Same thing over and over and over

Have you had those episodes where you promise yourself one thing then break it right away the next time? Have you experienced promising yourself to commit to a diet, to exercises, and so on, but not committing to any of your diet and exercise programs at all?

Here I am again. Here I am again. Here I am again. Talking and talking about dieting and exercising and walking and those lotsa things. But I guess it was lotsa pizza I was thinking about. I gained yet another couple of k-g-s in the previous week. Decode K G S for as long as you can.

I am very annoyed by the current setup, truthfully speaking. One time I was thankful, this other time, I am not.

I know I know I have no right to be annoyed. More so ungrateful. But reality is that I can't ever get my ass off my seat and go on walking forever. Even just walking if given the time is already a great exercise to get rid of unwanted weight.

But then, this is my honest situation.

Now, I am writing while waiting for the water to boil. I will be taking a bath, will go to school to submit my eldest son's modules and get the next set to be submitted again next week. And... I WILL WALK TO SCHOOL!!! Yohooooooo! Finally!

The surprising thing I got these days is my very big appetite. Where did it all come from? This is very unusual, especially since I stopped my BCP. Well, I always do have a big appetite but this is bigger than ever. Like when I was having depo shots when I have had those really really enormous appetites that I think I could eat a whole piece of cake and that thing is a piece of cake. Maybe, it could still be attributed to the current setup.

If I may promise to myself again, I will. And if I could hope to do better, I will. Not giving up even if this pattern seems to go on forever. Try and try until I get fitter. Worse if I get worse. But how will I attain success if I don't keep trying, right?

I sometimes think of starving to lighter weight but the result? I would be like a starved animal! Really! What a sight that is!

Ate M and I, we really are like animals starving when we sit side by side to eat our not-so-delicious food but we find it extremely delicious mainly because of how we eat the food.

I am rebelling upon myself. I hate myself and at the same time, I love it so much because how can one stuff herself up with lots and lots if she does not love herself?

I am ranting now. Hoping and hoping and hoping that the next thing I write would be about improved results. Not that great but improved results. Please please please.

Lead photo from Unsplash