I'm in my 50's now, on the other side of Youth.
Less time in front than behind, to some that's a good thing.
Never married, no kids that I know of...
I often wonder about the Loves and Lovers I have had the joy of knowing, the "What if's" that haunt me.
...
I wonder if this is everyone as they age. To look back and wonder.
I had several chances to have been the happy family man, but somehow it didn't work out.
There's the one that got away and the ones I had to escape from...for whatever reason, I remained single.
I write letters, in my mind, to them. Hoping they're still alive and happy. Just to say "I am sorry", for whatever may have happened. As if to step back in time and tell them then.
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I have been Very Lucky in my life, I started as an entertainer, went to real work for 12 years, came home and jumped right back into it.
1 Song, "Bump: Cool Breeze Remix" released only in Germany was enough to pay my bills for a long time.
Lucky...no other word can define my life.
Unlucky in Love, some might say. Alone without kids or a spouse. I don't see it that way, It just didn't work out. That's how life is, things go wrong. The only question is, how do we move forward?
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My point being...Everyone falls and everyone sees you when you fall. It is how we get back up that defines us, both in their eyes and to ourselves.
For my part I refused to allow failure...sure we can say that's what got the deal(s) done, but it was also at the cost of the ladies in my life. The time I spent working was the time they didn't see me...
Only 2 times that I can recall was it myself that broke things off, it was always them. From their point of view, deserved so. They have a right to be happy and I was AWOL (Absent with out Love)
I refused failure, in doing so I failed them.
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I wonder what ever happened, who, how, when, where, why.
I have no way of contacting them, even if I could, what do you say? "Hey, Remember Me"...total Dorktown.
No, it's best to let them have whatever happiness they could find.
See, There is no Rewind or Reset in life, you have to drink it straight without a chaser.
...
So, here at the tattered end we find the ship still floats but not for long. Will it get me there?
Or, will I just know that I did my best?
I don't feel for me, I know they deserved better, I just hope they got it.
It's sad in a way, but we only have so much time, and sometimes that time has to be spent on things that payoff in this lifetime.
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Here's to you that I remember, I do miss all of you and I'll love you Forever and a day
:Excerpt of poem "Forever and a day".
..."The beautiful youth that once was us
Has passed like sand or turned to dust.
The Beautiful you that filled the room
The dashing me that fell consumed
Into the You that I once Knew
As we lived as lovers under the moon."
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I am J1, find me on GAB.com, @AcidBrainWash
