@yelL 8 August 2020 edited

Grown Up Lady

18 years of existence, Yet still can't build up confidence. I'm now in the stage of my late adolescence, Yet still can't satisfy my audience. 5 months in quarantine, And I just keep doing things in routine. My friends living their lives as a queen, While I'm just fighting silent battles, I can't even win. Lately, my friends noticed how I've become so distant, I don't know what happened, but everyone just seems hesitant. I locked myself for hours, trying to accept the reality, But whenever I look in the mirror, I just cry recklessly. Everyone keeps on flexing everything they have--even their own body, While I don't even know if there's a thing I can flex proudly. I keep on looking for answers, But what I found is just insecurities for others. Hatred and jealousy slowly changed me, And soon brought out the worst out of me. I tried my best to feel the contentment, But everyone keeps on making me feel like I'm a disappointment. All I wanted is to glow up, just like what everyone does, But why all I have is just questions, and doubts? This 5 months of my life, Made me feel I'm the biggest shit alive. But little did I know, in my greatest downfall, I'll find a strength to climb even the tallest and highest wall. As I distance myself, I learned the importance of knowing yourself more while alone, Rather than doing your best to please everyone. From releasing tons of water in my eyes daily, I learned to find joy within me, And never depend it again to the people surround me. I used to find someone who'll see my worth, But now I just do things that will surely increase my worth, Not anymore for a man or someone, But for myself--because that's what I deserve. The toxicity and negativity inside me, Is now slowly fading away, as I accept the real me. Looking back to what I've been through lately, Reminiscing those days, I want to end badly, I realize that as everyone having their glow up, Here I am finally growing up. And with these lessons I have within me, I'm not scared anymore to walk in a new journey, Wherein I'll face my problems as a grown up lady.