Hegyat: Circumcision
For years and years circumcision of men, I mean boys had been observed and existed since time immemorial. Even when the time where men knew nothing of religion and was only passed by on them thru their ancestors, thus, can be called or based on culture.
Circumcision is the procedure of removing the foreskin from the human penis thru traditional way or surgery. We call it in vernacular, "*hegyat*."
Boys are born with a hood of skin called foreskin covering the head called glans of the penis. When a toddler is already out of diapers, you will notice them exploring their body most especially their genitals. A boy, would play on his birdie when he's not wearing pants. I noticed in my youngest that he tried to pull away the foreskin when no one's looking or when he thought he's alone.
Normally, the foreskin can be separated even at infancy but it should not be force as it may cause bleeding that will lead to scarring. Boys, starting at age five start to discover how to retract their foreskin. The process of pulling the foreskin from the penis is called foreskin retraction.
I can remember when my eldest son was still in kindergarten, I have seen him pull off the foreskin when he peed. Maybe he was influenced to do so because he played with older kids that might've teached him. When my husband learned about it, he taught him the needed hygiene. Because what do I know about that. He was responsible in teaching him how to wash his penis with the forskin retracted when bathing because skin cells build up under the foreskin after retraction and it will smell if not washed off. This could be done once in a while. The build up of skin cells which look like white lumps is called smegma. It's a normal thing.
When Christianity was introduced, our village adopted the religious reason behind circumcision. Moreover, most folks tell children that it is their gateway to adulthood. But what could a child knew about adulthood when he only knew how to play even after circumcision. It was like forcing them to act like one but no, it was just like reminding them to be more responsible according to their age.
When we were still kids, boys get circumcised the traditional way. One can be circumcised as early as 5 year-old as long as the foreskin can be pulled up but mostly at this age they were still afraid. So, commonly they were circumcised at age 7 or older when they feel ready. Some were being made fun of and were called "kuyyop" or "supot" as Tagalog call it that's why they will conquer their fear and get in the procedure. It is usually done during the long vacation after school so that they need not to go to school.
My older brother and two of my younger brothers were circumcised by our "lolo" or grandfather who was performing the act for so long. He had a special sort of a knife he was using for circumcision only. It has blade of a centimeter wide from its handle and extending to 5 inches ending a pointed tip. The handle is also four inches long. The knife should be sharpened first because it was stored for sometime. A piece of wood was readied. Ground charcoal was also prepared beforehand.
So he washed his hand and sterilized with alcohol and does with the knife. The boy sits in front of him. He inserted the pointed edge of the knife into the foreskin and hit it with the piece of wood. After that, the ground charcoal was placed over the cut.
After circumcision, the boy should wear loose, long shirt. One that is long enough to his knees so as not to irritate the cut and encourages air to circulate freely which aids in the healing process.
Few years back, my husband performed circumcision to some boys which I told him not to do it again because I was thinking of the risk.
Lately, many school children are circumcised because the hospital has a program for free circumcision. After my nephew's 10th birthday on Tuesday, my older sister took him and my son (8y/o) the following day to the hospital. As much as I wanted to be the one to be at my son's side during this important part of his life, I can't because I have toddler to look after.
It went well and I asked my sister if she took a picture of them after but she said no because one of our nephew whom she took with her declined. No matter how she tried to persuade him but the boy won't budge from where he was sitting. After sometime of unsuccessful talk with him, the anaesthesia effect was gradually fading that my son begun to cry, my sister said. That's why she was unable to take a picture of them because they were all grimacing with discomfort or pain maybe.
However, on Thursday at 9:00am my sister texted me that her son's cut was bleeding but my son's was just fine that's why she was able to clean it with boiled guava leaves. I told her to try the charcoal but she said she was afraid that it might cause complications. But by 5pm I asked for an update how's my nephew and she told me she took him back to the hospital. By the time we stopped texting I slept, likewise my nephew's cut had been profusely bleeding that it soaked his shirt and the seat. Even when he walked to the jeepney blood was dropping. It got the boy real scared when he noticed his penis was shrinking and turning while. He was also turning pale from the tips of his fingers that he cried hard to his mother saying he was losing blood. Even my sister was scared of the sight of her son. (This was what I posted on noise. I even asked if there's any herbal medicine that can stop the bleeding but it got no attention.)
The boy said, they made another suture after they were done at the hospital. Yesterday, I texted my sister again how the boys were doing and she told me my son's got inflamed while her son still had some hint of fresh blood. So she kept on asking others in their area what could stop the bleeding. Until one of her batchmates told her to try amoxicillin capsule. Open up the capsule and put the powder into the cut. Until then did the bleeding started to stopped little by little.
One reason why there's no one performing the procedure traditionally because the kind of blade used in circumcision was in extinction or already lost, perhaps. Another thing was that parents, I think prefer the hospital because of the process and accessories used.
Moreover, I never thought that babies could be circumcised except for Jesus. Until my eldest son was always admitted to the hospital because of his recurrent UTI. His pedia suggested for him to be circumcised to avoid getting UTI but I declined. First, he was just a baby and would be too active moving. He was still wearing diapers that could irritate the cut and prolong healing. Second, I don't have any knowledge in taking care post circumcised baby. Taking care of a newborn's umbilical cord is not an easy task, then how much more of a cut.
When I told one of my cousins about it, she said her baby nephew in Canada was circumcised when he was still a newborn babe... Like what? Oh so I thought because there were health care providers who were expert in taking care of a newly circumcised babe, them they can pay for the job.
05-29-21
*****z_graeden*****
An Uncivilized Mom I have
"*What could uncivilized mean*?"I was asking myself this question when I first heard it during my elementary days.
My momma just got home from the market and I can see the sadness painted in her face. She had a little misunderstanding with our neighbor who happened to ride the same jeepney with her. This neighbor of ours just came from abroad and she called her "Uncivilized. "
While I was listening to her while she was narrating the incident to my poppa and my siblings, I kept asking myself what does that word mean.
As the days go by, I was able to learn what the word mean, gradually. I know my momma's not like that. Our neighbor just wanted to insult our mother in front of the people by saying my mother was ignorant, uncivilized. She intended to slap the fact to my mother how lowly we are.
Yes. We were poor, my family was considered one of those poorest of the poor. I am Jess, the youngest of 9 siblings. My poppa is a farmer without a land of his own to farm. He was just a tenant of the piece of land wherein we were getting our needs to get us by everyday. My momma, on the other hand was a fruit vendor.
I can remember one day around 11:00 am, a time to cook for lunch but the rice container contained no more rice to be cooked. My father went to look for guava at the mountain sides but the guavas that time were not yet ready for harvest. Nevertheless, our father gathered them even when they were still small for us to fill our hungry little tummies.
Have you experienced having to take packed foods for lunch when you were younger? We were one of those who have to bring packed lunch because the school was far from home. It was approximately 7 kilometers which we needed to traverse in going to and fro. We endure the road which was of heavy dust during the dry seasons and slippery, thick mud on rainy days. Our usual lunch were tuyo( dried salted fish), meat loaf or egg. When my lunch was tuyo, I will hide it from my classmates because they will make fun of me. One morning, we have boiled egg for our viand at lunch. It was cooked in a rushed and it had craters in it when our momma peeled its shell. I can see how my mother was feeling sorry for the appearance of our lunch. And at lunch as expected, my rich classmates laughed at it because they said it's so ugly.
Our life became more and more difficult as the days roll by.
One Christmas Eve, at dinner our parents came home from the fields and asked if we already had supper. My mother cried when we said we didn't eat yet because there was no viand as well as salt.
That was a painful incident for both our parents most especially that when they were on the way from the fields coming home, they passed by the houses with Christmas songs, singing, merry-making, and preparing foods for Christmas. But then they come home to find us hungry with not even a salt to go with rice.
At a young age, I was a victim of bullying. Others even include to judge my mother when making fun of me. It was because my mother has an eye defect, she only has one eye functioning. But that didn't hinder our mom to do her best for us, her family. Everything, I took as a challenge to do better in school. It's not to brag but I am doing good in school, a consistent honor student even when I was not able to pass every project because we lack financial to buy the things needed.
We helped our parents with whatever we can do. We sell banana along the neighborhood even when the weather's too hot. We even helped in gathering the rice seedling in the bed plot, plant rice then harvest. We collect tiger grass, dried it for easier cleaning then make it into broom and sell it afterwards.
No matter how hard we worked and helped our parents, we were still belittled by the people. It got even worst when my two older sisters were impregnated. People threw words at us and judged us. They told me that I also don't have a future and that I will just be like my sisters.
One day, we were asked to get out of the land our house was built and we were not allowed to farm the patch of land our father was farming. The new owner was forcing us to leave because we were tenants. This was an additional burden to us but our father tried to fight for our right- we have been tenants for more than 20 years. Because our father tried to fight for our right that the barangay captain slapped him. Why? It was because the new owner of the lot asked or maybe bribed him that's why he was on their side. However, we were able to win the case even when the new owner was scolding us when they see us go to the field.
On my graduation day in highschool, our Guest Speaker asked what was the Golden Rule. "Do not do unto others what you don't want others do unto you," I answered when I went up the stage after I raised my hand to answer the question. The audience applauded me while my mother came to meet me and gave me a hug.
Education doesn't end after highschool. My parents convinced me to enter college. Luckily, I was granted full scholar by a charity foundation but my poppa told me it won't suffice. So we went to the Capitol to apply for an additional scholarship and fortunately I was again granted.
My father told me to enroll and that I told him that I want to take MassCom so we went to look for schools which were offering that course. It was already midday and we passed by restaurants along the way. We can smell those mouthwatering foods they were cooking inside but we can only afford to share the smell, we only have money for our fare.
While walking, my poppa asked what does entering and enrolling in college looked like because my siblings weren't able to enter tertiary. But I answered with the same as his because I don't also knew how to. On that very moment, I was even more struck by the truth how lowly we were. Gratefully, the school was accommodating to assist us with my enrollment.
My parents doubled their patience, diligence and industriousness to make money when I finally entered college. My father harvested bananas even those not fully ready for harvest so that my mother would have something to sell. My mother, on the other hand sold bread anywhere and she was even called "walking bakery." It was because, her hands were full of bread she was carrying to sell.
My parents were too supportive not only with my things I need but with every activity we have in school. An example of this was the stage play we have been performing. Everytime we perform, my father would be there to watch and show me support. That's a wonderful feeling.
With much effort my parents and me made, I graduated college as one of the "Cream of the crop". When we were on stage to receive my award, my mother kept hugging me while we were up there on the stage. I felt very proud but my parents were much more proud of my achievements.
After graduating, I immediately land a job. Gradually, our life became much more lighter. My two older sisters were able to go abroad and tried their luck their. While my other older sister's job and business became successful.
After two years, I was given the honor to be a Guest of Honor and Speaker during a recognition day in our place. There I saw those people who had been belittling me and my family in the past. An elder lady approached me and said, "It's good you have made a good fortune yourself by landing a good job. So, thus with your sister." She wanted to say more but I interrupted her because I don't want the conversation to just circulate about me and I don't want much to be praised. So I politely asked how was she and her children. I can feel she was ashamed of me and reluctant to tell about her but I made her feel that there's nothing she should be ashamed of..
On the other hand, I was the one who feels ashamed of her, of them. If it's not because of their insults, judgements, bad-mouths, and belittlements about us then we were not able to reach where we are right now because "we built a castle out of the stones they threw at us." I just feel so grateful to everything we had been through because it's what made me and my family strong.
*****Closing thoughts*****
There's no one of us who would stay at the same spot if we really want our situation to be better. And if you're one who is much fortunate than your neighbor, don't be too hard on them and be a miser rather share what you can. And that good deed, for sure will come back to you one day a thousand folds.
And if there's anyone out there who's fate is being tested, don't give up and look at the brighter side of it. Remember that your fate is molded by you alone.
05-28-21
*****z_graeden*****
My Daughter with Mumps
On Monday, my daughter came home complaining of a painful neck. Our neighbor invited her at a birthday party on Sunday but because the place was quite far that she spent the night with them. Upon assessing, I knew it was a developing mumps. I can see the slight swelling and a tenderness below her right ear. She said it was painful. So I asked her if she has painful swallowing but she said none. Her teeth are perfectly well and good.
However on Tuesday, last week prior to it she came home from playing and complained of a headache. I felt her forehead and she's having a fever, thus, I gave her paracetamol. Her fever comes and goes when I give her paracetamol. So I asked her if they had played under the sun but she said no. They had been inside her playmate's house playing and didn't play outside. This went on until Thursday, that's why I didn't let her attend her daycare class. Friday, she still had a low grade fever. On the duration of her fever, she only complained of headache and no other pain. I also noticed her lack of appetite that's why I had to buy some fruits like mango and watermelon she can eat and hotdog for her viand as her request. Had to make her hydrated especially because I don't know what's causing her fever.
So on Monday, with the signs and symptoms showing I google it because I was wondering why she's not having a fever associated with it. Then I learned that fever comes first before the signs of mumps show.
My daughter had completed her vaccines for MMR. Babies usually have it on their 9th month for the first dose and at 12th month for the second dose. But last year, they again received a dose for it. I think it's a booster shot.
The lump below her ear wasn't very obvious unless you really had to look close to it. As I can observe, it's not growing in size. But she feels pain on the site when touched. I was thinking, it's the vaccines perhaps that's why it was not the same as what mumps before was.
**What is mumps**?
Mumps is a highly contagious viral infection which can be transmitted by infected saliva. Nevertheless, it is a vaccine-preventable and to help protect your children you need to have them vaccinated with MMR.
It's signs and symptoms were like the ones I have mentioned above like fever, headache, loss of appetite, and muscle pain. The swelling and tenderness of the parotid glands can be both side of the cheeks or only one is affected. This could last for 10 to 14 days. With no needed medication because it will go on its own not unless there were complications associated with it. Just take paracetamol for fever and pain and keep hydrated.
**The Royal magic**
With the introduction of vaccines that outbreaks were prevented. As I can remember during our childhood days, many children acquired the virus everytime there's an outbreak and I am one of them.
I think I was 6 year-old when my younger brother and I acquired it. My younger brother kept on whining due to the discomfort he was suffering. I felt pity towards him most especially that he's the one nearest my age. He was my constant playmate and my bestfriend. I went to him and gently stroked the affected cheek and tried to calm him. But, without my mother's knowledge I placed my hand which I used to stroke my younger brother's cheek on my own cheek. Our other playmates said it was how the mumps can be transmitted. There were little knowledge regarding health matters those days and people rely on beliefs. I don't only feel pity of my brother but I want to have a taste of that most coveted medicine every batang '90's can relate to, the Royal. Yeah, woohoo.. Finally, got to have you for myself, orange. That's what I was thinking. Have you experienced that acting sick but you can't be sick without a fever but when Royal is there to quench your selfish desire, you will feel better?
After few days, I got the virus and I was showing signs and symptoms. I asked my mama to buy me royal but I can't have it for myself. Am not that greedy and I can't swallow what I am eating or drinking without sharing it with my li'l brodr..
My mother took me to a traditional healer because she already took my li'l brother days ago and by the time I acquired it, he was already recovering. The "ikit" or grandparent in english made a mixture of the mud my mother took from the ceiling of my grandparents' house. It was not just a mud, but some variety of bee made it as its house that's why it was just a small piece of a mud. Maybe an inch or two in length. Ikit Angtod crushed the piece of mud mixed it with a green oil (I think it's an efficacent oil) then applied it on both sides of my cheeks.
During those days, there were little vaccines available and we only got our shots when we were in grade school.
When I was in third grade, I also acquired chicken pox. The only good thing about having this and mumps before teenage years was being safe from acquiring more complications that could affect some organs. Once a person had mumps or chicken pox, he already acquired lifetime immunity from it.
**Closing thoughts**
Vaccines are available on our local health center and it was free of charge. I just don't know in other places if it's the same. We have to comply with what the DOH requires because it's for the best of our kids. Believe me, there are some religious sects which hinder their congregation in having vaccines because it's against their teachings.
The availability of vaccines prevented outbreaks that may put our children at risk. There were times that they still acquire the virus but the severity is not that much and the risk of complications is very low compared to those who weren't vaccinated.
Have you somehow experienced it when you were younger? What remedy did your parents did?
05-27-28
*****z_graeden*****
One Fine Tuesday
On Monday, my sister texted me telling we'll go for a picnic the following day. There were others, actually who have been inviting for a picnic, birthdays and other gatherings but I don't go. I have 3 kids to tend to and I need to carry my youngest because the setting was some place that needs some walking, mostly by the river. Unless I know there were adults I can trust my kids with then I will just let my two older kids go. They will get envious if I won't allow them.
Since it's one of my nephew's birthday that I decided we can all go. At least there will be someone whom I can have my toddler to carry him, that will be any of my brothers.
However, we need to walk from our house to my sister's at the other sitio which is about 15 minutes walk. Because my brother who was to pick us up hadn't arrived yet. We had to endure the hot sun at around 9am while walking the street.
Upon arriving at my sister's as expected, there were lots of kids waiting for the ride. My (younger) brother came together with our older brother and his family riding in the van. I just learned our parents can't come because our mother had to accompany our father to the hospital for a check-up. Bacause there were lots of kids that we had to go per batch. We were the last he picked up.
Unfortunately, there were other people who arrived at the river first before we do. They occupied the best site in the area. Thus, we have to look for another site at the upper part. It was actually the place where my parents rice fields are located that's why we are familiar with the place.
The kids look for a better place they can swim. They even went to where the good spot for swimming was and that is where the first people who came are occupying. We didn't mind them going to that spot because there were no kids swimming, they were mainly adults and maybe three kids were with them.
The kids performed their acrobat movements. They climbed the rock to the peak and did back-stroke-tumbling as they call it before they reached the water. Some dived-in like a pro, the others just enjoy swimming and there were also others who were watching in fascination as the other kids were showing off their skills. One of those who just stayed at the river banks watching was my other nephew who doesn't know how to swim. He was just splashing water with the others.
