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What happens to your children if you die?

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
Written by   739
6 months ago

In my case I mean my children, three of my children. They need to know what to do if they find me dead. As long as I am the one with an income, pay the rent and all costs for living there isn't much to worry about. Of course, we discuss it if my income isn't sufficient and we set priorities together but it's not the same as no income at all because your parent deceased.

Imagine they find me dead tomorrow. "They" are in this case the youngest two. What should they do? We don't have close friends which means they need to figure it out alone.
Calling a doctor, 112, is the first step but after that, they will face many issues. Problems they have to solve on their own.

The first problem will be the fight for a house, a place to live but also they need to find a way to stay together and they need an income. Without money, they cannot pay the bills, rent, electricity, internet, school, travel expenses. Can one prepare for that? I try to as much as possible and we discuss it frequently.

If you have savings there's no need for a funeral insurance. I have one, my daughter has one and the youngest is insured with me till the age of 18 years old. This means one child is without an insurance at the moment. Without insurance, it means the family needs to pay for a funeral and I do not want any relative of mine to get into debts. If the insurance will pay out enough is questionable. It all depends on where you live (or die) and further wishes. Those wishes we discuss once in a while which is good because my daughter changed her opinion. She no longer wants to be buried which means it's a cremation for all of us.

I hope my youngest two will finish their education and above all find a job. If they make money of their own they won't have as many worries. Working means you have an income and more chance of making contacts with other people. No matter what they say money is needed. We need it to buy food, to use the internet and have access to our online bank or cryptocurrency. Without money, there's no device, no internet and my children will stay there with empty hands. Food et cetera I try to store extra for those rainy days.

My youngest is still a minor. This means it's unsure what will happen to her. What I want to avoid are CPS and foster families. I made my last will as soon as my first child was born to be sure they would be in good hands. I changed my will twice and at this moment my eldest is the guardian and my daughter is in charge of the savings of the youngest.
Both guardians live abroad and a notary once told me minors most likely will not be sent abroad. At that time they were babies but today they are older and I assume they have a voice too. Since the eldest of the youngest two just turned 18 (is an adult) I hope they can stay together if the money issue is solved.

My daughter wants them to move so the three of them stay together. Since she has no longer a car she needs to hire one or the youngest need to find a way to travel by themselves.

Own property
I try to prepare for what will come. I won't live forever and need to be realistic. My children's lives will change and they need to find a way to deal with that and be aware of changes. They might have to give up on their house, land, the furniture, books and everything they are used to, to be with their sister, to be able to build a future. It might feel hard on them but they are not the only ones who started a new life and it's not the first time in their lives they move or travel.

So far I managed to save for each child and as long as I can I will continue saving for the youngest two. It might not be that much but one is without funeral insurance now. Finding a new one is complicated. It turns out the insurances changed and are different from what I have. What I did figure out is a cremation (just the cremation) costs 1600 euros at this moment. If we have that amount (and it's not used) we are good. Each month I automatically pay my bills and transfer a small amount to the youngest. It's meant for the funeral and in time they can see if they like to invest it in an insurance (the insurances still pay interest the bank does not) or leave it the way it is.

Having children means I am responsible for them. Their wellbeing is important also after my death. I can not just live and ignore me getting older and let them deal with the results of my life.
As a parent, I tried to raise my children in a way to be as independent as possible. At a young age, they already did a lot more than other children, even adults do today. It is good to know they can take care of themselves and each other and the time has come I delegate more tasks. Just talking about it doesn't do the trick. Experiences are what they need to make acting not a big deal, change tasks into automatism. This will make their lives easier once they have to deal with it alone. They need to know what to do when, where to go, whom to ask without panicking and worrying about their own life and future.

Don't think it's misery or we all feel sad discussing this. We are all realistic and practical people and like to be prepared for the worst and we do joke around.

#parenting #responsibility #life #death

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
Written by   739
6 months ago
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What happens to your children if you die?- This is a question I always ask myself. I am a mother of two. This question makes me sad, thinking I really never know what happens when I die, specially to the children I will leave behind. But this article somehow enlightened me. I realized that preparing for my death, which is something I never know when will happen is important. Preparing for our funeral, your children's education and guardianship, building up savings, and preparing them for their responsibilities to each other will help lighten their burden when we are gone. We parents, most of the time tend to be very emotional when this topic is brought up, but this is reality.

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6 months ago

I try to prepare as much as possible and we do talk about it. I ask the children too how they see it, what they will do but also who they will call. It doesn't make us sad to talk about it. If there might be issues or certain situations the children are afraid of it's good to talk about it and if possible find solutions.

My fear was my children would never know me, could not remember me. That was a reason for me to write diaries and make photo albums for them. This way they can know me through me, not by the stories someone else tells them.

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6 months ago