An untold story, a big part of my existence, this is who I am.
I grew up alone. While others are saying that I am lucky because I have all my parents' attention, I didn't find it that way. It wasn't easy; I didn't live like a princess with all my wishes coming after me and was kept unmoved because of a crown in my head.
As far as I can remember, my family suffered a lot. When I was four years old, my sister was diagnosed with bone cancer. It runs in the family and no one has ever imagined that my sister would have it in her young age. She was beautiful, kind, and charming. Then suddenly, she was stuck in bed, and going from hospital to another hospital. Because we love in the province, my parents have to travel to go in Manila for her hospitalization and chemotherapy. I didn't know what was happening back then. I can hear all the words but I understand none.
It took months, then on August of 2006, she went home and gave up on all the medications. She spent her time with us until the day she died. I didn't cry because I still couldn't understand a thing at that time. But my memory is clear - my mother and father are grieving. I wondered where she is, and as years pass by, the pain started to appear and I began to cry every time I remember her. I only have few memories with her and I treasure them forever. I'm longing to see her and sometimes I want to hate how the world was so unfair.
When I was fifteen, I had a younger sister. I didn't have any grudges just like what others thought. They said I would be jealous and all, but I didn't. I was very happy because at that time, my family is almost broken. I just knew that my sister would be the light of our world again, she would center our happiness, and she sure did. She is so special to me. She looks like my sister in heaven - they have the same features, her smile, her face, her charming character.
I almost lost myself trying to be the daughter that my parents wanted me to be. I tried and tried to fill in the space that my sister left in their hearts. I did my best to be sweet and showy but I ain't like that. My younger sister colored all the blank spaces I couldn't paint. She made me brand new, she has given me a reason to be better and to be successful and to carry my family's dreams.
If not for her, I would've totally given up by now. She's my peace and warzone, my prosperity and hardship, my life and death. We fight like cats and love like dogs. She's still so little yet she inspires me so much to do my best in turning the world a better place for her. She's all that I am and all that I am not. I have suffered a lot and I never want her to feel the road I've taken. I promise to support her in any journey she choses. I will hold her hands in light and dark ways.
She's feisty but I would still be willing to fight for her wherever may that be. She likes to watch cartoons and to discover new things. She inherited our love for pets. We have a dog, she's a Shih tsu and we named her Lexy. We take her a bath and feed her. She also helps me in watering our plants. She's afraid of lizards and cockroaches. She's undeniably noisy but she's very loving. She says "I love you" all the time and shows her feelings always.
I promised myself that I will provide her all the things that she wants and will offer her the best of both worlds. My sister is the answer that I asked to God. I could never ask for more. I will teach her all the things that I know and I will be patient in every step of the way. If she falls, I will catch her.
I thought the world turned its back on me before, but now, I'm in a whole new world.
Everything's in its place, all flowers are blooming, and I did redeem myself.
She's the greatest thing that ever happened to me, up to now, I am still wondering what in the world did I do so right and good that God has blessed me with a sister as lovely as her. I grew up alone, now, I have a companion who comes to me every time, protects me, and annoys me - the things that I longed for so long, the things that I envied whenever I see siblings who fight as hell and love each other so dearly.
Whenever I look at the stars, my tears come down. I still have lots of questions. If only I could give half of my life to my sister in heaven, I wouldn't hesitate, not even a little. I wish she can see us and I wish more that she's here with us. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be this strong and determined to fight everything that comes our way. If it wasn't for her, I would've dumped my life away from everyone. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here right now.
She may not be here physically, but she's always in our hearts. She's all of me and everyday I do my best to be happy, grateful, and content with all the things that I have because I know it's what she wants. She is loved and I will love her forevermore.
We all have stories that we keep inside our hearts and memories. The ones that hit us so hard when we're just sitting uptight or staring at the stars. Maybe, just maybe, telling it would lighten my heart.
