want to know this stage that I am? I'm in my twenties!
Life at Twenties
If you are in your twenties or have passed your twenties, you must’ve noticed life moved really fast from 21 to 30 than it actually moved from 15 to 18 year old.
When I was fifteen, I just couldn’t wait to turn eighteen. Days crawled on forever and I thought I would never reach this eighteen which held promises of freedom, leaving home, getting into university and probably doing every adult thing I ever had in mind to do.
I never knew when eighteen came and before I stopped to take note, I am in my early twenties and within the last 4 years of being there. And how I got here so fast, I simply have no idea. Perhaps I'm not the only one feeling this way and that is why I am sharing this piece with you today.
A lot of life changing events and decisions happen in our twenties and this is why time moves really fast. We get into school, some become apprentices, change cities, fall in and out of love, start up stuff and all along the way, our emotions and mindset is going through very deep changes. Oftentimes, this makes us scared, uncomfortable and afraid of the future.
This is why we worry so much and given the presence of social media and how some of us use it, you can now understand why it seems our generation is worse off in some way. You can read my article titled '**The Social Media Circle' here.** https://read.cash/@Agada/the-social-media-circle-48c6c44d
To be honest, I am not using my twenties to make many long term friends. I am making a handful of long term friends, but not too much. By nature of what I do, I encounter thousands of people annually and I don’t try to befriend them. I try to make one thing clear to all; when you think about Me, it won’t be difficult for you to know what I stand for and the ideals I am willing to uphold. I believe twenties is the perfect time to make many temporary people we meet along our way, see us for who we really are and the noble ideals we are willing to uphold. If it makes sense to them, they will always come back in the future and say, “You are an upright person and I need you to do this for me”.
In your twenties and maybe early thirties (I’m not there yet anyway), your heart will go through lots of challenges because of broken promises in business, love and career.
Those who promised to be there for you may not always come through because life might be tough for them in some way and they may not want to tell you about it. You will slowly begin to understand that being an adult means understanding that sadly, life isn’t always to be seen in white and black.
You will fail and fall many times but never give up. Take your time to refresh if need be but don’t give up entirely. Like myself, love dealt me a heavy blow years ago when my trust was broken. I have stayed away from falling in love for a while but I know someday, I sure will fall in love again and when the time comes, I’ll welcome it with open arms. And hopefully by then, I must’ve healed well and be able to trust again.
As you grow quickly and understand who you are, keep in mind that others around you are going through a similar process. Do not ask of another, that which you know would be hard for you to do if you were in their position.
**So here is a take home for you today; life is in stages and as you reach each one, I hope you will be equipped to face it.**
Thanks for taking your time to read up to this stage. If you're still curious enough to know who this guy saying so many things is, then read my **introductory post here.** Hope it gives you a little information about me. https://read.cash/@Agada/an-honest-and-inspiring-introduction-b35ee484
Hope to see you soon!
@Agada
How Lack of emotional support from childhood can affect your relationship with people
*There's a lot of things going on around me today that I don't understand but I'm still hoping that things will get better and I don't want to dismiss today as being a bad day yet. We still have many hours to go. Even if today doesn't get better than this, at least I'm happy that read.cash is being nice enough to me and after reading some posts from nice Authors here, I've got the energy to put another article together. I hope you enjoy reading it and learn from it as well.*
______________________
Do you think you suffered from emotional abandonment and lack of emotional attention as a child or teenager? Did this abandonment affect how you react to things and people now as an adult? Have you become too clingy and maybe afraid of losing anyone who shows you the slightest amount of emotional attention?
My Experience
The few times my mother flogged me as a child, I had a habit of using this very line on her. After trashing me in the kids’ room, I will cry and slowly crawl up to the door of her room and then sit on the floor within her hearing distance. Then I’d say;
“Mummy, you have flogged me now and you don’t want to tell me sorry. When I grow up, I won’t take care of you.”
While you may think the above was just the words of a six or seven year old boy, I need to put it in context for you in my own situation. I am the last born and my immediate elder is years ahead of me. In fact I came as an afterthought because no one expected me to be birthed. So somehow, I knew the power of the emotional connection I shared with my mother.
Once I said those words, within a few minutes, she would come out of her room, carry me and cuddle me to sleep with a bottle of Goldspot or Fanta. Sometimes, she may want to form a hard woman and ignore me. From crying, I will sleep off on the floor there and by the time I wake up, I’m lying on her bed; showing she might’ve wanted to leave and saw me there and had a change of heart.
The lesson I learnt from that experience
In the above scenario and some others, she paid attention to my emotional needs, but that didn't stop me from learning the valuable lesson from what happened. Even when I refused to eat with the rest of the family (which I did all the time), she always found a way to address my needs without verbally abusing me. Her actions helped me in building my self esteem.
Effect of emotional abandonment on the society
For some of us, the story is not the same. Some had their parents verbally abuse them, beat them up with pestle and treat them like criminals simply because of a juvenile mistake that could’ve easily been corrected with some spanks and words. Hence society is filled with a lot of emotionally broken men and women in positions of authority who know how to process work related matters but know nothing about their emotions.
