Wouldn't it be great if we could learn how to be better parents without yelling? Actually, doesn't the yelling kind of ruin things? Today, I've got five particular recommendations for you. I believe you will enjoy this. Metacognition is one of my favorite things for parents to learn. Metacognition is a coined term. In psychology, we make up terms to make ourselves feel smart. On a scale of one to ten, cognition is at this level. Cognition is the act of thinking. Metacognition is the next step forward. It's ruminating on ruminating on ruminating on rumin And did you notice that you have the ability to do so? Take care with it. It'll irritate you to no end. However, you should be aware that you have the ability to reflect on your own thoughts.
Why are you yelling while we're in this metacognitive state? Consider things from that perspective. Why are you yelling so loudly? What exactly is it inside of you that makes you yell? As your knowledge of it grows, so does your ability to regulate it. Most of the time, yelling is a result of irritation or anger, but it can also be a simple habit. It's what we've been taught and educated to do our entire lives. Perhaps our own parents. I'm not sure. Take a moment to connect with why you're yelling, whatever it is for you. Are your hopes and expectations being shattered? Is this kid acting in a way that he shouldn't? Is there something she should be paying attention to but she isn't? What exactly is it?
Be clear about what you control and what you don't control.
When you think about it, you'll realize that most of the things you're ranting about aren't under your control. Is this something you can relate to? You have little influence over the majority of the things you rage over. Because if you have control over it, you have complete control over it. You wouldn't have to scream about it either. Most likely, you're attempting to change something that is beyond your control. That's a formula for annoyance. There are numerous options available to you. We want to make sure that whatever you do is completely under your control. That will reduce your frustration level and make it less likely that you will feel compelled to yell.
Focus on maintaining a calm voice, a calm face and a calm body.
When you're in that position as a parent, you can solve anything. There are numerous reasons for my confidence in this statement. It alters your mindset and provides you with the resources you'll need to be creative and consider what you might be able to accomplish. A calm voice, a calm face, and a tranquil body are all signs of a peaceful mind. Is that clear?
Remember that children always have choices. Always.
At the very least, they have the option of operating or not operating. They have the option of selecting those items. Try this method if you're a parent. Give them two options. I know, there's always door number three. However, you're providing them two options. You're fine with both of them. You have control over one of them. That's why we started with the control aspect. You have two options; you're fine with both, and you have control over one of them. So here's an example. Let's pretend your first-grader is getting ready for the school day. That sort of thing happens from time to time. Your first-grader, on the other hand, is dragging her feet. She prefers to play with her toys rather than get ready for school. There are two options. I'm fine with both of them, and I'm in charge of one of them. "Sweetie, you have the option of getting dressed and ready on your own or I can assist you right now." Alright. Isn't it clear that I'm fine with both of them? Is it acceptable with me if she dresses herself? Yes, that's correct. Is it okay if I assist her in getting dressed? I am, in fact, doing so. If you're not comfortable with it, don't make it a choice. I'm fine with either. Which one am I in charge of? It's the one when I help her. What if she picks door number three? No, I prefer that you continue to play with my toys. As a result, the one I manage becomes the default. I also don't have to yell because I'm in charge. As I walk over to her, I begin assisting her in getting dressed.
Let's have a look at another simple example. Perhaps with an adolescent. Let's imagine your 13-year-old is responsible for rubbish collection. That'll be his task for the week. He, on the other hand, refuses to take out the trash. Isn't it true that he wants to keep playing his video game? There are two options. "You can either take out the rubbish yourself or get me to do it for you. In any case, I'm comfortable with it." Okay, both are fine with me. Is it good with you if he doesn't do it on his own? Absolutely. That's exactly what I had in mind. Is it okay if he hires me to do it? That's fine as well. This raises certain questions, which we can address in a separate video if you choose. What if he opts for that? Then I walk out and gladly take out the trash because he paid me to do it at my rates. I have a high fee structure. My kids don't hire me to do their tasks as much as they used to because they tried it themselves. What's the best way for me to get that? That's probably a subject for a future video. There are two options. I'm fine with both of them, and I'm in charge of one of them. If they try to select door number 3, that one becomes the default. This puts you in a better control position, so you won't feel compelled to holler. You've figured it out.
Separate the emotion from the discipline.
As a result, the discipline becomes all business. There is no emotional connection. You have the option of doing this or that. I'm fine with either scenario. You make the decision. When their parents smile, their children are thinking. If you're in a bad mood, you should do this right now. They'll know they've got you when that happens. If you become emotionally invested in the discipline, it generates a response in their head... I don't know, maybe it's a false sense of control. "Wow, I'm only eight years old and I can make a large person lose all control," for example. Yes, it's a phony power grab. When you remove the emotion from punishment and it becomes all business, you gain authority as a parent. It also protects your child. Children are well aware that without us, they are doomed. They are aware of the situation. Even in the mentality of a five-year-old. The kids were debating, "Oh, wow, I'm glad I brought Mom and Dad here. I'd be in a lot of trouble if they vanished." They are well aware of this. They may not express it to you, but they are aware of it. As a result, you provide them with a firm, stable presence that is free of emotion and discipline. Incorporate emotion into your interaction.
Remember your job
What are your responsibilities as a parent? It's to love them no matter what and even if they don't deserve it. It is not your responsibility to ensure that they complete their chores. It is not your responsibility to ensure that they are content. It is not your responsibility to ensure that they are productive members of society. That is beyond your control. Yes, we'll do everything we can to ensure that our children have access to all of these resources. At the end of the day, your job is to love them no matter what. Even if they neglect to complete their schoolwork. Even if they aren't contributing members of society, even if they despise you. It is still your responsibility to love them no matter what. That undoubtedly gives your heart and mind a sigh of relief. That undoubtedly gives your heart and mind a sigh of relief. Because you know you're capable of it.
You may ease off on the ranting now that you're relieved and certain that you've landed your dream job. You're already doing a fantastic job. You're a kind, generous, and caring parent. Your job is to love them no matter what. Parenting is a difficult task.
Well, sometimes we can't avoid yelling at our children especially if their naughtiness is too much