The kids once in a while get off the water and have a snack of *halo-halo* my sister prepared at their house. She just combined all ingredients in a big container with crushed ice and milk. She also prepared pancit, spaghetti and cake. Which we all are enjoying while the chicken with salted meat or the viand we simply call pinikpikan is being cooked atop assembled stones which served as stove. My eldest, I think knew how to swim because he's with the other kids swimming, while my daughter and her two other cousins were just at the side where their uncle had improvised a pool for them.
Who would like to miss the fun? No one, of course that even my youngest was tempted to try go to the water. I just had to keep watch of him because it was his first time. The stones were a li'l bit slippery, he would probably lose his balance and stumble to the water. He stayed at the water splashing and playing with his sister and two cousins. Once I told him to get dress and eat something, he immediately obeyed.
But then he ran back to the water again.. He stayed there though everyone was out of the water. My brother-in-law called for lunch already after the viand was cooked. Everyone was eating while he was there enjoying the cool water. I had to make him wear his hat because the midday sun is too hot. I made some more drama before I was able to get him off the water and joined the others eating.
The skies were having dark clouds underneath it which were threatening us with a heavy downpour. The kids were not contented swimming that they jumped back to where their was a good spot. They were forced to get off when my brother told them no one will bring them home and they will have to walked if they still won't put their clothes on. It's not a walking distance that's why they were afraid to be left behind. My brother sent them home first before he came back for us.
However, when we're on the road waiting for him to come back the dark clouds above were disappearing revealing the sun.
To make most of the day, we dropped at the "playhouse" as the kids call it. It was a program/project of the Department of Public Works and Highways(DPWH). My sister woke my youngest son, who eventually slept whom she was cuddling on her lap. It was also a good picnic site because there were cottages big enough to accommodate numbers of people. An instagramable place, somehow. The kids enjoyed swinging on the swing ride and because my youngest just love to stay on the swing that we were not able to go and have some shots on the other spots where there was some sort of a garden-like landscape. There was also the big bike and the monkey bar which was still under improvement. Overall, the place was a good place to unwind with friends and family.
When we got home at nearly 4pm, I immediately slept as soon as I laid myself to bed. I was tired that I only woke up nearly evening. I thought I can make an article at night but I was wrong. I was too tired, and so thus the kids. After eating dinner, we slept right away that I even forgot to take my vitamins. I only took it when I was awakened by the need to pee.
I have other unfinished drafts but this was just something easier to write. Why I was a little inactive? I still feel a little lazy to do anything today.
05-26-21
*****z_graeden*****
Muscle Cramps
Have you ever experience that pain in your leg during sleep that it will make you sprung up from bed? Never did I experienced such until I studied at the lowlands on my final year in highschool. Most lowland areas are hot,humid places. Elders would tell you not take a bath during the hottest time of day and at night so better take a bath early in the morning because they believed that cold vapors may enter your body through the pores and would cause some illness.They are people who are very health conscious but some of their beliefs have no medical explanation,I respected it tho. But what I'm sharing to you now, I know is medical related in relation with their belief.
One night,I was awaken by this severe pain in one of my legs.It was so painful I cried, I can see the muscles tightening and contracting,tried to massage it but it aggravated the pain instead of relieving.Maybe it lasted a minute or two.It was my first time. I even cried.
I thought maybe I was being played with someone out their who has something against me. Because not to brag but I was good in school, my classmates and some teachers even told me to transfer at the A section but I declined. I thought maybe someone was jealous of me. Honestly, that place still have those traditional healers/hilot, mangkukulam and that was what I feared, na bka ako'y pinakulam😛.
Because it was my very first time to experience such that I told my sister about it the very moment she woke up. She told me, it was a leg cramp.
Medics explain that leg cramps occur when millions of tiny fibres contract to form a painful knot. One of the most common known types are "***nocturnal***" leg and foot cramps, awakens people at the middle of the night with excrutiating paroxysms of pain. The victim usually springs out of bed and vigorously massages the muscle to secure relief. After a while he will go back to bed, sometimes only to leap up again with a relapse. Some people experience nocturnal leg and foot cramps every night;some several times nightly; some occasionally.
Another condition, called "***restless legs***" is not quite a cramp but spasm of the leg muscles which generally occurs during sleep and is described by a sensation of pulling, twisting and stretching. In some cases the sufferer doesn't experience true spasms but the uncomfortable feeling that he must keep the legs moving.Although "restless legs" and nocturnal leg cramps are considered as separate disorders, they frequently torment the same person.
There is another type of leg cramping called "***intermitent claudication***."It strikes during walking and relieved by rest.The cramp may occur in the foot or thigh,but the most common site is in the calf of the leg. The condition starts slowly but gradually worsens, and the painful cramping may be accompanied by extreme fatigue. Some people find they can only walk a short distance and suddenly feel the symptoms and can't go no further. Immediate rest brings relief, but the symptoms can occur again as the walked is resumed. Claudication is a problem of poor circulation in the legs.
However, medical studies also states that frequent cramping,spasms or claudication is a symptom of some vitamin deficiency or some underlying medical conditions.
In my experience, I suffered the first two because they are co-related so that when I woke up in the morning and tried to get out of bed I can still feel pain in my affected leg even when walking that sometimes I walk to school like limping.
Perhaps,my walking to and from school which is I think 2-3 kilometers from my sister's house added to the tension.Plus I immediately washed the soiled clothings and cloth nappies of my niece in the late afternoon when I came home from school. The use of shoes makes my feet warm and I don't have rubber boots to use in washing so that my feet would be protected from the water allowing my body to have direct contact from it. Thus, the water vapors enter my body gradually which caused me to experience nocturnal leg cramps.
The third one,intermintent claudication am experiencing every now and then. I would stop on my walk specially when I was pregnant which I think contributes to it.. So taking vitamins while pregnant really helps not only the fetus but the mother as well as nutrients are divided between the two.
Additionally, my sister's mother-in-law was suffering leg cramps frequently. One late night when everyone's peacefully asleep I heard her crying, really crying downstairs. So I went down to investigate. She was massaging both her calves with a herbal oil. I asked her why and she told me her thighs were too painful. So I went to her and massaged it though I really don't know how to. Until she was a little relieved and stopped sniffling when she told me, "ustu daytan, 'nakong. Inka maturugen. Salamat" (That will do, child. Thank you. You can go sleep now.) Everytime I hear her cry in pain at night, I would go to her. But I was wondering if it was considered muscle cramps because it takes time massaging it before she felt relief.
As I was experiencing these ones I tried to search it on google then I learned that eating electrolyte foods such as those rich in potassium, magnesium, sodium and calcium helps relieve and stops frequent attacks.
*This was a repost from my article some 9 months ago*.
05-25-21
*****z_graeden*****
Keep Fighting
Everyone of us is being challenged with life. We may differ in what is being thrown to us but the way we deal with it define who we are and what we can do. This is an inspiring story of a woman who sought for a greener pasture but..
________________________
Let's call her Meg. She came from a big family but was orphaned at an early age. Her father was a dedicated public servant who helped in maintaining peace and order in their community. Due to the nature of his job that led him to his death which until now remained unsolved. No justice was served.
Meg, given their situation was challenged to sacrifice and make ways just to finished her studies. And as a reward, she finally graduated by God's grace.
Until she met a man whom her heart had fallen to, the one who made the butterflies in her stomach fluttered. This man asked her hand in marriage and they were blessed with a son. He was only two when she decided to look for a greener pasture. Luckily, Meg found a kindhearted boss which is very seldom abroad. She went home after her contract got to an end.
Meg's tears fell like raindrops. Her son seemed not to recognize her that pained her so much. However, she didn't give up until she won his feelings back.
Meg's husband, Job thought she was staying for good. But he was wrong because after a month, he was shocked when Meg told him she will go back because her job is waiting for her. Their conversation ended in an argument in which her husband confronted her of her shortcomings as a wife to him and as a mother to their son. Nevertheless, the woman pleaded that the two-year contract will be the last one which her husband had nothing else to do with it.
After some days, she was again to leave her family. It may be hard for her to leave that she was almost dragging her feet. It was with a heavy heart that her tears were falling most especially that her son was uncontrollably crying. But she had to go on because in her mind her sacrifices are for them in the future.
Months past when Meg noticed the lack of warmth in their communication as spouse, it was becoming cold. Until the day came which she never expected to happen.
"You might better look for someone else there. It's useless having a wife when you're staying there," Job said at the other end of the line.
His words dropped like a bomb that caused heaven and earth crashed on her. She pleaded that will be the last contract and she will come home for good. But her husband won't budge, his decision was final. Until she can't reached him anymore.
She talked with her relatives so that she may be able to talk with her mother.
"Job already left, he's gone. Stay strong, child for the sake of your son and your siblings. And take good care of your health always," Meg's mom said.
There's nothing Meg can do those times but to cry her heart out. The pain was so unbearable for her.
Going abroad is no joke at all, she thought. It can be the caused of a family to get shattered no matter how you tried to keep it. Due to what had happened that she extended her contract and didn't come home as what was supposed to be until she kept renewing her contract three times.
Years had passed unnoticed until her contract eventually ended. She came home and found her son already a grown up. She can feel that he was aloof towards her. However, Meg tried all she could to make up with her shortcomings until she again decided to go abroad again. This time it was Canada. In this foreign country she met a guy named George. She's not interested with him nor to get in a new relationship because she was focused on her son and her siblings who were still studying. Days passed and she can feel she's getting fond of George. A year had passed when they officially became a couple. George, was a kind man who accepted who and what she is. On the other hand, her son was already a teenager whom only called her when he asked or needed something from her. Until an unexpected day came.
Her younger sibling called, "You might as well come home, manang(older sister). Mom got into stroke and she was dead on the spot that medical team can't revive her."
That was her younger sister said. At that very moment, Meg can feel her body shaking and she was to collapse any moment. She cried and poured all her emotions out and George was there by her side to comfort her. She asked for an emergency vacation and came home.
She could do nothing but to cry all the way to their place. She can't get her feet in their house because she can't bear to see her mother already a cold corpse. She blamed herself that the agony and pain were all mixed up she dropped at the front of their house unable to move to go inside. Her conscience was killing her due to the years she had wasted which she could have used to be with her son and her mother. She poured everything out but it was too late for everything.
After Meg's mother's burial and rituals were done when she decided to process and fix her son's papers. She took her son with her in Canada where he continued his studies. Gradually, their bond as a mother and son improved. However, there were times that her son longed for his father. They tried to look for him and they were able to which made father and son communicate thru social media.
Meg was happy now especially that she was helping with her relatives, nephews and nieces with their studies to which some of them already are working in the government.
Abroad sounds like a jockpot when you're here but when your already there, it's your fate that'll decide of what you'd become. This story of Meg had taught her lessons that she kept on telling her relatives.
Going abroad is not an easy thing because there are lots that will be compromised or will be damaged. True, it has lots of advantages but you can't take away the disadvantages from it. And due to the thought of doing so is for the betterment of the family's future that you have to keep fighting..
05-25-21
*****z_graeden*****
A Cadet Reservist She Once Was (2)
*The snappy silent drill of the PMA cadets brings enthusiasm in her veins. Every cell within her seemed to engulf her with ardor that her bloodline have.*
Ok, I run out of topics that I wasn't able to write a rough draft for an article. Usually, I do it when my net connection was very slow during the day that I can't engage in both platforms. So I will just have to put a part two of my article which I told Jane it would be until their only. But now changed my mind.
**4th class cadet of the Reservist corps, open collar**.
When they were still a COQC of the ROTC, they wore fatigues with the sleeves down. It was quite better because her light skin won't turn black from staying under the sun for four hours without any headwear. They were trained to endure the heat without drinking until their class is over. Because they were on the advance class that their training was much different from the basics and the medics. The basics doesn't even have to be as snappy and quick as them, barbered haircut was not even required of them. While the medics were trained for first aid and on the second semester, employees of the red cross of the Philippines were invited to train them more efficiently.
Before she enrolled, she had two courses to choose from it's either criminology or nursing. She chose the latter, criminologists are only for the uniformed personnel while nursing can be both RN and a uniformed personnel if ever she chose to. She had paternal relatives who were in uniforms whom she can ask help from in the future.
Cadet forth class or cadet 2nd Lieutenant they were called. Some have quitted and they were the only ones who remained to finished up the training. Countless times their morale was tested yet they never gave up.
Second semester came, their Monday-Wednesday-Friday reveille and night classes or Standard operating procedure (SOP) continued. Their warm-up exercises every reveille didn't changed. The 2 kilometer jog at the roads remained where they were taught by their 1st class' on how they should command a platoon that they'll be handling.
They were also taught how to handle troops and the order of assembly in the battle field. They learned sign language used. And because their sleeves were rolled up that they weren't allowed to roll it down to protect their arms from getting scratched in the oval field. Their newly shined combat shoes which suffered last week's ordeal were again scratched pitifully in the oval ground. Why do I have to endure all this? She asked herself one time.
It's not only for 4 hours that they had to stay at the field. They stay after the basics and medics were dismissed. They eat lunch at the CDC(Community Defense Center) but before they were to eat, they must face another ritual. There's this one time wherein they had to eat holding up the table so that their back remained rigid. Boodle fight was their way of eating and there should be no anything left.
Their class resumes after lunch, learning everything from the Military Science 2 handbook. (MS1 book was done during the 1st sem). Among them were the names of parts of the different rifles and pistol. They had to memorize it and learned how to disassemble-assemble the fastest they can.
**A visit at the PMA**
One day, she received an envelope from her uncle Master Sergeant in the city. It was an application form for PMA entrance exam. She filled it up and sent it back. The exam was dated on the month of November. Good thing she was able to achieve 85% of all her grades because it's one of the requirements.
Before the day of the exam, she prepared her things, bade her family and traveled alone for six hours to reached the city. She was met by her cousin, the daughter of her uncle who sent her the form.
Finally she will be able to enter a military academy. So excited as she was, that she woke up the next day with beaming energy. She was accompanied by her cousin to the academy. To her amazement, their were hundreds and hundreds of aspiring cadets lined up for the checking of their requirements. Good thing her application was sent to her because walk-ins were the least prioritized. She was a loner, an introvert but she interacted with her co-examinees with ease. Her cousin was left at a waiting area because chaperones were not allowed. It took time before everyone was catered. She was able to make friends with a Davaoeña who according to her was a migrant and her mother in the city due to poverty in their place.
The friend she just met was her constant companion because like her was also alone. Though she saw some of her male batchmates in elementary and even a classmate in nursing was there, they had left her. There was some lunch prepared for them in the mess hall and in the canteen but because of the numbers of examinees that it didn't suffice. Thus, she need to buy her own food. It was too crowded.
Her cousin was able to locate her because the area was a very vast one, it was like a whole town that you might get lost especially that there were lots of people because some parents and guardians were there too accompany their sons and daughters.
By one o'clock pm, they headed to the grandstand overlooking the open field. Almost everyone was there that a program was intentionally held to entertain the spectators. The cadets performed silent drills. They performed with just the beat of a drum.
The cadets uniforms fit them well. Their snappy stance were really outstanding. The silent drill was just something worth watching. (I'm out of words on how to describe the cadets performance).
After an hour of watching, they were told to proceed to the grand hall. A very wide room with tables and chairs, a stage in front. Before they entered, they were handed their table numbers and chair numbers. So that when she entered she was astounded by the number of tables before her. Well, there were cadets who show them their place. She tried to count the number of rows and columns of the table but she only got lost at the middle. Perhaps the numbers of examinees reached eight hundred or more. It took time before they were settled.
At last they were handed their test booklet and their answer sheets. (For how many hours they answered, I forgot). When the times up everyone was directed to the canteen which was only adjacent the exam room. It took forever before she was able to get a bowl of arozcaldo given to them for free. The crowd was no joke that her bladder nearly exploded, the comfort rooms were barely emptied.
When she was able to get out of the mess room, it was already dark. Lights were everywhere but she panicked. Her 1100 nokia mobile was almost drained. How can she look for her cousin amidst the crowd by night? Yet she tried. Good thing her cousin was just outside the door of the grand hall where they went in earlier but because of the pack of people that she was unable to spot her cousin easily.
They were able to jump in on one of the buses of the academy that were ferrying the crowd to the main highway. I think the ride was 15 minutes or more.
Unfortunately, she didn't make it.. I tell you the questions were from highschool lessons so it should be easy-peasy but she wasn't able to make it.
**Cadet 3rd Class**
She continued with her academics and her ROTC cadetship until their ball before the 1st semester on her 2nd year in college was to end. By then she was already cadet 1st Lt.
She planned to quit on the second semester but did otherwise. Afterall, the corps was her escape from academic pressures and her family. They were already into community immersion and hospital duty after their capping and pinning ceremony that she's starting to feel pressured. She considered the corps her second family but never trusted anyone (she hardly trust anyone), that's why she never shared any problems regarding family matters to her buddies. The camaraderie within them, the strenuous work outs and military measures were enough to have those pressures plucked from her heart.
But then things happened...
Her dream to be able to pursue her cadetship and avail a scholarship from it was impossible. One must attend the Regional Summer Camp Training(RSCT) in Manaoag,Pangasinan when already a 3rd class cadet. A consistent grade of atleast 1.3 is also required and pass an examination before able to avail the scholarship.
She was enjoying her college life despite the struggles to balance academics and being officially an officer of the Reserve Corps but then it all turned upside-down.
End....
05-23-21
*****z_graeden*****
A Cadet Reservist She Once Was
*Sa silong ni kaka,si buddy nakadapa!*
*Kaya pala nkadapa,naninilip ng palaka!*
*Palakang may buhok,ngipin ay nkalubog!*
*Kaya pala nkalubog, laging binubugbog!*
_______________________
The jingle reverberated in the corners of her brain cells. She was not able to browse her facebook account for some time now but everytime she does she felt left behind. Her classmates in college were all doing good in life. Some are abroad practicing their degree, the others were already hired during the pandemic to cater the growing need of the country at the medical field, others took an oath to serve and protect the country and other offices as a uniformed personnel. While she was caged in the four corners of their house doing household course and tending her kids.
Memories of college came flashing.
She enrolled at the very last minute of enrollment in college. She doesn't even have a plan to do so. It was a choice.
She likes to do things on her own and hated being dictated. That's why she was all alone. Alone going from building to the other and from one department to the other. Holding the enrollment form which she was filling up she was hesitant to copy those subjects. She'd rather crumple them up and go to the flood control in the river banks but it was already the last day of enrollment at 4pm.
