ATE WYNES: Gone ahead but still remembered

Writing time – 6:51 PM, 8/14/2021

Still keeping our conversation with my long gone handler. He was an ate, preferred to be called another name from his birth name. He passed away few years back and I could still feel the pain of losing him. He was fun to be with, a nice cook, an entertainer. Maybe, I will just call him Ate Wynes here, not his real name or popular alias.

I was at the comfort room a while ago. I usually use the room literally as it is called, COMFORT room. I always brought with me there my phone and reply to Messenger conversations or do other things using the internet.

And while mindlessly exploring the features of the updated Messenger app, I saw the archived chats box. I scrolled. And then… Among the messages that were left there was my conversation flow with Ate Wynes. I was warmed by my own comforting words to him. Oh, how I missed those chats. I was surprised of reading the younger me messaging Ate Wynes.

He had a lot of enemies when he was alive. He and his group were the people of a particular politician and whenever this politician won, they would assume their positions at the municipal office. No wonder he had opponents here and there because of the nature of their job.

On one of our chats, he was confiding about being fought by someone. And I kept assuring him that he had nothing to be worried about for posting regularly on Facebook. I told him not to mind those people who seemingly had nothing important to do than harass other people.

During his birthdays, I sent him long messages and just maybe, it always had been comforting on his part. At least, I did my part somehow, or so I thought. Maybe, I could have done more for him when he was still alive. I could have thanked him and his group for all that they had done for me.

He had so many crushes. Probably because there were many handsome boys back then when he was still with the living. He was very handsome himself and according to the story that he recounted, he received love letters only for those admirers to find out that he was gay.

Actually, I would run to him when I feel some blandness with my life. He was like salt and sugar. I don’t have so many associations but my small circle had been the best for me. I believe I’ve chosen just enough people to enter my life. A lot of acquaintances maybe, but not so many friends.

Ate Wynes’s sister is my friend. A best friend. How I wish I could do more for her. For their losses. She hibernated a year ago and I’m glad she has been seen recently by other friends. The family of Ate Wynes lost three in the nuclear family. The father went first back in 2004, then Ate Wynes few years back, then again another brother just recently. It’s so heartbreaking I just cry sometimes in the privacy of where I decide to have a crying session.

I used to go to their house to visit his sister, at the same time, listen to his jokes and stories. I would also hear some compliments, that I look beautiful. One of the reasons why we’ve been acquainted in the first place. But that would be another story. How they became my handler.

I wanted to bring comfort to the family he left behind, in whatever way I can. But so far I’ve only included them in my prayers. I wish I could send a powerful message to my friend, to Ate Wynes’ sister. What else is there to do? I wish I could give even just a little monetary help. But it’s comfort they needed the most. And yes, prayers… I only hope that time could heal almost anything. But I know they’re perpetually wounded.

Ate Wynes, why’d you go so soon? If only you lessened your drinking and smoking habits… You may still be here with us. What a sudden loss for all of us who has loved you dearly. But it is not for us to question the time of harvest. Not for us to talk to the dead. They say that it is sin to talk to the dead. What do they know? But true, we can’t bring back what’s gone, those who were gone. We let go, so they may go in peace.

But it’s for us to remember them. Forever. Until we join them there. At the resting place…