Replace self-promises with self-compassion

Making a promise means declaring that you will do something. How important is it for you to make and keep promises to your spouse, friend, boss, colleague, mother, father? Have you ever thought about it?

For most of us, keeping a promise reflects values such as reliability, honesty and integrity. These values, which are glorified by society, are also passed on to the other party as care, attention and love. As such, making a promise feels like a weight, even a burden, sitting on your shoulders.

But do you ever make promises to yourself?

I asked one of the young people I work with the other day. "No", he said. "I don't make promises to myself."

Interesting... Because I make many promises to myself every day.

I couldn't help thinking, "What's it like?"

Coincidentally, while I was browsing social media, I came across a video by Sadghuru, whom I love very much. "There is no such thing as making a promise to yourself," says the famous guru: "A promise is an unwritten agreement between you and another person. Mutual promises serve as a signature. So you don't back out the next day or week. You are responsible for what you promise.

So why do I make promises to myself as if I were someone else?

Promises help me reach my goals and make me more confident. Promise... Agreement... Commitment... Determination... Commitment...

I'm gonna get down to that weight.

I won't let him treat me like this.

I'm gonna quit smoking.

I'm gonna get a new job.

I'm not going to eat gluten.

I'm going to sit in meditation every day.

I will start practicing yoga.

When I make a promise to someone else, my determination drives me: You keep your promises to everyone else, why don't you keep your promises to yourself?

But it doesn't work like that.

Who will know if I don't keep my promise to myself, if I break the deal?

Myself...

How committed am I to my decision?

What am I promising to whom?

If I keep my promise or break it, I am only responsible for myself.

There is no one to be upset or offended!

After all, there is only me inside me. That's it...

I think I'll be okay...

This mindset facilitates sabotaging behavior, and broken commitments negatively affect my self-belief and confidence. How important it is to believe and trust in yourself to succeed! Once you break a promise, "OK" says your inner voice, "you'll never amount to anything... Make promises, make promises, then break them."

And then there are those of us who never break our promises; there are those who are captive to their promises without ever hearing or noticing their body and its needs. They are tiring, uncaring, demanding, harsh. Their inner voice is: "I am paying some kind of price for my promises", "If I stretch, I may not be able to continue with the same commitment and determination again", convincing and keeping on track.

If you notice, in both cases, the relationship we establish with ourselves determines our direction. If this relationship is based on satisfaction, we are already on the road, but it is very easy for it to turn into an impulsive or uncaring relationship.

This is the secret to happiness, inner peace and success. If you believe in yourself, in what you can do, you CAN DO IT! So do we need words? Believe me, it is enough to take care to be aware and conscious of the moment. Mindfulness practices are very effective in regulating one's relationship with oneself and the outside world. All the promises we make are an indication that we are trying to be happy, successful and peaceful.

But what about the ones we miss?

Your desires when you make a promise and your desires when you break a promise are contradictory. It is important to look at that contradiction. Finding the real need and making conscious choices in that direction. One new choice at a time.

You can make choices that support you or choices that hold you back...

They are all yours.

Supportive choices as well as unsupportive ones bring awareness.

There are lessons to be learned, messages about the needs of the moment.

Approaching yourself with compassion, being able to approach yourself is true self-satisfaction.

That compassion is transformative.

Compassion is the state of being able to embrace the part of you that made that choice.

Compassion doesn't have to be cottony, fluffy, enveloping.

It can sometimes be "hard" to support you.

I am putting an end to words.

To make room for conscious aware choices.

To not be a slave to my words.

To be able to hear my needs and desires.

To take responsibility for my choices.

No more promises!