No choice!!! She had to copy the subjects, at the block section because all 4 sections were already full. NSTP was the last she filled in the subjects. It's either CWTS or ROTC. Without a double thought, she put ROTC-MS1 advance.. Whatever that was, she doesn't care.
The first day of classes seems like hell. She had to go up and down from one building to the other building to catch her classes. Full load that is which her last subject ends at 7pm. She get used to it after the first week and gained acquaintances.
Saturday came at the open gym at the oval field where ROTC classes were held. She arrived on time at 8am. Glad she met her cousin who enrolled the same advance ROTC. There were actually three categories, the basic, the medics and the advance. They were briefed about the course and the corps the advance were in. Some went from advance to either basic or medics but she remained.
Four weeks after and they were required to have their hair cut off into the shortest one or better yet barbered (boy cut). She was asked by one of their 1st class cadet officer to give him her cut hair after. She was wise enough not to do so? She was required but others were not! What's with the hair? She dared defy the first order given to her. Does she received her first punishment but her cousin who turned to be her constant companion, buddy and friend joined her. That's the buddy-buddy system. Leave no one-man army.
Monday-Wednesday- Friday reveille started, so she needed to wake up at 0300 hours to prepare for the 0400 hours head count call. White, round-necked shirts and strictly no using of V-necked, white knee-length shorts and rubber shoes for their jogging attire. No wearing of jackets even if it's freezing cold in the morning. A minute late required an additional workout for either a cadet alone or the whole COQC (cadet officer qualifying course) class.
Stretching workouts were vein straining, muscle tightening, and heart and lung wrenching that took 30-45 minutes. That was what she felt during the first week of reveille. A jog around the oval for 3 times is also included with the jingles that made it more lively. So this were the ones making noises at around 5am in the morning with their heavy combat shoes stomping on the oval floor, she thought. (They once lived outside the oval that's why the heavy stomping as cadets jog can be felt at their house just some meters away). If not on the oval ground then it would be a kilometer jog on the road then back to the CDC front. While days and weeks were rolling over the 1-kilometer jog became two.
The reveille doesn't end their, another round of commands to be performed until the time reached 0630. Thus she need to hurry, double-time to get home and prepare for her 0700 class. Take a bath, eat a little then ran to school. Everything's done quicky but with grace.
At 1900 hours after her last academic class, everyone should be at the SOP (standard operating procedure) room which she need to attend to. It was a night class where MS1 course was discussed. The history, the vision and mission, the do's and don'ts of the corps, the Hymn, military disciples, and some military related topics were taught. This took at least 2 long hours of every MWF. Kabog at paddle pag may konting pagkakamaling nagawa sa campus na nkita ng upper class.
Saturday was more of a hell day. Basking in the sweltering heat of the mid day sun with no caps on. Clad on that brown fatigue suits which should be tucked neatly and smartly with their belt buckle gleaming. Their matching heavy combat shoes that should be shinier than their upperclassmen, they marched and learned the military drill with those heavy wooden rifles on their hands.
"Quit!!!" The first class officer barked at her face one SOP, kursunada ata ey. It was one way the upper class to test their morale. But she was never budged by his barking.
The semester was nearly to end, welcoming or graduating of the new reservists was also near.
At 1900h they gathered, white shirts black pants and rubber shoes was their suits on. Strenuous workout were ordered for the COQC to perform at the oval ground. At different station at the ground, they performed what was asked of them. They roll and crawl on the wet rough ground. Hands and knees were now burning in pain from scratches in crawling, some started to bleed. "Quit!!" Upper classes would repeatedly shout at them.
One station was filled with pig manure they need to crawl. Mouth-to-mouth passing of a candy in one station. Then crawling in the canal located at the far north side of the oval.
A ritual of drinking a glassful of concoction of god knows whats in it. You would like to spit it out at your upper class's face who offered it to you.
Stand at attention. Eyes closed and with grimace on the face, she swallowed that concoction.
Master Sergeant, 2nd Lieutenant (INF) PA, and the Brigade General of the CDC welcomed them with a handshake. Their upperclassmen welcomed them too with a kabog on their chest while they're at attention (hands at their back thighs, leaning backwards).
Cadet 2nd Lieutenant she was. Fatigue suits were changed into camouflage, sleeves already rolled up. Should be snappier and more smart-looking, model of discipline at the school campus. Her academic class schedule for Saturday was in contrast with her ROTC class but she still managed to put them in harmony. The pressure from academics and being an officer was unimaginable. She was always told to quit because she's one lone cadet from the medical course but she never did.
This went on for another 2 semesters, staying on the reservist coarse though her morale gets down sometimes. She and her buddy's were nearing another promotion from Cdt 2nd Lt to Cdt 1st Lt to Cdt Cn but a twist happened and turned her life around.
What could she had been today if and only if?
05-22-21
*****z_graeden*****
Wilfdfire
*A wildfire, bushfire, wildland fire or rural fire is an unplanned, unwanted, uncontrolled fire in an area of combustible vegetation starting in rural areas and urban areas.* wikipedia
_______________________
The other day, late afternoon I heard crackling sounds which was probably made by fire. I look out the window and saw fire above the clearings, it started to get bigger. The sound became more and more clear and unmistakable that my husband who was home already that time was forced to look out the window. The fire this time, at pass 5pm, had spread and would anytime reached the place by the roadside they're working at. He examined where the fire could have originated and told me it was from his mother's (adopted mother actually) kaingin.
My husband presumed that maybe it was his mother if in case she went there. So he went to his mother's house to check on her to make sure if she was not home then he would have to go and look for her in the clearing. It was actually where I had been gathering those corns before. It was just above the village but above it was the national highway where some houses were built, and one of them was where my husband is currently working.
When he came back, he told me it was really his mother. She looked tired and weary. She was already old and I told her countless times not to keep going in the fields because she's already old and may encounter misfortunes. But she won't listen. She gets bored in staying home and can't stand it that's why she keeps on going to the fields. And now this happened. She was trying to beat the fire to put it off but she can't. She even got her hair at her temple burnt. Good thing she just got home after being helpless. She said that the barangay captain's granddaughter had already called the Bureau of Fire Protection.
My mother-in-law said she burned the heap of dried grass she cleaned but was unaware that it could spread to the overgrown grasses just near her kaingin. She was not able to gather the dried grasses at a safer distance before she burned it. Thus, it reached the uncleared portion of the mountain.
It didn't rain for almost three weeks now. The weather is extremely hot and humid while the wind is blowing. These made the grasses dried and pine needles under the trees really dry that they catch fire immediately when sufficiently heated and spread like crazy.
The fire got really big that it scared the kids who were watching by the window. It was already dark and firefighters haven't arrived yet or maybe they're putting off the fire at other areas which is not visible in our place.
At 7pm, I heard a swishing sound. The sound of fire and embers being sprayed with water.. I looked out the window and saw flashlights coming from the road and firefighters extinguishing the fire with their huge hoses. I don't know but I didn't see if they came down where the fire was really huge. The fire continued to devour what it can especially one of the pine trees.
While I was typing my article that night, I didn't notice that the fire gradually died. At 10:21 pm, after I was done with my article for the following day to be published, I looked out the window and heaved a sigh of relief. The fire died down with just some of the embers still visible.
Once, I experienced also how to be scared because of fire. I only had my eldest back then when I decided to clear the patch of kaingin my grandmother used to plant crops when she was still alive. After I got it all done and it was all dried up, I went around and made fireline round the kaingin. I made it two meters from the boundary. There's this one area which I was not able to clean properly out or those pine needles and some dried leaves. I ignited one side and it burned the heaps of dried grasses, leaves and twigs in a fiery motion. I also put fire on the other side and it burned also those piles of grasses. However, the wind was blowing strongly and it blown the fire to the other side of the stone walled boundary. Adrenaline rushed in through my veins that I didn't care about the heat. It really scared me to death as the fire was already devouring the thick dried overgrown grasses on the other side. Tried as I might to beat it and eventually was able to put it off by continuously beating it with the leaves of a banana..
I felt my body was trembling especially my knees that I just sat down. I can feel my throat was parched and I felt the heat which I didn't mind earlier.
Whiiw that was close. I was scared that it might turn into a forest fire which would burn the whole mountain and might caused carabaos and cows scared and run to their death. The penalty was the least I worry about that time.
________________________
Wildfire is caused by nature e.g lightning but mostly in our area it was caused accidentally by carelessness like the case above, campfires unattended and intentional acts. In our place they burn the mountains intentionally just to make new growths of grasses for carabaos and cows to graze upon.. Though penalty was imposed, it seems like it's not being adhered to..
Edit: The firefighters had responded immediately maybe at pass six in the evening according to a facebook post. However, reading at the comment section netizens were really harsh. One even said "melmelwam" which means abusing authority according to the situation or as one had been doing it all along without learning from the consequences.
Well, I'm not venting out but was just being rational. There was this wildfire which I think came first before the case above and was still burning as of this writing (05-20-21, 4pm) but wasn't posted on facebook. Smog was all over the place and it had covered the sun that the shade was different from the natural light of the sun. It had burned a large portion and not only one mountain. Burnt leaves were even flown and reached the houses.
One main reason why netizens were harsh on their comment was the fact that on the national road were some houses and even parked cars. Another thing was the planted fruit trees I think which some have the same comment about changing those that were planted.
Looking at the portion where the other bushfire was, it was also a place where most of the programs had planted trees. But the question was, why was it not posted on facebook? Was it not wildfire all the same? So that concerned person would receive comments like irresponsible, change planted fruit trees/pananim.
All I can say is let's all be responsible citizen. Not only in taking care of nature but in our tongue just the same. You might not know one day, you'd be the cause of trouble for the whole community accidentally. Another thing was the kind of treatment one receives from his fellows. If it was someone who is below the poverty line, everyone is being harsh. But, when it's someone who has a better standing in society then only a few can throw words.
True, it feels bad or lets say frustrating to see our mountains on fire but the fact that it was caused accidentally was different from those who are doing it intentionally.
Yes, because as I have said for a new growth of grasses for cows and carabaos on the mountains to graze.
05-21-21
*****z_graeden*****
The Cat Outside my Window
I waited for it to get in through my open window because honestly it kept on walking at the roof outside my window. It has been quite like this for some time.
--------------------------------
The house was big, it was like a bungalow type but there's one room upstairs which was not divided. This was my room. Me alone on this huge room with no furnitures in it but just a plastic wardrobe where my clothes were kept and a table for my school things. It has five windows, two on each side, east and west while one on the north side. The two windows on the east were overlooking the ceiling of the living room below. However, its window frames were infested with termites making the windows to fall off. It was only covered with those thick and big transparent cellophanes. Its walls were of weaved bamboos, how do you call that? Outside my room was a balcony overlooking the ceiling of the kitchen. The ceilings were galvanized iron.
Downstairs, just below my room was my sister's brother-in-law's room. The living room adjacent to it. It was also spacious where most of the family pictures are hanged on frames. This was also where the front door was located. It was made of concrete, somehow. From the living room was a door that leads to an empty room which could accommodate three more rooms if it was done. The floor was not applied with concrete nor wood making it bare with soil as its floor. From this room, a door led to the dirty kitchen with a fireplace in it and the dining area, there's also a small space where one of my sister's brother-in-law is sleeping. Beside it was the comfort room/bathroom which is a very small room and dark. A poso/pump was also inside just outside the bathroom. It is where we pump water.
A nipa house just near this big house was where my sister's family were living because my sister can't stomach the attitude of one of her brother-in-law, the one sleeping at the room near the kitchen. It was where we cook and eat, we don't cook and eat at the big house. I even do my homework here than in my room except for times that I had to stay late to study my lessons.
They have this old woman, actually my brother-in-law's aunt who told me she had seen one time a silhouette of a girl at the north window which was overlooking their house. I was not at my room when she saw it and it was twilight, there's no way a shadow can be seen without the lights on. Well, I'm one brave 16 year-old who doesn't care about ghost-related stories. So I just brushed it off.
My brother-in-law were seven siblings, he was the youngest. The others were married while two of his brothers were not but there's this one girl who died at her early 20's. My room used to be her room. Their father also was died while their mother wasn't around because she's working as house helper in one of the cities of Pangasinan.
One time my sister told me that everytime she climbs the stairs to my room, there's a gush of cold air that would brush across her making the hairs on her spine stand. Sometimes she said that as if there's someone looking down at her at the top of the stairs but when she looked up, there's no one there.
As usual, I didn't care because if I do then where will I sleep if I got scared.
One late night, I was awakened by light footsteps outside, on the ceiling above the kitchen. It kept walking for sometime. I was really very sleepy that I was not able to get back to sleep in short time.
The footsteps had been awakening me the succeeding nights that's why I was keeping a block of wood at my side. Yes, the ceiling could be reach if someone would climb the fruit trees outside because there were macopa, guava, mango, guyabano, and rambotan. I thought it could be someone with a bad intention that's why I always double locked my door.
One time, I heard a thud, like someone just jumped from the kitchen ceiling to the balcony outside my door and the footstep went down the stairs. The following morning, I asked my brother-in-law's brother, the one sleeping at the room below mine if he heard it. But he just said laughing that I might be dreaming because he said he came home late and he can hear me snoring from downstairs. He's good to us and he kept teasing me how loud my snore was.. I said seriously, I snore like a pig? So when I kept bugging him about those footsteps I had been hearing for some nights he said maybe it was a cat.
There's a big cat, a tiger color it has that's roaming around the area during the day and sometimes I see it at the kitchen ceiling. I tried to observed how it walked but it made no sound at all. It made my brows met at its end and kept me thinking, was it because its late at night when everything's quite that made its silent footsteps audible? But why won't it come closer at my window so that I may be able to see it? I was a little scared, though. That's why I didn't bother to get up and look. Because who would like to when it's late at night and the world's very dark? So I just grasped the block of wood and ready myself for whatever is to come. I told my sister about it also but she said maybe it's the cat. Because if it's a human then they would make sure not to make any sound.
After some days, I learned that it was the old man's death anniversary. Oh my gosh... I got goosebumps from that. But I didn't have a choice but to sleep in that room. My brother-in-law's brother butchered one of his chicken then put some on a bowl before we ate. He put it at the side table and utter something. That night we all dined in except for their brother who was sleeping at the kitchen's bedroom.
From that night forth, I didn't notice that their was no footsteps outside my window anymore. I was able to sleep soundly until morning.
One time, my mother came for a visit. Because we missed each other that we spent a late-night telling stories. When we bade my sister and her husband goodnight, we headed to my room to sleep. However, before we slept, we heard the sound of something flying outside. Something which sounds like *te-te-te-te-tet*, repeatedly. She said that "*petet*" as we vernacularly called those blood sucking creatures were living there. I told her that I hear the sound every night especially when it's already late. But here in our place, we don't really believe in stories like those. So that when I asked her what petet actually was, she said it's just some night bird.
_______
I was not raised to believe such stories maybe that's why it can't fool my imagination. Well, I respect those who believe otherwise and you might like to share some of those goosebumping stories you have..
05-20-21
*****z_graeden*****
A Moment in Town
Well, there's nothing special about this one because it was just about my day. So on the night of May 18 or the other night I had my last piece of vitamin. Thus, I had to go buy in town. There was free vitamins at the clinic but as I have mentioned in my previous article, the midwife was always out of duty and the BHW's aren't allowed to just give without the midwife's knowledge.
There was actually an occasion around our neighborhood yesterday but I couldn't even go to help because there's no one to babysit my little Tarzan. And I have a very bad colds which makes my voice too hoarse and a throbbing headache. I got my colds from continuous drinking ice water because of the very hot weather. Anyway, it was planned that my husband would go help with the butchering of the pig and some other works to be done in the morning.
Later in the morning when my husband came after helping out, around 10 am was I only able to climb the stairs up the road. But I was late to catch the last trip. Hence, no choice but to wait for the first trip from town. And that was already nearly mid day. That when I arrived in town, it was already pass 12 and I can feel the worms inside my tummy grumbling. I went to the market at the budget meals and mami section. Thankfully, the carinderia where we used to go was available. Because on Friday, when me and my daughter went to have a snack it was closed. And we have to go to it's neighbor, which my daughter commented that the mami was not good. The one which we used to eat serves better one, and she knew the taste of it.
After having a bowl of mami, I went thrift shop hopping at the market's back street. There were barely clothes that already fit me. I think my baby bump was a lot bigger than the previous ones because I never wore dresses nor was I bothered to buy maternity clothes. Those loose hanging shirts were enough but I have already thrown them. Luckily, I have spotted a shop with a big "On SALE" in it's door. It took me time to select. I was able to get 5 dresses at 170 because 3 pieces is for 100. Not bad for someone who's budgeting.
From there, I went to the commercial building to have a look at the newly launched shop for baby's wear. It was that very day actually, but as I was nearing it I suddenly became reluctant to go in. There were barely no customers and I guess the family or friends maybe of the store owner were having lunch inside.
I was already tired actually by just standing at the thrift shop while looking for dress and a little walk so I decided to go buy my vitamins and head home. I was thinking of buying vitamin C for me but then I realized that the Obimin Plus is a multivitamin with C vitamins. So I didn't bother getting some.
The town was actually like back to pre-pandemic time.. Only posters and reminders of "no mask, no entry, social distancing" and other health protocols in every shop or store you enter. People wasn't actually crowded while you can see men in uniform roaming around. I was actually bringing with me a bottle of alcohol that I feel paranoid when getting out of a store. I would wash my hands off of it, better safe than sorry specifically that money is always used in every transaction and it contains viruses due to the fact that it was handed from one person to the other.
It was pass two o'clock when I arrived at the parking space and the jeepney depart in a short while. That made me not feel too hot because actually I was perspiring pellets that my mask got a little soaked. Though I wanted to take it off but I can't because there were kids around and I was also sneezing. I still had to cover my masked face with tissue paper just to not let the colds virus escape me.
So that's how my day went. Let's just all keep safe by observing health protocols and be considerate of others also..
(*No other photos attached due to slow connection*)
05-19
*****z_graeden*****
My Aunt My Mother
"Prepare your things now, then we'll go," my aunt said after my mother's burial.
