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We all need a panic room

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
Written by   735
3 months ago
Topics: 2021, Darkness, Psychology, Fear, Anxiety, ...

Today is a day that didn't start too well but a few hours later there was some positive news because initiative was taken from our side. After twice a 'no' for different reasons, it was 'yes' today.

Not giving up on what you need or want is worth fighting for. Being rejected once or even twice doesn't mean you are a complete loser. It doesn't mean you will never make a chance. It does mean you need a plan B or C or even a plan E  and F. Take a break, a deep breath and focus on something different. Try something new or ask someone else to give you a hand. At times you need to ask or push a bit, show you are interested, willing or even eager to.
There are so many roads one can take. A new road can be scaring especially if you walk alone but keep in mind you are not the only one who had to change, started something new, has moved, did that test, had a bad childhood, with debts, who's bullied, scammed or hasn't the prettiest face/body in the world. If it comes to it many of us live with anxieties. The fact people don't mention it doesn't mean they are free of it.
I remember a television show that tried to help people face their biggest fear, their phobia. I cannot say I am a fan of the way they did it. I even have very strong doubts if it worked in the long term plus there is no reason to fight the fear for something you can simply avoid to do if it hasn't any effect on your life.

It's a fact doctors, psychologists and psychiatric rarely cure their clients. Not even after twenty years of talking they manage to change the client into a person with a healthy mind and strong character. If that happens it's rare and in most cases medication is needed.

It's clear not only an alcohol addict is an addict and... harmed for life. So is every broken soul, everyone who had to face, deal with something scary. Scary enough to not get over it. People might ignore but not easily forget what impressed them. The brains remember and there is a very good reason for that. Rejecting the facts (an abusing childhood for example) can work for some years but what is avoided, denied will show itself again at the moment we no longer count with it.

Times changed and today it's possible to talk freely about every subject. Sexual abuse, incest, being scammed, molested, threatened, slavery, being bullied, salary, debts, family, politics, religion, sexuality... we discuss it on social media, on television, the papers and on birthday parties. Today hardly any subject is too private to talk about except fear, the neverending fear.

More facts: Fear increases. It's hard to explain what fear is to someone who doesn't feel what you feel at this very moment. A moment that might last for a few minutes but can take hours, days, months or even years. Fear is a personal feeling and doesn't give the same sensation as watching a horror film if it comes to the fear inside. This personal feeling where so many wake up and try to fight 24/7 is exhausting. Exhausting and killing. Fighting fear, not sharing how you feel, hiding your feelings by thinking out ways or excuses to do or... not do what you need to do eats energy. Being aware of the fear 24/7 means you need help. 
If it comes to help it's hard to get some especially if we hope for a result, a cure, a life without fear or all those fears we find hard to deal with or... that dark feeling inside that pops up without any reason. The fear to wake up, start a new day, to meet people or to be alone.

What we should know is fear is a normal feeling. It teaches us to be aware, take care just like pain (burning your hand if you touch the stove or drinking a mug of boiled water). Many fears we can prepare ourselves for. We know if we do A the result will be B. So we avoid it (do not jump in the pool if you cannot swim) or find a way to enjoy the water without the chance to drown (swimming lessons, wearing a life jacket if we go sailing with friends). If you have children you most likely will fear something happens to them. This is partly caused by our hormones (parents keep their children safe) but it can be caused by the street or region where you live too. Some fears are reasonable and it's not abnormal to have them. Elderly being robbed is a fact, especially during lockdowns. The fact is the police is not very willing to show up after a call. If you noticed this in your neighbourhood the fear this will happen to you is not unreasonable. If you are not fit enough to learn karate, to take care of a rottweiler or Doberman, no one checks on you twice a day you have to be prepared for those cases in need. If you believe this isn't possible you are wrong. The elderly are robbed and stabbed but so are teenagers. Several elderly (over 90 years old) scared away a group of young men who tried to enter their house even threatened them with a gun! If you do not have a baseball bat at hand several canes, a hockey or golf stick behind the door and next to your bed can be a good idea. Even if you don't use it it can make you feel stronger and safer.

Like most of us know confident people are not easy victims, those with fear and who are (seen as) vulnerable are. If you are scared a dog can feel (smell) it but humans can too. Bullies know perfectly who to attack. They will never pick on someone stronger, a dominant person. Create an aura of dominance around you. It shows in the way how you stand, walk, sit and talk. It's better to say nothing and raise one eyebrow than to stutter to try to explain what you just said wasn't meant in that specific way. Those who do not talk many people listen to them. Rambling on is seldom taken seriously especially not if you keep repeating yourself. It's seen as insecurity, having something to hide (the truth), it's what liars and cheaters are associated with.

How to behave, walk, stand, talk can be learned. It's what self-defence courses do and it may be clear if your body feels better the mind will too.

We all need a panic room (an interesting name for a place where one should feel safe). Our home can should be that room. Unfortunately, it isn't for many of us. A room at your parents' place or childrens', in a nursery home or living alone in your apartment, camper or villa... No matter if it's big or small each home should be safe and a good place to be and relax.

If your home is not safe you will not be safe. If you can not trust those you live with or who work for you take care of that. It's better to have a small room of your own where you feel safe than a big house you can not take care of yourself and clean up and need an army to take care of the army you need to check and keep checking if they won't backstab you any minute because they will never be close to you. It takes courage to say what you think, how you feel and it takes a lot of energy. If you like to end your days filled with fear, do no longer want fear to control you and your life make a list and ask yourself which fears are reasonable and with which you can live on (being afraid to fly is no big deal neither is the fear to drive a car or for milk, if you can do without).

A very small group of people is fearless while others fear everything from one moment to the next. There isn't always an explanation for it but most likely it has to do with a hormone imbalance. If this is the case only you can tell since you are the one who knows you the best. Ask for help if you feel an imbalance not caused by a trauma there might be a simple explanation for what caused your fear and there's no reason to feel ashamed, embarrassed or frightened about that. I wish there was a golden solution but there's not. The only thing I know is a day with a hard start can look completely different a few hours later and... it's good to gather your thought. Write them down, talk about it and above all: accept yourself the way you are and ask for a (wakeup) call if it makes your day easier.

#kittywu #column #fear #phobia #panic

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Avatar for wakeupkitty
Written by   735
3 months ago
Topics: 2021, Darkness, Psychology, Fear, Anxiety, ...
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Comments

I have fear... Everytime my children are out, i always fear that something might happen to them. But I can't prevent them in going out. They should see the world for themselves. I just reminded them as a mother to be vigilant on what's happening around. Accidents do happen in an unexpected time and place. One must be prepared for the outcome. May it be bad or worst.

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3 months ago

I do not fear if my children go out but they should say if they leave or arrived and if possible they should go out with two. I know my children are careful if it comes with coming along with others but they aren't city people. Not used to watch before they cross the street or not paying attention because they are always in thought. But it is as it is and they have to discover the world and it's people although they aren't very interested in having a social life. Discos, bars, carnivals, and so on you will never find them.

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3 months ago