Grown Up Lady
18 years of existence,
Yet still can't build up confidence.
I'm now in the stage of my late adolescence,
Yet still can't satisfy my audience.
5 months in quarantine,
And I just keep doing things in routine.
My friends living their lives as a queen,
While I'm just fighting silent battles, I can't even win.
Lately, my friends noticed how I've become so distant,
I don't know what happened, but everyone just seems hesitant.
I locked myself for hours, trying to accept the reality,
But whenever I look in the mirror, I just cry recklessly.
Everyone keeps on flexing everything they have--even their own body,
While I don't even know if there's a thing I can flex proudly.
I keep on looking for answers,
But what I found is just insecurities for others.
Hatred and jealousy slowly changed me,
And soon brought out the worst out of me.
I tried my best to feel the contentment,
But everyone keeps on making me feel like I'm a disappointment.
All I wanted is to glow up, just like what everyone does,
But why all I have is just questions, and doubts?
This 5 months of my life,
Made me feel I'm the biggest shit alive.
But little did I know, in my greatest downfall,
I'll find a strength to climb even the tallest and highest wall.
As I distance myself,
I learned the importance of knowing yourself more while alone,
Rather than doing your best to please everyone.
From releasing tons of water in my eyes daily,
I learned to find joy within me,
And never depend it again to the people surround me.
I used to find someone who'll see my worth,
But now I just do things that will surely increase my worth,
Not anymore for a man or someone,
But for myself--because that's what I deserve.
The toxicity and negativity inside me,
Is now slowly fading away, as I accept the real me.
Looking back to what I've been through lately,
Reminiscing those days, I want to end badly,
I realize that as everyone having their glow up,
Here I am finally growing up.
And with these lessons I have within me,
I'm not scared anymore to walk in a new journey,
Wherein I'll face my problems as a grown up lady.
8:30 In The Evening
It was 8:30 in the evening,
when I saw you yawning.
I smiled as I saw how you slap yourself just to stop from sleeping.
"Hey!" I shouted then your eye grew wider,
you then stood straight then get my bag on my shoulder.
"Our group had a meeting for tomorrow's presentation. Sorry if you waited for me."
You then shookt your head, "Let's just go, Im hungry already."
I smiled as I saw you walked fast.
I was about to run to you when you stopped.
"Oh, right! Before I forgot,
Earlier me and my brother had a fight.
We're about to punch each other when we saw a cockroach flying!
We both run to Mom as fast as we can, almost crying!"
I can't help but laugh when I saw you act what you're saying,
"But that's not it!" You said with even more excited tone and actions, while we're busy walking.
You keep on talking, while I'm just there laughing.
I can't even keep my eyes on the road we're walking in,
knowing among all things there, you're the only one I'm interested in.
Every night this have been our routine.
We'll walk until we saw a place we want to dine in.
We'll walk again to find a jeepney,
till you finally brought me back to my family.
What's funny is my house is miles away from yours,
yet you never get tired walking me home for hours.
But what's funnier is we're doing it for years,
yet we never get run out of stories.
We've even walk through all phases of our lives,
from the brightest to the darkest.
We're always walking in the dark roads, yet I've never been scared,
Because you act as my light in the dark streets, and always make me feel secured.
We may not know sometimes where life is leading our way,
but we have each other along the way.
Walking together through all kinds of weather,
Who'll ask for anything more?
Then suddenly when we finally reach my house, you asked me something,
"Is choosing your heart a bad thing?"
"No! If it's really something that will make you happy,
You must choose that wholeheartedly!"
You then put your arms around me,
"Thank you for always showing me the right way."
You said then kissed my forehead, before walking away.
It was now 8:30 in the evening,
when I saw you yawning.
I smiled as I saw how you slap yourself just to stop from sleeping.
I was about to call you, when someone did it.
"Babe!" A lady shouted then your eye grew wider.
You then stood straight, and get her bag on her shoulder.