*Another inspiring true-to- life story which proves the passage "Poverty is not a hindrance to success."*
Call me Boy. We're three siblings in the family. To where and what I am today, the memories of yesteryears' hardship are still fresh.
Our mother suffered a very severe illness at a young age which eventually led to her early demise. Due to this we were orphaned at a very young age. I can still remember things from that time because I was already seven years old while our youngest is merely more than a year old.
My aunt, my father's sister took us with her to their place. My father who was a laborer left for work to different places. I entered elementary at my aunt's place. However, it was only for two years because my paternal grandmother took me with her at one of the sitio of the same barangay where my aunt was living. She was living alone in her hut so might as well accompany her. Additionally, I was blamed for an act I didn't commit, thus my uncle who is my aunt's husband whipped me with his belt multiple times. I was accused of stealing money, which I never did. We're not the only children there, we also have our cousins- their kids but I was really the one they're pointing at.
I stayed with my grandmother from third grade to highschool. We led a difficult life with chayote as our daily main viand. There were times that we run out financially that we don't have salt and oil for sauteing. We just had to boil the chayote until it's done. I feel envious everytime I smell our neighbor's frying something. How I wish I would be able to taste something like it, I said to myself. Other kids really liked to tease me while they're eating something while they're rubbing their throat and saying "yamyam-ok." We only have pinewood- which we call "saleng" which serves as our main light at night. So that when I study my lessons and make my assignment, my granny had to hold it up for me until I am done then put it off and off we sleep. The next morning we look like ghost with our nostrils black with soot.
Haay, it doesn't matter. I only wish both me and granny would stay healthy and good so that our bond would stay strong.
At an early age, I tried odd jobs like carrying sand and gravel, and other things which I thought my young body could muster. We use the money I was able to make to at least buy us some salt.
Anyway, I took those hardships as a challenge for me. It is not to brag but I was grateful for I was blessed to excel with my academics even if we lacked delish foods. I was always on the list of honor students every recognition day that bring so much joy to my grandma and to my aunt as well.
On my last year in highschool, my aunt took me back to their place. As for my grandmother, my father and one of his brother took care of her because she's already old and weak. While at my aunt's house, it's not only us who're living in but my other cousins and nephews and nieces of my uncle-in-law also.
During this year, I eventually matured not only physically but my mental aspect also. Sometimes I asked myself, "where could mom be? How about my father, does he have a new family? Why do I seek for my mother now? Why are we living with my aunt's family? If mother would still be alive, how is our life be? Why did she had to die at a young age?" These were my sentiments..
At my age, I wasn't able to enjoy much. There's no time for me to play with others my age because it's a waste of time. I prepare the pigs foods and feed them, go to the field and others that hindered me from enjoying life. We were many living at my aunt's but I don't know why I was the one who was always asked to do things. "Be patient self" is what I always tell myself.
By God's grace, I finished my last year in high school still with flying colors. My aunt had to fight for it though before I was able to be considered one because they said that as a transferee that I am not eligible of the award. She was able to persuade them because she knew that I deserved that achievement.
After graduating from highschool, I've thought I couldn't enter college but my aunt supported me morally. She told me to try because I can use my academic scholar from highschool to any course that I would like to take.
So then I traveled to the city of Baguio for an entrance exam in one of it's University. Fortunately, I made it. I also tried the entrance exam at Philippine Military Academy (PMA) and it also came with a positive result. I am very glad about it because I wanted to enter that academy. However, my aunt who was in full support of me cried and didn't want me to go. She said that she doesn't want me to be sent to a battle field someday. Thus, I obeyed her and enrolled at the University I first passed the entrance exam.
I thought that when I will be in college, I would not experience being hungry again because I already have an allowance but I was wrong. While in college, I stayed with my maternal granny also so that I can at least save some instead of renting a boarding house. Her house was located in one of the mountains of Baguio. I became a helper (again) to maternal uncles who would always asked me to fetch water from the other side of the mountain. They demanded me for a massage yet I had to endure just for me to finish up my degree. On my way to fetch water there were lots of bullies who would hit and punch me for no apparent reason. However, I just kept mum because I don't have anyone to tell about it. My uncles would even get mad at me when I try to decline for me to go fetch water . I had to be patient and obedient because I was just an orphan at their grace.
In school, during lunch break my classmates would call for me to eat with them but I keep declining. I always tell them that I will go home for lunch wherein fact I don't. I would go hide somewhere and eat banana cue which was the only decent food for my 5 peso allowance for food. It was what all my granny could give. I walked from my granny's house to school, then walked from school to home after school because we really don't have anything even for a jeepney fare. It was a difficult struggle but I told myself to enjoy it.
Four years had gone and passed and by God's grace I was able to make it with the full support of my aunt who became my mother and other relatives. A public servant, who showed mercy on me and paid my tuition fee fully for one whole semester. Never will I forget the goodness of this man, tatanawin kong napakalaking utang na loob hbang ako'y nabubuhay especially that he was the one whom I ran into.
I've felt my degree wasn't enough. So I told my aunt jokingly that I would like to pursue my studies at a graduate school which she didn't decline. She told me that she will support me as usual if I think I can. Anyway, my aunt was a government employee during those times.
I enrolled at a law school and continued my studies. The same scenario as before. However, I had to stay at a boarding house and rented because there's no more available jeepneys after my class at night. I skip meals sometimes because I lack allowances. I only have noodles an boiled egg for my breakfast. And at night, after class I would go for "mami" which cost 10php. I feel contented after coming to my boarding house which was even smaller than a room for pigs. I had to study and ready myself for tomorrow's non-stop recitation. I would feel lucky if my classcard's not pulled by professor that day.
My routine goes on for days until one time I didn't notice I was again graduating. How good the Lord is.
I reviewed in Manila and took the bar exam. Fortunately, I was able to make it.. A proof of Gods unending goodness and mercy, and my aunt who stood by me as a mother all through out.
I am forever grateful to my aunt mama who believe and never gave up on me and to her husband who served as my father. I was left thinking what if my aunt didn't take us in, maybe we're just on the streets by now. I salute her for being a wonder woman. My siblings are doing well with their life also. And as for my father, he had already a second family.
Today,I am practicing my profession and my priority is to help the poor because I have been there. I know the feeling of having no one to stand for you
I am also married to a wonder woman for almost two decades already. She may have an armalite-like mouth but that is what I love about her. Her family is also nice and good people so nothing can I asked for more.
For those who have been struggling, remember that poverty is not the hindrance to success.
05-18-21
*****z_graeden*****
Third Trimester Pregnancy Struggles
Pregnancy is the state of carrying a developing embryo or fetus inside a woman's body. The duration is usually 40 weeks which is categorized into three stages; first trimester which starts from week 1 to week 12, second trimester from week 13 to 28, and third trimester is from 29th week to 40. In each stage, the female human body goes into different changes and struggles the woman feels and faces due to hormones and because of the growing fetus inside.
As for me, I was nearly 26 weeks and still considered on the second trimester. However, I am now feeling uncomfortable and every movement is already a struggle. It is not only physically exhausting but also emotionally. As if you wanted to turn the clock's hands and make it to your due date and meet that new bundle of love. It is because of the pain all over your body, the discomfort when you tried to move.
I am just thankful that my husband helps me with laundry and sometimes he cooks because I feel extremely tired after washing the dishes and having to assist our youngest the whole day whenever he uses the comfort room. One thing that's adding to my exhaustion was my insomnia that's why I feel really lethargic during the day. Sometimes I take a nap whenever my youngest who is turning two is sleeping but most of the time I can't sleep. And when my eyes started to droop, I suddenly feel the urge to pee or my boy already woke up. With that, my feeling of sleepiness would fade away leaving me more sluggish.
Most third trimester struggles include:
1. **Backache and hip pain**. This is caused by pregnancy hormones that is preparing yourself for childbirth. The growing baby inside adds with the pressure.
2. **Abdominal pain.** As for me, the pain is constant on my upper right just below my ribcage which the ob-gyne said was due to the growing baby who is pushing up on the liver and other organs. Abdominal pain also is associated with **Braxton Hicks contractions** (false labor) which I usually feel when doing house chores that's why I no longer do laundry on my own.
3. **Sleep**. I had to propped up two or three pillows before I can get comfortable and sleep. But sometimes I just can't because of restlessness, it makes me annoyed from turning from one side to the other. Pillow in between legs, pillow under the belly and under feet makes it comfortable sometimes. Me and our youngest were the ones sleeping on the bed so that I can find myself a comfortable position. After being able to find a comfortable position and was trying to get some sleep when you feel the **urge to pee even if you just peed some 5 minutes ago**. Sometimes the baby doing its gymnastics at the middle of a good night's sleep will awaken you and make you stay awake for long hours (**insomnia** at its worst).
4. **Wardrobe issues.** Because of weight gain and probably belly growing and bulging that you can't find clothes to fit in. It is preferably recommended to use loose clothes. Wearing clothes, pants, socks, tying shoe laces is a challenge. Even cutting toe nails is hard to accomplish.
5. **Shortness of breath**. Lungs are compressed that makes it hard to breath normally. Practicing good posture can ease it.
6. **Walking**. It is a struggle to walk and start that waddle walk instead. For my current pregnancy and the last one, it felt like the baby's gonna fall out after some two-minute walk. Even standing from a chair or from bed makes it hard because the pressure feels like the baby's just gonna go swoosh.
7. **Incontinence and constipation**. It's going through a lot of underwear changing, panty liners and pads because sometimes you can't hold your pee for a second. Constipation is also not an excuse but can be relieved by staying hydrated and eating fibrous diet.
8. **Fatigue**. Because of the growing baby that you have to carry for nine months makes a pregnant woman feel more fatigued. Every single move is a struggle.
9. **Itchy stomach and stretch marks**. This is due to the stretching of the skin to accommodate the growing baby so be sure to always cut your nails short and avoid scratching it, gently rub it a little because lotions and oils won't do any better.
10. **Eating and diet**. For me, I just can't help myself from eating even if I just finish my meal but I don't really like to eat processed foods like hotdog and canned goods. Others also are barely hungry and forced themselves to eat a spoonful. Still some cravings come during this stage.
11. **Spider veins, varicose veins and hemorrhoids**. Increase blood circulation causes purplish red veins to appear on face, neck, and arms which will disappear after delivery. Swollen veins are also a possibility, exercise and elevate legs to ease symptoms. Painful and itchy swollen rectal veins may occur during this period, thus, you can soak on a warm bath tub.
12. **Growing belly is always on the way.** True, sometimes my youngest would cry at night because he can't hug me properly while sleeping which he was used to. In every move you make, the belly obstructs the movement.
**Closing thoughts**
Pregnancy is a challenging stage between partners and the support of the male partner is very much needed. It may be challenging but very much rewarding at the end.
After all, pregnancy is a glamorous journey.
05-17-21
*****z_graeden*****
Happiness is Just Within our Grasp
As an adult, we sometimes envy the joyous laughter of children around us. We seem to carry the burden of the whole world that sometimes we augt to wish to go back being a kid even for once. To escape the reality of life and live without worries, be carefree and anxious-free of the world.
We deprived ourselves from our own happiness by dwelling too much of what we think is weighing us down.
Let's take a look on the story of a girl who never realized the happiness she's been looking for was just within herself. A girl who thought she lived a miserable life until she received a second opinion.
Her name's Chen. A girl who was born and raised in a fairly well-off family in China. Her sister was beautiful and an excellent student. Every parent-teacher meeting made their parents indescribably proud of her. However, Chen seemed to be stuck with misfortune. She had small eyes and a snubby nose, and her grades were mediocre. She called herself "an ugly duckling" and wondered how could her parents bring her out into this world when they had given birth to her beautiful sister.
Their parents never said anything about it (one thing she's still thankful of). But her sense of inferiority made a striking contrast tp her lively and outgoing sister. She selfom spoke and unwilling to talk with others. She busied herself with books and poured her heart out to her diary, hiding herseld to a world of her own. For sometime, she felt she was the unluckiest girl to ever lived.
**Letters of hope**
In 1995 she was admitted to a military academy in Guangzhou, in Southern China. Her team was linked to village school in Western Hunan Province in a "Hand-in-Hand, Heart-to-Heart" campaign, where they sent financial aid to poor pupils. In response to the call from their school, she perfunctorily or uninterestedly sent 100 yuan to a ten-year old girl. Little did she expected that she would get a letter from her shortly.
In the letter, the girl expressed her profound gratitude with enthusiasm Chen didn't anticipate. The girl also told about their life.They were five in the family. Her family's sole income came from a patch of land and some fruit trees. They led a difficult life, yet all three children were eager for a chance to study. She also added that being the eldest sibling she couldn't have stayed in school without Chen's help. The girl also vowed to repay her kindness by dedicating herself to her studies.
Enclosed in the letter was a photo of the girl with her siblings. She was a slight figure and looked as if the mildest wind would sweep her off her feet. Yet her big eyes revealed hope and anticipation. It can also be noticed that their clothing were the type of old-fashioned clothes that the city people had stopped wearing a long time ago.
Chen grew up never having to worry about food or clothing, and perhaps gotten used to the comfort of urban living. She could hardly believe that such way of life still exists.
**She failed to see it**
Every now and then, letters from the girl would reach Chen, with reports of her study and her life. She wanted very much to do something for the child, who was so eager about the future. She began to change her spendthrift ways, budgeting her money carefully instead. She sent regular remittances to the girl and copied out adages and quotes for her. All of a sudden, her life seemed to have become meaningful.
After Chen sent the girl a photo of her family, she sent a reply.
"How I admire you!" she wrote. " You study in a big city, and you have a happy family. You must be happy!"
Upon reading it, Chen felt dumbstruck. In the girl's eyes she was a happy girl. She asked herself why all those years she failed to see the happiness that was with her. She realized that she may not be pretty or all that outstanding, yet she grew up without having to care about the basic necessities of life . She had a good education in a spacious and bright classroom. Yet under the same blue sky, how many children have to struggle against the threats of war, hunger and disease? She realized how insignificant all of her self-pity was. The letter from the girl forced her to realise happiness had always been with her.
Later on she stumbled upon a passage written by Helen Keller, saying she once complained because she had no shoes until she met a man with no feet. These words had her deepened her understanding of the true meaning of happiness.
She said to herself that " I shall be a happy ugly duckling, if an ugly duckling I am."
**Closing thoughts**
People are dealing with different problems. Problems that made us see life in different perspectives. Learn to face it and conquer it because if you let yourself linger on such very light things then you will find yourself miserable. Be contented and grateful of what you have ans try to see the happiness in it. In fact, happiness is the scrutiny and discovery of life. Most often than not, happiness is just within our grasp but we ignore it because we're seeing things on just some part of the picture and not considering everything as a whole.
05-15-21
*****z_graeden*****
Once a Helper
A helper usually pertains to domestic ones. The one people have at their homes to work for them mainly with household chores. Sometimes it's not only with houseworks but anything their boss asked them to do.
Helpers also were the ones people pay to work for them in shops and or in construction sites. It is anyone hired to work out of office to make work loads lighter..
This article was inspired by jheanette's article about their helpers. And I thought of writing mine, too. We don't have a helper but I once experienced being one myself. However, my father used to call or hire helpers on our shop before. Basically, to help him with projects he was able to win in biddings for school furnishings especially with college armcahirs, office tables, desks and chairs. Sometimes for other offices and government establishments. And these projects need to be met at a certain time. Five hundred armchairs for a month, for example that's why we had to help and the need for additional helpers preferably those who knew furniture making.
My father was a very strict man, a meticulous carpenter that he is. He checks every item for twisted nails that came out of the wood, the way it was smoothened that no part should be rough to touch. No matter how strict and meticulous he is when it comes to his handcrafts, he made sure that his helpers were well fed. Treat them nicely because we know that when harshly treated, they would leave no matter how they needed a job.
I experienced being a house helper right after I graduated from highschool and that was summer vacation. I was taking up computer literacy every Saturday at a University in San Carlos, Pangasinan. It was an hour ride from my sister's residence but forty five minutes from town where I worked as a helper.
My sister accompanied me to the house where I'm going to work and I started right away after we arrived and fixed my things to a room they showed me.
They were nice folks, a retired seaman at his 80's and his wife who was 10 years younger than him. My work included cleaning the house, doing the laundry, washing the dishes, buying goods at the marketplace but I told them that I won't touch the kitchen. And that was no cooking for me, I am not confident with my cooking though I have learned to cook from my brother-in-law who was a Pangasinense native.
The house was a huge, two-storey building. One part was rented by Tambunting pawnshop while another one was Dunkin' Donut. The center part was their xerox copy shop and a space for photoshoot. Another room was for the rush ID shop which is managed by one of their sons located at the back part of Dunkin Donut. A hallway separated these rooms from the xerox copy shop and the pawnshop. It led to a very wide room which is the living room, kitchen and dining room. The hallway, extended to the laundry space which has a poso and a water tank. Their backyard was where their machine shop was located, a garage for their dump trucks which one of their sons used for his aggragates or quarrying business.
The second floor was also a living room, a kitchen which is not being used, two bathrooms. While one door led to the old couple's room. It was very huge with two beds, and was heavily carpeted, they have china pots on side tables and anything you wanted to picture at a wealthy man's room while on the sides were built-in cabinets. It has it's comfort room an adjacent door led to the old ladies own room. A door led to to the porch where flowers are.
There's also a hallway that led to five more bed rooms and the stairs up the third floor where there's a big nipa house- the one they were selling.
The old couple had three children, the two sons I mentioned earlier and a girl who was four or five years older than me. She has a computer shop she's managing at another building. She barely smiles, you can tell she's a snob because she never talked to me. She doesn't like her things to be touch and even her clothes to be laundered, her nieces told me to never touch it. Because she does it herseld and never used the washing machine, she basically handwash her clothes.
They were all nice, even their grandchildren who are younger than me respected me. The two sons had their own family. The one who's managing the photo shop had three. Two with his wife whoo's abroad and one with his mistress he is living with. They have their own house. The other son has also two children, he's wife also was an OFW. Sometimes their children helped with the laundry. It's because the mistress of the other son is trying to teach them to work independently.
