Toxic Relationship Most People Think Are Normal

Many unhealthy relationship practices have been ingrained in our culture, and we have come to accept them as normal. These are just a few of the worst.

As we struggle through an already complicated dating scene, we've had a string of harmful relationships.

One of the issues is that our culture has a lot of unhealthy relationship practices. We idolize romantic love—you know, the crazy, illogical kind that finds it lovely to break porcelain plates on the wall in a fit of tears. We mock practicalities and sexualities that are out of the ordinary.

Men and women are pushed to objectify themselves and their love relationships. As a result, our relationships are frequently viewed as achievements or trophies rather than as people with whom we may enjoy reciprocal emotional support.

A lot of self-help literature is also useless. And, for the most part, our parents were not the best role models.

What Does It Mean to Have a Toxic Relationship?

Many of us start the dating world unaware that many of our relationship ideals are toxic to begin with. Let's start by defining what a toxic relationship is:

When one or both people prioritize love over the three essential components of a good relationship: respect, trust, and affection, a toxic relationship develops.

This may seem counterintuitive to some, but love should not be the sole reason for staying in a relationship, because it can distort our judgment in these other crucial areas.

You'll tolerate being treated like a doormat if you value the love you receive from a relationship over the respect you receive. You'll tolerate lying and infidelity if you emphasize love over trust in your relationship. You'll accept a chilly and distant relationship if you put love over tenderness in your relationship.

We accept terrible relationships for a variety of reasons, including low self-esteem, a lack of self-awareness, a lack of emotional control, and so on. However, all this accomplishes is to establish a superficial, mentally unstable, and sometimes abusive relationship.

Some Signs of a Toxic Relationship You May Not Recognize

Toxic relationships can take many various shapes, but I've discovered a number of warning symptoms of toxic relationships that many individuals either ignore or, worse, mistake for healthy signs.

Below are six of the most prevalent relationship habits that many couples believe are healthy and normal, but which are actually toxic behaviors that hurt what you value.

1. Scorecard for Relationships

What is it, exactly?

When someone you're dating continues to blame you for prior mistakes, this is known as the "keeping score" problem. If both persons in the relationship do this, the partnership devolves into a contest to see who has screwed up the more over the months or years, and thus who is most indebted to the other, which I call "the relationship scorecard."

Why It's Toxic:

The relationship scorecard is a suckage double-whammy. You're not only redirecting attention away from the current problem by focusing on past wrongs, but you're also conjuring up guilt and bitterness from the past to make your partner feel horrible in the present.

2. Getting Rid of "Hints" and Other Passive-Aggression Techniques

What is it, exactly?

: Rather than addressing anything directly and out loud, one partner tries to guide the other in the proper way. Rather than mentioning what's bothering you, you find minor and petty methods to irritate your partner so that you'll feel justified in complaining to them.

Why Is It Toxic: It demonstrates that you and your partner are uncomfortable communicating openly and effectively. If a person feels safe expressing anger or insecurity in a relationship, there is no reason to be passive-aggressive. If a person believes they will not be condemned or chastised for being honest, they will never feel the need to drop "hints."

3. Taking the Relationship as a Prisoner

What is it, exactly?

: When one person has a basic complaint or criticism and blackmails the other by threatening the relationship's commitment as a whole. If someone thinks you've been cold to them on occasion, instead of stating, "I think you've been chilly on sometimes," they'll say, "I can't date someone who is cold to me all of the time."

How to Change a Toxic Relationship to a Healthy One

It's not easy to go from a poisonous relationship to a healthy one. I'll be honest with you: most people won't be able to achieve it. BUT—there is a potential that things will improve. You've got your job cut out for you, but if you can perform the following three things, you'll be fine:

• BOTH spouses are willing to adapt to new situations.

• BOTH spouses acknowledge a lack of affection, trust, and respect and are willing to work on it.

• BOTH parties can speak in a healthy manner without blaming or judging the other.

Fixing a toxic relationship isn't easy, but then again, most worthwhile endeavors aren't. You may choose to stop the relationship at any time, which is fine; however, if you're both ready to work on it, it'll be worth the effort, the difficult conversations, and yes, even the suffering.