Introduction

I'm sure half of you are reading this article because your skepticism-fueled dopamine says that there's no way to guarantee a 310% profit and anyone who believes so must be stupid. Well I may be incredibly good looking and hilarious, but my favourite colour is blue.

I heard about this project on YouTube. Because unfortunately decentralization hasn't quite made it's way into the bookmark'd spot I have on my browser for YouTube. Dtube, LBRY, and all the other decentralized/crypto video platforms are great and all, but I listen to music on YouTube like 24/7 and this guy's got some mad playlists on there you feel me.

Unnecessary nonsense aside, allow me to introduce EtherChain.

*Warning: Before we go any further this is not financial advice, always do your own research, never invest more than you're willing to lose, tell authors why you down-vote their articles on Publish0x, eat your vegetables, smile at strangers, know that your reality exists as a tiny dot on a slightly larger dot orbiting around a slightly larger dot in a sea of other larger dots that make up one very large swirling dot in a seemingly infinite landscape of dots, and do more than just nod your head at concerts.*

EtherChain.io Referral Link

How Does It Work?

Great fucking question. How does a smart contract work? How does the Ethereum blockchain work? How does the cloud work? How does the internet work? How does electricity work? How does language work? How does oxygen work? How do molecules work if they are not solid? How does vibration work? How are there multiple dimensions that we cannot see, touch, or experience? How can we only perceive a small amount of the light spectrum? How can anything exist without 'nothing' existing at the same time, and how can 'nothing' even exist at all?

In short: who the fuck knows. Nah but for real you can vote for me for the next Nobel Prize in Philosophy. If there even is such a thing. ...imagine that.

But in all seriousness how the fuck does this thing work. 310% seems like Carlos Matos' fucking wet dream where his wife actually believes in him. 

Well it's actually pretty fucking simple when it comes down to it. But allow me to quote from the website because my tech knowledge is about as wide as a clever analogy that I can't quite think of right now. Hah!

"By DEPOSITING ETH into the fund (contract address) you activate the program and will RECEIVE 310% back, distributed accordingly to the Contract algorithm." 

But for real, how does it work?

For the non-techy people out there EtherChain works like this: you deposit your funds into a smart contract that is a community pool of ETH and somehow you eventually end up with 310% on whatever amount you put it. In all honesty I don't fucking know how it works. And I'll be straight up about that. I can't make sense of the code that the smart contract was written in. If I were to even attempt to do so you'd probably look at me in an even worse way than when I was going off about the questions of reality and how it all connects back to this bitch named EtherChain!

All I really know for sure is that this is the link to the ethereum smart contract that is claiming to get people 310% profits on their ETH.

If anybody reading this has any superior technical knowledge, I implore you to give this thing a look to see if it checks out. Because for all I know, it could be just a bunch of fucking random code that doesn't actually mean anything as a way to lure overly-trusting and naive people like myself to give away their ETH with Carlos Matos level expectations. Fucking Carlos Matos. What a legend.

Red Flags

The odds are pretty good that the majority of people scrolled through this article, and have found themselves looking at this section first. I know I know, I'm a fucking genius for knowing that. But this article isn't about me. And this particular section is about the red flags that I have seen regarding this project. I'm sure there are many more but allow me to make a little list to help those who feel like reading about this red-flag information without researching it out themselves (you see what I did there? ;))

• EtherChain.io is like the most generic name ever = hard to verify using a simple google search if it's a scam or not.

• Their website is so basic that my Grandmother could have created it in 15 minutes from YouTube tutorials.

• There are referral rewards on top of referral rewards for like fucking 15 different levels = possible MLM Pyramid Scheme.

• The only information about it on YouTube is done by people promoting their referral link (including this fucking article #you'rewelcome)

• The "Guide" section of their website where it is supposed to tell you how it works is basically a bunch of naive sales confirmation words meant to sound legitimate and inspire trust and confidence - with no real in-depth information about how it actually works.

• The mere fact that it "guarantees" 310% profits is a red flag fucking larger than the size of Pangea (word to my history buffs).

And I'm sure if you made it to the end of that list, you can probably scroll down and check out the comment section for a bunch of different perspectives on red-flags that I missed. There might also be some general hate and users laughing at me down there too, which will hopefully be funny as well - but I can't promise that unfortunately. Or in the comments there might just be people thanking me for adding 310% to their autistic daughters' college fund. Either way it's whatever right.

Conclusion

After everything is said and done, like I mentioned, I have no idea how this particular smart contract works so if anyone can comment down below to shed some light on its validity that would be much appreciated I'm sure. If it turns out that this whole thing is the next Bitconnect (wassa wassa wassahhh) well then shit. At least I wrote an article about it I guess?

But if it turns out to be actually true, well then I'm sure the maybe 5 people who sign up at the end of this article will be smiling because they took a chance that many others wouldn't and they benefited as a result. And hell, if I can make that happen for people, that would be fucking fantastic. But like I said this ain't no financial advice.

So what have I done? How #woke of you to ask! Since I consider myself somewhat of a speculator, and I have been known to have a few fingers cut off due to gambling debts, I deposited a whopping 0.1 ETH into this "fund" with the hopes of walking away with 0.3 ETH. Oh yeah. I've already test-driven the Lambo and I'll be asking about what colours they have when I go to the dealership in a few days. With my fucking moon boots on wassa wassa wassap. But honestly watch this video, I laughed my fucking ass off so hard my abs got their monthly workout.

The way I see this EtherChain thing right now is pretty simple: 

I have deposited 0.1 ETH and now one of three things can happen: 
I either lose all my funds, I walk away with 310% profit, or for some reason I get my ETH back and essentially nothing happens.

So that equation means 33% chance of getting 310% profit. Basically. Emphasis on the term "basically" because I like to simplify things for easier understanding. Would you take a 1/3 bet with a potential payout of 310%? Those odds are fucking delicious in my opinion. And the downside vs. upside potential in this equation could be very lucrative IF everything turns out well.

But then again everything could implode next week because the Karen of a fucking alien race from the 6th dimension farts in the wrong direction when looking through a prism into the colour blfakjiiiltz and that somehow sends shock-waves into our dimension and ripples through time and space to explode the planet killing everyone except the person who came up with the idea of the George Forman grill. For some fucking reason. Who the hell knows. Do your own research and I'll see you on the other side. And you bet your ass I will write another article when my conclusion has been reached, whatever that may be. Wish me luck.

Here is a EtherChain.io Referral Link so you can check out the website, and also if you choose to be as crazy as me and sell your entire house and life savings to put into this thing I mean deposit about 0.1 ETH or whatever amount that I said I put in earlier in this article, well then you can do so through that link as well you sly fox.

*This article will also be published to Uptrennd and Publish0x.*

Resources

1. https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/looneytunes/images/9/96/PDVD_017.jpg/revision/latest/scale-to-width-down/340

2. https://res.cloudinary.com/blavity/image/upload/c_fit,g_center,h_250,q_auto:best,g_south_east,x_0/v1526319185/ntipykqjpyl227boqdr5

3. https://unshavedmouse.files.wordpress.com/2016/09/coolest-e1473716779193.png

4. https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/seamless-pattern-ethereum-white-background-gray-mining-95919297.jpg