However, my food was being measured that sometimes I was like shaking of hunger. The work load is heavy for a sixteen year old me. Their last helper ran away with her boyfriend some months ago. You can imagine the dust that accumulated in every corner and in every shelf. The laundry which were not done for a long time. Well they don't mind washing them because they have lots of clothes to wear. The blankets and bed covers were also piled up. The thick curtains at the second floor which needs to be change and the couch covers and throw pillowcases.
I was able to do it all gradually in one week. Manage my time for the laundry, mopping the tiled floor, cleaning every room which was thick of dust, watering the flowers. The old man told me that their last helper was not able to do what I did. She's more on the kitchen, cooking their meals and clean downstairs from time to time, she only wash clothes when told.
After the work load became a little lighter, my lady boss took me at the marketplace so that I may know her suki and where to buy goods then to the convenient store where they buy their groceries.
I was also taught to operate the xerox machines because it was also a busy place. Then the daughter of the one who's managing the photo shop started to teach me with adobe photoshop which they used in the ID production.
I became an ultimate all-around helper. That at night, the moment my back touched the mattress I am already snoring. One time my sister dropped to visit me when she went to the marketplace. She immediately asked questions which made me wonder. Questions like am I eating right, am I sleeping right. It was because I loose a lot of weight, she can see the tiredness in my eyes and I have gained eyebags too (am not aware of it). She also saw me washing the carpets and pumping water at the poso which I used to wash the laundry. Yes there's a water tank and a hose but they told me to pump water for washing clothes. She said that carpets should be vacuumed and not washed because how can I carry the wet carpet to dry at the roof top. Well,they don't have a vacuum cleaner. She was a little bit furious. But I didn't like to leave because the old couple were looking for my substitute so that I will took over the computer shop which they said will be left by their daughter to study again in college. She finished up a degree but would like to study another one and there's no one to look after the computer shop because it's nearing enrollment and their grandchildren would be back to school, too.
I would like to learn some skill too with the computer shop that's why I didn't like to leave when my sister tried to talked me out. That's why my mind was not set to enter college that time.
After a week, my father came unexpectedly with his car- its an owner type jeep just a bit bigger. My bosses were astonished, they thought we were that very very poor based on how they talked to me and described the life in the mountains. They thought my parents can't afford to send me to school. Well, I was the shy type and didn't bother to explain to them how Igorots live.
There and then, he told me to pack my things and go home with him. Well, I really don't want to but that's my father already talking. He just told my bosses that I need to go home because enrollment in college is ongoing. There's no way, I need to stay and that they're sending me to school.
Well, the only thing I can tell was that be nice with helpers. Feed them well so that they may not faint at the middle of their work.. Respect them also and give them consideration because they're also human beings deserving such treatment. There's no need to be harsh on them because without them, your house would be a mess. Furthermore, everyone even you is also working.
05-14-21
*****z_graeden*****
I'm Slowly Understanding my Mother When I Became a Mother Myself
I was once a stubborn child. Sometimes I don't listen much to my mother which led her to spank me..
We loved to go to the river every chance we got. I used to sneak out of the house during weekends and during vacations. She doesn't like us going to the river which I don't understand. Everybody is enjoying the cool waters at the river while I was like confined inside the house. So when she sleeps with her babe during the day, I would tiptoe from our room and out of the house then ran to the waters.
One time, I dived into the water from the rock I was standing. I went to the bottom which really felt good. Me and the others usually do it and stay a little longer at the bottom then swam back to the river bank. However this time, I let myself be carried out by the current but I made sure that I would come out to the surface before I reach the dangerous part. On this part, there were lots of big stones and the river goes to a descending state, thus, the current was strong that would make small child to possibly drown.
I made a little act while I was letting myself be carried by the water. I didn't come out of the surface and was waving my hands in the air. Some have seen what I was doing and quickly came to rescue me. But before they were able to reach me, I stood up because it was a shallow part only that the current was swift.
They brought the news to my mother that I drowned and was rescued by older kids. But on that time I already went with one of my classmate at their house to play bahay-bahayan. Unbeknownst to me, my mother went to look for me to the river because of the lie they told her. Some kids who just came from the river saw me at my classmates house and told me my mother was looking for me and was furious. So those who had seen me rushed back to the river and told my mother I was at that classmate's house.
Unlike the typical old house in our village, my classmate's house was a modern one during those time- a semi-concrete house. So that the first floor was the kitchen, a spacious living room and two bedrooms. In one of the bedrooms, I hid under the bed of my classmate. My mother came and asked my playmates but they denied. Because my classmate's guardian weren't home that no adult to tell her I was there. My mother searched the house but couldn't find me because those balik-bayan box and bags were all around me which my playmates arranged under the bed where I hid.
I can't remember what happened afterwards, if I was beaten with a stick when I came home or not.
Later did I learn that one of our sibling's cause of death was drowning. He was a boy of five who went with other kids a year or two older than him to the river. They were not swimming but was sliding on a huge stone. However, on the other side of the stone was reached by the river water. They supposed that they wont go there if they slide thru. And theres only little water, but for small children it could reached their waist or higher.
In an instant, the young boy of five skidded accidentally and sunk to the water. He doesn't know how to swim and of all misfortunes he was swept away immediately to a deeper part wherein his playmates couldn't reach for him. They were shocked themselves and couldn't do any otherwise.
When I was growing older, there were things our teacher in school require us to pass like some art materials which we will be using or other stuffs or contributions maybe. I would tell my parents the moment I came home. And keep pestering them with it even if they told me that they will give it on the deadline.
Because life before was hard that my father had to go out of the village to look for work. My mother was just a plain housewife that maybe she doesn't have any extra money with her but for our daily necessities. That's why sometimes she can't give us what we're asking right away, perhaps. She had to borrow money. I got scolded if I kept asking her or my father if he's around even after they assured me that they will give me when they have but it won't be after the deadline of submission.
From that moment I was scolded, I got the initiative to not tell them until the deadline which made them scold me even more. How could they be able to produce when it was already the deadline.
Because we're many, half dozen siblings there is that our mother bought us clothes one at a time. But I've notice there's some favoritism because she kept buying for my siblings while I just had to use outgrown clothes of my older sister especially when I was in secondary level. Of course, I understood that but seeing them received payments of big projects from biddings my father had joined for school and hospital furnishings I also demanded them to buy me new things. Because they gave my male siblings some share for helping them. Didn't I helped also? I sometimes asked but they would answer me with, "as long as you still have clothes to wear and things to use." Yay, that's losing self esteem because you're shy to interact with others because of your outfit. And being a teen, a feeling of rebellion built up. A sense of uselessness and low confidence over took.
So that when I had my first born we pampered him because I told myself that my kids won't go through the same feat as I did. He was a very sickly baby that made the hospital his second home. His immunity overcame it while he was nearing his seventh birthday. But one thing I've noticed was his stubbornness. He would obey us one minute then the next was the opposite.
Now that I have three kids, he was always the one that comes to my mind everytime I leave them alone for some errands. I feel anxious everytime he would leave to play without saying a word especially when I am thinking he is out there in the river.
There were times also that I feel the same with my daughter especially that she's a girl. The feeling of being over-protective. That if possible, she won't go out of the house because we don't know about other people's mind- those dark minded individuals.
Truly, I am now understanding how my mother felt when we were younger. Anxiety by a parent is not a joke. Many what if's are coming through our minds but we also need to assure ourselves that it is how kids grow, learn and explore the world. Because if we keep them in a cage, they will not know how to deal with the world and expand their wings to fly.
There were times that we're lacking financially that sometimes I raised my voice when my kids annoy me with their repeated favor asking. One is asking for some sweets while the other is asking for bread or anything that they're craving and you have to tell them repeatedly that we'll have to wait for their father's wage to be given. They said they had seen that I have some money on my pouch and I have to tell them that's for the electric bill, for LPG refill, for their milk and vitamins and other daily necessities especially for meals. But they won't just stop.
**Closing Thoughts**
Well, it's not bad to give in to their whines sometimes but we really need to be firm also so that they will learn to understand that not everything they asked could be attained instantly. They will be able to learn patience, and things aren't just picked along the way but one needs to work for it.
There are lots of occurences that's happening in our everyday life which I can relate to when we were younger. The fear and anxiety is always there. My kids are still little, for sure there's more to come when they will turn teenagers and reach adulthood.
Now, I understood my mother because I am also a mother myself but I'll make sure they won't go through with what I have been through
05-13-21
*****z_graeden*****
Thank you sir @ErdoganTalk for your generosity. May you have more blessings to come
The Eleventh Commandment
If there's an eleventh Commandment, what could it be?
I was scrolling on my gallery to delete some unwanted files when I stumbled on this one. It was an old image I have saved last year from facebook. After which I read thru, I went to youtube and search for it. Coz honestly I am fond of country songs but never heard of this one yet.
Watching it, it was something that brings tears to one's eyes. Even listening to the lyrics alone is so difficult to take in.
https://youtu.be/okeRuvG5inM
Home is one place a child should be free of abuse, where he should be safe, protected and comfortably living in. It should not be a place where he has to endure suffering at a very young age. Sadly, it is where his body first comes in contact with domestic violence.
Honor thy father and thy father was the fifth Commandment. Children are expected to do so. To respect, obey and their parents. But it is not at all times. However,they are still bound to do so because of fear to the older ones who threatened them after. The society expects it from them.
Why was there no commandment to honor thy children?
Parents are given children to love, care, and protect them from all sorts of harm. That is also their duty and responsibility. Thus, society expects the children to be respectful and obedient towards their parents.
But let's look for some pictures. Children were maltreated at the comfort of their own home. May it be in the form of physical, emotional, verbal, mental and sexual abuse should not be tolerated. It affects their behavior, sanity and view of life in the long run.
Sadly, there are many children out there who suffered the maltreatment of their parents, including sexual abuse. Some were loved and cared for but they receive the abuse from their relatives who should be their second knights along side their parents to protect them.
We are only human, we are not perfect and flawed. We do mistakes but not to the extent of causing repeated harm to our children that makes them unstable in all aspects.
Some over come the treatment and be a responsible, functional citizens but mostly do not. Because mental and emotional abuse are more difficult to heal, thus the need for psychological therapy and counseling for them to become an able and functioning citizen of the society. They need to be healed from their past because if not, the risk of giving the same maltreatment to their future children when they're married is very high.
Thankfully, these days there are laws implemented by the government to further protect the welfare of our children. To rescue them from the abusive and malfunctional environment they're in.
Children are easily threatened by abusers that's why they just keep quite. The existence of laws to protect their rights make it easier for the society to help an abused child.
However, as I have said abuse is not only in the form of physical but mental, verbal, emotional, and sexual which is harder to be proved but harder to be healed from. Neglecting a child in such a way that they lack appraisal and compliments from their parents are forms of emotional abuse.
In addition with this, sexual abuse can be done by anyone and to anyone that's why teaching our kids about their body parts at a young age is important. Teach them the right term of their private parts so that they may be aware of it. This will make them empowered when talking about sexual abuse that may occur, ( knock on wood).
"Safe touch" should also be taught to them so that they may know what is appropriate and not. This may be something of a simple hug to a something that should not be.
Saying "no" not only with strangers but this includes anyone who seems to be trustable who tries to invite them privately.
Moreover, this can be achieve with open conversation with your child..
Closing thoughts
Abuse in any form should not be tolerated. If it is a requirement to honor thy parents then it should do the same with children. Respect, love, protect our kids and they will reciprocate it how we show them. It's not because they are parents that they should be honored, do the same with children and anyone else who deserves it. And not because it's what is demanded of you or expected of you by society.
However, if you're a parent who do the duties and a responsibilities of a good parent, be sure to befriend your child and create bonds so that they may talk to you about any problems they encounter around their environment.
Protect our kids for they are the future and hope of the nation.
05/12/21
*****z_graeden*****
My Mother's a Witch
*Disclaimer: this is not my story or anyone related to me. Like the story the pain of yesterday, I took this from a facebook page written in Ilocano. True-to-life story*
No worries of the world to a child that I am. The open fields is my playground and around our small shanty. There is a brook nearby to where I bathed like a dousing pig in a mud. I play joyfully and contentedly at the fields and the grace it offered. This is where my life revolved.
I grew up in a secluded area in the mountains with my mother. We have a dog named Brutos and a cat which I slept with. We ate sweet potato tops with rice and when we craved for meat, my mother would butcher one of our chickens. A very simple life we did have, I've no complains and am used to it.
My mother sent me to school when I was at the right age. Because we lived at the mountain sides, the school was very from where we were. I was reluctant to go because other children laughed at me. I had no footwear for my feet and I had a weird haircut, too which is done by my mother herself. They even asked which cave do we live.
I was bullied in school and no one liked to be friends with me. I was also lacking in school supplies so that I told my mother am lazy to attend school. However, she said calmly that it is an important tool for me in the future. Of coarse I didn't understand the meaninag of being educated on my young age.
My mother patiently walk and fetch me to and from school. We arrived at our humble abode almost dark already. We used a lamp for our light. To be able to sustain our need she patiently planted sweet potatoes and bananas and sell it to the teachers in school or barter it for goods at the store. She was denied education back then that she doesn't know if the people whom she sold the crops were paying her the right amount.
Growing up, I understood that unlike my classmates they have a father while I don't. I don't have much companion in school to interact with because they said am a son of a witch. When me and my mother arrived at our hut after school I asked her what is a witch. She answered that someone who removes eyes and place it in another part of the body. I asked her why I don't have a father just like the other kids but she answered me she will tell me when I am older.
Days passed and I am already graduating from elementary school. My mother washed my old school uniform for me to use at the moving up ceremony. She glued a pair of the shoes which she bought at a thrift shop (ukay-ukay), too. These were what I've used in marching up the stage. The other kids kept laughing at me because my slacks has a hole in it and I didn't have an underwear that's my why my butt can be seen. Even my mother was being laughed at because her clothes weren't new, it was only washed however. I didn't mind it though because am still a kid.
When I entered highschool, I am already aware and conscious about the difference of growing up in a remote place and in town. There were lots of things that I am ignorant about to which would caused my teachers to get mad at me. Once again, I told mg mother that I am lazy and tired of going to school. Nevertheless, she encouraged me to finished up even secondary education.
During PTA meetings, my mother attends but she distanced herself in a corner. People looked at her in a way like she had some sort of transmittable disease. Yes. My mom has some physical disabilities. She walks in a not-so steady gait, her eyes were uneven. Her speech is slurred which others can't understand but I do. These, perhaps were the reasons she distanced herself and felt ashamed to interact with others.
One time in school, we have this paper that we need to fill up including mother and father's name. I told my teacher it would be my assignment so I took the paper home. Thus, when I came home I asked my mother about my father.
"I was a victim of rape," she said.
"One time, I attended a wedding and was already dark when I was getting home. From somewhere along the path, someone grabbed me and punched me hard that I lost consciousness. They did what their earthly desire longed," she narrated.
I felt pity towards her because her tears were flowing.
When her baby bump was already noticeable her father punched her belly and chased her away of their house. Her mother pitied her and sent her here in the province where she gave birth to me. The lot was her mother's inheritance from her folks.
According to my mom, her father was furious because she was impregnated by anybody and can't even tell her father who the bastard was. When I learned about this, I folded the paper which I am suppose to fill in and never asked her again.
Years passed and eveyone was saying we were some kind of witch. By heresays, people whom my mother interacted with were dying because my mom's performing witchcraft towards them. People don't even consult a doctor to be diagnosed if they were ill. They have a strong faith in witchcraft and less were in religion those times. In school I was being avoided by my classmates also.
My mother's reaction towards the spread of rumor was just to let them be as long as they're not hurting us physically. Because she has a clean conscience and doing no harm towards others.
I finished highschool with lots of struggles and my mom's sacrifices. My uncle, the eldest brother of my mother came to visit us. He asked my mom to take me with him in La Trinidad where they are residing. And that he would send me to college. My mother, right there and then agreed without even asking me. I didn't want to go and leave her alone until she told me that I will need it in the future. And she has nothing else to give for me to inherit. That was what she had kept telling me until I agreed and left with my uncle.
Because it was vacation that time that I became a helper in my uncle's shop. They were the people whom we can consider as rich. I stayed at their house and they treated me nicely except for one. I have this male cousin who isn't good to me that's why I distanced myself as much as possible. However, there's this time when he threw the paint container at me. I was unaware of it because my back's towards him. He seemed drunk and saying "Aeta, aeta" to me while he was laughing and headed towards his room. I didn't said a word to my uncle to avoid conflicts.
In college, I learned the big difference from the place I grew up to this new environment I am in. I met a lot of people that influenced me. I begun to change from the aloof country boy to being someone who is adapting to the city ways.
I loss the longing for my mother and acted like somebody. From school, I go straight to the shop and help then have a little toss of gin with the other workers. Until one time, I asked my uncle for me to stay at the shop. Without hesitation, my uncle agreed. From that day forward I became carefree. We went to bars at night and danced.
I graduated from my degree of nursing, no matter how. It was my uncle and his wife who marched with me on the stage. I have already forgotten about my mother that time.
Fortunately, I was able to pass the board exam and now called a registered nurse. One of my uncle's wife's relatives helped me to go abroad, in Australia. And thankfully, I was given the privilege to work their.
Prior to going abroad I thought of myself high when I will be able to go abroad. But I was wrong. To stay and work in a foreign land is difficult. There is less socialization. After coming home to my place after a day's work, I felt that there's something missing- a void that should be patched up. All you have to do is to work and less time for leisure. Money is what will make your world go round due to the fact that the cost of living is pricey. Money abroad turns out to be more expensive when converted to Philippine money only.
Though that's how abroad life was, I patiently thrived on. I sent some money to my uncle which was for my mother.
Those lonely days did I only think of my mother. One night, when I came home from work I even cried because of the hard feelings I, myself caused. Thoughts like "how was my mother, I am eating delicious foods here what about her" flooded my mind. On that moment in time did I realize my thoughtlessness towards her, I totally forgotten about her since the day I started my studies in college. How bad a child I am, that I have never thought if how's she doing.
I prayed that night asking the Lord to watch over my mother. That it's not too late for me make up to her.
The following day, I called my uncle and asked about my mother. He said that he went to see her the other day and she was just fine. She was very happy to know that the goods my uncle brought came from me. She also kept asking my uncle how am I and what I have become. Unbeknownst to my uncle, I was already crying on the other line while he was saying those.