What you Should Know
If you suffered from any form of emotional abuse or abandonment, it is not your fault. Your parents and people in your life could’ve done better but they didn’t. Now that you’re an adult, I invite you to take up this herculean task of learning how to manage your emotions and be in charge. Learn to communicate your feelings without using words that could jeopardize your chances of making up with the person if you’re hurt.
If someone is being nice to you, it does not always translate to a desire for a romantic relationship. For someone like me, I like to treat my female friends specially. So whenever I’m to see any of them, I get them gifts either in cash or items. I do this because I believe I should get a gift for someone who is my friend, not because I have any special interest. But someone who suffered from a great deal of emotional abandonment may begin to read meaning into those actions, even without the giver saying anything. Then hopes begin to rise for no reason and by the time you realize this person was just being friendly, you feel hurt and believe they ignored your "green light".
Always keep in mind that when it comes to emotions, expression in actions and words trump feelings. There is no room for assumptions when it comes to emotions so if one is not expressly saying something, don’t assume it. At best, use one of the tools of emotional connection; ask questions.
Learn to appreciate, understand and help the kids in your life to grow emotionally. Also learn on your own to forgive yourself when you make emotional mistakes. Always remember when it comes to emotions, one is never really sure of everything. We learn as we grow.
I'm not an expert in any field yet but due to the fact that I'm human, I'm able to write something like this. Maybe in the nearest future I might write about Dentistry (when I've known much about dentistry or probably become a certified dentist) and other health related issues. I also have skills I would love to write about like computer repair which I learnt during the lock down.
Let's say that; the journey ahead Will be fun!
Thanks for reading this one and hope to see you soon with another one.
Like and contribute if you find it worthy.
The Social Media circle
Today is awesomely going well for me. I'm just sitting in my room busy with my phone as always. It's something that has almost become a routine for me since I was forced out of school in early 2020. I'm always online searching for lots of things, discovering opportunities and eagerly looking out for something that will help me in achieving my goals and future expectations. This was how I discovered crypto and it's associated earning platforms and since then, I can't do without them.
I used to be a social media addict even before entering into Dental School. That addiction was sharply removed from my life immediately I was faced with the academic stress in school. I became resistant to social media or should I say social media became resistant to me. Lol.
But little did I know that this addition was not actually removed but was only suppressed. It was reawakened again during lockdown. But thank goodness, there is a huge difference between this current addition and the one I used to experience before starting school. The difference is in the fact that I earn from my engagements now since I'm only addicted to blockchain social media and not Facebook or Twitter where I used to spend the whole day chatting, reacting to posts, leaving comments on posts and even posting unrealistic stuffs myself without receiving even a cent for my activities. I guess, crypto came into my life to offer me both financial freedom and freedom from social media slavery.
Don't get me wrong, I still use those social media platforms I mentioned above but I'm no longer addicted to them. That is the point.
Life on Social Media (Fantasy)
Social media generation Ask them why they want to fall in love and you will hear, "All my friends are dating."
Why do you want a bridal shower when you can't afford it? "Because all my friends did it and I don't want to be seen as poor."
People easily get Carried away with what they see. Some people are also on social media eagerly determined to influence gullible and ignorant minds negatively. Sadly, the targets often fall for this and sometimes end up in ruin if they're not rescued at the right time.
Because a friend posted a picture he took while posing close to a nice looking car does not mean he is the owner of that car. There are many means to get a car and pose with, one of the easiest being to locate any care in your street or estate and take pictures by it. But most people fail to understand this simple trick and thereby engrave themselves with emotional distress. They feel like they're failure already, a mindset that can jeopardize your bright future. It will make you see no reason to try because you believe you are a failure already.
***Two things to keep away from social media at all times; who you're dating and what you earn.***
People post everything about themselves without a reservation. You cannot tell who is your enemy and by revealing some things that are supposed to be secrets in your life, you make yourself more vulnerable to your enemies' attacks. No one is without enemy in this world unless you are not born.
Relationships on social media
It can end positively or negatively depending on your approach.
As for those seeking for wife or husband on Social Media, may you find a good one. Good people are still available on social media. I'm not one anyway, but I've seen people link up and start something nice.
Use your real names, add your state of origin in your profile as some people check that out and input correct details about your state of residence.
Make your profile easy to understand and more realistic. You can't be leaving in Lagos, Nigeria and be working in New York. That is a blatant lie and anyone that sees that will just wave you off.
Once in a while, upload your picture and also write original post. Don't allow your timeline to be dumping ground for every sort of shared posts. And turn on your settings so that when you're tagged in a post, you can review it before it appears on your timeline.
***Those are just piece of advice and not a standard for getting a companion from social media.***
In the meantime, I will just be spending major part of my days on social media that rewards me for my activities. I'm actively present on noise.cash as Rancher. Also on Uptrennd and here on read.cash.
`I haven't been noticed by` @TheRandomRewarder `bot to receive Upvote s on my previous posts here yet, maybe because I'm still new but I still believe I will start earning soon.`
Thanks for reading and have a great day.
@Agada
How I wish to just wake up and discovered that @TheRandomRewarder has noticed my writing and Upvoted my 2 articles.
What a wonderful day it would be for me🤗
But it's just a wish though 😔
@Agada