How Stressed affects our Behaviour

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Its almost christmas time, but still problems can't stop from coming and testing how strong we are to fight it.

Actually, I am talking about myself here, its been weeks that I feel so stressed and am thankful to noise.cash and read.cash that atleast I have those virtual friends which I can talk too, and I can divert my feelings for a while while posting and exploring somethings in both platforms.

What stressed me and how it affects my behaviour.

I know some of you know why I feel stressed, and one of that is my partner who is a drunkard, tho he did not beat me but still it stressed me out, Imagine he works 8hours in a day for 6days and after work he still with them and during sunday he still with them? Its ok if she dont like me, but I am pointing here is just give time to his family especialy with our baby, Adrielle is growing up smart and she is asking now about her tatay. Like the other day the scenario is like this.

Her tatay(father)came home after work and he went to the comfort room to clean and then change. When he came out from his room Adrielle is there waiting and ask her like these:"aalak ka na naman tatay?"(are you going to drunk again tatay). Nope, I will fix something outside, he replied, huhuweteng ka?(are you betting in a lottery)?Adrielle follow up question.

After that she just kissed Adrielle and he went out, and Adrielle keep asking me, where is her tatay, coz its almost an hour after he left, so I have no choice but to tell her the truth, that her tatay is with his friends again drinking alcohol. So Adrielle just play with her toys and until we go to bed she did not saw her tatay.

Our life everyday is like these, so this is one reason why I am stressed that sometime I get mad if Adrielle is keep asking me about her tatay, I know she is too young but sometimes I cant control myself so I ended up scolding her for keep looking for her tatay, ndi pa sya nasanay nasasabi ko minsan sa knya😌.

The next thing that stressed me out is my brother, who lives with my mom, I dont know what is happening to him, he is in-debted with many people and he is not even paying so they are telling my mom about those things and my mom is so affected. We dont even know where did he used the money, but thier main suspect is the online sabong, and as much as I want to help him coz I feel pity for him but when my mom chatted me that he is always on the sugalan and go home around 2am, naiinis ako. How will you help that kind of attitude, wla ng pera and yet nagsusugal pa kahit pa piso or dos lng still sugal pa rin at naglalabas ka ng pera.

I feel sorry for my mom, coz she can't sleep well every night because of him, nag-aalala sya kung asan, even you advise her na pabayaan sya still she can't, sometimes she walk out at 2am just to look for my brother, ganun sya mag-alala kahit napapabyaan na sarili nya. Nakakainis na wla akong magawa, at the same time I have my own problem too na ndi ko ma-open sa knila kasi ayokong idagdag pa ako sa iniisip nila.

But sometimes my stressed is uncontrolable anymore that when Adrielle is in her tantrums, napupunta sa knya ung inis ko, and I am very sorry for her, I know she dont deserve that, but it added stressed to me.

Yes I admit Im a bad mom, sometimes I am thinking that I should get loss or tumakas sa mundo, pero ndi ko din naman magawa, ewan ba. Cguro ganito ung pakiramdam if wala kng mapaglabasan ng mga agam agam mo sa buhay, ang hirap masakit sa dibdib, ndi ka makatulog ng maayos gabi gabi.

Kaya minsan nagfofocus na lng ako sa noise para nalilibang ako marami akong nakakausap, marami akong nakikita na positive vibes at ganun din ako nagshare na lng ako ng mga positive vibes para ndi ko naiisip ang mga nagpapastresssed sa akin.

This is it. Sorry for my rants gusto ko lng din ilabas ung mga nararamdaman ko this past few days bka kasi masira na ang ulo ko eh.,and thank you to all of you noise.cash and read.cash members kasi kahit papano na-share ko ang mga stressed ko.

Thank you for reading!

God Bless Us All !

🌹Annie Marie🌹

2021.12.10