Mother, how I wish it's not yet too late for me to shower you with my love.
I think my savings is sufficient enough for me to go home and surprise the first woman whom I have love.
After five years of working abroad, I felt very happy when I step foot at the NAIA terminal. I was fetched by my uncle and we went home to La Trinidad, at their residence. I asked if we can used his other car the following day so that I can go home to the land where I was born. My usual good uncle didn't decline my request.
One more thing I am very thankful of was my uncle who had always been supportive to me and never showed me bad.
The following day, I put everything for my mother on the car. I was accompanied by my uncle. The eight hours travel seems eternal. I can't wait to see my mother, how I wish I could fly and reach the mountains instantly. It's like an illness that the only cure is to see my mother.
Almost ten years had gone and now I am standing right infront of the place that had given me the joys of a child. Everything change but our humble abode was still there standing. My uncle said he fixed things every time he came here to visit his younger sister.
My uncle shouted and called for my mother when we arrived but there's no answer. We put down my baggage we were carrying. My uncle opened the door but my mom's not in. There's no sign of Brutos, our dog also and a different cat was at the fireplace. Maybe she went somewhere, we will wait for her, my uncle said. But I felt so uneasy, am too anxious to see her. I told my uncle to wait while I go look for her.
While walking along the path, the feeling of nostalgia overflowed inside me. The simple things the fields brought so much joy during my childhood days. The brook, the river and the trees I used to climb.
"***Lasel. Lasel, ayka ta mangan ta.***" (Russel. Russel, come, let's eat). I heard my mother's voice while I was nearing the kaingin or the clearing where she used to plant sweet potatoes and bananas.
She was calling for me. I quickly go to her and saw her eating a ripe papaya. "Mother!" I called out to her but she won't look at me. I touched her then she looked at me. She gazed at me for a long time trying to recognize who I was and asked who I am.
"I am Russel, your son," I told her.
She reached for my face and told me I was not his son. I think she's a bit senile already. So I carried the root crop she dug. I held her and her her stand. I told her we will go home and tell stories.
My mother only believed I am her son when my uncle was the one who told her. I reaches out to her and gave her a tight hug. She kept touching my face. That was the time I felt my mother's worth.
I fixed my mother's inheritance thru officially putting it in a white and black document. I made a mini garden for my mother to cultivate because she can't be stopped from working. That I told her to just look for the flowers to keep her occupied. I built a poultry for my business and sell it in town.
I bought goods in town but my mother won't touch them. She said it was filled with *vetsin*. She's used to plain foods which are available on the fields that we gather.
I will stay with my mother while there's still time for us to be together. Make up to her for the years I was away and for the things I fall short in the past.. Grateful I am that it's not yet too late for me.
This is Russel, and this is my story.
Side note from the author: Hopefully there's someone out there who would fall in love with me and would accept my mother.. I will look for that girl. Happy Mother's day to all mothers out there.
My POV:
To dream and achieve success is the best thing for everyone. Whatever you define success is, always remember the person who had kept you moving. Sacrificed and done everything to be able to provide for you, the one who faced the judgemental and criticizing world.
It is a mother's unconditional love that makes her accept everything thrown at her just to make her child's life easier. So whatever you reached in life, always remember the one who gave birth to you, nurtured you and done everything for you.
Good thing for Russel, the one we featured in this story as written by him that it was not late for him to realize his wrongs, to make up and show his love and how he valued his mother..
05-10-21
*****z_graeden*****
10 Months of Writing and Earning BCH
This was supposed to be posted on the 7th of this month but I wasn't able to make an article for this yet. I thought that I have registered on the 10th of July 2020, but as I was tracking when will I turn 10 months was I able to learn that it was every 7th of every month that I turn another leaf.
So the ride with readcash had been wholly awesome. Those of us who had stayed this long had watched how this platform's season changed. Turning into a more beautiful blossom every season.
On the first two months I didn't spend my earnings. I withrew everything in my coins.ph wallet. And on my second month, when I was able to accumulate $1 in two days, I went with the trend of giving out sponsorships. Then I joined to some also which I later realized was just some sick initiation to gain subscribers and serves as a badge at someone's profile.
When I was able to accumulate some amount on my coins.ph I used it to replenish my load. That is 70php in Philippine fiat currency every week. Why 70 or more? Its because it was the cheapest which lasts for a week's internet use. During those times BCH is worth 250 USD. There were times I chanced when bch is down and up sometimes but I had to convert an amount of $1.2 so that I may have some e-load to use here to be able to interact and publish my articles.
I must admit that my earnings since day one until the end of 2020, I used it to buy me things and my kids'. I didn't know or had less knowledge about hodling but I do the converting when I saw that there's a little rise in value. Price those times kept fluctuating, however.
I didn't track my earnings back then but summarizing the amount which I used to purchased the goods, it is amounting to 4000php. My weekly e-load wasn't even included in that.
After months of writing and earning bitcoin cash, I got interested in hodling because most of our friends kept posting the benefits of it. The desire was even more ignited when sir Marc made the prediction of bitcoin cash reaching $30k this year. Most of us made the $1 goal for everyday, and I was one who was inspired by it. However, after the first week of January the bot was too aloof on me. So that to save $1 a day was too impossible for me to attain. Nevertheless, I didn't stop writting.
After months and months, I am still here writing for bitcoin cash though I knew less about writing crypto stuffs. I may have not earned much just like the other users which the bot is constantly tipping yet to leave was impossible. That is because the interaction is priceless, we have gained virtual friends here, we learned some skills from others just like making memes, painting using apps, the knowledge we gained from reading others articles especially crypto-related ones. It's the best platform there is.
I must say that on the last week of April, after weeks of being inactive due to the farming season here in our place I was able to earn more than $100 of bch. I can tell that was the best I have earned so far in just a little time. Nevertheless this past days, the bot was also back to its normal routine. It dropped from time to time. It doesn't bother me but I just wish it won't wander off too long. I just noticed as of this writing that the bot was absent for two straight days then came back with a blast giving my published articles those days some decent tips.
Do I have regrets in spending my earned bch in the past?
I was thinking what if I didn't spend my earnings from day 1,then I would've reached 1bch already. I do feel a little bit of regress, that I shouldn't have used my earnings for online purchases. But I felt relieved to think that the things I bought were essential ones which we were still using up until today. Without readcash, I may have not been able to buy these things. And what are we here for but to earn, right? To spread awareness about bitcoin cash so that its other counter parts supporters don't keep on under rating it.
Are we there yet, making our coin the real bitcoin?
Yes. We all know that bch is the real bitcoin. No more add ons about that because we have been reading the reasons behind. Now, our coin made it to the moon and it seems it will be there for some time. All we need is real mass adoption to attract more investors who believe in the potential of bch.
Closing thoughts
I believe that staying here, making the platform a strong foundation for bch mass adoption is never in vain.
More months to count on read.cash or years maybe..
05/09/21
*****z_graeden*****
My Sister's Third Eye
The night was cold. People were already inside their house because it was already pass dinner time. There were only little house with electricity that made the surroundings more darked, it was because electricity had just reached the village. Only a few can afford to have their house wired and have electric lights yet.
A group of girls were walking at the unpaved highway when suddenly this girl saw a lady in pure white beside the road some meters away. Her hair was covering her face that's why she tried to look or stare to make sure who the lady was. She was a little bit occupied that's why she didn't noticed they were already near the house of the person who just died from an accident.
One minute they were walking, the next she was pushed by her friends as they ran fast because they were afraid to walk on that part of the road. She was left, with some bruise on her knees and arms. She looked at the part where the lady was but was nowhere to be seen. She didn't know it was some ghost she had seen.
*This was the first incident my sister saw a ghost when electricity was not yet distributed to every house. She later realized it was some ghost because she was waiting for her friends to tell about it but nothing. So it was only her who had seen it.*
Our neighbors house when we were kids had a balcony in between the kitchen and bedrooms. The balcony serves as a living room, it was spacious but had an open part which was supposed to be for windows. But no windows was installed so that when they put on the light, the back part and some front portion was reached by the light inside.
My sister went to pee outside at nearly midnight because comfort room was located outside our house. Because our neighbor's house light at the balcony she saw a shadow at the back of our neighbor's house. The shadow of a woman who was combing her long straight hair then lied down. Because it was dark and no one would be looking at my sister pee, she's doing her thing just outside our house. Then the shadow again sat up and begun to comb her again then lied down. It was like that for three times when she decided to get inside because she's done peeing.
When she was at her bed, she kept thinking about what she saw. Our neighbor, an aunt had a curly hair and not so long that would've reached her waist. There was no bed or hammock maybe at the balcony where that shadow was supposed to be lying and sitting up from. And it's very late at night, why would she be doing that? She shrugged it off. No thoughts about ghost and slept.
At the same house, our neighbor which was only 5 meters away from our house. After dinner, my sister went out to wash her hands at the faucet because there's no sink inside our house. She saw a little boy, probably 4 years of age. The boy was looking up inside the house but it seems no intention of going in. My sister thought why is the boy just looking inside and not just go in. Why was our neighbor's family were eating and not call the boy outside. The boy was not any of the kids of our neighbor's she knew it.
The public faucet was just outside our house so she washed her hands and looked again at the stairs where the boy was looking up to but wasn't there already..
Another incident was, she was roasting some peanuts at one of our aunt's house one evening. Located just at the back of our neighbor's house. Our aunts were at their mother's house who just passed away. So she was left alone.
She heard some noise at the second floor. The house was semi-concrete, the second floor was of galvanized iron and wood for the floor while the first floor part was concretr. She thought it was some rats running but the noise became more louder as she got the mop and tried to shoo away the rats. The sound became more distinguishable as if someone was trying on the heeled sandals above and walking to and fro. She kept listening to it but then the footsteps of sandal sounds- tok tok tok- began to descend the stairs. She put off the fire of the peanut she's roasting and fled. She was catching her breath as she reach her friend's house, instead of coming at our house. This time she was already aware of ghosts.
These were just some of the encounters of my sister from seeing and hearing something which some were related to future events. It fade away when she was consistently going to church and her faith strengthened when she was at her teen age years. Our maternal grandfather had also a third eye and can feel paranormal things but he just keep quite not to scare us. Though my sister's third eye was closed she could still sensed things in her dreams that might come up.
***Closing thoughts***
My late grandfather always told us that ghosts has no ability to harm humans. He always told us not to come home very late at night because ghosts were harmless but human with dark minds can harm anyone along the way at night or maybe on broad day light.
This was reason I don't also fear ghosts. Some considered third eye to be a blessing or a curse. And yes, third eye can be closed thru strengthening faith in God.
05/07/21
*****z_graeden*****
Step Back In Time
Do you have kids, how're they coping with the pandemic? Do they just stay indoors, do their modules and play gadgets? Luckily for us here in the country sides, our kids are free to roam around the village. They may get bored with their modules but still they can play outside under the scorching heat of sun, running about and not minding their mothers scolding to stay in the shade when it's too hot. They are enjoying the cool waters of the river, splashing water to each other. They form balls of mud then throw to the other. They catch tadpoles from the rice paddies and place them in a plastic container, checking, waiting and watching as it transforms to a frog.
Though readcash is my main source of entertainment these days, I still check facebook from time to time. I was scrolling down when a shared post about the '80s and '90s games caught my interest.
When we were still kids, we like to play at the mountain sides to collect wild flowers. The rice granaries served as our house as we play *bahay-bahayan*. There was what we call the king and queen whom we will make them thrones. We adorned the queen's throne with the wild flowers and vines we collected. There were also the knights that faught for the king. Two warring kingdoms fight but for games sake only, they threw sticks to each other until one kingdom was declared the winner.. When the games were a bit *bitin*, we continue it the next day especially when its getting dark already and everyone started to head home.
*Tagu-taguan* was also played especially when the nights were illuminated by the pale moonlight. Some head home without saying a word leaving the *taya* to keep looking for them.
During the season of wild berries and fruits to bear fruits, we invade the forest, mountain tops and the thickets in search of these deliciously satisfying fruits of the wild. We were like monkeys hanging, jumping and clinging from branch to branch. Yes, we go in groups if the older kids were kind enough to tug us along. We acquire scratches from bushes' thorns and may injure parts of our body but the fun was more dominant than the pain. One time we came to a pasture for carabaos and cows. The naughty ones begun to make fun of the cattle until they ran and chase us. Run as fast as we could with fear. One of my friends foot slipped and she fell face exactly at a cows dung.. We helped her up and ran again as we were pulling her in her hands because most of her face was covered with cow's waste. We were able to get away from the cows when we reach the barbed fence. Others clothes were thorn. We were catching our breaths when we remembered our friend that slipped with her face on the cow's waste.. We laughed so hard that it tire us all the more.
We also enjoyed swimming in the river, throwing some small cans filled with sand in the deepest part and we dived in simultaneously to search and get it. One time, one of my classmate was stepped upon by another as we plunged to get the cans of sand. The boy who stepped on the girl's head was much bigger and he jumped from a rock above that's why the girl was really hit hard hitting her lower lip to her chin at a sharp edge of the rock below the water. Up until this day, the scar was still there.
Because we barely have money before, we collect jellyace covers to play with. Jellyace covers long time ago were of anime designs and cartoon characters now modernized as what children call *pogs*. Jellyace covers were phased out and text also took place.
Boys games included *baril-barilan*, where they cut banana leaves and remove the leaves leaving the hard center. They assemble it into toy guns. Sometimes they made it from wood. *Tat-alak* or toy cars were also made by them. *Vab-awet* or top. Then the *pap-anitak* which is made of young kawayan sticks. They chew papers and formed it into pellets which served as the bullets. They also made slingshot which sometimes they used to shoot on their opponent or to shoot birds in the fields or in the mountains. Marble games, shatong and many more.
Girls, on the other hand were fond of bending-bending wherein it composed of different series of slipper games. Our body became elastic by doing those kinds of bending.
Chinese garter, 10-20-30 were rubberband games wherein the rubberbands were braided together to resemble a rope. Then we jumped from it following some series of steps also.
*Luksong baka, luksong tinik, patintero, standing lata, touch the body, step-aparador, sipa* with the use of kamote leaves tied at the base, and many other games that entertained us during our childhood. We got scratched and bruised, got dark and sunburned by playing but like our kids today, we can't be stop. We got whipped by sticks and slippers but the fun of playing is something that would heal it..
**Closing thoughts**
In the village, you can still see kids play some of the games we used to play when we were young. And because life had changed or let's say modernized that those who aren't considered poor don't allow their kids to play under the sun and in the river unless on picnics.
Additionally, activities like getting some firewoods is very seldom its because everyone is already using LPG based stoves. Older kids especially those who already are on the secondary level are addicted to online games and computer games.
If only recreational activities like basketball and other community activities would be implemented to get our kids from gadget addiction. They would be entertained even if they get bored from their modules at least there is something to get their minds off from the pressure they're in. It is because of the technical innovations that entered our life that those old games are no longer played.
05/06/21
*****z_graeden*****
Unplanned But Never Unwanted
How often do we hear and read on social media the quote "unplanned outing yet the best?" We can say that unplanned setting are more enjoyable than planned events because it brings more thrill and fun. But is it applicable to everything unplanned? No.
**Tested Positive**
Okay.. When we hear the word tested positive what comes to our mind first is about COVID-19 swab test.
On January of this year I missed my monthly period for two consecutive months. It was very unusual because I do have an irregular menstruation which only comes every other month. But this time, it was already two months. On that day forward, I can feel some changes within my body. The feeling of premenstrual syndrome, sensitive and strong sense of smell, my nipples became sore leaving cracks which made an unbearable pain everytime my youngest latched. Thus, I had to introduce formula milk to him which he didn't take at first unless he will see the wound on my nipples.
My husband, on one of the days he went to town to purchase materials for his boss' project, bought a pregnancy test kit and a number of pregnancy multivitamins which is Obimin plus. I stared at it and gave him a cold look.
Two purple stripes showed on the test kit. The other was pretty visible while the other was not. I didn't know what to feel about it. I was left blank minded, thoughts floating.. I got mad at last.
**Denial**
I started to take the multivitamins though I can't digest the fact yet. It didn't sink in yet. I have so much plans. Plans that were built with stones but later on turned into sand towers that was washed out by waves with a single splash. I felt very broken. Another thing that I was thinking was the current dilemma the world is facing these days. Having a newborn baby in this time will make things difficult due to the fact that every symptoms especially cough and colds that little children are prone with is associated with COVID-19. Lots of thoughts which will trigger my depression came to mind. I feel myself was exhausted enough after bearing 3 kids, not only physically but emotionally and psychologically. The feeling of being left out worsened. Left out because most of my batchmates were all successful in their life, having their own career.
Even if I felt this way, I am taking care of myself by taking my vitamins daily. The vitamin is quite expensive for me which costs 20php or $.52 per capsule but had to buy it for the sake of the little heartbeat beating with mine. I didn't get the chance to have a prenatal check-up at our barangay clinic here because the midwife was always absent everytime I go, and that was twice. I didn't bother to go again and waste my time again and again. What's most important is am taking my vitamins and taking care of myself.
**Mode of family planning**
My youngest was only 1 and a half year old when the pregnancy test kit proved my situation. I was not taking any family planning method neither was my husband. But we were practicing natural methods like calendar method and withdrawal. This had been our mode of family planning in terms of child bearing. Fortunately, my two elder kids turned 3 before they have a little sibling.. But this time, I planned to breastfeed my youngest and wean him when he turned two before I will take on pills. Grow my BCH earnings with a little traditional business and other plans. But now it was all put to rest.
**Accepting the fact**
Sometimes it make me feel frustrated and down spirited because I was not ready yet for another life to bear. It affected my daily performance that I keep yelling on my kids with their slightest mistake. Until I felt one day the little and short flutter on my tummy. Unintentionally, I had my hand over my belly. Mother's feeling overtook. There's nothing more to do than to love the little human growing.
It may be unplanned but never unwanted. Though at first it took me time to accept the reality but had to. The only thought that calmed me was the fact that I was blessed with a womb. Some of my batchmates who were truly successful on their careers and also were married but can't have a child after years of marriage. I was also praying for them and hoping one of these days, they will also be blessed with their own child.
