Last year, I was given by my employer my 13th month pay and a 5 days incentive. This 5 days incentive waa really meant for the 5 days vacation leave through the year, but as all of our abcences has no. Pay either it is sick leave or vacation leave, it will be given to us along with the 13th month pay.
So all in all, I have over 15,000 pesos in my ATM card last December 15th, including my 15 day salary during the period. But guess what, I have no cash in my pocket now(January 6th when yhis draft I think was made) , and I don't even mind if I would turn my pockets inside out because nothing will ever fall. I did have coin purses but I left it at home because its empty. I don't have wallets as well. Funny, right? Let me ask you how many wallet do you have right now? The physical. Ones, and how much is in it?
So back to the title, where did my the money went, really, when it was not yet been month since I have it? I don't see anything that was being bought by it. Well maybe food but it was soon disposed aftwr a day that it was taken.
I feel a little like envy to my co worker who had her hair rebonded, the other had her jair color and one has bought a new phone and she is holding it so dearly. But me? I haven't had my teeth done, or even just pulled out, or even bought my long time dream for my mother to buy a pair of glasses for her. I feel so bad looking at her glasses that was being smudged by a shoes glue when she attempted to fix it herself after one of the glasses fell off. O wanted yo do it badly no that she is still strong and that she can still use it for long. I don't want the "late but not too late" to happen again to me, because it hurts so much.
So my huband and I decided to invest on a land which we plan on making a boarding house, there were almost 10 factories built near us and so we projected that it could be a good investment. Then another parcel of land that we plan on making our junk shop soon. This is where most of tye money went. I can't possibly carry the land around to appreciate that I spent on it much. We still cannot makmoney from it yet because we were not yet halfway of the payment.
My mother who had her trees cut in the farm needed a lift and so mu husband rented a bongo elf and she did not anticipate that the rent was 1000 plus gas and oil aand her money was only 500. What else can we do?
The next day my mother in law had her coconut tree cut too and the bill exceeded 2500 and we had to catch most of the bills too. She evwn got angry why the lumber exceeded in what she expected to use. What else can I do? I let my kids stay with them whenever I go to work.
Haaays, do you feel me? That feeling that you badly need something but you cannot get it because you see thier needs are more important than yours?
Sometimes being selfless hurts too, but sone don't realise it because they got what they wanted already.
Sometimes, you could say that life isn't in favor of you. Whenever you had little, something is going to get it from you. You work hard for it. Yet when you look at those people who even hardly do an effort every day, they live in much abundant life than you and its the irony of life
I know this feeling is gonna pass because in the long run, when God will allow us to have the land that we are are having in installments, I will benefit from my money which I haven't felt its value now. In that time, all those I envied: rebonded hair won't last in that time. In three months, the base of the hair will be very obvious to look different from the rebonded part. So is the hair color too. And the hair will look dry and will need additional care and chemicals to look better. And the phone will be phased out too. Its memory will be lower that the new release and eventually will worn out and the value fron whence it was biught will get lower as the day passes by.
And the land? Oh, its value will increase bigtime yearly and that it could be a source of income too. Oh I'm m just glad I see things this way or it will be very hard to comfort myself in the sadness that I feel..
These were just my life experience and I write it out to ease my heart. don't intend to hurt anyone or blame on what I have and I don't have today. Every thing is gonna pass one day and I'll be laughing on what I felt on my younger self.
This would be all of now, good night. 1.15.21
