Ako, ako? Nagsusulat na? Sure ka?

Woke up like this! Up?

Sarap gamitin ang mga expressions ng mga bagets ngayon. May habit ako na ginagaya sila lalo na kapag ako ay nasa harapan ng klase kung kaya tawanan sila. Well, well, well, why not coconut?

Lagi kasi ako asar tuwing may panigbago nanamang expression. So ang ginawa ko na lang ay gamitin ang mga expressions nila. Eh di wow?

Wow talaga! Naman kasi, baka sabihin pang ako ay killjoy. Irritable na nga, easily irritated na nga, killjoy pa. Triple pack, yun pa sasabihin sa akin so minabuti ko na lamang na gamitin ang mga expressions ng mga bata. Mas nakakatanda naman kasi kapag maiinis ka lang.

Madami na ako pinalipas na expressions. Minsan, mga expressions na nilalabag ang patakaran sa English or di kaya ay sa Filipino. Yun bang kunwari sasabihin ng isang studyante na, “Sh**, ang dali!” Talaga? Nagmura siya, sabay sabing madali ang exam? Pwede ba yun? Di ko namanalayan, nasasambit ko na rin pala ang katulad noon. Be careful!

Anyway, gusto ko lang naman ishare na it dawned on me that, really? I was writing na? Hindi kaya ako nananaginip lang? Come to think of it, ang hirap kaya bago maka-establish sa blogosphere! It will take years pa nga sa karamihan bago mamonetize ang site nila, including me. So parang panaginip na kumikita ako ng halos limang daan hanggang isang libong piso sa isang araw! Panaginip nga siguro ito.

But mind you, there were a lot of dejavus with how things are now with the dreams I’ve had before. Sabi ko, parang napanaginipan ko na nagsusulat ako about this something. But during that time na napanaginipan ko ay parang pangarap lang kasi di nga naman ako nagsusulat dati. Ngayon lang talaga. Just over a year lang.

I never expected really that I am here, saying whatever’s on my mind in order to keep my blog alive. I really hope that my insights are useful to others no matter how silly some of my posts are.

I bet, my father will disapprove of the language I am using in this very article but I wanted to relax sometimes. Away from formalities and strict policies. I bet further that my father have no idea what I am writing right now. It has always been the case. I seem to be open to him but I had a lot on my sleeve. Like when I got married. It was like a secret affair so when I told them, they were shocked very much. He felt as if he didn’t know anything about me after all. But then I got to confide in him later on after the early years of my marriage. He told me to continue with it during the time that I wanted to go far far away from my husband. “You started it,” he said. “You go on with it. As long as no physical abuse is done, you can manage it. You can do it. That’s the reality of being an adult. There is no turning back.”

I already told him that I have started writing. And he felt delighted. That is the best thing about him. He is more excited with my developments than I am. I know this is still in the present tense. He would always love for us to continue with our developments. Whenever he comes to the city, he checks on us. My siblings and I have had heard a lot of hurtful remarks from our father but I always prefer forgiving him for always. Understanding all his faults and learning from his mistakes. His temper and almost all his negative traits I noticed that I inherited them but I am always looking for ways to heal it inside me and do better than him. That’s how it’s supposed to be. Instead of dwelling on our bitterness for the hurtful things we experienced from our parents, we should be grateful that they tried their best to raise us amidst their personal problems and struggles.

My father has been a frustrated man. He is very intelligent, very logical, very understanding, very wise, very thoughtful but somehow something always gets the best out of him and so most of the things that we see in him are his negativities. But I always reflected on his behavior and his negativities stemmed from the fact that he is very frustrated. At a young age, his father died. He was very loving to his sisters and brothers. He wanted the best for them but some of his siblings never understood him. His two sisters passed away because of the hard life they’ve had. I think I have an idea of what he must have been feeling. He tried his best providing the needs of his sisters at the same time knowing the consequences of his sisters’ disobedience. But that’s how life has been for him. I truly appreciate his life and I would live gaining inspiration from all his life stories.

I’ve always listened to him even though I’ve been overcame by my desires rather than for the good things that delaying gratification would give me. Hence my early marriage. But then again, I know that if I go back to the past that I might again create the same mistakes. But c’mon, I have three kids so I am blessed after all.

I think I have to do something for my initial title but I’m too lazy to change it. Let it be like that. Those who read me will go on anyway if they really wanted to read my pieces.

Thanks for the ears! Till next time!