I have fully accepted it that's why I was able to disclose it here. In fact, there's less number of people who knew it. My baby bump, just like my previous pregnancies was small that's why it was a little bit unnoticeable.
Today, I am exactly on my 25th week by ultrasound. Still on breech but hoping it will turn as the days go by.
Part of accepting it, I was preparing for the things I need on giving birth and the things for the baby. Now I was planning to have a sepate wallet on my bitcoin.com for these things. Most especially that hospitals were already requiring swab test even for birthing mothers. I don't see the need to but it was a new government requirement also. I also learned that those with Philhealth are automatically marked positive.. Hayy, kahirap na nga ng buhay, mas pinapahirap pa.
I only wished that swab test is not mandatory for women who are to give birth because thinking only of being locked down in a room for 14 days gives me anxiety attack. When at the comfort of our house after birthing, living freely at home with foods to help you gain back strength and being able to do things for yourself and the newborn is very much incomparable when at the hospital. There's limited source of food at the hospital, limited water to wash soiled nappies and baby clothes. Plus it will be a great burden because it was like being imprisoned with little access to the outside world..
5/5/21
*****z_graeden*****
Too Much Love Kills
On the first of this month, I have this maternal cousin who came to attend the wedding. He didn't dropped at my sister's house at first. I was sitted outside when he and his colleagues passed. He just smiled and said yes when I invited them in. Then they proceeded to their under constructed house nearby our parents house here.
This cousin is a son of my mother's sister who grabbed a portion of my mother's lot. It was where they had built the under constructed house. He had a younger brother whom we taught was the one who owned it.
After dinner he came to my sister's house. We didn't go home at our house which is about 15 minutes walk and spent the night at my sister's. My mother was outside when this cousin of ours came. He greeted my mother politely. I invited him in to eat because we were just finishing our dinner. But he declined because he said they already ate at the reception.
I was listening to their conversation silently. They were talking about the house which was not yet done. He planned to continue building it. He asked forgiveness for his mother's acts before. This made my mother very much happy which she had been anticipating for years. She didn't expect it to come from her nephew to ask forgiveness for his mother. Unlike his siblings who speak arrogantly with us, he was the humble kind. My mother told him that she was glad that it was him who their mother gave the lot to. Because even my sister dislike his other siblings and was wishing to it to be him who owned the lot. Before he came, my sister saw him at the reception and talk to him nicely, she insisted for him to come at their house and so he did.
I intervened to their conversation when I noticed they were already done with what they were talking about. They were talking some random topics. I told him to get married already because in fairness he was already 35 year old. He was a little intoxicated and just laughed at what I said. My mother then again started to tell him the benefits of getting married. But he just keep on laughing then agreed to some of what my mother was saying. After a while, his phone rang. He picked it up and answered it. Me and my mother can hear their conversation because he set it to loudspeaker.
My mother asked if it was his girlfriend and he said yes. He met this girl when he was assigned at the call of duty in Manila. It was some sort of fun amongst them at first but the girl took it seriously. "The girl was the jelous type that she would asked multiple questions regarding a facebook post he had liked no matter if it was his family's post or relatives," he said. He also added that it seems he can't breathe from what the girl was doing. She even threatened him to commit suicide if he tries to break up with her. Me and my mother were still listening to him..
"I felt a little relieved when I was homebased in Lunas where there was no network coverage. I don't have to worry everytime I have some place to go unexpectedly," he cried.
"You're at a difficult situation. But do you love her? Because if you continue to pursue your relationship because she was threatening you, it'll be a burden for you. Tell her not to love you that much because too much heat will burn you both," My mother told him.
"With the type of profession you have, there are unexpected calls out of duty time. You have secret assignments that even your soon-to-be wife need not to know. Trust is the main foundation of love most especially with people with the kind of profession you have," mother said.
"You will be my neighbor someday if you plan to stay at your fully furnished house, then how can we enter your house? If you will have her as a wife, no one even your siblings and your cousins won't be able to get in your house because of her jealousy."
"Jealousy could kill, am telling you," she added.
My mother started to narrate some situations wherein too much jealousy is a dangerous thing. I was silent all throughout their conversation.
"To feel jealous is a normal thing because that's a natural human nature. When used in moderation or little of possible, it helps one to improve and correct his/her acts when used at a good aspect. It is also a beneficial thing within a relationship but when not accompanied with trust and understanding then it's a different thing already," I interfered when I saw the need to.
"You haven't heard anything about me that I did something wrong to any girl. Most of my siblings were girls. My mother and all of you my aunts were all girls and most of my cousins are all girls. I told her that I can't do cheating because it's not in our blood. Its not in our clan's nature. In fact, two of my sisters were cheated on," my cousin told us.
During my cousin's conversation with his girlfriend we heard how she talked. Her tone was full of suspicion. She was like an investigator trying to trap a suspect. But my cousin, on a calm voice convince her that he was on my sister's house and talking with my mom and me. Yet she still was bombarding him with questions in a very unlike tone and manner. I can sense the lack of trust and suspicion in the girls voice and my mother, too.
Later that night my sister and one of our female maternal cousins came. This cousin of ours started to tease our cousin. We were a bit puzzled because we don't know what they're talking about. Later on, we learned that he liked someone in our own village but was not brave enough to court her. My little brother, who came earlier than my sister and our female cousin started to tell him words to make him able to face the girl.. He was teased all along and we were having a good laugh. Our female cousin left to lock their house because there's no one in there.
Because my brother was like challenging our cousin that this cousin told us that we can go at their house and admit his feelings to the girl but we told him that it's no good timing because they were already drunk. Prior to this, my brother opened a bottle of gin which they both were drinking.
However, when my sister also left our cousin cried to our mother that they can't go even when he is sober the following day.. My brother calmed him and said it was his decision that we respect and support.
I can feel his sincerity and loyalty towards his girlfriend even if his girl was like that. I admire him for that.
**Closing thoughts**
How can we say this, too much love or too much jealousy? Either way, too much of everything is bad. My cousin's relationship was already toxic that he felt he was being strangled. He was afraid that the girl might commit suicide if he attempted to leave her.
I can tell that my cousin was a li'l bit of a "*torpe*" or someone who isn't bold enough to court a girl and admit his feelings. He liked the girl in our village very much but he was just "*hanggang tingin, halik sa hangin*." He was in a relationship because I could tell by the way he told their story that it was the girl who initiated a move.
Despite of being in a toxic relationship, he still is loyal to his girl.
Love is what bounds us humans towards others and to our planet earth and all natures within in. Too much love could kill and the strong foundation of a relationship is trust. Additionally, less love could also cause havoc around us. Jealousy is caused by insecurity and if you're not confident enough then instead of being on the healthy side, it will be the root of toxicity.
5/4/21
*****z_graeden*****
The First Wedding on COVID-19 Era
Weddings are special days that everyone is happy in both parties. But here in our village everyone will participate (just like what I have said in my previous article) from preparation until the occasion is done. They shower their love to the newly wed.
But because of this COVID-19 outbreak, occasions were stopped. Graduating students before didn't experience to march at the stage to receive their diplomas. Set weddings were already impeded because it was one safety protocol to contain the spread of virus.
From a safe locality, the municipality became the center of UK-variant which caused panic to the locals. Not until the said couple- variant had surfaced to expose everything, that their coming home from the UK had nothing to do with the outbreak of the new virus. Then at a split second, the chaos had suddenly stopped.
As the days go by, this virus is already becoming a normal thing. Everyone just had to be mindful and observe protocols when going out on their own houses.
This wedding took place and as I have observed, protocols were broken. The big calvary church in our village were packed with both the villagers and visitors. Private cars were lined up beside the roads. Social distancing was not observed. It was the same situation during the pre-pandemic era.
I hadn't attended the ceremony physically because I went for a check-up in town. But looking at the posted pictures on social media, you can tell it.
At the reception, when everyone was lined up to get food for lunch it was very hot. No more bark of bananas used to serve foods these days but were packed in a plastic cellophanes and paper plates.
While people were still lined up, the bridal car arrived. The reception was on the main road, thus the people had to make way for the car to pass. The bridal car was followed by a fire truck which was sounding its siren. Yes, the couples are firefighters. Both of them. We were trying to get a glimpse of them on the bridal car but the bridesmaids were the ones riding it. 4 or 5 of the grooms men in their uniform were also sitted at the fire truck. So I've thought, maybe there's another car. But as the car and truck is slowly advancing because of the pack of crowds lined up, we saw the groom and bride holding on to the rails of both sides at the back of the truck. The crowd cheered and applauded as they pass through.
Another line was then created after the couple were finally sitted and settled at their table. The people already begun to go and congratulate them with their enveloped gifts. Because it was too hot, and the line of people who are sending their gifts were tightly packed I didn't go yet. Me and my daughter get foods first. My eldest can get his own food independently while I had to leave my youngest with their father because of the heat of the sun and the crowd was unimaginable.
After lunch, that I was only able to go and personally congratulate the newly weds with my envelope. In our place, almost everyone show their love through giving gifts, mostly cash. That's why everyone had to keep some amount intended for the envelope for the upcoming wedding. And as for me, I am ashamed to just go and get food if I know we were lacking and we really don't have any money for that purpose. It takes some convincing before I will be able to go, that is if my husband went to help.
Due to the huge number of visitors who came and the villagers who went to give their gifts that "tokens" ran out. Neither my parents nor me weren't able to have one.
My sister, on the other hand was busy with helping with the food committee and not until nearly 3pm that she was able to come at their house.
After congratulating the newly weds and wishing them a beautiful future family, me and my kids watched a little of the traditional dance called "**pattong-sagni** and "**bogibogi**" we then went home at my sisters house.
Pattong and sagni was the traditional dance of the Igorots but only performed during traditional rites of a village like in town proper. It was men playing the "**gangsa**" or gong at a distinct vibrant rythm that everyone, most especially women can dance the sagni. However, in our village it was performed during occasions like weddings, village fiesta, and traditional rites like the time when the village renew their peacepack with other villages. **Bogibogi**, on the other hand was also played with the gangsa but at a different rythm. This was a courtship dance where the man is like chasing the woman but the woman won't just be catch at a single round. It was like taming her first before she is able to say yes.
But these days, this bogibogi dance was also modernized by the village people because they can do any move that would send the crowd to an uproar of laughter.
*Side note: I didn't take any photo because my youngest is holding my phone everytime we go at the reception*
**Closing thoughts**
This was not actually the first wedding after the COVID-19 outbreak because I have seen weddings posted on social media before this one. People are already violating safety protocols like social distancing. Nevertheless, we had to be mindful that when feeling unwell better to stay at home because nobody knows if the real covid virus is what one really is carrying.
Another wedding was also set this month and no doubt it will be of the same situation. What I can only say is take care of our own self because thime virus came to live with us and just like any virus, we had to live and fight it.
Sana lang the following days will gradually change to normal because we are violating safety protocols just as the same. Nagiging kawawa na ang mga bata na sana ay nag-eenjoy sa pag-aaral but now they were forced to do their modules because they already became tired and bored. Hopefully, places with low risk from the virus will be back to normal especially education.
Until then, no matter what occasion we are attending be mindful and careful.
Lead image from pixabay
6/3/21
*****z_graeden*****
April Fooled and Fulled
I can't think of a a better title that would fit the article so I will just start right out.
Reminiscing those days
I have been in this platform for 9 months already and will be turning 10 on the second week of this month. We earn from publishing articles and interacting those times. Am I right? Am just so forgetful 😁.. I got to earn a dollar after four or five days which is enough to buy me load at my coins.ph that would last a week also. Sponsorship related posts and articles were very rampant and I joined to some of them. I also once initiated it. Later on, did I realize it was only for badge sake to gain subscribers. It was becoming annoying already to the point that it was a nuisance. What's wrong about it is that you will discover in your own way that your sponsors didn't even mind to subscribe you because no matter how you commented on their articles, they won't reply.. Hayy.
Then, point system was created. It was fun at first because the interaction became fun and healthy. The more you interact, the more you gain points which will be converted to bch the following day. The highest Ive got was $3 thrice. I took an screenshot of it and was supposed to publish but I didn't because many were complaining that they were not getting points anymore. Posting it would make others envious, so I didn't and just deleted the screenshot. During this time, greedy people and cheaters flocked the platform. People made multiple accounts or posted 10 articles a day which is very much surprising. Some even don't have the EXC mark on their article, that means it was 100% plagiarized.
I became one of those who reported spammers because their spam comments of "nice, good" and other one word comments were just so annoying.
Thankfully, read.cash team made a way to elliminate spammers by creating the spam button but they won't just stop.
Our little Darling
Finally, the best creation there is. Rusty the little guy was born. As its name implies, he rewards your works randomly. Some of my articles were tipped and some weren't. But on the first week of January, it became kind and generous and that's it. I tried to track it's movements on my articles and trap it but its just so aloof.
I had some share of pessimism and became demotivated but I still find my fingers won't just stop tapping my keyboard to write an article. I published an article every other day, every two days or everyday that is to find out how this slicky guy drops a visit. It went on until March. I even posted on one of my article to abandon this account because the bot was nowhere to be found but Ruffa, hanzell and others were there to encourage me.
Then I went offline for quite some time, two weeks or nearly 3 weeks. I was just too exhausted in the evening after coming home from the fields then had to wake up early the next day to prepare for the fields again. This hindered me to check on in here..
**Achieved $150 BCH**
However, after publishing my first article for the month of April on 22nd I didn't expect for Rusty to drop by. My article was tipped after almost 24 hours. That's why I didn't publish the next article immediately. Thus, had to publish it on the 24th and just interact with others here. My second and third also received generous amounts after some hours of publishing. The succeeding ones were tipped after more than 24 hours but I said, it is okay. I was not totally forgotten by the bot because I told ruffa that I will give it until the end of April if Rusty won't peep any longer then I would make another account.
Grateful that I am because I never expected to receive these kind of amount.. I told myself that it is to make up for the months my account was on draught. During the time of draught, I was and is thankful to our virtual friends here who showed and still showing support to me. Though I am diverting my demotivation to positivity still the encouraging words lift up the spirit.
I didn't expect I am gonna make it to $100+ bch in just a week.. Maybe I have been fooled on the 1st of April after publishing my March journey but I feel very much full at the end.
**5000 views**
And... Last night after making this article and while entertaining myself here, I received another notification..
I have reached 5000 views. That's pretty awesome though I made it after 9 months.. I am just so happy about it.
Closing
It may be hard to divert our feeling of being demotivated to a brighter side but we must. We are only human who feels envious on the achievements of others but we have to get the motivation from it to drive us more where we wanted to be. Lingering on the negatives will just pull you down that you will be stuck in a gutter. We will lost self-esteem sometimes but when you think you are doing your part as a writer then that is enough to boost your confidence. After all, the random rewarder is what it is. Read, interact, tip if you must then the bonus will come unexpectedly.
5/1/21
*****z_graeden*****
The Pain of Yesterday (cont.)
**Part1** https://read.cash/@z_graeden/the-pain-of-yesterday-b3260d6d
*I can already feel the cold breeze of the wind gently kissing my face. I raised my head and looked around. It was already late afternoon. Dark clouds hover up ahead indicating the heavens to cry anytime soon. I got up from where I am perched and got inside. As I was going down the stairs, my world was spinning in a ferris wheel then suddenly my the world became pitch black.*
Unknowingly... that was the last time I am going to see the light.
**Twist of fate- nightmare and a blessing in disguise**
I fell unconscious, I didn't know what happened next.
Fortunately, I was seen by my landlady who came to the rescue at once and sent me to a hospital in town. She looked after me while my parents had not arrived yet. So kind of her. It took some time before my parents were able to come because they had to wait for the jeepney schedule to travel to come up town. According to my landlady, they had to give me something for me to remain unconscious for the doctors to be able to examine me properly.
The first thing I heard after regaining back consciousness was my mom crying. I wanted to open my eyes but was not able to. I felt my eyes were on blindfold that no matter how I opened them to look around but I just can't. I can hear my mother crying, I cant be wrong. I can't see but I know it was her. She was gently rubbing my forehead, and my free hand without a dextrose.
"*Why are you crying, mama*?"I asked. "*Turn on the light please because it's dark,*" I added.
Instead of turning on the light, I heard someone sighed heavily, it was the doctor. Then I heard my gentle father's voice , "*My child, dont be alarmed*." But I still felt nervous and alarmed and asked myself why. They held and let me sit. They gave me water to drink. Then the doctor spoke and explained everything.
I was already blind. Plain as it is.
I wanted to shout at the top of my voice. I wanted to throw things. The feeling of hysteria was taking over. I felt devastated. I can't do things because there's lot of things connected to my body at that moment and my beloved mother just hugged me tight to comfort me.
The pain in my head that comes and goes were an indication that my body wasn't normal anymore. It was the onset of it all. The doctor explained further that it was too late for any treatment to bring my sight back.
My world was shattered into pieces. It seems the heavens and earth clashed from one another. I stayed for some time at the hospital that when I was discharged, I felt all the negative impact of my disability. I felt useless, my chance of finishing my degree came to a halt at an instant. There's no more hope for me to get my family out of poverty. I am just a burden. But I had to accept the fact that I will just live like this, living in the dark and no capability to do anything.
I was used to the dance of life but to start all over again is very hard. I had to memorize where the dirty kitchen was, and everything around the house. It was so hard.
Sadly, we were living in a world full of criticisms and judgements. How they had looked down upon us when I was still in a normal state aggravated. Foul mouth saying I may have taken unknown medicines that it was my karma to be blind. I had to live with those and said no words. I would only be wasting my time showing them the paper about the findings and diagnosis of my doctor. It was their nature to criticize and judge, afterall.
Soon after I was able to do things like wash laundry, cook, move around the house and tend my little nephews and nieces. Three months of being blind was so boring. All I could do was stay at the house. Thankfully I have my little nephews and nieces to entertain me, the radio to listen to, and guitar to play with.
My family was always there to support me, they didn't change a bit. Until one time there was someone, a founder of a shelter for persons with disability (PWD) who invited me. He took me in with him.
I felt out of place during the first days at the shelter. But later on I begun to socialize with these people like me and became close to them. My insecurities started to fade away and am getting back my confidence. We were trained to be independent with our disability because we were taught to use the staff, gadgets, to work like sighted people do, and to read and write with the use of the braille system. The thought of uselessness began to exit my vocabulary. I am forever grateful to God for this wonderful opportunity.
