While he just moved with the entire family (read here) I think back to all those times I moved. I moved and started again. I wish I could say it was always out of free will but in reality, it was not. The circumstances made me start over again. Circumstances were out of my hands but I hoped this step would improve my life and my children's.
Leaving wasn't always hard. I like a fresh start and most although most of those times I started from zero. A different place or country, a new, clean apartment, a few personal items only and the rest, those things I needed, I would gather in time. I like to start with a new, fresh painted home, a new view and most of all new chances.
Does it make a difference if you start all over alone or with children? To be honest I think it's easier with children especially if they visit the school. Through them and school (daycare and kindergarten included) you meet new people. Teachers, parents, grandparents are present at school and they love to talk. To me as an introvert, it's hard to join the chitchat but I did join all those events parents had to organize for the (children at) school. No, I didn't always feel happy with it but I did my share, more than my share for my children.
What I also became was a scout leader. A leader for the 4-years-old group. Saturday was the day we went out, played games, cooked, cleaned, baked and begged for money for some aid fund (something I don't like). Those contacts with children, their parents and the other leaders were nice but not one of them became a friend.
If it comes to friendships I learned it's hard to build one especially if you move once a year.
It takes one year to find my way. Of course, I met people but they come and go. There's no difference if it comes to those years without phone and internet or today
They say sport is a good way to connect, to make friends and so is letting the dog out. It might be good for a chat but I never made friends for life by visiting the gym, or during all those years I let the dogs out while the cat kept us company nor at my working place. I met great people, strangers gave me a hand, colleagues helped me moving, decorating and I did the same for them but we didn't become friends. The question of why cannot be answered that easily. One of the reasons might I had and still have a completely different lifestyle from those I met. I am a single mom. A single mom who studied worked, visited the library, went to bed when she feels tired. At that time I was building a business next to my fulltime job. There wasn't time to party, for hobbies. I lived a scheduled life to manage it all. People don't like or understand that. Although at school I was 'the mother of...' I was way younger, more active and not bored like the rest.
As soon as my work was finished I went on to the next job or home to spend time with my children. There was no time for a drink after work neither for staying home if I was ill.
Was there a steady factor in my life?
I never moved without the security of a house and money. No matter where I moved to I had to be able to afford it. Moving costs a lot of money and everywhere are different rules if it comes to rent, paying taxes. I informed myself first before I made this big step. I calculated what it would cost me. The time and amount of money needed were important to me since I had children.
Houses I found by subscribing to papers (today done by the internet) and I did the same if it came to schools. Not that there is much free choice. Generally speaking, a child has to go to one of the (three) schools in the area you live in. If you want to give your child a better chance you go live in a better area (houses are more expensive over there) or you search for a special school like Montessori, the Free school, et cetera even if it is a long drive. I tried to go for the best schools but learned schools lie if it comes to how they are. Besides it's more important to me how my child feels about the school, the teachers and other pupils.
No child of mine needs to be unhappy at school. Once a teacher told me "why bothering all children are unhappy at school". Are they?
With us, most children visit the school from the age of 2.5 years old. I find this a very long time to feel unhappy. The words of this teacher were good enough to find another school. Each one of my children changed schools if the school was not what they or I expected from it. It didn't harm them to change schools. Not one of my children ever had to do the same class again. They are great students, never skipped classes or left before they had their diploma.
There have been times I had to visit the jobcentre every week to find the next job. At times I moved over a hundred kilometres away while working for the same organisation. If the will is there a way is found.
It's hard to tell if my way of living is advisable to others.
It depends on what you expect, what you want for yourself and your will to make it work. To me, freedom is what is most important. I no longer need a job for 60-80 hours a week. I don't feel the need to build a career, to be in charge or to travel the world. The only thing I need is time and a place of my own. A place where I can stay and do as I like next to some money to buy food and pay the bills. A life without too much responsibilities, worries and debts is what I want for me. That's why I decided to give up on working so much and moved. I had to keep my children safe and make it possible to send them to better and saver school to learn a profession.
How to integrate into a new village, find new friends?
I buy at the local shops to support them. We use the bus, playground but did not make friends. We met people but we are not close and never will. They know me, know my children but we will always be foreigners. We are wanted for our money, but never liked or invited. I notice how foreigners stick together and understand why but I don't feel connected to them either although we speak the same language.
My children are my friends and I have some I met years ago. We stay in touch with help of the internet at times it fits us. We live different lives under different circumstances but we are still close and can share. New friends, I made and most likely easier make on platforms than in real life. The great thing about the internet is you can meet those with the same interests and friendships aren't made because you might need someone sooner or later, to avoid fights with the neighbour or there's no other way to speak to someone.
To me it doesn't matter where I go. My home is wherever I lay my hat. A place I build my own
Our children are our friends, that's really right! Now, I feel that they are really my friends because when I feel sad they feel worried and when I am happy, they are happy too. genuine friendship with my kids, incomparable.