Drifting away…

If only she were alone, then she’d have to spend her time sitting and thinking. Nothing would be accomplished for the day. Except perhaps the dilly-dallying about her plans that are never put in place.

But she’s always inconvenienced by thoughts that would have been fixed quickly by a house maid. So the best tactic would be to act like a maid. And what did house maids do? They quickly accomplished the house tasks and they, ahead of time, prepared dinner for their master’s family.

It would be too late for her to realize that she had made the worst decision in her life. But to be fair with others, it was she who should be blamed by not taking the sage advice by those whom she really should be listening to. But past is past and past should have to be buried in order to move on.

How shallow she can become, she thought. What of simply doing housemaid’s work? Take up your responsibility and don’t ever have some second thoughts. Unless, you’re determined to break off from your responsibilities. Where will you go? What will you do? How will you explain yourself? Were the questions she asked herself.

She wondered why she would always regret her decisions… Decisions were made before because of circumstances. And if she were to go back to those times, most probably, she’ll have the same decision over again.

Then she thought about her life right now as compared to others. She was well-off. Except that ‘well-off’ has different meaning to other people. She was well off, she dares think because she can have all the time for dilly-dallying. What more will she ask for? And to even try to compare your life to others is just pathetic.

Comparing your life to others is not a good way to end your happiness or sadness. Your friend whom you think is having an easy life may just be bottling everything of her complaints and feels not on the position to complain at all. We can never compare our lives with others. What they got that you don’t is none of your business. Be fair with them and to yourself.

Have you had a look in the mirror? What did you see? What feelings have you felt? If what you saw is an ugly human being, look again. You are just missing the beauty of yourself. If what you have felt is deep sigh and longing for other things, then think again. You can just get them yourselves or be positive to simply count your blessings. You might be surprised to find out that you have more diamonds than stones.

Anyhow, for the woman on the first stanza, she cares nothing about comparison to others. Or she might just have outgrown complaining about herself and what she has. All she cares now is getting a day off from every pressure she is feeling. Just a day off!

Actually, she only needs to change what the other people in the house are feeling about her. But how can she do that? To do the works of the housemaid. Why not? Aren’t all of us doing that, she thought. So she charges right through the mountain of dishes piled up on the kitchen sink. It’ll be done in a matter of minutes. Mop the floor, cook viand, fold clothes, do the laundry, are additional tasks after the task at hand.

She was amazed that once she’d done a few house chores, she seemed to love them forever. And would love to repeat the exercises over and over. Oh, the day is done, without me noticing the time, she thought.

And this has drifted away from the mind of the one who is writing this. Like a dream of someone who has just been reading a novel… Far from reality. She has the characters in the novel still etched in her mind and may even watch the movie of the novel in her mind after the reading. The movie all depends on how she imagines them. How they look, how they acted. All depends on how she understood the meanings of words with help from dictionaries and such.

What was she thinking? Eyes are closing but still fighting to be able to fill the page with something.

The past late-night thoughts have almost been written over while she was half-asleep but vigilant enough to erase type-ups that did not fit. Surely tonight will be forgiven.