I tried straightening my thoughts. It is in hope of finally superimposing a formula for my life.
I thought of quitting my job in order to be a full time housewife. But as soon as opportunity arises for me to show that I am capable of being a housewife, I indulge myself in things that were usual of the past.
Then I had second thoughts. I should at least keep my job as my alibi in not being a perfect mother.
Then friends tell me not to be so hard on myself, to take things slow, and not to be judgmental of myself.
It is easy to think of simply getting on with an ironed schedule. But executing what has been planned is a painstaking matter.
But still, how could I not sacrifice my whole self for the sake of my children's education?
It seems I am still prioritizing my own welfare over my children's. It's the reality that I am seeing in my home.
But to be fair with myself, I try so hard to practice giving my time in teaching my children. And the unexpected bonus is the fulfillment that I feel everytime I give my all to them.
But now and again, I go back to the old ways. And so the kids do so too.
Before dinner, I gave a writing task to my second child and I made sure that my fisrt was doing his module.
I had to see to it that they have even just a brief academic exercise in a day.
I know I will often be battling with myself and even though there are still many things that I had to practise on, I think that my rationality will be able to at least surface every time I contradict myself.
But one thing is clear to me, I am very sleepy right now because I never had a good night's sleep due to the colic tendencies of my younger two children.
And now that they are asleep, instead of sleeping, here I am, blogging.
I really hope to write more frequently but I am allowing myself some slack.
But for now, I really need to have a wink.
