Hello there! How's your day? It's me again Zzhie. I hope everyone's well and okay.
So yes, I would like to share my first married life challenge. If you haven't read my first article, please read it po para maka relate kayo.
As you know I got married when I was just 18 years old, and I didn't go to college because of that. Whether we admit it or not, we sometimes judge a person based on what we see. So yeah, let me start my story at that point.
All my classmates are preparing for their first experience in college except for me. It was such a heavy burden for me to take and hide it from everybody especially to my parents. On the other hand, it was like my own parents gave that heartache and I was blaming my parents for that because they like somewhat arranged us for that marriage.
They made their decisions without considering my opinion. That was my future, don't I have the right to also chose what path I should take?
I cried every night whenever I remember that I have to look for a job because I'm not going to college. But are there any, willing to accept a person like me, not just a lady who just graduated senior highschool but also who doesn't have any work experience at all?
Thinking about it every time is killing me softly because all of my plans in life just disappeared all of a sudden. I can't go to college, I can't see nor meet my friends and I can't experience college life. Every time my friends ask me why I can't go to college though I passed for the scholarship program, I couldn't answer them perfectly I always stutter, and then little did I know my tears are falling down on my cheeks. But there's nothing I can do about it. It's my parent's choice and I have to go for it.
I can still remember the day when we were still working with my husband and we talked about going to school and then all of a sudden I cried out loud. And I always feel bad whenever I cry in front of my husband because I know it also hurts him a lot seeing me cry. And I didn't know that every time he sees me cry, he is blaming himself, not because we got married early as 18 but because he feels bad for me that I couldn't go to college and I have to experience that kind of hardship. I have to take all the burden in secret for my parents. I am scared that the time they got to know that the choice they made is a mistake that makes me suffer and weak. And maybe because my husband always feels the pain every time I cry, he decided to take me on a journey. My husband's family is very fortunate (ndi sa pagyayabang hehe) so if we have free time we always take the opportunity to visit my hometown and take a 4-hour motorcycle trip with his friends and cousins. And I'm very thankful for that because it really helps me not to go crazy overthinking all those problems that I have. It helps me restore the energy I've been waiting for that just one problem. It makes me show myself not just pretending to be okay.
So because I still don't have work at that time, my mother-in-law told us to have a grocery store business and we said yes, of course. With their help, we had that grocery store. Even though we married at a really young age, I was still very grateful because my in-laws are so good to me. They helped us to have our own business and they always guide us as we explore the world of business and that is what really matters to me.
And yes to end this article, to accept that I didn't go to college was my first ever hard experience. I have been planning all my life that I should study hard so that I would go to college and look for a good job after I graduated in college. But none of that happened because I still didn't go to college yet but the decision was made that I'm going to marry and forget about school. Also to forgive my parents for what they've done is kinda still hard to accept on my part. But I was praying and still praying that someday I would forgive them. It is really hard to say you already forgave them but still had a hard feeling towards them. I swear I really wanted to forgave them and focused on the bright side but I just really can't. But yeah maybe someday.
In exchange for happiness, learn to speak for yourself. Don't let others decide for your own good, because that's your future. In change for your dreams to come true, try to avoid getting in a relationship if you can. In change for the fulfillment of joy, learn to forgive your loved ones who hurt us once. But never say you forgave them if you still don't.
So that's it. Let me end it here first, I will make another article for the first trial we've encountered as a 18-year old couple. Have a great day.
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Adios!!