"Sorry, Babe. Things got out of control in my group, so I had no choice but to fix it."
You then shookt your head, "You know whatever happens, I'll always understand it."
She smiled and you grab her hand.
"Oh, your bestfriend's here." She announced when she noticed me behind.
"Oh! Celene, are you going with us?" You asked then smile at me.
"No, You guys can walk together. I'll just wait for a jeepney."
"Okay. Celene, just dont forget to text me when you're at home already."
You worriedly reminded then hug me.
With that, I watch the two of you walk away from me.
I saw how excited you are talking to her, the same way you did with me.
I saw how she laugh out loud, the same way I did with your stories.
I saw how happy the both of you, as you walk down the streets,
While Im here standing down the street light,
trying my best to sync in that the man who used to be my light,
is now out of sight.
I never thought that telling you to choose to be happy,
will lead us to separate journey,
where you'll walk with another girl and I'll be alone, waiting for a jeepney.
May nakapag withdraw na po ba dito? Paturo naman po kung paano
Mars And My Maybes
Maybe Mars is a planet where I can be alone,
A place where I can finally call home.
Maybe there, I'll be someone's treasure,
And I'll be free to grow without stress nor pressure.
Maybe there, everything will be alright.
There'll be no more war nor fight.
Maybe there, I can fearlessly show the real me.
No more humans with no humanity.
And maybe flying to Mars is the only key,
for me to finally live my life and face a new journey.
I know living there will risk my life,
but I prefer that, than their words sharper than the knife.
All I wanted is just a peaceful environment,
Not this toxic place full of judgement.
And maybe, volunteering myself to be used as an experiment,
to see if a human can really live in that planet,
is something that I would never regret.
Because, maybe an exchange for the life that I badly want to get,
is to have a one way ticket to the Red Planet.
Di Na Muli
Susulat ng bagong tula,
na ikaw pa rin ang paksa.
Ang buhay kong malanobela,
dumako na sa susunod na Kabanata,
kung saang nag iba na ang takbo ng storya.
Dahil ang noo'y nangakong di mawawala..
ay di ko na muli makakasama.
Sa mga susunod na pahina,
pangalan mo'y di na muling makikita,
sapagkat ikaw nga'y tuluyang nang lisan na.
Masakit man isipin,
at mahirap man tanggapin,
ngunit sa susunod na ako'y gagawa ng tula,
di na muli magiging ikaw ang paksa..
11:11
You must remember it too:
How we stayed awake while the city slept,
how you cracked jokes just to stop me from sleeping,
how you never really run out of jokes that never failed to make me laugh every night,
how we talked about random stuffs comfortably,
how we annoyed and pissed each other like fools,
how we felt butterflies in our stomachs as we say sweet words to each other,
how we waited until the clock reached 11:11 just for us to make a wish,
and how we both tied our toungue with broken promises.
I could take the blame.
I could take the pain.
But if I had knew that falling isn't a good thing,
I might not end up here tonight,
waiting for the clock reach 11:11 again and wish for my heart to heal.
But then I realized,
the clock didn't grant our wish back then,
will it hear me this time?
My Own Kind Of Moon
Darling, you resemble the moon,
and someday they'll love you,
the same way selenophile loves the moon.
They'll appreciate how you guide them with your light,
and dwell in the darkness just to be seen.
You may sometimes be weak and wan,
or sometimes strong and full,
But they'll still be there admiring you.
They'll be mesmerized by your breathtaking beauty
despite your visible dark spots,
distinct blemishes,
and corrugated craters.
They'll accept you,
no matter what your shape, curve, color, and nuance.
They'll look up on you, and be fascinated,
By how you glow through the darkness.
And just like you,
The moon is full of imperfections,
But it would never lessen how lovely,
elegant and pleasure to watch it is.
You reflect beauty with your light,
Shining out of your soul,
Despite your cratered imperfections.
So stop competing and being insecure with the stars surround you.
Just be yourself, and reign your own universe,Darling.
@yelL