I went back to school and enrolled at a SPED facility. I had to start all over again in the first step, I was back to first year college. It was challenging at first because students were mixed up. Due to my diligence and determination I graduated at 21.
My parents, just like when I finished highschool were the happiest though it was not at the university where I first attended where I should receive my diploma. And because I was done with my studies the founder of the shelter sent me home. So that I may concentrate on my reviews and to look for a job that suits my eligibility. I was fortunate enough to work as a massage therapist while I was self reviewing. God is forever kind because I was able to pass the board exams.
**Fluttering butterflies at my stomach**
I worked two years at the massage center. And here I met a man whom I have loved deeply. He can see. But what I didn't expect was he cheated on me. He has another girlfriend who was also sighted like him. And what I didn't know was everytime he sends me to my place after we go out for a date, he would go home to his girlfriend. One more thing I have learned was the girl was even pregnant.
I let him be after learning ths fact. I didn't fight for him because the other was sighted and was even bearing his child. I kept quite but I was badly hurting inside. The positive me tried to console the broken hearted me. He's not the only man out there. Was he even a man to cheat someone like me?
I didn't let it affect me entirely and linger and endure the pain. I tried hard to look for a job that suits my degree. And not long I was employed at a SPED center. It was another challenge because I was meeting and dealing with different personalities. Nevertheless, I was enjoying my profession because teaching was my forte.
For the second time or first time rather, there was this man who valued me. Just like the previous, he can also see. I accepted his love. But trials were never absent. His relatives mocked him for having a blind person for a girlfriend. He didn't mind them and tied me at wed lock. Just like any marriage relationship, there are things that come up but we deal with it nicely. He was never ashamed holding my hands wherever we go.
We may not have prospered much but we were able to lift our life from the gutter. I have my own salary from my teaching profession and I share some to my parents. We were able to buy a car which we are using to visit my folks. My husband, on the other hand never fall short of support for me though he had a little business he established and managing.
***A note from the original author***
**To students out there**: scarcity is not a hindrance to success. You may be face with many difficulties along your way but remember that it will all be paid off when you receive that neatly laminated diploma with your name on it.
Whatever you reach in life, never forget the sacrifices of your parents. Listen to them even if they scold you, it is their way of directing you to a path they wanted you to take, because they knew best.
**To the parents**: love and guide your children well as they traverse the so-called life. Be their stronghold and support when they are faced with trials.
**To the PWDs like me**: Keep the fight. It's not because our actions are limited that we can't achieve anything. Remember, God won't give us what we are not able to overcome.
**To the people who criticized and judged me:** I thank you. no worries, I've got no hard feelings for you. I am more thankful because of you I became a stronger version of myself...
And to everyone reading, don't take your health for granted. Don't underestimate it and compromise it with temporary things. It is priceless to stay healthy but to be sick is much expensive.
By:NM
*****************
I have read this story in a facebook page more than a month ago. I was touched and inspired upon reading it. It was written in ILOCANO by NM using JAWS of her laptop. A girl who became blind and now living with it. Despite her struggles she remained humble. Now, I struggled to write it in engols. I just added some highlights per settings.
Closing thoughts
We are only human faced with different trials and tribulations. Remember that we should learn to dance with life, less we fall. And as the original author of the story said, dont talk shits of lie about people because one day it might come back to you.
*****z_graeden*****
The Pain of Yesterday
*I can already feel the cold breeze of the wind gently kissing my face. I raised my head and looked around. It was already late afternoon. Dark clouds hover up ahead indicating the heavens to cry anytime soon. I got up from where I am perched and got inside. But... that was the last time I will see the light.*
My folks are poor farmers and we live in a secluded area. At a young age we knew all the house works and farm works like planting rice and reaping, cleaning up weeds and grasses. In the morning we have boiled banana, sweet potatoes, cassava, purple yam and gabi for breakfast instead of bread. For our main dish we have plenty of exotic foods we can collect at the fields and at the creek. Together with my siblings and other children, we happily climb wild fruit trees and gather berries. The birds cheerfully singing at the trees lifted our spirits all the more.. We were contented with the simplicity of life.
Elementary days
The school was far from our village. It was located at the nearby village and for that we need to walk some kilometers to reach it.
My mother accompanied me during the early days of classes. Later on, I go with my brother who was studying at a nearby village also that's why we have to separate ways when we reach the crossroads. I can vividly remember one time when a certain parent told me my ears were twisted because I spelled a word incorrectly, interchanging two letters. I told my mother about it and she said, "*forget about it and don't keep thinking about*."
There's no vehicle available on those parts of the mountain and for that we need to walk an hour. The other kids are turning into a bully most especially that me and my brother separate ways. They would get my money forcibly which was supposed to be for my snack during recess. I feel grateful whenever we met an older person who would defend me.
I was not spared from the bullies in school. They would get my lunch and if they don't like it, they would make fun of me. There were times that I would not allow them to get hold of my snack or lunch but the boys would punch me, the girls would spank and push me and whip me with a stick or their bag. During exams, on checking of our papers they would change my correct answers with the wrong ones so that I would've a low score and wouldn't be defeated by their friend. Not to boast but I have a little higher IQ. But the teachers knew their tricks.
Eventually, I am already graduating from elementary. I felt a little relieved from the thought that at last I will be free from the bullies. But I was wrong, it was worse. I didn't even expect that my relatives were the ones to pull me down.
Highschool
My parents decided to send me at a nearby municipality where I could commence highschool because there's no available highschool in our place. K-12 didn't exist yet those times. I stayed on a boarding house. I received criticisms from our neighbors back home. They said I wouldn't be able to make it through highschool because students from my school were all "*bulakbol*" or the ones we call happy-go-lucky. However, I told myself that it depends upon an individual if he should go with the wrong peers and be influenced by them with their bad influences or to do his part as student and make his parents proud.
I did my part as a student to be able to repay the hard works of my parents. I had a friend, a bestfriend. She was our neighbor's daughter in the village. We're at the same year level that I had greater achievements than she did. To my disbelief, she spread a rumor in our village that I was not doing good in school. That all I did was to entertain textmates. She even added that I wasn't granted scholarship offer at a university because of my poor grades while she was. In fact, there's no such thing that reached our school. Because of this that gossips back home became worst but I turned a deaf ear.
Finally, it's time to say goodbye highschool life. The final stage in persuing a higher degree of education.
There's no one else more prouder than I am but my parents as my father received the medal for valedictorian and hanged it on my neck. The one who had been spreading rumors about me was the 6th placer. I don't know why but they hated me more. Even her family treated me like we were not friends, their true nature surfaced.
My friend's family became greedy and tried to grab the lots my father were farming. Lots which were on the line of my forefathers for years was eventually being seized from us. The lot where our humble abode stood was not spared by them. My good and humble father even talked to them in a nice way but they insisted on their action. They brought the case in court but it was dismissed due to the fact that everything they tried to grabbed were all placed at my father's name. Up until this time, they are still trying to get their hands on the lot. We just had to turn a deaf ear and let them be.
My so-called bestfriend turned a cold shoulder towards me. She seemed like she hadn't seen me though we bump into each other. I was already her enemy for no apparent reason, if ever there was then it could be hers or theirs. This went on until we had to leave for college to chase our dreams.
College
***Pave a new path then chase dreams.***
Despite those challenges at an early age, I still enrolled at a university and rented a room as my boarding house because we can't afford an apartment. I stayed here alone thinking of our situation in life. I did my part, though. A frugal me had to spend wise. I ate rice with soy sauce, salt or coffee so that I may be able to pay for the things in school. In short, I was short of allowance.
Until one time that I really felt my financial can't really make it. I thought of dropping out of school and work at a bar. Nevertheless, I discarded that decision immediately and thought of the hardworks my parents were doing in order to support and send us to school. I thought of their sacrifices just for me to finish the first level of my degree- those times they had to endure the hot,cold weather and rain to work and the times they ate late to finish a task at the fields.
Fortunately, I was one among the Dean's lister because I am doing all my best in school and receiving some financial assistance. However, during this time storms came after the other succeedingly. The roads at our place were all destroyed that it was impossible for transportation. I had to eat less from my remaining supply of potato and rice because I had no one to loan from. Electric supplies were also cut due to the strong surge of the storm that I can't use my mobile phone to call for help.
I went at a market place to look for a job when the weather was better to support me for the time being. My parents were still unable to send me support because of the broken roads and landslides. I worked as potato washer at the market. One afternoon, my mother was able to finally make it in the city at my boarding house. I really pitied her because she has to walk for a couple of hours to reach the terminal to be able to bring me my supplies of food.
***I was pregnant***
I was doing great in school and I felt happy about it because who would not? Having high grades in exchange of both my parents sacrifices and mine despite all the adversities. I was already at the second semester of my second year. One time, I came home to my boarding house to find my father who visited me unexpectedly. I went to him and gave him a tight hug but his looks was very serious. He looked at me intently from head to my tummy. Then suddenly he hugged me back. I learned from him that my ex-bestfriend again made a rumor and spread that I wasn't attending school already because I was pregnant. And that I was only afraid to go home. I felt hurt because that was painful but I smiled to my dad and said it was all a make-believe story.
On the other hand, my ex-bestfriend went home heavy with her pregnancy after some time. I just kept mum and thought,"***it is hard to say words out of reality about someone because it might get back to you one day***."
**3rd year- an unexpected twist of fate**
During this time, academics are getting tougher. More projects to make and requirements to meet which made me sleep late. It required more money that's why I took a part time job to wash carrots at the market place. At those times, I felt there was something different from my body. My head aches anytime of the day. It would awaken me sometimes at the middle of the night. But I just ignored it. I thought it was all normal because of my current situation, juggling school matters to trying to work at my free time.
I took with me my notes at the roof of my boarding house to study my lessons one time. Then I felt the pain again, I just sat down and thought it would pass just like it used to in the past days.
I can already feel the cold breeze of the wind gently kissing my face. It should be a pleasant feeling but it made my head throbbed all the more. I raised my head and looked around. It was already late afternoon. Dark clouds hover up ahead indicating the heavens to cry anytime soon. I got up from where I am perched and got inside because I knew the cold would get inside my body that could worsen the pain. As I was getting down the stairs I can feel my world spinning in a ferris wheel until the world became pitch black....
**********
A very inspiring story of a very diligent, studious and humble girl that no matter the tribulation she faced she stood strong with the love and guidance of her family. However, a twist of fate had made everything in an upside down manner.
***To be continued***
4/29/21
*****z_graeden*****
Watwat
When there's fire, there's smoke. And when there's smoke, there's ***watwat***.
Village life in our village was simple when we were younger. Farming is the main source of livelihood. The small portions of land one inherits from his elders is enough to feed a family. It is because of the diligence and hard working characteristics of the people. They don't mainly rely on the small portion of rice paddy but after the planting season, men go out of the village to look for work. Some do logging because our mountains are rich in quality pine trees.
In my young mind I can't tell if we were poor, because we eat three times a day or more if we like to. We go to school and enjoyed childhood. We have clothes to cover us up and a sturdy house to shelter us from the rain and sun. We can't afford the luxuries in life. Simple but we were happy.
In times of weddings, numbers of heads of pig and some water buffalo (carabao) or cow were butchered. Big pots of rice were cooked. The whole community is invited to the occasion.
The big chunks of meat whether cooked or raw is what we call ***watwat***. In the olden times the tradition of butchering pig as an offering to the departed loved ones were very much alive, these big chunks of meat were distributed most especially to the elders who performed the ritual. However, it is not only during rituals that this is observed but also during occasions like ***junu -***the traditional weddings of long ago. It was adapted up to this age. It was considered custom and tradition not only in our village but throughout the lands of the Cordillera.
The cooked ones were distributed as viand. The barks of banana were cut into foot long and that is what we used as plates which we used to put rice. Then wait for the watwat to be served. It was as plain as it is, simply boiled with no extra ingredients.
Time goes by that the village life is gradually changing. It was due to the hardworks and sacrifices of parents to be able to send their children to college and the children likewise do their best in school, in return.
People have learnt different recipes that on occasions additional viands were added on the platter. Nevertheless, the watwat- simply boiled was never absent.
In other village or in the town communities where my family migrated when I was in grade six, I have observed that they don't prepare like we do during weddings. Rice were cooked minimally, just enough for the community and visitors to eat. Here in our village, they serve too much rice that when a family of 5 will all go to get food, the rice would be enough to supply 3 days or more if only it would not spoil. And weddings here served two meals, one at lunch and at dinner while on other places they only serve lunch. Rice overflowed that it was only fed to livestock.
I was left thinking and sometimes discussed with others why the need to cook so much rice and not only what is enough for community and visitors consumption. Imagine rice grains were taken from a whole rice granary to be milled. The heads of pigs and carabao butchered is also too much but it was not all served. It was because some of the raw meat or watwat were divided to the elders who were able to have their children married and wed the same way, if I'm not mistaken.
*****Closing thoughts*****
It was the parents of both parties who fund the wedding and not the couples who are getting married. Though in some other places, it was the couples who fund their wedding. In our place, the couples may help in some of the finances but not to the point where they will be left indebted. So I was left thinking again why the need to make extra extra "gastos" and pressure themselves for overflowing foods. Parents can give the extra money to the newly weds,instead.
What is most fortunate about us here is the bayanihan which is very much alive. Everyone in the community helps in the preparation from wood cutting to rice milling. From church decoration to cooking to serving the food until every rite is done. And because most women here already knew how to cook and prepare cakes like a pro, they do the task. While on other places, the couples need to pay for every person who do the tasks which is really a burden for them.
I got an idea of writing this b ecause of the upcoming wedding this Saturday. I will try to shoot some photos of the lines of pots for rice and the lines of big kalan for meat and attach it here.
*Photo credits to rightful facebook user*
4/28/21
*****z_graeden*****
Do Cheaters Don't Have a Choice?
One time I was scrolling on my Facebook's feed when a post caught my attention. A black display picture. Usually, this indicates a death of someone dear especially a family. I was curious so I went over the comment section. I knew no one who died in our place so I thought it was from her mother's side because she was from another municipality. And if not, then it may be from her husband's side. But it wasn't.
As I go through the comment section, I smelled something. It was not about death but perhaps a sad happening base on the comments. So I asked why it was pitch black but no reply.
Two days later, after making some interactions here I scanned facebook again and I was caught by another post. A post she shared from a page which pertains heavy feelings of sadness. I knew right there and then that there's something wrong.
Without further ado, I messaged her privately. It was not something I can just ignore because she's one of my childhood friends. We spent most of our time at their house and sometimes I stayed overnight because we were once inseparable.
I can feel her hesitation when she replied. She didn't open up immediately but I convinced her that we were all grown ups and married. We all have flaws which make our relationship with flaws, too. That she need not be shy to tell.
This friend of mine was married on 2015 to her college darling. They both are professionals and working and since they had a baby last 2019, she stopped working to be able to take care of their little one. She was fat even when we were kids up until today. She has hormonal imbalance.
I talked to her mother every chance I got. I can feel she was envious because she wanted to have a grandchild already. I already got 2 kids that time.
And because this friend has hormonal imbalance, she can't bear a child though they did everything they could. Sometimes, it was the root of their quarrel and fight as couple. That's why they decided to adopt a newborn baby. Now, more than a year old already.
She confessed that her husband had been cheating on her for quite some time already. He left them. It broke my heart that it went to her. If only we're near each other then it would be easier to comfort her. I can feel the pain, the agony she's tolerating at that moment. I feel devastated, how much more for her.
I didn't asked what might've motivated him to do so, though. It will make the cut bleed more so I just ended the conversation trying to lift and cheer her up. I told her it was not her who the bad guy was. Feeling devastated is normal because who wouldn't feel that way. However, don't linger on the thought of about herself but much more about her husband.
********
**Why do cheaters had to cheat? Don't they have a choice?**
It is not because they lack love already but there's a myriad of reasons that might've motivate them commit the act.
1.Men are more likely to cheat than women do. They express love more physically that lack of lovemaking or the wife declines sex often they will take the rejection as being no longer loved. Whereas, women are more emotional that they seek to be cherished and desired rather than the physical intimacy. This factor alone will drive any of the two to have an affair.
2.Problems are inevitable in a relationship especially on a marital relationship. These problems may be domestic violence and emotional abuse, emotional or physical disconnection, financial pressures, lack of respect and communication and low compatibility which arises with couples who married for the wrong reason.
3.Now, others feel neglected, not being appreciated or unimportant. These feelings are more associated to women. Most often, during pregnancy and after giving birth. No, it's not about hormones that they feel that way. But when carefully addressed with a good communication between the two parties then their dying passion would be ignited once more.
4. Poor self-esteem. I don't know but I have seen men who were more confident and proud of their act. Maybe it is a way to boost their ego and self-esteem.
5. Revenge. Some took to heart their anger with their spouse that they resort to cheating as a punishment.
6. Lack of commitment. This may be due to one party or both falling out of love that they become bored and seek the attention of others.
7.One reason may be due to body image of their partner or age. This usually falls under men that they found their spouse no longer attractive.
8. Exposure to cheating during childhood. Children who are exposed to parent having an affair doubles the risk of committing the act themselves on adulthood.
9. Exit strategy. When couples are having the aforementioned factors it means they do have an unhappy married relationship and when problems are not addressed appropriately, infidelity is their way of escape.
*******
Infidelity wreak havoc in a relationship especially on a family but sometimes thru proper and open communication both parties take it as a way of improving themselves and they might get back to each other as a better version of their old self.
**Closing thoughts**
Marriage is a complicated relationship. And cheating is a choice of the cheater which reflects most of him/herself. Most of our youths today are very familiar with the quote of "**walang forever**" but try to look at the couples who had forever (our grannies and gramps or our parents), 'til death do their part. There's no secret of having a long lasting relationship. Everyone has flaws, shortcomings and wrongs because nobody's perfect. But open and direct communication, practicing forgiveness, and being committed to each other daily will make a relationship perfect. Despite of trials and storms that may arise, you can guarantee your relationship will not be shaken.
4/27/21
*****z_graeden*****
@z_graeden
